Spark Of Desire (16 page)

Jessica snorted. “You could say that.” She couldn’t tell Sonya now. The thought of talking about the kiss Kevin had given her made her feel sicker. She had adapted to not being every man’s dream woman a long time ago, but for a little while there she’d thought she could be one man’s dream woman. Until reality dawned on her.

“Do you need anything? Is something going wrong with your training? Jess, you’re a mess,” Sonya said.

“Thank you.” Jessica pulled herself together. The house was still full of people, and she needed to endure it for a little while longer before she could deal with it. Turning on the water in the sink, she washed off the knife. She needed Kevin for six and a half more weeks. If she could stop daydreaming long enough about the things she couldn’t have and focus on the things she could get, she could pass the exam and move on.

Someday, she and Bobbie could retire to the old firefighters home and tell each other stories about their exploits like Joe out there. At least Bobbie was on her side. “I’m going back down. You coming?”

“I guess so.” Sonya moved so she wasn’t blocking the door.

Jessica mingled with her guests, feeling as if her face was made of plastic and had been glued on badly. When the CD player ran out of songs and shut off, she nearly collapsed against the fence. She’d kept herself far away from Kevin. Any time he seemed to be headed toward her, she worked her way in the opposite direction. She chatted with various guys, listening to yet another one of Joe’s stories, and smiling when Roger told her he might have to marry her because she was such a great cook. Julie, Diana, and Sonya had started dragging things upstairs. Normally, they would have been picking up stray trash, but the firefighters cleaned up after themselves. Last party, it had taken half an hour to pick up the discarded paper plates and cups in the yard. This time there were none to collect.

Jessica stationed herself at the corner of the house so everyone could say their thanks and good-byes. Kevin joined her. They stood side-by-side, not speaking to one another. It made her ache all over to be this close to him. Just because her head knew he wouldn’t be in love with her in two months time didn’t mean her body and her heart believed it.

“You survived,” she heard Jack say.

She turned. Nearly everyone had gone already. Roger hung around in the kitchen picking through the leftovers as Julie and Diana tried to pack them up, and two other guys were dismantling the food table. Julie’s husband walked past them to throw down the rope she used to pull up the table rather than carrying it around the house, up the stairs, and through the apartment.

“I survived. It wasn’t the normal party though,” Kevin said. His deep, melting voice flowed through her. She felt her face getting warm. It certainly hadn’t been a normal party.

“It was great party.” Kate smiled and shook Jessica’s hand. “And it was so nice meeting you.”

“It was nice meeting you, too,” Jessica said. She’d have liked Kate if she didn’t stand for everything Jessica wasn’t.

Roger bounded down the stairs with a plastic bag in his hand. “You don’t mind if I take some leftovers, do you?”

Jessica shook her head.

Roger kissed her cheek. “I love you, and I’m working on my captain.” He spun around and hurried down the driveway before she could move.

Jessica glanced at Kevin. He was too busy glowering at Roger’s back to notice her look or the smiles on Jack and Kate’s faces. When he turned to Jack, he scowled.

“You have icing on your back,” Jack announced when Roger was well out of earshot.

“What?” Kevin reached over his shoulder.

“Yup. It’s been there since you came downstairs after Jessica brought down the cake. The one that had green icing on it.” Jack grinned as Kevin turned bright red. “I’d be interested in knowing how a green icing fingerprint got there.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” Kevin demanded. “Do you think anyone else saw?”

Jack shrugged. “Nobody said anything, and you know they would have. Good thing it’s a gray shirt. When’s poker night?”

“Next Monday.” Kevin groaned. He was still groping his shoulders, trying to find the spot of icing.

Jessica watched him, amazed at how embarrassed he was to have been caught. Apparently he thought the worst thing to happen to him was being caught kissing a big awkward cow like herself. She heard banging at the side of the house and used the opportunity to go check on their progress with the table. The rest of the yard was clean. Great, as soon as she got rid of everyone she’d be able to crawl into bed and bawl.

Julie’s husband pulled the table onto the porch and untied the rope, letting his end dangle from the pulley she’d attached to the porch for this purpose. “Thank you,” she told the two men in the yard.

“Anytime, my lady,” one of them said, bowing.

“Dan,” Kevin scolded coming around beside her.

Dan grinned. “Wonderful party. Thanks for inviting me.”

“Yeah, it was a great party,” the other man agreed. Him she recognized from Kevin’s house. Lew Draper.

Dan slid his arm through hers and started walking with her to the edge of the yard. “Tell me, do you cater?”

“I don’t know. I guess it depends,” Jessica said. Where was this going and why was it going there? She had that vertigo feeling again. Could she make it through the rest of the day without getting tipped off the planet?

“How about an intimate dinner for two?” He stopped at the edge of the asphalt beside her car. “You and me.”

“Dan!” Kevin snapped.

Dan looked at Kevin without letting go of Jessica’s arm and raised one eyebrow. “Yes?”

“What did I tell you?” Kevin’s normally soothing voice had a steely, almost frightening, tone.

Dan sighed. “Something about ranking and dating and brass. You never said she was yours.”

Jessica’s throat threatened to close. Any moment she expected Kevin to grab her other arm so they could play tug of war for real. What was Dan talking about—
ranking and dating and brass
?

Kevin stepped forward and Dan backed off, releasing her arm. “You are no fun anymore,” Dan told Kevin. “I’m afraid we’ll have to postpone that dinner until after you pass the test and probably after training. I’ll pencil you in for September. If not then, December.” He leaned over and kissed her hand.

Kevin bristled beside her, and she would have stumbled backward when Dan let go of her hand, but she sensed Lew right behind her. When she looked up she saw Sonya, Diana, Julie and Julie’s husband all crowded onto her tiny door porch, watching. Should she feel flattered or humiliated? She chose humiliated because it seemed closer at hand about now.

“That never works, you know,” Kevin said. His voice had gained some calm.

Dan grinned. “That’s what you think.” He nodded at Jessica. “Jessica.”

Lew stepped around her. “I’ll see you later.” He shook her hand and followed Dan down the driveway.

Kevin watched them go.

Julie scampered down the stairs. “You’re all cleaned up,” she announced, grinning. “I’ll see you at work. Come on, dear. How come you never fight for me like that?”

Her husband snorted. “You fight all your own battles.”

Sonya and Diana both passed them, smiling and waving. Once they disappeared at the end of the driveway, she realized she was once again alone with Kevin and now they didn’t have a yard full of guests to stop them. Good thing or bad thing, she wondered. He had sort of just fought for her, but if he thought he was in love with her because she needed him, then it was a hollow victory.

Of course, nothing was stopping her from taking advantage of the moment. It wasn’t like she’d have to marry him if one thing did lead to the bedroom. She could enjoy it while it lasted and deal with the rest later. Women did it all the time.

But if she was one of those women, she wouldn’t be a thirty year old virgin.

Today had been too long to wrestle with this dilemma, better to get rid of him. “So I guess you’ll be going now,” she said.

He looked at her, a little surprised. “Going?”

“Home. The party’s over. No reason to hang around here.” She folded her arms, wanting him to object. To inform her that he was staying. To fight another battle for her.

“Did you see Bobbie leave?” he asked.

Jessica blinked. Just when she thought she knew where he was going he changed direction. This was developing into a routine with him. “No.”

“I didn’t either.” Kevin looked around the backyard like she might be hiding behind a tree or something.

“Maybe she left early. Why does it matter? Bobbie is a big girl. She can take care of herself.” Jessica’s breastbone tried to make contact with her spine. Sure, Bobbie could take care of herself, but could Jessica?

“I know, but she gets funny sometimes. You know how w—” Kevin stopped and looked like he might start choking.

“How women are?” Jessica finished. “No, how are women?”

“I didn’t mean that.”

“It is what you said.” She tilted her head, trying to look as smug as possible.

“Can we go inside?” Kevin asked. She detected a slight whimper in his tone and it was the only thing that kept her from saying no.

Turning, she walked up the stairs and he followed. She didn’t want him inside her apartment again. She didn’t trust herself with him. Part of her wanted to cut all ties with him even if it meant losing the opportunity to ever be a paramedic. Another part wanted to go to bed with him. Yet another part wanted to travel back in time a month and take her entire birthday week off. Fly to Florida and visit her parents. Max out her credit cards and go back to Europe. Something. Anything to avoid being in this position now.

“Listen, I’m very sorry,” he started as soon as he closed the door behind them.

“About what part?” She stood in the middle of the living room, not inviting him to sit and not sitting herself. Hopefully it was clear to him he was barely welcome and at any minute that welcome might be withdrawn.

“About? Okay. About the whole day. Will that make you happy?”

“I don’t think this is about making me happy.” She watched his face, wondering if he wanted to kiss her again. This conversation held less and less promise in that direction with every word.

“Jessica, let me explain something.” Kevin reached toward her, but made no real effort to touch her. She wasn’t sure if it bothered her. Once he did leave, she was going to have a whole bunch of things to figure out. “Not long after I started training you, my captain called me into his office to ask me if we were a couple. If we were, he was going to try to talk me out of training you.”

“Why?”

“There’s no regulation against couples being in the department—”

“Of course there isn’t. It would be illegal.”

Kevin licked his lips. “Just because there’s no regulation doesn’t mean they couldn’t make it more difficult for you.”

“More difficult?” Jessica felt her heart pounding in her chest. This sounded very suspicious, but not impossible. She imagined a bunch of old chiefs who never wanted women in the department in the first place but had Equal Opportunity rammed down their throats, fighting back any way they could.

“You’ve seen sample questions for the written exam. A lot of the answers are subjective. All you need to do is slip a few points and it could cost you ranking. The physical exam is worse, and the oral exam is worse yet. If you drop in the ranking, it could keep you out. There’s only fifteen slots open in the first place, and if you rank sixteenth, you lose.”

“I can do the math,” Jessica grumbled. “Why would it matter if we were a couple?”

“One wild guess? They might be worried about one of us getting protective about the other if we’re working the same scene. Most likely me because I tend to be outside working the pumps on my engine. There's all kinds of other stuff too. You getting harassed by the other guys on your shift and me getting pissed off about it. The calls that go sour. Maybe me blaming somebody on your shift if you got hurt. I think they are worried about one of us getting over-protective.” Kevin closed his mouth, as though he realized he was babbling.

Jessica’s heart stopped beating. Protective. He already felt protective of her. Once he realized there was nothing to protect, he would be out of her life and she might gain a reputation she didn’t want in the gossipy fire department.

“Jessica, when I kissed you before, I did it out of desperation. I’ve been fighting so hard to keep my hands off you for the past three weeks I can’t believe I’ve only kissed you once.”