Sounds of Yesterday (12 page)

I take a deep breath and smile at my best friend. She needs to see that I mean this from the bottom of my heart.

“Soph, sometimes you have to focus on yourself. No one else.”

It’ll be hard but it’s what needs to be done. If you depend on somebody to the point of not being able to think for yourself, you need to change something up. You need to be your own person and do you.

She blinks and a smile breaks through a second later. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside when I see that her smile is real. “You’re right. I’m going to be nineteen in two weeks. It’s time I stop being a baby.” She adjusts her purse on her shoulder and wipes away any remaining tears. “My parents will be fine. They wanted me to explore. Well, I’m exploring.”

“Attagirl!”

Zach brings her back into his arms and whispers something to her. I turn and give them privacy, eyeing Alex. He’s looking at me like I’m the sun during a very dark time.

I look away. I’m still not used to this--Alex being here, around me. I need a few more days of pinching myself so it finally settles in.

I need to come to terms that Alex is really here.

For me.

For...us?

“I’m finally ready!” Sophie announces when the bus pulls up to the corner.

“Ready for what?”

“Tattoos!”

I don’t think it’s possible to love this girl anymore than I already do.

My bed can wait. Sophie is finally going to get tatted. We can not pass this up.

Today is the first day of classes but I can’t concentrate on that while staring at the redhead smiling back at me. Sophie and I got matching tattoos on our collarbone over the weekend. It’s nothing huge, just three tiny stars, each floating above the other. Sophie wanted something small and cute. It was either the stars or a cute, fat unicorn. I’m dead serious. The unicorn almost won until the tattoo artist said it’d hurt more. It needed more detail and all that. After the tattoos, Sophie wanted to get a small change to commit to growing up. She went red.

“Is it too red?” Sophie asks, glancing at the mirror for the hundredth time this morning.

“Soph.” She glances back at me. “You look stunning. Like...I can’t believe it’s you.” Her brows furrow, confused. “That’s a good thing!” I add. Going from blonde to red overnight needed some adjusting. Mostly for me. All my life, my best friend was a blonde. She looks even hotter now. Zach agrees.

I got some dark blue ombré done to my hair but I still look the same. I need slow physical changes. I can’t have it all happen at once. Soph wanted me to go light blue. That would just make my eyes pop even more. I’m good, thanks.

“Okay.” Sophie drops her hands to her hips and exhales. “I’m ready. My chem class starts in forty minutes.” Her eyes roam back to the mirror and I spot the doubt still lingering in her eyes.

I grab her arm and pull her towards the door.

“If you keep looking at yourself, I’m going to shave your head while you sleep.” I throw in a big smile for extra affect. “Don’t test me.”

Sophie pouts her lips. I see the corners kick up as she tries to hold back her smile. I win.

“My music class starts in thirty. Walk faster.”

We head out the door, glancing at our roomies door, expecting someone to pop out. We have yet to meet our roommates and if by today, we don’t see them, we’re breaking into their room to find out why. We’re going to be living so close. We need to at least know something about them. We only know their names are Beth and Jenn. Soph wants to make sure they’re friendly.

Sophie and I stop at the elevators. Zach and Alex are already here, leaning against the wall, waiting for us.

“Emily, who is this exotic looking beauty standing beside you?” Zach asks, grinning at Sophie, love pouring out of him.

“I don’t have time for your role playing. Move!” I shove them into the elevator and hit the lobby button repeatedly. You can say I’m over excited. I’m finally going to do something I love. I’ve waited all life for this opportunity.

Double majoring in Music Education and Music Therapy will be a challenge while I adjust to college life but I can do this. I believe in myself. I want to help people through music some day. My therapist encourages me to pursue this because music
helps
me. It’s slowly bringing me back to life. Every time I play now, I feel some part of me that I thought I lost, light up. It vibrates and shakes underneath my skin, wanting out.

“When do you have a break in-between classes?” Alex asks me, standing to my side. Zach and Sophie are watching us like we are going to do something unexpected any second; hold hands, kiss, attack each other–either sexually or violently. It makes me smile.

I turn my head to the left and catch Alex’s eyes. “I’m free at twelve-fifty. My next class won’t be until two. You?”

“I’m free after one. I’ll wait for you at Whitten then? Grab lunch? If you want.”

My smile widens and I nod. “I’d like that.”
I’d like that a lot.

The elevator doors open and we step out.

“You’re smiling like he just played you a song,” Zach whispers beside me, throwing his arm around my shoulder. He doesn’t squeeze me too tight. It feels like one of Declan’s side hugs. Safe and secure. “Young love. It’s a beautiful thing.”

I pinch his side and keep my eyes forward, walking faster than the three snails behind me. We’re going to different buildings across campus so we can’t walk to classes together. We’re splitting up in a few minutes. Might as well I get away now because my blushing cheeks are going to give me away. I’ve come to terms that I like Alex being here. I can’t really kick him out. I’m stuck with him for the rest of the year but why not make the best of it, right? We had history. We’re back in the same city
together
. We can be friendly.

“Em, you’re walking too fast! We agreed we’d walk with you,” Sophie whines. “And you need to meet–”

I adjust my purse on my shoulder and look back over my shoulder. The toothy grin I blind them with has them concerned. “You guys came here thinking I’d need constant attention. I got this.” I even showed Soph my mace bottle hiding in my purse when she was shocked I was going to walk to class by myself this morning. I’ve planned for this day since I moved here.

No one is going to make me feel scared or on edge.

No one will take this day from me.

“Bye!”

I do something I never thought I’d do in my life.

I run to class.

Willingly.

Stopping outside of the Frost School of Music building on campus minutes later, I stand outside, admiring the view. Trees are everywhere, the colors of the sky and the buildings are stunning, and Lake Osceola mirrors it all, surrounding us on this side while city life happens behind this building. Students are walking in different directions, some laughing with groups of people, others alone, looking around them.

This place is too beautiful.

It’s magical.

I don’t understand how this is real.

I continue walking toward the Volpe building, still in awe.

“Freshman, huh?” a guy asks stepping in front of me, blocking my view. He’s tall with dark hair and if the sun wasn’t currently blinding me, I’d be able to see more physical traits. Damn trees aren’t helping me right now. “Once you’re around for awhile, everything looks familiar.” He smiles as he holds out his hand to me. “You’re Alex’s girl, Emily?”

I look around me, confused. How does this guy know me and how does he know I’m Alex’s girl?
Was.
Was Alex’s girl.

“Right. Sorry.” He drops his hand and shakes his head slightly. “I’m Tyler. Alex’s roomie. My buddy Liam and I were about to introduce ourselves when you decided to run off.” He steps forward, blocking the sun from blinding me. His dark eyes stare mine down as he smiles again. “We’re both music majors.”

A second later, a guy who looks like Tyler walks up to us and offers me a toothy smile.

“Hey.” This must be Liam.

Both of them are wearing t-shirts with sunglasses hanging down the middle of them, and shorts.

I look between the two guys, completely speechless. I’ve lost all manners, I can’t even say hey back. My brain is currently trying to understand why these two guys are talking to me. I think I remember Alex talking about them. Those names seem familiar.

“Why is she staring at me like that?” Liam whispers to Tyler, eyeing me with wide eyes.

They’re both silent for a second.

This is officially awkward.

“You’re Alex’s roomies?” I finally ask. They nod. “Did he tell you two to spy on me?” It wouldn’t be something new. Alex gets a little obsessive if he doesn’t know what’s going on with someone. After the rape, he used my neighbor Ben to spy on me because I wouldn’t talk to anyone. Ben has a dog. I love animals so he found his in.

“I’m going to assume Alex never talked about us,” Liam answers. “What a dick. The three of us where friends back in California.”
Yes! I knew it!

He looks behind me and motions for us to start walking.

Class is about to start, I nod and follow them.

“He mentioned you’re a music major so we thought, what the hell, let’s meet this chick.” Tyler walks backwards as we walk down the open space of the Volpe building. Trees surround us now, shading the area. “We have the same first class so it was Alex’s idea to introduce ourselves. That way, you can say you at least know someone.”

“That’s all he said?” He didn’t tell them to spy on me, keep other guys away, or keep
themselves
away from me? I’m surprised. And happy. Alex knows I hate being in a place full of strangers. He found a way to make me feel somewhat at ease.

“Yup.” Liam stops at a door a few steps later and holds it open. “Welcome, new friend.”

A smile creeps onto my lips and I step into the classroom. “Thank you.”

I find a seat on the third row so I take it. Tyler and Liam sit in the row in front of me, spotting two chicks down the aisle. They get all macho, winking and puffing out their chests.

I grab my phone and text Alex.

Me: I made new friends! lol Thank you for the Tyler and Liam surprise.

Alex: You don’t have to say it. I already know. I’m the best! ;)

Me: In your dreams! :P

Alex: At least you know!!

I roll my eyes, smiling, as I put my phone away. I take a deep breath and watch other students walk into class. I don’t feel the anxiety I’d feel the first day of school in high school. I was always nervous about who’d be in my class, who’d sit next to me, and if I’d end the day crying on Sophie’s shoulder because I’m not normal. I don’t like talking to people. I don’t like having people judge me for not being like them. Music plays on repeat in my head and I’m always somewhere else, mentally. I try to pick apart the piece, rearranging notes, until it seems right. I can’t handle doing that and keeping conversations going. At the end of the day, I just want to go home and play something, soothe the negative thoughts, and be happy.

The sound of a door closing brings my attention to the front of the class. A tall, dark haired man wearing black slacks and a pale yellow button down shirt walks toward the small podium sitting in the middle. He sets his things down, organizing everything, then looks up.

Beautiful blue eyes land on mine before they dance around the room, getting a glimpse of all his new students.

My heart stops as I take in the person standing before me. He’s older, rougher than I remember. Life must have shit on him after all these years. Good. He deserves it.

“Welcome to music theory l. I’m Professor Cohen. This is my first year at the U so take it easy on me, yeah?” He chuckles when the class does, and leans on the podium. He tells us about this class and how we’ll break up into smaller groups on Friday.

I sit open mouthed the whole time he speaks.

“Let’s start off with something about you before we get to work.”

He points to Liam, his eyes passing over me briefly. My insides land somewhere on the floor when I realize he doesn’t know who I am.

God hates me. He really does.

I can’t withdraw from this class. This is the
only
one! Mondays and Wednesdays are sure going to be harder for me.

Liam sits up and bites on a pen before speaking. “I’m Liam. I play drums. Um, music is my life and I want to teach it some day so Music Education seemed like my calling.”

“Last name, Liam?” Cohen asks, looking down at something, most likely a piece of paper.

“Ryan, sir.”

Cohen nods and looks around the room again. His eyes land on mine and he smiles. He freaking smiles. It’s so welcoming. It’s wrong. That smile shouldn’t be on his face. “You.”

My eyes drop to my desk as my skin heats up.
Please God, why?

I curl my hand into a fist and take a deep breath.

When I look up, Tyler is looking back at me with a ‘what’s wrong’ look on his face. It could also be a new-chick-is-psycho look. I don’t know him to know what faces he makes.

I open my mouth to say something but the words are trapped. I hate this feeling. I hate not being able to speak.

“Don’t be shy,” Cohen encourages me, standing up straighter.

I’m not shy!
I’m…I’m…kind of hurt that he doesn’t see it. He doesn’t see me.

He doesn’t remember me. I don’t know if I should be offended or glad.

I finally speak up. I voice the words that have haunted me since I was a child. The day he walked out eleven years ago was the day I promised myself I could do this. I
was
good. “I’m double majoring in Music Education and Music Therapy because I love music and I want to help people, but I’m also doing this to prove to my father that he was wrong. I am good.” I lock eyes on Cohen. “I’m
better
than he ever will be.”

Cohen claps, a proud smile on his lips. “Good for you! Let’s show him then. What’s your name?” He’s still smiling as he twirls his pen around his fingers.

I breathe out, “Emily Spencer.”

I watch with complete satisfaction as he goes to write something down but stops short, his head shooting up to look at me. He’s shocked, confused, and I think there’s a bit of pride in there too.

Yeah, he can shove that pride up his ass.

My own father walks into this class and has no idea who I am. I was just a face in this crowd of people.