Southern Seduction (129 page)

“That’s it! I’m tired of you being an ungrateful brat. I’ve put a roof over your head, food on your table, and provided for you ever since your daddy died. Have you ever once said thanks? No! All you do is complain about how terrible of a mother I am and I’m sick of it. I get it, Cheyenne. Your daddy was the perfect parent and you got screwed when he died and you were stuck with me. Well, I’m sorry. You must resent me for being the one who’s still here. Well, you know those feelings? That’s exactly how Sawyer’s going to feel when he wakes up in ten years with no college degree, no money, and a wife from a white-trash town in Georgia. Do you really want to live your life that way? The way that I did with your father?!”

The sobs are racking through me with such violence that I can barely breathe. I have to get out of here. She’s right, and in that moment, I get a glimpse of what my future could be like. I know she had dreams that she put on hold when she got married and had me. What I didn’t realize is that she resented me and probably Daddy for it. Is that what Sawyer will turn into? What I’ll turn into? Suddenly, being here, in this house, in Shiloh Grove is overwhelmingly, and I know I have to leave.

Rushing back to my room, I start throwing everything from my vanity in my backpack. My jewelry box falls over and the contents go scrambling. Falling to the floor, I try desperately to find everything. Apparently she’s followed me, and I can hear her standing in the doorway, continuing her barrage, but I tune her out. I find both of the rings Daddy gave her, but I can’t find his wedding band. I’m searching frantically, but I can hardly see the floorboards through my tears.

Her voice starts penetrating, and my brain is screaming at me to flee, but my heart can’t leave this room without finding it. When she enters the room and tries to grab my jewelry box away from me, I can no longer stand it. I jump up, knocking her to the floor. Rushing out to the kitchen I spot the keys to the truck. I grab them and then dart outside. I take a quick moment to get anything of value out of my car. Before I know it, I’m pulling out of the driveway without looking back.

Cheyenne

The sun’s coming up as I head down the dirt road towards the lake. It’s the safest place I can think of to go. I need to get my bearings and I can’t do that at home. Well, actually, I guess I no longer have a home. I can’t go to the farm just yet, in case Sawyer hasn’t headed out to the stables or the fields. In the back of my mind, I know what I have to do. I just have no idea how I’m going to get up the courage to do so. What my mother doesn’t understand—and probably never will—is that Sawyer made her argument for her. She didn’t need to go on about how I’d never be good enough for him or how I wouldn’t be the suitable wife. I think deep down I already knew that.

Sawyer was ready to give up everything for me at the drop of a hat. He didn’t even blink an eye when Thomas said he’d cut him off. He planned on transferring to Berkeley, and apparently it’s been on his mind for a while since he was so adamant about it. I never, not once, seriously considered transferring to Auburn. The thought had crossed my mind before, but I always found some reasoning to continue with my plan to go to Berkeley. I’m eighteen. I can’t let him uproot his entire life for me.

I saw the hurt in his eyes when I told our parents that they were crazy, that two people can’t fall in love in one summer. I immediately wanted to take the words back when I said them, but it was too late. I never meant us, but the more I think about it, the crazier it does seem. I love Sawyer. They aren’t made-up feelings. I think that, more than anything, I needed him. And he needed me. We were two lonely souls, looking for a place to call home. And for a short while, we were that for each other.

There is a nagging thought in the back of my mind. I don’t understand why he played down his wealth or his father’s position as the CEO of a company. Did he think I was like my mom? Did he think I would care or like him more or less if I knew about it? Nothing about him this summer screamed money, and if I’m honest with myself, I know that would’ve turned me off. Maybe he sensed that. After all, I did make a rash judgment when I sized him up and called him city boy. Perhaps it’s partly my fault. Maybe he felt like he couldn’t share that part of himself with me because I teased. Either way, it’s too late to dwell on it. What’s done is done, and as much as it’s going to hurt, I know what I have to do.

Pulling out my notepad from my backpack, I have no idea what I’m going to say. I look out on the water, as if inspiration will somehow strike me. A couple of birds are playing at the edge of the shore, and I swear they’re swallows. My heart starts to race, wondering if it’s some sort of sign. I lift up my sunglasses and squint to get a closer look, and my heart sinks when I realize they’re simply blackbirds. So much for thinking some sort of divine intervention would get me out of this mess. Eventually, I put pen to paper and struggle to find the right words to say, wishing they’d flow as freely as the tears streaming down my face.

I have no idea how long I sit there reflecting back on this summer. Was it really only a couple of months ago that I was dreaming of Daddy and swallows and heartbreak, only to be woken up by Sawyer? This day also feels paralleled to it, but instead of it being the beginning of something beautiful, it’s the end of the best summer of my life.

All of a sudden, a flutter of wings rustles in the tree above me, and I watch as the lone bird flies out and perches on a post by the dock. It’s looking at me, head cocked to the side, almost as if it’s asking, “Why are you crying?” I stand, slowly creeping closer so I don’t scare it away.

When I’m only a few feet away, I can’t help the smile that crosses my face. It’s a swallow, perched alone but still standing tall. I recall the last time I saw the same thing. That was the day I had to say goodbye to Daddy. And today I’m greeted by the same sight. Today. The day I have to say goodbye to Sawyer. Suddenly, my heart doesn’t seem so heavy. I’ve done this once before. I can do it again. And maybe, just maybe, Daddy’s promise will come true for me.

Feeling a sense of renewal and confidence that I’m doing the right thing for Sawyer, for myself, I gather up my things and head to the truck. When I glance at the clock, I realize that it’s still early enough for me to slip into the house and place the letter on his bed without him catching me. It’s cowardly, I can admit that, but if I see him, I don’t think I’ll be able to do this.

When I pull up to the house, I quietly close the door to the truck and tiptoe up on the porch. I know Wyatt never leaves the door locked during the day, so I slip inside and make my way to Sawyer’s bedroom. It’s practically bare. He never felt the need to decorate since he spent most of his time with me or outside. His bed is freshly made, and with shaky hands, I place the letter on his pillow. His name in bold dark letters glares at me, and I can only imagine the look on his face when he reads the content.

“What’re you doin’, girlie?” I spin around quickly to see Wyatt standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame, watching me. A piece of straw is sticking out of his mouth, and I glance behind him, terrified that Sawyer’s about to walk in. “Don’t worry. He’s a couple of acres away repairin’ a fence. He’s got a couple of hours of work ahead of him before he’ll be back. You runnin’?

I swallow hard, not sure what to say. Weird as it may seem, Wyatt knows me better than most people in Shiloh Grove do. He’s been almost like a surrogate uncle for me, and it’s not surprising that he can read me.

“I…I’m heading to Berkeley early.”

“Does Sawyer know?” he asks. I shake my head, ashamed, unable to get the words out. “Come on. Let’s get you somethin’ to drink before you head out.”

I follow him to the kitchen where he pours two glasses of lemonade. Cocking an eyebrow up, I smell it before taking a sip.

“Girl, I wouldn’t serve you whiskey before you hit the road. What kinda old man do you think I am?”

I laugh, and it feels good to do so.

“I heard about your mama and Thomas. That man’s never had a lick of sense. Ever since my sister died, God rest her soul, he’s been a little out there. He may threaten to cut off the boy, but he’d never go through with it if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I can’t take that chance, Wyatt. Plus there’s the whole stepsiblings, our-parents-are-married weird thing going on.” I know my argument sounds weak, but my mind’s made up and he won’t change it.

Wyatt starts laughing. “Stepsiblings. Hell, in my day, cousins were still gettin’ married. I’ll never forget the day my granddaddy sat me down and gave me a piece of advice. He said, ‘Wyatt, my boy. I gotta tell you somethin’, and you better always remember this. Now listen closely. First cousins are for practice. Now second cousins, those are for marryin,’” he deadpans, and I have no idea if he’s serious or not. I must have a strange look on my face, because seconds later he’s slapping his knee. “Damn, girl, you’re way too easy! That was a joke. But seriously, the whole stepsiblings thing? No big deal.”

Standing up, I know I need to hit the road. I have to stop back at the house and pray to God that no one is there. I left my road trip plans there, and I need to do one last walk through the house to make sure I have everything. I need to get it all done before Sawyer realizes I’m gone.

“It’s so much more complicated than that, Wyatt.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” he says, and I wish it were true.

“Don’t tell him, okay? Let him discover the letter on his own, please?” I beg, feeling guilty for putting him in this position. He nods, and I feel grateful. “Thanks, Wyatt. I’m going to miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too, girlie. Don’t be a stranger, okay?”

I promise that I won’t, but we both know it’s one promise I won’t be able to keep.

Sawyer

I’ve been anxious as hell to get this work day over with. When Cheyenne left this morning, things still felt off, even if she did tell me she loved me. I’m ready to start making my plans for Berkeley, especially if I’m not going to have Dad’s backing. Maybe Wyatt can give me a loan until I’m twenty-five and can pay him back with interest. When I finally finish repairing the fence, I’m starving, but I’m more interested in heading to the lake to see if Cheyenne’s there. She’s not, much to my disappointment.

Wyatt has lunch ready when I get back to the house. He sets down a cold cut sandwich in front of me, along with a glass of lemonade. I’m parched. I grab the glass and down it in two long gulps. A burning sensation fills my chest.

“Dammit, Wyatt! Why the hell are you giving me this crap in the middle of the day? You’re going to dehydrate me.”

“You’re gonna need it. Consider yourself off for the rest of the day. Clean your room or somethin’” he says. He gives me a pitying look before he throws on a cowboy hat and walks outside.

I’m confused as hell, seeing as how Wyatt’s never given me an afternoon off, and I know for a fact that my room is spotless. Heading back to my room to change so I can go find Cheyenne, I look around, wondering what the hell Wyatt was talking about. My eyes fall on the folded white sheet of paper sitting on my bed. The word Sawyer on the front fills me with a sense of dread. Snatching up the piece of paper, I slowly fall down onto my bed as I read the words I never expected to come.

Sawyer,

By the time you read this, I’ll be on the road, who knows where. I can only imagine what you’re thinking, and first things first, please don’t follow me. This is hard enough to write down, but to see you and say these things to your face might break me more than I’m already breaking right now.

At the beginning of the summer, I couldn’t wait to get out of this town. Now that the time has come, I’m dreading it. You swooped into my life and taught me how to live, how to love, how to be loved. I’ll never forget a single moment that we spent together. I’ll cherish the memories forever, and I’ll think of you every single day that we’re not together.

As much as it crushes me, I have to leave. I have to let you go, and you have to do the same. It’s going to hurt, and it probably will for a long time. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, walking away from you, but I have to. I can’t let you give up your life for me. I love you, and I love that you would do that for me. That alone proves how much I mean to you. And that alone is why I have to make this decision for us. It's why I have to go.