Spaceport West (14 page)

“I can’t believe it Tiggy. I mean, it all makes sense. His change of personality since his trip to the Moon, his emotional detachment, increasing paranoia, the mediscan report… but, I still can’t believe it’s not really him.”

“Of course, on one level it is still him. The quantum cortex version of his mind is supposedly a very high fidelity replica of the real thing. All those emotional changes you just mentioned were already latent in Ralph.”

“I just can’t believe the country is being run by an android though. Remember the scandal when the Commons Speaker was revealed to have a social media implant, and was live-tweeting PMQs?”

“Not a good moment.”

“This will be
so
much worse.”

“So, what are you going to do about it?”

“Well, I’ll have to confront him of course.”

“There’s something else you should bear in mind.”

“I’m not sure I can take much more, but go on!”

“According to Alan, Ralph may not be fully aware of what’s happened to him.”

“Are you telling me that Ralph Hampton is an android, but doesn’t know it?”

“It’s a distinct possibility, yes Susan.”

🚀

“Prime Minister, Susan McKenzie is here to see you.”

“Show her in, Minnie.”

Minnie opened the door to the PM’s private study and Susan walked in.

“Good morning Susan, lovely to see you!”

“And you too, Prime Minister.”

“Goodness, why are you calling me that all of a sudden? For some reason I feel like a naughty schoolboy sent to see the headmaster. Are you here to fire me or give me detention?” Ralph was smiling but there was melancholy not far from the surface.

They both sat in armchairs next to the fireplace, silent for a minute. Susan had difficulty making eye contact, which Ralph noticed.

“What’s the matter Susan? You’re looking distinctly shifty.”

“Ralph, I think now is the time for complete honesty.”

“Oh jolly good, I approve of honesty.”

“Do you?”

“Absolutely.”

“Well, in that case, I need to ask you something. Something very delicate. I will know if you’re not answering me honestly, and suffice it to say, our future relationship, both personal and political, will be deeply affected by your response. Do you understand me?”

Ralph suddenly looked concerned and sat up in his chair, trying to appear more serious. “Yes, I think so.”

“Why were you trying to smear members of your own cabinet?”

Ralph looked politely outraged, but was still smiling. “I… I don’t know what you’re talking about, what an accusation!” He was being only mildly defensive. Had he deceived even himself?

“Ralph, I know more than you can possibly imagine. I too have contacts at MI7 and I know you’ve been digging in everyone’s files, presumably looking for dirt.”

At her own words, Susan had to look down. She didn’t know how she would be able to look him in the eye and tell him what she needed to say.

She resolutely continued, “I think you were planning to destroy your own government. Our government. And the Party with it in all probability. It sounds insane but it’s the only thing that makes sense. Why Ralph? If you need help, and I mean really need help, I’m here for you. But you need to be honest with me. Just tell me what you are up to.”

“I really don’t know what to tell you. Files get accessed all the time. I told you, I was just doing some background checks. It’s part of my job, you should know that Susan.”

Ralph was smiling ingratiatingly, eager to placate Susan, but it just wasn’t cutting the mustard. Susan shook her head slowly.

“I have some other information that even you might be unaware of,” she said.

“Go on.”

“…pertaining to your accident on the Moon. I know how it happened and what they did to you afterwards.”

Ralph shifted his weight uncomfortably, but said nothing.

“Now, that information should probably be made public at some point. It can come from me or it can come from you. Do you understand what I am saying, Ralph?”

“Please, if you have information you think I should know, tell me, then we can decide whether or not it needs to be put into the public domain.”

“First, you need to be honest with me about your intentions. If I don’t feel I can trust you, if I think there’s some hidden agenda, I will have no choice but to go public with what I know. The choice is yours.”

Ralph looked crestfallen. He had been willing Susan to reveal the truth which had been concealed from him. He was trapped now, and he knew it. He didn’t know what she knew, but it was too great a risk. Eventually, his expression changed. It softened and became sadder at the same time, if you can imagine that.

“Well it sounds like you already know the worst.”

I haven’t told you the half of it, thought Susan. “Exactly. You might as well come clean.”

“Alright, I will. The thing is, I do really trust you Susan. But I got this idea in my head which I can’t dislodge, and I knew - or thought I knew - you wouldn’t understand, so I decided to go it alone.”

“What’s your idea, Ralph?”

“I don’t think Mars should be run from Whitehall as just another department.”

“Interesting, what are you proposing?”

“Full independence. The People’s Republic of Mars, if you like.”

“With you at the head, I imagine? President Hampton!”

“Don’t mock me Susan, I’m not doing this for selfish reasons.”

“But that
was
your intention?”

“Yes, you’ve hit the nail fairly and squarely on the metaphorical head.” He managed a faint smile.

“And you thought by engineering the downfall of the government, you could bring this about?”

Ralph sighed and ploughed on wearily. “I thought if our Space strategy was completely discredited, the UK would abandon the colony. I would no longer be PM of course and would be free to set up a new political party on Mars.”

“You’ve got it all planned out, haven’t you?”

“Yes. But you were too smart for me, as always Susan. Are you going to expose me?”

You have no idea, thought Susan.

He continued, “Can you at least tell me what you know about the accident?”

Without breaking eye contact, Susan walked over to Ralph’s desk and flicked on the intercom.

“Minnie, please can you bring us some refreshments?”

There was a garbled response.

“No, just some instant coffee and rich tea biscuits will do, thank you.”

She returned to a confused and frankly worried looking Ralph, who repeated his question, “Susan, are you going to tell me about my accident?”

“I think that conversation can wait till another time,” she said patting his hand.

“So what happens now?”

“Well, we still have a lot to talk about. But don’t worry Ralph. I’m on your side.”

“Good morning Captain Watkins, you wanted to see me?”

“Ah, Officer Beauchamp, thanks for making yourself available, I appreciate it. I get the impression you’ll be running things around here before too long. You seem to be moving in impressive circles for one so young.”

“Thank you Captain. If you are referring to the Minister, I am fortunate to call her a friend. But as you can see, I’m still a humble Space cadet at heart, reporting for my next mission!”

“Quite. Let me tell you about that mission. Please, take a seat. I’ve had a rather interesting conversation with those TV producers we all know and love.”

“Have they managed to renegotiate their contract, or are they pulling out?”

“They have renewed their contract, for another 12 months believe it or not. I know that will come as something of a shock to many people. Plenty of my own staff were convinced the colony was about to be shut down. Ms McKenzie herself seemed to be hinting at that a short time ago.”

“So what’s changed?” Tiggy asked, intrigued.

“Turns out the Minister’s trip to Mars has boosted the ratings considerably and reignited the British people’s interest in the project. Furthermore, one or two of the colonists have somehow turned things around, capturing the imagination of the viewers like never before.”

“Really, do you mean…”

“Yes, Freddie and Aster. Nothing like a bit of Martian love interest to pander to the puerile passions of a pathetically prurient public!”

Tiggy wiped her face. “I see, and how are they taking that?”

“Freddie and Aster? Loving the attention by all accounts. What they don’t know is that they have almost singlehandedly turned around not just the TV show, but the colony itself. Thanks to them, a number of high value sponsors have stepped up to provide a year’s supply of food. All product placement of course, but amongst the Earth Bars and the NutriLush Choco-Flakes there should be some more wholesome basics as well.”

“I guess love really
does
make the world go round,” said Tiggy, with a distant, dreamy look.

“What? Well anyway, they’ve been granted a period of grace. Which is where you come in.”

“Me? What have I…”

“You don’t watch the
Mars
show do you Tiggy?”

“I have to admit, I find it rather…”

“Passé?”

“Positively.”

“Well, should you ever deign to tune in, you would find that you are up there with Susan, Freddie and Aster. You’re a hero, Tiggy. They love you!”

“Why?” asked Tiggy, genuinely unconvinced.

“You are the living embodiment of that which connects our two planets. The brave long distance traveller flitting between the worlds like a nymph or sprite…”

“Okay, I get the picture!” Tiggy hastily interjected, colour rising in her cheeks.

“Anyway, the sponsors want you to deliver the first batch of goodies in person. The colonists won’t know why you’re coming. They’ll probably expect you to start shipping them back home. But then you will announce,
on live TV
, the sponsorship deal and the 12 month extension.”

“Wow, that’ll be…”

“Nerve-racking, I imagine, but what’s a simple live TV appearance witnessed by up to 8 billion viewers to an intrepid interplanetary explorer like yourself, Officer Beauchamp? Office Beauchamp, are you okay?”

“I just needed a brief lie down, Captain.”

“Jolly good. Well, the transport is being stocked up with the first batch of provisions as we speak and you’ll be leaving in the next few days. Any questions?”

“No Captain, crystal clear, thank you. Just give me a minute, then I’ll get up.”

“Don’t get up on my account. If you’ll excuse me…”

Captain Watkins gingerly stepped over the prostrate officer and left.

PRODUCT PLACEMENT

Sponsorship deals and product placement have long fulfilled an important role in the exploration of new lands, providing on the one hand much needed financial support for often cash-strapped warmongers, and on the other hand procuring access to potentially huge new markets for international trade.

For example, when Genghis Khan attacked and destroyed the kingdom of Georgia in 1220, it is said he was wearing a ceremonial silk riding cape donated by Mongol merchants keen to expand trade with the Caucasus.

On his return some years later, he presented the bloody remains of the garment back to the merchants, who complained that he was supposed to be opening up a trade corridor, not wiping out entire ethnic groups. A lively debate ensued between Genghis and the merchants, at the culmination of which, perhaps surprisingly, the mighty Mongol emperor did not have the final word.

The final words as spoken by the silk merchants were duly recorded in the Annals of the Mongolian Empire (Volume 17, available for inspection at the British Library), and if translated into polite English can best be rendered, ‘Ouch, that
really
hurts!’

UK Guide to Space, 2025 Edition

Several months’ frigosleep later.
Susan McKenzie’s smiling face filled the vis screen.

“I wanted to send you this message before the announcement. Sorry I didn’t get down to Cornwall before you left, things were just beginning to get hairy in Westminster, as you can well imagine.

“Anyway, I wish you all the best, I know you’ll be fine. My thoughts and prayers will be with you on your big day. I’m profoundly grateful for everything you’ve done for me personally, and for the nation really by your loyalty, your unwaveringly honest approach to your duties, and your friendship actually. Darn it, why do I always sound like a politician? No wait, I think I know the answer to that one. I’ll probably have one or two announcements of my own by the time you come back to Earth. I’ve had a word with Ralph and he’s going to step aside. We thought it was for the best. I’m confident he’ll find a new role. So - expect to see even more of me on your TV screen.

“Speaking of which, I mustn’t keep you too long, you can’t keep your vast and unimaginably numerous audience waiting. Bother, what I meant to say was, imagine it’s just you, standing in front of the bathroom mirror with a hairbrush. Or, if you really want, you could try to imagine all 8 billion viewers. I tried to do that once and had to spend a week in a frightfully expensive spa retreat having my toenails massaged. You wouldn’t believe how much that set the taxpayer back.

“But I digress. Go get ‘em Tiggy. Yours, loyally, Susan.”

Tiggy switched off her portable vis screen and slid it into her attaché with a smile. Loveable old muppet, she thought.

“Officer Beauchamp, we’ll be live in 5 minutes.”

“Thanks, I think.”

Tiggy rummaged around and fished out some scant notes she’d prepared. It wasn’t as if she were giving a whole speech. From the point of view of the colonists, it was just a regular Monday morning news conference. Captain Watkins was right, most of them were probably expecting the worst sort of news.

Tiggy’s nervous thoughts were interrupted by a broad Russian accent. “Comrade Beauchamp, it’s a privilege to have you back at the colony.”

“Sergey, lovely to see you! Keeping busy?”

“Of course, yes. Out of nowhere, we have whole new team of agricultural scientific advisors assisting us with the redesign of the crop programme.”

“Ah yes, hopefully together, it’ll be possible to turn things around.”

“I should think, yes, now we have top researchers from your leading universities. Oxford, Manchester, and… what’s that one in East Anglia?”

“The Polytechnic of East Anglia?”

“Yes, that’s it.
Very
impressive. I feel this is a new dawn for our collaboration as nations. Friends, moving forward in peace, no?”

“No. I mean, yes!”

“I hear you have some additional announcements from the Minister. Good news I hope.”

“Well, perhaps. I think you’ll like it.”

“Wonderful. Well, I can see the TV cameras are waiting for you. Good luck!”

Sergey gave Tiggy a bear hug and strutted off manfully, followed by his cat Aleksey. Muscly chap, Tiggy found herself thinking. Focus, focus!

“Hey, Tiggy!”

“Oh hello! Are you guys ready?”

“I think so. Not that we have any idea what you’re going to say,” said Aster.

“Rumour has it the plug is being pulled, but that doesn’t explain the atmosphere since you arrived. It’s inexplicably upbeat,” said Freddie.

“You might just be saying that because you’re head over heels. Anyway, you’ll find out in about two minutes.”

“You won’t be leaving again straight away will you Tiggy? I’ve missed you terribly since you’ve been away.”

“Ah, Aster that’s sweet of you to say. I’m sure you’ve had alternative diversions, but no, I’ll be hanging around a bit longer this time.”

“Might you stay on permanently?” asked Freddie.

“Unlikely. That’s not my remit. I come and go, that’s just what I do.”

“But you will always return, won’t you Tiggy?”

“I will Aster. The colony is my second home now.”

“See Freddie, I knew it. Tiggy wouldn’t abandon us.”

“Well, the hero always returns, don’t they? Always survives to fight the next battle.”

“I wonder what the next battle will be Tiggy?”

“I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”

“Officer, the cameras are live in ten seconds.”

“Thanks. Come on you two. Let’s turn the next page together.”