SOULLESS (Black Thorns, #2) (19 page)

“It…it hurts,” I say, slapping my hand over my eyes.

He pulls it down gently, making me meet his gaze. “I know, babe.” What I see from him shocks me: naked vulnerability. He
needs
this. He needs me. Us.

“I’ve got you now,” he says, kissing my lips, my cheeks, my eyelids, my hair. “You got
me
?”

Tears are spilling down my cheeks now. He always does this to me. He always makes it impossible for me to hide. “Yes!” I cry. “I’ve got you, Neil. I love you!”

I can’t stop then. Tears are pouring down my face. I hear myself continuing to cry out, yelling at him about how much I love him, but also how much he hurt me by walking away before. And I
feel
him moving inside me, sliding in and out of me at a slow, sensual pace. Every easy thrust seems to lessen the pain shattering all around me; the physical pleasure he’s bringing me, working to soothe the mental and emotional hurt encompassing me.

“Look at me.”

His words bring me out of myself, drawing me out of where I’d retreated to without even realizing it.

I gaze up at him and he pulls me into him, holding my focus.

He doesn’t say anything more. He just watches me as he continues to move inside me.

He shifts his weight and grinds into me. It has me crying out and arching my back off the bed.

“Yeah, beautiful girl. I know you like that. I’m always gonna take care of you like this. I swear to you that I ain’t never leaving you again. You ain’t never gonna hurt again. Not for nothing, Rox. I got you. Forever. Okay? You feel me on this?”

I nod. “Yes.”

He smiles back at me.

His fingers dance lightly over my clit then. With all the intensity between us, that’s all it takes for me to come apart around him.

He grunts as I hurtle over the edge. I scream his name until my throat’s hoarse and I thrash about beneath him as he holds me tightly to him, not letting me escape.

“Ah, shit. Love how you grip me, babe,” he growls as he comes inside me.

He rolls us over so his weight is no longer bearing down on me. We lay side-by-side just staring at one another in his bed, both of us grinning, because we both know what that just meant. It was our official getting-back-together
conversation.

“Rox,” he says quietly, placing his hand on my belly. “This is our second chance here.”

I grip his hand tightly. “I know.”

“I ain’t gonna let nothing take it away this time. I swear to you.”

Even as he says the words, I can hear the sliver of doubt in his voice. His anxiety. “It’s going to be fine, Neil.”

“You’re right. It
is
gonna be
.” His hand leaves me and he sits up in the bed. “We’re gonna head back to the clubhouse tomorrow and I’m keeping you there, babe. You ain’t leaving, not ‘til this Kent shit’s taken care of. And
I’ll
take care of it, not you.
”

“What?” I say, sitting up, too, and pulling the covers up to my chest to cover my nakedness.

“You heard me,” he says, his gaze suddenly hard and all business-like. This is the club president talking, not the softer version of him that he normally reserves for me.

“I only went for that before, because I wasn’t myself
and
because I wanted to be with you. You know that. But with you riding off to
take care of it
and not even being there
,
there’s no way I’m—”

He lunges at me then, driving me down into the bed. He looms over me, his arms confining mine. “Rox, I ain’t asking here. I fucking need you to do this. The idea that something could rip you and our kid away again is driving me outta my mind. Do you get that? Can’t lose you, babe.” He eyes my belly. “Can’t lose
this
. Last time nearly fucking killed me. Don’t make me relive it, okay? Just follow my damn orders for once!” He climbs off me and gets off the bed. “You’re going back under lockdown. End of story. End of discussion.”

“No. It’s
not
the end of the discussion, Neil! I’m not letting you deal with Malcolm alone. We’ll do this together.”

He pulls on his boxers and then spins to me, his eyes flashing with anger. “No! I’ll take care of it. You’re out.”

He starts towards the bedroom door.

“Where the hell are you going? We’re not done here, Neil!”

“
I’m
going downstairs to calm the fuck down.
You’re
gonna get some sleep. You said you’re exhausted with the pregnancy and I can see it for myself now, too. So, sleep. You need me, just yell.”

“What? No. I’m fine. I don’t need to sleep right now. We need to talk about—”

He walks out, slamming the door behind him.

Argh! How dare he shut our discussion down by just walking out?

I lay my head down on the pillow and close my eyes in frustration.

In that moment, it becomes clear that he’s right about me needing to sleep, because as soon as my head hits the pillow, I’m out like a light.

Chapter 22

~Ax~

I take another gulp from my glass of scotch as I stare blankly at the TV in front of me and some car show that’s on. I ain’t even watching it. I just needed some background noise to distract me from my thoughts. Didn’t work for shit, though.

Rox is pregnant? Pregnant?

Seeing how nervous she was ‘bout my reaction to it, I had to get on board real quick with it all. But, the truth is, I’m fucking worried. This is just like last time. She’s pregnant at the worst time possible. Even though what she did to get rid of the rest of the assholes on my hit list has succeeded big time. Ralph called her when we first got back here to give her the good news. What she did worked and the list is taken care of. Except for Kent. And that fucker’s as dangerous as all of ‘em combined. And now she’s screwed up with him, making herself his enemy in her stupid attempt to protect me. Jesus! Things couldn’t be more fucking dangerous.

I don’t want this.

All these months, I been planning a way for us to be together with wiping out every motherfucking threat, so, when I went to get my girl back, it’d be safe for her.

But now all that’s gone to shit.

We’re back together with her pregnant and we got the Kent threat hanging over our heads.

It’s making me sick to my stomach. It’s why I flipped out in my office like that when Dealer told me ‘bout her having my kid in her.

I was a fool to go to her at all. I shoulda just let Dealer take her to one of his safe houses. I shoulda figured that the second I saw her, all bets would be off, that I’d screw up my plan of staying away and keeping my hands off her and shit. But getting the opportunity to see her again screwed with my head. I couldn’t see straight. Never could when it came to her.

And now she’s in danger, cuz of me.

I gotta do better this time. I gotta protect what’s mine.

I ain’t a fool. I know what the cost might be.

My
life
.

No way I can tell Rox that. She’d flip out. The last thing I want is to leave our kid fatherless, but it’s a better bet than leaving her childless. Again. I can’t do it. I can’t lose my kid and I can’t bear the idea of her getting hurt again either.

Dealer was right. I gotta be prepared to go all the way here. Gotta be all in on this fight against Kent.

If anything happens to me, I know, without a doubt, that the boys and Dealer will make sure Rox is taken care of and that her and our kid won’t never want for nothing. But I gotta do whatever I can to stop it from coming to that. I just fucking promised her upstairs that I wouldn’t leave her again and I don’t wanna have to go back on that, cuz I meant it. It’s just that, I ain’t naïve enough not to recognize that it might be a risk, even if I don’t want it to be.

Every man likes to think he’s invincible and that he’ll be enough when shit happens and he’s gotta protect his family. I’m up there with the best of ‘em. But you just never really know. Am I gonna be enough for her? I’m gonna fight like hell and I’ll keep fighting ‘til I can’t draw in another goddamn breath. To protect her. To rip apart any fucker who dares to lay a hand on what’s mine. Don’t mean I’m gonna win, though. And that doubt is fucking killing me. Cuz I can’t lose her. Not again. I can’t fucking let ‘em take her from me!

Seeing her on that highway, getting shot at by Kent’s guys, nearly had my heart ceasing up. Pure fucking fear had almost crippled me. Nah, weren’t just fear. It was terror. Knowing their next shot coulda ripped away everything in a goddamn split second. Can’t do that again. But now the old Rox is back, so is her stubborn ass
I-can-handle-my-own-shit
attitude. And that bullshit’s gonna put her in danger if I don’t shut it down.

So, I’m gonna.

Gonna shut her down big time. Don’t care if I gotta cuff her to the damn bed up at the clubhouse. She’s going on lockdown again. And she ain’t coming outta it ‘til Kent’s in the fucking ground.

I ain’t doing it again.

Ain’t losing her or our kid.

It ain’t something a man can survive the second time ‘round. The first time’s still haunting me. Can’t get it outta my head and I know I ain’t never gonna.

But this is our second chance here.

Nothing and no one’s gonna take that away from me.

Gonna keep my girl and our kid safe no matter what I gotta do to make it happen, no matter what the price is gonna be. So, if it’s me who needs to pay it, so be it. As long as Rox is safe, I don’t care. Nothing else matters.

I down the last drop of the scotch in my glass. I’m ‘bout to pour another from the bottle on the coffee table when my cell buzzes in the pocket of my jeans.

I pull it out and eye the call display.

Smiter
.

My stomach lurches. It’s late. It means there’s an emergency. The Sergeant-at-Arms don’t call the Prez at three in the fucking morning just to shoot the shit.

“Yeah?” I answer. What the fuck is it now?

“We got a situation, Prez.”

No shit. “What?”

“It’s Dealer.”

“He found Kent?” After Ralph pulled up surveillance ‘round Brockford when we were looking for Rox, we ID’d Kent on it, too. Cameras tracked his route outta the city and Dealer went after him.

“No confirmation on that. No confirmation at all. He’s missed the check-in time by an hour.”

Fuck.

Before I can get a word out, he goes on, “Ax, we could be looking at worst case shit here. Kent having him, yeah?”

My blood runs fucking ice cold.

Right then, all the memories of what that fucker did to me when I was his prisoner, rise to the surface. Visions hitting me like I were there right now. Like I’m
still
there and never left. Agony. Torture. That sadistic, sick smirk on his face as he was tryin’ to break me.

“Ax? You still there? You all right, brother?”

Dunno how I manage to pull myself outta it. But I do. I shoot to my feet, clutching the phone so fucking tight in a white-knuckle grip. “Yeah.”

“We gotta take precautions. Speaking from a security standpoint, you being outside the clubhouse right now ain’t a good idea. I get that Rox weren’t feeling up to the ride, but you gotta—”

“I’m heading back.”

“Those back roads ‘round your place ain’t the best in the dark for bikes. Want me to send a truck and a couple of the boys as security?”

“Based on what you telling me here, we don’t got the time, Smiter.”

“I—”

“I gotta move.”

“All right. See you in a few.”

“Yeah.”

As soon as we hang up, I text Grit:
On my way back. Set up war meet. Tomorrow. First thing.

He texts back right away:
War?

Gotta be ready.

Defensive, not offensive first then?

Don’t want it to come to it, but depends where Kent takes it.

Hear that, Prez. Watch your back. Ride safe.

Always.

Stuffing my phone in my back pocket, I snap into action.

I race up the stairs and barrel down the corridor to my bedroom. I throw open the door, ready to wake Rox up quick and get us the hell outta here. Smiter was right. Ain’t gonna put nothing past Kent right now. If he’s got Dealer, that’s a bold fucking move. All bets are off then.

I stop in my tracks as I catch sight of her sleeping in my bed.

Fuck me.

It’s like a kick in the junk.

She’s out cold. Got the covers wrapped ‘round her like a snug little cocoon. So peaceful. And, for the life of me, I don’t wanna pull her outta that. Right now she’s oblivious to all the shit I just got told. Thinks she’s safe here with me. Thinks everything’s okay.

Fuck!

When’s it gonna be okay? When’s it gonna be safe—her being with a man like me?