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When we wound down, I looked at Mom, seeing moisture in her faded eyes. I slowly shook my head. “Mom, there have been times when I wondered
why
. The road
has been so — rocky. The mountains so high and the valleys deep as the Grand Canyon.”

Mom smiled that sweet smile of hers. “Remember the story I told you when you were kids, about the American eagle?”

“What?” Faith and Jensen spoke at once.

“Well, the American eagle has a significant symbolism to our country.” She smiled then. “And I like to think there is symbolism there to the Eagle family clan. You see, the eagle has the longest lifespan among birds. It can live up to seventy years. But to reach this age, the eagle must make a hard decision in its forties.”

Nonie had her audience in her hand at that point.

“Its long and flexible talons can no longer grab prey, which serves as food. Its long and sharp beak becomes bent. Its aged and weighty wings, due to their thick feathers, become stuck to its chest and make it difficult to fly.”

Jensen muttered, “And we think we got troubles.”

Noni chuckled and continued. “Well, the eagle then is left with only two options: die or go through a painful process of change, which lasts 150 days. The process requires the eagle to fly to a mountain top and sit on its nest. There the eagle knocks its beak against a rock until it plucks it out.”

“Oh, God, Noni,” Faith groaned. “Are you sure?”

“Absolutely. Then after plucking it out, the eagle will wait for a new beak to grow back and then it will pluck out its talons.”

“Sheesh,” Jensen growled, echoed by Faith's moans.

“Then,” Noni proceeded, “when its new talons grow back, the eagle starts plucking its old-age feathers.”

“It goes bald?” Faith squealed, seriously concerned.

“Completely. Of course, within five months, the feathers all grow back. Now equipped with new parts, the eagle takes its famous flight of rebirth and lives for thirty more years.”

Dan coughed and I saw tears in his eyes. He winked at me.

Noni, too, was misty eyed. “You see, many times, in order to survive, we have to start a change process. We sometimes have to get rid of old memories, habits and maybe even past traditions. Only freed from past burdens, can we take advantage of the present.”

She looked at Faith, tears shimmering. “Isaiah 40:31 says ‘…they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint …'”

“Faith and Jensen,” Noni's head turned to include Dan and me, “when it rains, most birds head for shelter; the eagle is the only bird that, in order to avoid the rain, starts flying above the clouds.” She threw back her white head and laughed deeply, joy bubbling from her. “No wonder God wants us to spread our wings and soar with the eagles.”

“Wow.” Faith's expression of awe was soft, almost wistful. “That illustrates why we — ” she suddenly choked up. Threw up her hand, shook it as if to stymie her emotional lapse and smiled through her tears. “Thanks, Noni. I'd never heard that entire story.”

Jensen reached over and took her hand. “We knew that eagles always fly high. Now we know why.” He winked at her and released her hand. “Thanks, Noni. You're the best.”

Noni and Jensen soon departed.

But Noni's words left us equipped to battle whatever lay ahead.

The very next day, Mom summoned me to her house. The familiar smell of home hit me as I entered its quiet, peaceful portals, a blend of potpourri, baked bread and indescribable nuances of sweet fragrances.

We embraced and then settled in the den, where she'd set aside her embroidery paraphernalia. She turned off the television.

“What?” I frowned suddenly, feeling the import of her summons sink in.

“Oh,” she waved a dismissive hand. “It's not anything bad. So relax.”

Then she reached over to the end table and picked up a folded newspaper. “I need to show you something.” She handed it to me.

My insides curled into themselves. She'd found it. With shaking hands, I reached for it.

There it was. The story. Faith's picture …

I licked my lips. “Mom,” I began, wanting to throw myself at her feet. “I — ”

“No,” Mom said so gently tears rushed to my eyes. “I'm glad I saw it. I had no idea you would — ”

“But I didn't,” I insisted. “Faith did it without my knowledge or consent.”

Mom smiled wider. “Then she was braver than you.”

My tears stopped and my mouth dropped open. “You mean — you're not mad.”

She gave me this mock glare. “Of course, I'm not mad.” Then she chuckled. “Nor am I hurt. You see, Deede, I always knew the day would come that you would not be
able to deny your curiosity or your deep need to know your roots.”

She went on. “Your father worked for the county and his job, as a tax delinquency officer, gave him access to records and such. Somehow, he was able to get some information as to the identity of your birth parents. But he didn't tell me this until he was dying. He said to hold the information until such a time as either of your girls came forth requesting permission to try and locate your biological parents.”

“You mean?” I asked, feeling as though lightening had just targeted and struck me.

Mom laughed. “Yes. I have some information that will help locate your parents. But of course, you will have to pursue the search.” She sighed deeply, contentedly. “I also have information concerning Lexie and Priss' birth parents. I'm just waiting for them to show a desire to know. Perhaps your search will prompt them into action.”

I looked at her sitting there, so loving, so generous of spirit and burst into tears. She moved across the room and gathered me into her arms, settling beside me on the same sofa, many times recovered in different fabrics and colors, that I'd sat and played on all throughout childhood. The same one on which she'd held me in just this way, throughout the years, more times than I could recall.

“Shh,” she murmured as my head lolled against her bosom. “It's all in the Divine order of things.” Her fingers brushed my hair from my wet face until I quieted. Only then did she give me one last squeeze and return to her easy chair.

She pulled out another brown clasp envelope. “This has some data that may help you.”

“But, Mom,” I licked my dry lips, “I don't even know if I want to know …”

“You will, darling. I won't always be here, you know. You deserve to know from whence you came. It won't change the way things are with us. Not one iota.”

“You'll always be my Mama,” I declared hoarsely, tears gushing forth again.

Mom laughed then. It was contagious, her humor.

I began to laugh, with tears rolling down my face. “Always.”

“I know, precious,” she said, nodding. “I know.”

Other things may change us but we start and end with the family.

— Anthony Brandt

 

 

Faith left today for Los Angeles.

Nathan's motion for reconsideration succeeded in getting Faith's house arrest lifted and her probation transferred to LA, shortening the sentence and saving us thousands of dollars. But Faith did, once she started, have to wean off the suboxone medication in her rehab program before she could transfer.

That went smoothly and uneventfully.

Dan and I drove Faith to the Spartanburg-Greenville International Airport and were joined there by Noni, Maddie, Priss, Lexie and their entire families. Yes, they were all there, every single one, including Chloe.

Something mystical had happened in the past months between Chloe and Faith. In the end, I felt that Chloe simply sensed the real change in Faith. The changes had, despite Chloe's distancing, impacted her. Little by little, Faith had regained her trust. Chloe also realized that Faith was not a real threat in Chloe's sister-brother relationship with Jensen. In essence, Chloe had begun to mature.

Today, she hugged Faith for long moments, whispering something in her ear as they stood there amid the bustle of passengers and the roar of engines. Faith smiled and nodded as they released each other and Chloe stepped aside for Jensen to bid his soul mate goodbye. My eyes misted as I thought of the lifelong battle fought over this big guy's affection and allegiance and how it had, in the end, worked itself out.

“Hey! I'm gonna fly out and visit as often as I can,” Jensen promised. “Maybe Maddie can fly with me. Huh, Maddie?” Maddie nodded, her eyes huge with excitement.

Lexie hugged Faith fiercely, with tears in her eyes. It had hurt her as much as it had me to have the blots on family solidarity pop up. We both had to give up our own space at times to appease our mates and children. To accommodate them, as it were. This space thing, when family is involved, is complex.

Priss' farewell was, as usual, upbeat and funny. “Don't you get out there in that big city and forget your ol' Aunt Priss, now. Y'hear?”

Faith kissed her cheek and hugged her hugely, rocking back and forth. They would miss each other. Next, Maddie threw herself into her mother's arms, tears gushing forth. And it occurred to me that she had just now realized that her mother was actually leaving on that plane to a far away place.

“Now, now, sweetie pie,” Faith crooned. “Remember, I promised to save up and buy you a ticket to visit me soon. Won't that be fun, getting to fly to California two or three times a year? And I'll be home for Christmas. So it's not gonna be so bad.”

“B-but will you be gone long?” Huge, bottomless skyblue eyes dripped tears as they peered trustingly up into Faith's face.

“Just a year. That's not long, honey. Didn't you hear Jensen promise to fly out with you all along? We'll be writing letters daily and visiting so often you'll get tired of seeing me.”

That won a shaky giggle and another big hug and kiss before the cousins all swooped in for goodbyes.

I turned Maddie into my arms and said, “darlin', I know I won't take your Mama's place, but I'll worry your daddy to death asking for you to come over for weekends with Papa and me. You won't be away from us as much as before. I promise. ” And I vowed to myself that it would happen.

Today was overcast and the clouds above gray. Everyone was solemn as Faith boarded the aircraft, then turned, smiled and waved at us. We all felt it, the change in her life, the change in her direction.

And as the plane lifted off and disappeared into the clouds, I imagined all the darkness the three of us, Dan, Faith and myself, had weathered. And I knew just as Faith's plane would momentarily burst free of the dark clouds into sunshine, so were Dan and I facing our own transfer from night to day.

We dropped Maddie off at her house then drove on home. Silent.

Contemplative.

“We've finally got our own space back,” I told Dan, smiling. “You happy? I know Faith is.”

“Yeh,” he said but not as enthusiastically as I'd expected.

“You know, honey,” he said, taking my hand in his. “Having your own space is necessary sometimes. But if there's no loved one waiting for you just outside that space, it loses its sparkle.”

I laughed and for the first time in years, it was a full, belly laugh. Full of joy and celebration.

“Y'know, honey,” I said, reaching over to kiss his cheek, “you are so right!”

On the second anniversary of Faith's recovery, she moved back to Greenville. She'd decided, in the end, to stay an extra year in the discipling program in LA.