Soulless (The Heartless Series Book 2) (15 page)

Sam… I miss him.

“Would I what? Bend you over the trunk of this car and have my way with you?” He smirks as he uses his toe to take his shoes off in two swift movements. His pants and underwear soon follow.

Why he needed new underwear, I don’t know. I guess he felt like he needed to be clean, and those were pretty bloody. Sort of happens when a tree impales you.

I’m eighteen years old. I’ve had a boyfriend for two years. I’ve been around in the world. Hart Blackwell is the first naked man I’ve ever encountered. And most assuredly the first naked man I’ve ever stood next to.

I’ve gone from a coma to drinking demon blood, from nearly killing us with a bright white light to seeing my first naked man all in one day—I’m sure that sets a record.

My body will not move, and my eyes won’t stop looking at that small V that I’d always seen in shirtless pictures but never in actual real life. My Lord.

“This is only a shell. You should have seen mine.” He winks, and I’m sure I turn every shade of red in the world.

That does it. I turn and walk around the car to find my own spot to change really quickly before he—and the cops—can see me. I’m still not convinced that we need to go on tonight. I know he says he can get into their mind, and I know he can, but a reprieve in Darby seems like a good idea. I’ve been through so much today, and I could use some time to recharge before I see my mother. Maybe if I do, then I won’t be so inclined to kill her.

I have to fight this.

Hart is very fast. That’s something I sort of forgot. No sooner do I have my shirt off than he’s standing in front of me. He’s not saying anything. Just watching. He’s not even smirking, which is worrisome. I swear I’ve seen the look in his eyes before. Never toward me—well, come to think of it, sometimes toward me. I’ve seen men in movies look at their intended women the way he’s looking at me. Lust.

He can’t lust after me.

I’m… me. And he’s him.

“Can you not?” I hold my shirt up to me, covering the parts I can. Thankfully, I still have my pants on, so I’ve got that going for me.

“Who do you think cleaned you up after the cave? Trust me, you ain’t got nothing I haven’t seen before.” I don’t think he will, but he turns and walks away, leaving me to have all sorts of uncomfortable thoughts going through my mind. It’s strange to think about being unconscious around a person.

My life is weird. Period.

I use any dry spots I can find on my old shirt to wipe the blood off my stomach and arms. It doesn’t get it all, but it gets enough. I put my clean shirt on, a white one that I never should’ve packed because I didn’t have any clean nude bras. I have a black one with pink polka dots on now and no time to change. I throw on my pants, and don’t bother with my shoes. I can put them on in the car, which is where I find Hart scooping out the glass. My gosh, there’s a lot of glass.

Hart’s not naked anymore, thank goodness. It’s easier to look at a man fully clothed. Mostly. Hart, though. He does look good in black. He has a black t-shirt ,which I’m pretty sure shows every muscle he has, and a red and black flannel shirt unbuttoned on top of it. He has on black jeans that flare at the bottom, and he sure doesn’t look like he’s just gotten out of a car accident.

Focus.

“Hart, listen. Let’s just stay in Darby tonight. Please. We can rest until tomorrow. Get the car fixed. That way we don’t have to use the magic. Like I said, my mother will be there tomorrow. She’s not going anywhere.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t.” He huffs, wincing as a piece of glass cuts his fingers. The man broke nearly every bone in his body not fifteen minutes ago, and a papercut still bothers him.

“Yes you can.”

“Gracen!” He hasn’t yelled at me this entire trip. Not the same way he used to yell at me when Sam was disappointed about something. “That’s enough. I can’t wait. We have to go. Tonight.”

I feel my lip twitch. “That a fact?”

“Yes. That’s a fact. Now get in the damn car so we can go.”

I don’t move. Don’t even flinch.

Oh, he notices. “Gracen, let’s go. This isn’t a game.”

“No, it isn’t. It’s real, and that’s horrible to think about. What’s your hurry? Why are you so hell bent on getting to Prospect tonight?”

He bites his lip, and his nostrils flare. I don’t know if he wants to tell me or he doesn’t want to tell me. I don’t guess it matters because I have my own reasons for wanting to stall.

“I’m not going to Prospect tonight,” I say in no uncertain terms.

“I will force you in this car.” He growls. It makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

“I’m an abomination. You think you can take me anywhere I don’t want to go?” Bluff? Maybe. If it works, I don’t care.

“You don’t even know how to use your powers. If you did, you would’ve protected the entire car, windshield and all. You have no idea how to make me poof.”

That might be, but he doesn’t have to know that. And he doesn’t have to use it as leverage. “Doesn’t that make me even more of a threat? A bomb just waiting to go off, and we have no idea how or what triggers it? It could be a thought, a motion, an ill-will feeling toward you that makes me accidently kill you. Do you want that?”

“Do you?” He shrugs. I can see it in his eyes, though. I’ve said something to make him think—make him maybe a little scared. A little more appreciative of me and my powers.

“All I want is to spend the night in Darby. It’s been a horrible day. The blood and the bodies and the car crash and the powers. I don’t understand it, Hart. I don’t know how to control it, and it scares me to think about going to see my mother. What if I hurt her?”

“You won’t.” He answers much too quickly. Here I’ve finally admitted that I’m scared of hurting my mother, though I haven’t exactly told him why.

“You don’t know that.”

“I do.” The sounds of the sirens are so close now. They will be here within five minutes. Sort of regret calling them now.

“Hart, I can’t.” I’m pleading now. It’s all I have left. “I can’t do this. I… give me tonight. Please. Let’s go to Darby. Get some rooms. Rest. Just take a break, and I promise I’ll go with you first thing in the morning. I need a break. I need to be able to think. I need… I just need, okay?”

Hart slams his eyes closed so tightly I’m afraid he’ll give himself a headache. It seems painful.

“Why are you in a hurry to get there anyway?” I ask and add before he can say anything. “And don’t say it is for me. If it was for me, we’d wait until the morning.”

Hart balls up his fist and punches the car door so hard I imagine it’ll leave a dent.

The sirens are nearly there. He has to make a decision fast, or I’m leaving his little bottom there while I run toward Darby. I know I can make it before dark.

“Fine.” He shakes the same hand he just beat the car with. I’m pretty sure it’s broken. It won’t stay broken long.

“Fine?” I didn’t hear that right.

“Yes. Fine. Do you want me to write it in blood? Fine. Get in the car. We will head to Darby.” He gets in, and I hesitate.

“What?” He cranks up the car’s engine and stares at me.

“How do I know you’re telling the truth? You’d tell me anything to get me in that car.”

He rolls his eyes. “Because I’m a fine, upstanding demon.”

“Hart…”

“The cops are coming, thanks to you. Get in the damn car so we can go. I promise we will go to Darby. I promise we will get rooms. And I promise we will be on the road by four in the morning. If you don’t believe me, fine. Don’t. But I’m leaving. You can come or not.”

He’s bluffing. I know he is. There’s no way he’d go without me. He needs me for something. I just don’t know what yet. Not sure I want to know.

If I didn’t need him for his blood, I might ditch him tonight while we are in different rooms. It’s a backup plan at the very least.

“Get in,” he says, motioning his finger in the air. The sirens are so close.

I should ask more questions. I shouldn’t trust him. There isn’t very much smart going on here, but I do as he says and get in the passenger side of the car. Without saying a word, Hart roars the car back to life and drives a little ways down the embankment before he turns down toward a steep road and, finally, on to one that is actually paved.

The police won’t know what to think.

Good, because I don’t know what to think either.

CHAPTER TWENTY

HART

I
DON’T WANT TO BE HERE.

That’s a lie.

I’ve wanted to be here every day since about a year ago when Gracen told Sam she loved him.

Now, I’m finally in a hotel room, alone with Gracen, and I can’t do anything.

Such is my life.

“I can’t believe they didn’t have any rooms.” She huffs as she tosses her stuff down on the bed.

“Yeah, who knew the international pumpkin chuckin’ convention was today.” I don’t get anything out of my bag. I’ll wait until she’s in the bathroom or something. I can’t chance her seeing the book. She’ll recognize it. She’ll get mad that I didn’t tell her about it. She just might kill me—literally. Who knows what all her wacky powers can do? I’m strong. She’s stronger.

If she only realized she’s always been stronger than me. Even before this past week.

“Who knew we’d have to think to bring food,” I say, missing any sort of real food. I love hotel food as much as the next guy, but when you eat it every meal for… eternity? It takes its toll.

“Well, we left in such a hurry. Who could think at all?” She glares at me, and I can tell there’s something she wants to ask me. I think she knows something’s wrong. She’d be stupid not to think it, and in my years of experience, Gracen isn’t stupid. I don’t think she’ll ask, though, and I’m not saying. I can be cryptic and mysterious as the next guy. Probably more so because I have something to lose.

That’s the thing about being a demon. They take everything from you so you have nothing left. Who cares what you do if you don’t have anything, right? You can be as evil as you want if you know there will be no consequences. They do that… Hell does that. Souls in Hell aren’t automatically demons. There is a process. As far as I know, I’m the only person who has gotten out with his humanity—I don’t know if I should be happy about that or not. I’m thinking not.

Humanity sucks.

Even when you try to hide it.

Even when you embrace your darker side and try to make the higher up demons happy by driving some poor girls into killing themselves. I had to do something. Amelia was on my trail and would have found out about my humanity if I didn’t do something demonic. Not that it is an excuse.

Not that I didn’t feel bad about it later.

Not that any of that matters.

“Yeah, well hurry or not. We are here. Guess we’d better get some sleep before tomorrow so we can get up early.”

“Think the windshield will be done by then?” She sounds innocent. Was I ever that innocent?

I sort of tilt my head at her because surely she has to know… I mean, demon. “I do believe the power of suggestion will make it so.”

“What did you do?” Her eyes are all big, the red in them twinkling just a little. I wonder how much the demon blood is affecting her… really? She’s changed since I’ve known her. Since I started giving her the blood more regularly. Most of the changes haven’t been for the better. I thought it would give her courage, maybe break her out of her shell. Instead, it pulled her inward. Made her more introverted than ever.

I made her feel like a freak, and for that I can never tell her I’m sorry enough.

And I am sorry. I truly am. The human side in me is, anyway. The demon side—well, it really wants the humanity side to shut the hell up.

“I did nothing.” I shrug and throw myself down on my side of the bed. The only room in the entirety of Darby, and it’s the honeymoon suite, and I use that term loosely, at the Darby Motel and Community Swimming pool.

One queen size bed.

One bottle of wine.

One mirror on the ceiling.

I look up at my reflection, and I have to smile. Classy.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

GRACEN

“
I
DON’T BELIEVE YOU.
A
ND
I
’M
not lying in that bed with you.” Of all the… all the inhumane things I have thought about in my life—this is a little much.

Yes, I want to lie there with him. I would love to be held and told that everything will be all right.

No, I don’t think it would be a good idea.

One, because Hart wouldn’t say that to me. Oh sure, Sam did, back when Sam was Sam and not the butthole he turned into toward the end. I don’t care if Seth was the one who made Sam say those things to me, to break me. In the end, it was Hart that did it. Hart that told me I was heartless. Told me I had no soul. He was the one who hurt me, who took my confidence and made me self-conscious about everything, so it’s sort of difficult to forget that.

I should… I know. I should get over it because he’s trying to help me. But that would require trust, and I don’t exactly trust him right now. Truth be told, I don’t trust anybody.

I don’t even trust myself.

Hart smiles up at his reflection in the mirror above him. It kind of reminds me of the mirror we had in my dreams, in the little special room he used to torture me in. How can I think of him in any way besides that man I’ve seen in my dreams since I was little? How can I ever get past it and picture him as an ally? To survive this, I need to. I need him, as much as I hate to admit it, but somethings, it’s too much.

I want to hate him forever.

If I don’t control my anger, if I fully turn into that abomination thing, forever won’t last long.

“You okay?” he asks when I don’t say anything for a while.

He can read my mind. I know he can. He’s done it before, and I don’t have enough demon blood in my system to keep him from it now. I don’t get it. Sometimes he can read my mind or put things in it like with me seeing the eclipse, and sometimes he can’t. Maybe if I’m not concentrating, he can get in, but if I am, I can block him? If that’s the case, I wish I could learn how to control the damn wall.