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“I need more time here, Mama,” she'd told me of her decision. “Maddie is okay with it because she sees how different her mom is now. Besides, I think she loves those round trip airplane rides all along.”

Faith now already had a job lined up. “A good one,” she reassured me over the phone the day she settled into her nice apartment. “With a real estate agent I knew before I got into drugs. He's excited to have me work with him”

“I'm so happy, Faith. You've come full circle back to where you once were.”

“Oh no,” she laughed. Then she sighed. “No. I'm in an even better place, Mama. The person I became was not the real me. Working in the disciple ministry at Daystar Center made me aware of who I really am. Who I was created to be. That came through helping others to find themselves.”

“Faith, I'm overwhelmed at what's happened in the past two years.”

“The next thing on my agenda is to regain custody of Maddie.”

“Yes,” I agreed. “Next year, she'll be a teenager. She needs her mother more than ever.”

“I want it to be amiable between Jack and myself. Maddie needs her parents to work together to give her what she needs in life. I'll do all I can to be conciliatory with Jack. The rest is up to him.”

“Well, we know that it will all work out to — ” Faith took it up from there, “ — the good of them who are the called according to His purpose.”

Tears filled my eyes and I thought how wonderful is our Maker.

“I'm coming over to see my Mom and Dad,” she said.

I heard the uncertainty in her voice and it touched my heart. “Of course. You're always welcome here, Faith.” And I recalled how many times both Dan and I had let her know that she was a bother.

In the way.

Taking up our space.

So these words today meant much to her.

We all had sustained wounds, our family. And the past years had helped them all to heal.

Two hours later, Faith arrived in her very own car, looking wonderful. I met her at the door. She was stylishly thin again. Her thick auburn hair was cut in a fashionable bob. And she smelled marvelous. No nicotine. Had she —

We had flown out to LA twice, but the trip was so quick and she had so much to show and tell us that I hadn't even noticed. Of course, Maddie had flown with us, as she had numerous times with Jensen. She'd become quite the seasoned traveler.

In the meantime, Faith had come home for both Christmases.

“I quit smoking when I went to Daystar Center,” Faith said as if reading my mind. Then she smiled, a radiant, open smile I'd not seen in years. And she reached to hug me tightly. “Just want you to know that it really
took
,” she whispered in my ear.

“That's great, honey,” I said, my voice breaking. “I'm so proud of you.”

We both wiped tears from our eyes and grinning from ear to ear went to the kitchen to sit at the table and chat. This had been our thing for most of Faith's life. We sipped coffee and nibbled banana nut muffins I'd thrown together after she'd called to say she was coming to visit.

Banana nut muffins were among her favorites.

“Where's Dad?” she asked. “Is he doing okay? I mean, is he behaving and not working too hard?”

“He's doing great. He does love to go out to the work site and chat with his workers. Sometimes he doesn't come in until dark. But his guys take good care of him — they yell at him if he so much as touches anything.”

Faith burst into laughter. “I'd love to see that.”

“Oh,” I clasped my hands, excited, “I got to meet my birth mother.”

Faith's eyes rounded like Cheerios. “Mom! When? How did you — ?”

I laughed, thrilled at her response. “Believe it or not, Noni actually found her and arranged for me to meet her. It was about two months ago.”

“Was Noni with you when you met her?”

“No.” I shook my head in wonder. “She wanted it to be just the two of us. What a heart my Mom has.”

“I know. Well, what does she look like? What did you say? When can I meet her?”

“She looks like you and Maddie. Spitting image. We talked about everything under the sun, and you can meet her as soon as we can set up a time. Doris Sisk is her name. She lives only thirty miles from here. Can you imagine? That close all this time.”

“I can't wait to meet her.” Faith's eyes glowed. Then they clouded. “What about your birth father?”

I sighed. “He died in an auto accident. Before I was born, actually. Doris was only seventeen and her mother insisted she give the baby up for adoption. It was really difficult, according to Doris, to give up her baby. She's always wondered about her little girl and had even tried to find me in recent years but was blocked at every turn. It took Noni to — ” My voice choked off as tears flooded my eyes. I slowly shook my head. “I'll never get over her generous gesture.” I snuffled soundly, turning to snatch a couple of paper napkins from the counter and passing one to teary-eyed Faith. “I would never have done it, you know. Searched her out while Mom is still living.”

“I know, Mom,” Faith said, wiping her eyes and reaching across the table to grasp my hand in hers. “Noni is my heart, too. Her space in my heart is non-negotiable.”

We wept a bit more then dried our eyes and lapsed into a comfortable, silent contemplation. “Oh. I almost forgot,” I said, “Priss is now working on locating her biological parents. Lexie,” I grinned and shook my head, “at this point in time, says no way, José. She doesn't want to know.”

Faith smiled. “Time may change that.”

“Yeah.”

Then she gazed down into her coffee, swirling it slowly. “Mom, I'm sorry.” The words were heartfelt. Mature.

Tears welled up anew in me. They felt like a tsunami. I swallowed them back, nearly gulping.

“Here,” she said softly, handing me a spiral notebook with a marked section. “My testimony.”

I looked at her through a mist. “You're beautiful, Faith.”

She smiled, a glowing, no-holds-barred one. “Getting that weight off was not easy. But working full-time helped me un-focus on food. Do you like my highlights?”

“Love 'em. But then, you always were lovely to me.”

“
Hah.
I know how I looked, Mama, at my very worst times. Only a mother could have thought I was still pretty.” But she blushed with pleasure.

She only stayed a little while longer. “I've got plans for this evening,” she said and smiled mystically.

“Male or female?” I blurted out.

“Wouldn't you like to know?” She leaned and kissed me on the cheek, then whispered, “Male.”

I watched her drive away in that plain little second-hand car and realized that my heart had lifted to the sky, just seeing her. Just hearing her voice, seeing her in her newness.

Dan came in about at dusk. During dinner, I told him about Faith's visit. He was disappointed he'd missed her. “How did she look? And act?”

“She's beautiful, Dan. The old Faith, BD. And she acted — normal.” Then I laughed and shrugged. “Whatever
that
is. Actually, she acted very nice. Y'know, I think I really and truly like her.”

“I'm glad,” he said, slowly nodding approval.

“And she's got a date,” I added, wiggling my nose bunny-like.

He laughed then. “Now that's good to hear. Reckon it's serious?”

I shrugged. “Don't know. I'm just glad she's doing well.”

“Me, too.” Then Dan stood and came around the table, pulled me to my feet for a long bear hug and a sweet, lingering kiss. And I knew that he, too, felt what I did. Joy that our girl had finally returned.

Later that night, after Dan slept like the dead, I took out the notebook Faith had brought with her that day. Anticipation prickled over me as I opened it and began to read.

 

 

 

In the first phase of my testimony, you learned of my junkie days. I became an addict and didn't know how to get out. Fortunately for me, I had a family who loved me unconditionally. To the world, they seemed to be my enablers. But I knew the truth. They never willingly contributed to my demise.

Mom gave me gentle love, the kind that doesn't always approve of what I did, but it never marked me off as a lost cause. Dad was my solid wall of boundary. He refused to bless my sorry ways. That was his way of loving. The tough kind.

For that, in retrospect, I admire him.

I called him many names, among them, “my jailor.”

I thank God he
did
put boundaries on me during that time in which I made horrendous choices, ones that, had he loosened the leash, would have been catastrophic for me. I shudder to think what might have happened had he turned me out into the streets.

I did enough damage without any help there.

I look back now and realize what a wonderful father he is. If he had a flaw, it was that he couldn't bear to see his daughter do herself in. He loved me too much.

Funny what hindsight is showing me.

My parents sacrificed their own peace of mind — their own space — to help me find my way out of the dark place into which I'd stumbled. And I turned around and hurt them over and over.

I didn't mean to. But I did. Oh, how I did.

I lied, stole and dishonored them in so many, many ways. I even tried to end my life. And failed. But you know, God has the last word. Always. Sooner or later, I had to meet myself — not through a glass darkly but face to face.

I met myself when my dad had a heart attack and nearly died. And suddenly, everything I'd done for the past ten years paraded before me in 3-D clarity. It wasn't a pleasant scenario. It was brutally vivid, portraying every single lie, theft, betrayal and dishonor in its pure evil.

Drugs are a selfish lifestyle. It makes the drug user focus on themselves constantly. They are like chains binding you to a dark place from which there is no escape. That stronghold is powerful.

It's funny how my perception of myself changed that day I looked at my Dad lying in the hospital bed, near death. And my mother sitting beside him, so pale and
distraught. I'd worked so long and hard at being “cool” and denying my feelings for them that when that terrible stronghold was broken in that moment of truth, it all came gushing, like when the New Orleans levee burst. Oh, how I loved them, and the entire time I've been in the Daystar program, I would think of ways I wanted to honor them when I moved back.

First, I would stand on my own two feet and give them back their life. Their well-earned space. I would take responsibility for myself and my daughter and become all I was created to be. I learned many things about myself while in the LA program, what my gifts and strengths are. I intend to use them to the fullest.

I learned what true character is. And I knew instantly that both my parents possess it. So does Noni and my Aunt Priss. And Jensen and Aunt Lexie. And many others I didn't take time to notice.

I can't wait to begin my new life!

I remember something Noni told us once: With all its sham and drudgery and disappointments, it's still a beautiful world.

I thank God and my family for rescuing me from a literal hell.

I can say, because of them, that it
is
a beautiful world.

 

I read Faith's words through tears, wiping them away as my heart soared up, up, above all the dark memories of the past to new ground. Faith's surrender, after all the desperation, attempted negotiation, failures and prayer
was like a newborn kitten's
meow
in the midst of pit bulls. The change in her was, to me, a dose of heaven.