Sound of the Tide (11 page)

I bit my lip and listlessly brushed the hair from my face. The baby was apparently doing somersaults in my belly, and I tried to shift into a more comfortable sitting position. Yes, we had been distracted that night, and now it would be up to me—to me alone—to find a name.

But how could I pick, what with all the Aarons, Liams, Clives, and Jordans?

I wanted to hold on to that pleasant echo of memories a little while longer, and so I closed my eyes and pushed the baby name issue into the background.

I tried to imagine Daniel’s face. His mischievous grin, his kis
s . . .

But the image of him was fading—it was almost without color now.

“Daniel,” I whispered, absentmindedly tracing the outline of my lips with my fingers. The memory had to be there somewhere. I couldn’t lose it!

Full of panic, I jumped to my feet and hurried, as fast as my condition would allow, down the set of stairs.

The photo album! I had to see him! Right now!

With trembling fingers I opened Jenna’s gift. My heart was pounding against my rib cage, and I felt terribly nauseated. I rubbed my eyes to get rid of those damn tears that were clouding my vision and stopping me from seeing the love of my life.

The first photo showed Daniel and me on my eighteenth birthday. We were wearing party hats and sticking our tongues out at the camera. After the party we had made love for the first time. The chemistry between us was obvious, even in the picture.

And that was the thing that had made everything so special between us. That chemistry—it had never faded. It had always been there. Just like on our first night.

I caressed the photo, touched his cheek, and quietly giggled when I thought about his Superman boxers hanging out over his pants.

My very own Superman!

I kept leafing through the album, skipping through the pages, and again and again my eyes also kept falling on Kevin. Seeing him made me sad, because I really wanted nothing more than for him to take me in his arms like he had so many times in those pictures. Why had things gotten so complicated?

The doorbell yanked me from my thoughts, and I closed the album more than reluctantly. I did not want to share this with anyone, and yet—even though it was silly to think it—I was afraid the images would fade just like my memories were doing.

It was Ewan, standing outside my door knee-deep in snow.

“Hi, I hope this isn’t a bad time.” His bright-blue eyes chased away my anger at being interrupted, and I shook my head.

“No, no, you’re fine. What’s up?”

He gave me a wide grin.

“So I was sitting in my living room, thinking of a thousand great reasons to knock on your door, but no
w . . .
Now I can’t seem to recall any of them.”

I chuckled, shrugging my shoulders carelessly.

“Too bad. See ya.”

I pretended to close the door in his face, but Ewan very quickly slipped inside and leaned with his back against it.

“What I am trying to say,” he explained, “is that every time I see you I am left speechless.”

Crap! I could feel myself blushing, but at my age and in my unmistakable condition, why was I still so receptive to such obvious pickup lines?

“Oh, seriously, I am not that fat!” I feigned misunderstanding, and crossed my hands over my chest.

He gave me a wink.

“Do you want to come down to the beach? My dog is merciless, and it would be nice if you could keep both of us company.”

I took a deep breath, ready to turn him down, when the photo album came into my field of vision. I bit my lip, uncertain of what I should do. I didn’t want to go outside. Not away from Kevin and Daniel, not away from the images of the life I so desperately wanted to hold on to. A life I longed to still have. I wanted Ewan to leave so that I could hide inside my memories again and pretend the two most important people in my life were still around.

“Piper?” Ewan pressed, and the way he softly touched my arm tipped the balance. It was a real touch. Soft and warm, and my arm tingled where Ewan’s fingers had grazed it. This was real, no matter how I wished my life had turned out.

I looked at the man standing before me, and in his eyes I could see, as always, his carefree nature, coupled with alluring confidence.

I nodded, and grabbed my coat and knitted hat.

“Of course. I am glad you asked.”

With one final, regretful glance at the album, I pulled the door closed behind me.

The bright winter sun was almost blinding. My boots were sinking into the deep snow, and trudging through it was tough going. I needed to hold Ewan’s arm so I wouldn’t get stuck, and he kept pulling me closer with it. I threatened him with a snowball when his advances became too blatant, but he just impishly shrugged his shoulders. In the cold December air, we could hear the thundering surf all the way up to the house. Google barked, excitedly bouncing around our legs until Ewan threw a snowball, which the dog dove after, happily panting.

“How’s junior?” he asked, a little more serious, pointing at my belly.

“Not long now, I don’t think.”

I felt like a proper grown-up, calmly talking about big important things such as pushing a child out through my birth canal very soon. Which would include pain, blood, and all the other horrific things mentioned in the magazines.

“Maybe you should move in with a girlfriend for the time being,” he suggested, motioning toward the iced-up road, but I shook my head energetically.

“Oh, no! Jenna is great and all, but she can get a littl
e . . .
hysterical when faced with a difficult situation.”

Ewan laughed out loud.

“So she must constantly be in
difficult situations
, huh? I’ve only ever seen her hysterical.”

“I guess that’s the impression she gives,” I agreed. “But once you get to know her, you’ll learn that she’s just full of energy. Actually, I enjoy having someone in my life who’s a bit of a live wire. Makes your own life seem more exciting.”

I grabbed a handful of snow and started packing it into a ball.

“All right, not Jenna, then. Is there anyone else?”

I thought about his concerns for a while. Sure, I could probably move in with Catherine and Marcus for the final few days, but the distance I had put between me and them and the house I once shared with Daniel had been a first step toward my emotional healing. Living here really did me a world of good.

“When I think it’s starting, I won’t hesitate. But maybe the roads will be clear again in the morning, and the issue will sort itself out.” I looked at him, and smirked. “Besides, I have a doctor living next door.”

Ewan raised his eyebrows.

“
Ohhh
, no! Not a chance! I’m a trauma surgeon—I handle accidents, not bringing babies into this world. Even if some babies are accidents, I guess.”

Carefree, we wandered along the iced-up beach. The sun painted a happy smile on my face, and Ewan’s company was like a breath of fresh air blowing through an open window and chasing away gloomy thoughts.

“And besides, much as I regret it, I won’t be able to give you medical attention,” he explained, furrowing his brow.

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t date my patients!”

“But we’re not dating.”

“Not yet—but I would like to keep my options open.”

His breezy come-on was as warm as sunshine in the spring, and I felt great.

“So you wouldn’t treat me if my water broke right now?” I inquired defiantly.

Ewan shook his head energetically.

“Definitely not! I would wish you the best of luck and run home.”

“Well, thank you! That’s good to know.”

“I know.” He grinned. “The things I’d do just to get a date with an amazing woman.”

“You have to be pretty darn desperate if you’d go that far,” I teased and threw my snowball right under Google’s nose. I had pins and needles in my fingers from the cold, but I felt more alive than I had in a long time.

Ewan nodded.

“Pretty darn desperate—you have no idea how rarely I get the opportunity to give away chocolates,” he admitted theatrically and reached for my hands. As if he were trying to warm them, he took them in his and looked me in the eye. “And for a kiss, I’d go even further.”

We looked at one another, and suddenly my mouth felt very dry. I did not want to snub him, but I definitely wasn’t ready yet. Not until the next ice age, and then some! It was as if Google’s barks were coming from very far away, and the breaking waves thundered in my ears like jet engines. I seemed to sink deeper into the snow.

Ewan let go of my hands, and suddenly I felt very cold. He walked over to Google and gently scratched him behind the ears, then threw snowballs, which the Lab caught in his mouth, bursting them into cold, white dust.

I wrapped my arms around myself and shifted my legs. The sun seemed to have lost all power, and I suddenly wished for Kevin to be here and comfort me. Comfort me?

Ewan was a great guy, and he did nothing but shake me out of my depression with his not-so-innocent advances, but still I felt torn. For one reason, because I enjoyed having someone around, and for another, because I hated myself for feeling so
guilty
about it. It was easier for me to accept Kevin’s presence, because I’d known him that much longer. Because I trusted him—and because Daniel had trusted him.

I could snuggle up to his chest and allow him to kiss the top of my head because he’d always been a part of me, which was why it never seemed wrong or inappropriate. He lightened my heart in such a
right
way that Ewan’s company suddenly seemed too much.

Maybe he was the kind of man I would allow near me at some point in the future, a future still shrouded in darkness. He definitely qualified for the job, but until the
n . . .

From up on the road I could hear the sound of a snow plow, and heaved a sigh of relief.

“Looks like you won’t have to betray your professional ethics after all—the path to the hospital has been cleared.”

The path might have been cleared, but the baby didn’t feel like getting a move on.

The days after Christmas came and went, and nothing happened. Well, something happened of course! The heat got repaired—finally! And Catherine and Marcus brought me a giant box of food.

Catherine had overcome her seasonal boredom by cooking a whole batch of meals for me. Dozens of little food storage containers held enough food for an entire year!

“Once the baby’s here, you’ll be glad you won’t have to cook!” she explained, critically eyeing the tower of pizza boxes that was piling up in my kitchen.

Since I didn’t know what my days would be like after giving birth, I was actually grateful that she lavished so much care on me.

In the days following her visit, I decided that it might be a good idea to test that Cat’s meals were, in fact, edible. And so I had just placed a container of turkey and vegetable curry with rice into the microwave when Jenna showed up.

“Hi, I’m just checking in to see if you’ve popped!”

“Not yet! But I’m just about to eat—maybe that’ll do the trick?”

“Hmm, smells good. Got enough to share?” She slipped into the kitchen and sniffed the air as I grabbed two plates from the cupboard.

“Sure thing. Cat’s always very generous with her portions.”

“Excellent! I just finished my shift and was hoping we could spend a girlie afternoon together. You know: manicure, cucumber facial, romantic comedy,” she suggested, unearthing a Julia Roberts DVD from her purse.

“Sure! It’s not like I have better plans or anything,” I retorted, dividing the hot rice equally between our plates.

“Oh, really?” Jenna inquired and gave me an intense stare. “What happened to Dr. Palmer? I almost expected to see him here, given the pattern you had going.”

“You’re being silly! I don’t see him all that often. We’re neighbors, that’s all.” I grumbled my defense, pushing the plate toward her. Jenna took a forkful of curry and closed her eyes with an expression of pleasure on her face.

“Me, I couldn’t live right next to him withou
t . . .
”

“Well, you’re also not pregnant, are you!”

I made a conscious effort not to mention the fact that her boyfriend also hadn’t died and that she didn’t need to fight endless battles every single day just to keep her balance. I somehow got the feeling that the time frame she had allowed me for grieving was coming to an end. Her motto was to look ahead and keep going—and perhaps that was actually a motto worth following.

“Yes, but with Dr. Palmer as the baby daddy I might make an exception,” she joked with her mouth full.

I didn’t want to think about Ewan. He was trying to take up more room in my life, and on the one hand it was kind of nice. But on the other hand it made me feel guilty, and I was not in a state quite yet to handle such emotional turmoil. And so I changed the subject.

“So, Jenna, why didn’t you ever mention that you and Kev had a thing?”

She stopped chewing, and her eyes widened.

“What are you talking about?” she asked, but I knew right away that she knew exactly what I was talking about.