Sparrow (16 page)

I
shrug.  “I’ve had better.”

She
looks confused as she pours whisked eggs into another pan.  “What happened?”

“I
was subjected to the Kevin and Ashley love fest.”

She
nods in understanding.  “How many drinks did you have to block it out?”

“Not
sure.”

She
remains focused on her task.  She adds ham and shredded cheese to the eggs.   “Don’t
worry, honey.  One day that will be you.  The right girl is out there.”

I
want to say I found the right girl and she lives about thirty minutes from me. 
We text each other and, despite her being married, she wants to be my friend. 
That she has a tattoo of the nickname I gave her when we were seventeen.

But,
I don’t.

My
mother’s opinion of Addison has never been great, especially since her
disappearance turned me into the son from hell.  When she found out Addison was
Ashley’s best friend and we would be in the wedding together, I could read the
disapproval on her face.  When she found out Addison was married, all was
sunshine and roses again.

I
finish my orange juice just as mom finishes up the omelet.  She places it in
front of me at the table and ruffles my hair like she used to when I was a
kid.  “Eat up and I’ll get out of here.”

I
do as I’m told because I’m starving despite my aching head.

My
mom runs the water in the sink and starts to wash the dishes.  Between
mouthfuls, I tell her to stop, relax and sit down.  She gives me the stink eye,
but sits in the chair opposite me anyway.  We talk about the arctic winter
we’re having and the prediction of another snow storm this week.  I remind her
that I’ll be over to plow her driveway, if the storm happens.

“Why
were you trying to get ahold of me this morning?” I ask as I set my fork on my
empty plate.  “Do you need something done at the house?”

“No. 
I wanted to know when would be a good time to come over.”

“Why?”

She
stands and grabs her purse off the kitchen counter.  “The reason,” she says and
unzips her bag, “is this.”

She
pulls out a plain white envelope and hands it to me.  Puzzled, I take it.  My
name is written on the outside, and I blink in surprise as I recognize the
handwriting.

It’s
Gram’s.

“Where
did you get this?”

“I
found it yesterday when I was going through a box of papers from her desk,” my
mom says.  “Evidently she had something important to tell you.”

I
frown.  “If it was important, why didn’t she just talk to me?”

My
mom shrugs.  “Who knows?  Maybe she thought she would forget.”

Gram
would never forget.  The woman was sharp as a tack.  I run the envelope through
my fingers.  “What do you think is in here?”

“When
you get around to opening it, let me know.”  My mom starts to head for her
coat.

“Wait. 
Don’t you want to see what this is?”

“Of
course.  But, it’s a private note from your grandmother to you.  I’m not going
to pry.  You open it and read it and let me know what she had to say.”  She
smiles at me.

I
have no idea why Gram would write me a letter.  “If you say so.”

I
escort my mom to the door, and she gives me a quick hug goodbye.  “Get some
rest,” she sarcastically admonishes me.

“I
plan to.”

Once
she’s gone, I stare at the envelope in my hands.  I bet it’s not a letter at
all; most likely it’s some paperwork for the cottage.  As I wander over to my favorite
chair and sit, I tear open the flap and pull out a few sheets of floral
stationery.

June
3, 2012

Dear
Kyle,

As
I write this, I’m sitting in my garden on the lovely bench you made for my
birthday.  It’s absolutely beautiful.  My nosy neighbor Loretta is going to be
so jealous!  You, my grandson, are so very, very talented.

By
the time you read this letter, time will have passed from this day.  I want to
remind you of how much I loved your gift and how proud I was of you for
creating it; how proud I am of everything you’ve accomplished.  There’s only
one thing that brings me sadness when it comes to you, and it’s for that reason
alone that I have decided to write this note.  Today, while you were visiting,
I asked you again to come up to the lake and stay with me.  You refused, and it
broke my heart.

Please
believe me when I say I’m not telling you this to upset you.  Your refusal to
visit hurt not because of my feelings, but because of yours.  It makes me sad
to know you still miss Addison.  Kyle, you and I are very much alike.  While
you are haunted by memories of her, I carry similar memories of my own.

When
I was sixteen, I fell in love.   Head over heels, just like you.  Remember when
I told you Addison reminded me of myself at her age?  The truth is, both of you
reminded me of that time in my life.  A time when I was young, invincible, and infatuated
with a man named Jonas Grant.

Yes. 
You read that right.  Jonas Grant.  The same Mr. Grant that lives across the lake.

When
I met Jonas, he was eighteen.  We ran into each other at a soda shop in town;
my mother was running errands and I didn’t feel like tagging along.  Jonas and
I had an instant connection, a moment if you will, and from that day forward our
lives were consumed with one another.  He was going to work for his father, I
was going to finish school, and we were going to get married.  Everything was
perfect.  Our future was written.

Until
he left without saying goodbye.

Jonas
used to meet me after school and walk me home.  One day, he didn’t show.  When
I went to his house, he wasn’t there.  No one was; the place looked ransacked
and abandoned.  Days went by without any word from him, and I feared the
worst.  I wouldn’t eat; I couldn’t sleep.  I kept going to his house in the
hopes of finding answers.  I felt lost and had a very difficult time dealing
with his absence.  Your great-grandparents were very concerned that I was
losing myself.

Almost
a year later, I received a letter from Jonas.  He was living in a different
state, forced to move around due to some bad dealings on his father’s part.  He
told me he loved me, apologized profusely, and said he hoped that one day I
would find happiness.  I was elated that he was alive, yet felt betrayed at the
same time.

I
met your grandfather another year later.  He had to work very hard to earn my
trust.  Do you know he asked me on a date ten times before I agreed?  Looking
back, I feel terrible for what I put him through.  But, in my mind, if I was
going to hand over my heart, he had to prove that he would never leave me.

You
know how things worked out.  Your grandpa and I were married for many years; I
fell deeply in love with him.  Jonas became an occasional happy memory instead
of a sad one.  Then, when grandpa unexpectedly passed, I felt myself
teetering.  I didn’t feel whole without my other half.  A familiar sadness started
to creep in, and I prayed that I wouldn’t fall into a depression like I did all
those years ago.

Some
months later, a knock on the cottage door nearly caused me to faint.  There,
standing before me after some fifty years, was Jonas Grant.  He walked back
into my life older, wiser, a widower, and my new neighbor across the lake.  The
rest, as they say, is history.  You know him as the elderly man who keeps
chickens and comes over to complain about coyotes.  I know him as my best
friend who came back into my life when I needed him the most.

All
of that said, I’m sure you’re wondering why I decided to wait until I passed to
tell you this.  It’s simple.  No one knows about my history with Mr. Grant,
except for you.  Our relationship was very precious to me, and it’s a secret I
wanted to keep.

Fate
plays funny games, Kyle.  I pray that what I have said will comfort you in some
way.  I, without a doubt, believe that Addison will come back into your life
when the time is right.  She may not appear tomorrow or a year from now; she
might not show up until you’re old and gray like me.  Just know that when she
does, it will be the right time for both of you.  Don’t lose faith in that, but
don’t forget to live in the present, either.

If
you ever need proof that the universe works in mysterious ways, hold this
letter in your hands.  Remember my story and know I’m always watching over you.

My
love always,

Gram

I’m
glad I was sitting down when I read the letter.

Gram
and Mr. Grant had a past.  I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.  I guess I
wouldn’t have, being as I was ten or eleven when he first started coming
around.  I never saw the two of them touch.  But, whenever Gram needed
something done that Kevin and I couldn’t handle, Mr. Grant was there.  On
Sundays, he would come over for coffee when Gram got back from church, and he
would always happen to “stumble upon” a patch of daisies along the way.  The
more I think about it, the more I realize how dazed he appeared at Gram’s
funeral.  At the time I was a mess, so I didn’t give a second thought to the
single rose he laid by her side before the service.

Now,
lying on my bed with my back propped against the pillows, it’s hard to believe
how similar our experiences are, Gram’s and mine.  She was right.  Addison did come
back into my life.  However, I’m not sure I agree with her theory that it
happened at the right time.  Addison has Derek.  Fate must have fucked up.  Or,
maybe this is karma’s way of teaching me a lesson; maybe the universe is trying
to make me forgive my cheating father by showing me how hard it is to want
something you can’t have.

My
phone vibrates against the top of the desk next to my bed.  I lean over and
pick it up, reading the message displayed on the screen.

Happy
New Year.

It’s
from Jen.

I’m
surprised.  We haven’t spoken since she moved out.

Thanks. 
Happy New Year
,
I respond.

My
phone buzzes. 
 Can I call you?

Ah,
okay. 
Sure.

My
cell rings a moment later.  “Hello?”

“Hey.” 
Jen sounds like she’s smiling.  “How are you feeling?”

That’s
a weird question.  “Why would you ask?”

“Because
I just ran into your brother at the gas station.”  She laughs.  “He said you
were looking a little green last night.”

“Very
funny,” I say sardonically.  “I’m fine.”

“I
just thought I’d call and give you shit.  You never get wasted.”

“I
didn’t get wasted.”  I sit upright.  “Kevin needs to get his facts straight.”

“
Riiight
.” 
She sounds like she doesn’t believe me.  “So, he told me he and Ashley picked a
date.”

“Yeah. 
May 10
^th
.”

“He
said I’m invited to the wedding.”  Jen pauses.  “Is that going to be okay?”

I
frown.  “Why wouldn’t it be okay?  You two are friends.”

“I
meant between us,” she says.  “Will it be awkward if I go?”

The
thought never crossed my mind.  I decide to mess with her.  “Now that you
mention it, maybe so.  Do you plan on dancing?”

“Probably.”

“Hmmm.” 
I purse my lips.  “As long as you don’t clothes-line yourself doing the limbo,
it should be fine.”

“Ugh!”
she exclaims.  “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”

“No,”
I laugh.  “Not when you were bragging about how good you were and then fell on
your ass in front of everyone.”

“At
least it was a room full of strangers!  You want to talk about embarrassment?  What
about the first time you met my parents?  Your fly was down!”

“Whose
fault was that?” I ask.  “If you’d kept your hands to yourself in the car, we
wouldn’t have had a problem.”

“I
didn’t hear you complaining.”

I
smile.  “No, there were no complaints.”  Only when her father shook my hand and
leaned into my ear to inform me of my situation did I regret
that
decision.

Jen
laughs.  “I’m glad we can joke around like this.”

Me
too.

“You
know…” she says a little quieter.  “We haven’t spent a New Year’s Eve apart in
three years.  Last night was kinda…”

“Weird?”
I volunteer.

“For
lack of a better word, yes.  I missed you.”

She
must be mistaken.  “Are you sure you missed me or having someone to kiss at
midnight?” I tease.

“Oh,
I had someone to kiss.”

My
eyebrows shoot up.

“But,
it was you that I missed.”

Really? 
“I hope you didn’t say that to your boyfriend.”

“He’s
not my boyfriend.  We only met last night.”

“And
you’re kissing him?  Wow.  Who is he?  James Davis?”  James is a character in
one of Jen’s favorite book series.

“Haha. 
No.  Just a nice guy who was all alone like me.”

“You
should have called Kevin and come with us.  You could have met Ashley.”

“That
would have been all right with you?”  She sounds baffled.

“Jen. 
Does it sound like I hate you?”

“No.”

“Then
stop worrying that the world’s going to end if we see each other.”

“I
wasn’t.”  She pauses for a few seconds.  “Fine.  I was.  It’s…I feel bad about
the way I left.  It was selfish of me to give you an ultimatum, especially so
soon after losing Gram.  I suck.”

“Yes. 
Yes, you do.”

“Kyle!”

“What?”

“You’re
making me feel worse!”

I
laugh.  “Calm down.  Everything is fine.  Your leaving was par for the course
as far as I’m concerned.  I couldn’t give you what you needed and that’s on
me.  I’m sorry, too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

The
line is silent for a few moments.  Despite tiptoeing around the end of our
relationship, I feel good about this conversation.

“So,
maybe we could hang out some time?” Jen tentatively asks.  “Maybe do dinner? 
Or a movie?”

“Are
you asking me out?” I chide her.

“I’m
trying to be friends with you.”

There’s
the F word again.  But, when it comes to Jen, it makes sense.

“I
would love to go to dinner or a movie with you.”

Jen
sounds relieved.  “Great.” 

We
talk for a few minutes longer.  When I hang up, I feel a weight lifted off my
shoulders I didn’t realize was there.  It’s nice when your exes don’t hate you. 
The unfortunate thing is I have more of those than I care to count.

~~~~

Bowling
tonight?

Looks
that way.

I
must warn you, I’m not that good.

Don’t
worry.  I can carry us.

I’m
psyched to see Addison.  We talk almost every day, but it doesn’t come close to
laying eyes on her.  When my brother told me Ashley was setting up a doubles
bowling night for the wedding party, I had to hide my smile.  The love birds
want us to get together to discuss wedding details.

My
only goal is to spend time with Sparrow.

When
I walk inside the Lucky Strike, the dim lighting of the bowling alley makes me
squint.  There are a dozen or so lanes to my right, each one with a large
screen at the end of it projecting an Andy Warhol print of Marilyn Monroe.  As
Marilyn morphs into a blurred cityscape, I redirect my attention.  Ahead, on my
left, I find the shoe desk along with a sign boasting about all the amenities
the bowling alley has to offer.  They have ten pool tables, an arcade, two dance
floors – one which holds the largest disco ball in Michigan – and nine bars. 
Nine.  This place is like one giant nightclub.

I
step up to the desk.  “Hi.  Can you tell me where I can find the Dayton party?”

No
sooner do I get the words out than a pair of hands tries to cover my eyes from
behind.  The person isn’t quite tall enough to reach, and I end up with two
palms pressed against my cheeks.

“Guess
who?”

My
heart skips.

I
turn around to find Addison grinning.  “Hi.”

“Hey.” 
I smile.  “Are you the welcoming committee?”

“Just
yours.  I need shoes and you happened to be standing here.”

I
drink in her appearance.  “Lucky me.”

We
step up to the counter and request our shoe sizes, hers a petite seven and mine
an eleven.

“Sheesh,
Sasquatch,” Addison teases, looking down at my feet.  “I don’t remember those
being so big.”

I
have to stop myself from joking with her and telling her something else might
be bigger than she remembers.

The
attendant hands us our shoes.  Addison leads me in the direction of lanes
eleven and twelve, explaining that Kevin and Ashley rented two of the four VIP
lanes, along with the adjoining private lounge.

“We’ve
already ordered some food,” she says.  “I’m starving.”

When
we step inside the room, I find Ashley, Kevin, Tara and Austin, along with Noah
from work.  Ashley is sitting next to Tara with an open binder on her lap.  She
looks at her wrist.  “Where is Nikki?”

Tara
shrugs.

“Hey.” 
My brother comes over to me.  “Couple that wins gets free beer.”  He looks from
me to Ashley and back again.  “We’re going to kick your ass.”

My
eyes roll.  “Whatever.”

“No,
really.”  Addison sits down.  “Ashley used to sub on her mother’s bowling
league.  We’re toast.”

Kevin
laughs and then gets distracted as a waitress arrives with a tray of drinks.  I
sit down next to Addison and start to untie my boots.  “I’m not worried about
winning,” I tell her.  “I can afford my own beer.”

She
smiles.  “Good because you’re going to hate being stuck with me.”

Never.

After
a few more minutes, Ashley pipes up.  “I know Nikki’s not here, but let’s get
some stuff out of the way.”  She scoots to the edge of her seat and consults
her binder.  “Okay.  You all know the wedding is May 10
^th
.  We’re
still deciding on a church, but the reception is going to be at the Sheraton
here in Novi.  That way we can all stay the night and not have to worry about
driving.”  She flips a page.  “The rehearsal dinner will be the night before.” 
She runs her finger down the page.  “As far as the bachelor party, Kyle, I’m
leaving that up to you.”  She raises her head and gives me a pointed look. 
“However, Kevin and I have talked.  You have been warned.”

My
expression twists.  “We have rules?”

“A
few.”

“Not
fair,” I protest.  “Addison’s planning on getting you an ice sculpture of a –”

I’m
cut off by a hard jab to my ribs.  “Shut up!” Addison hisses.  “It’s a
surprise!”

“That
is not a surprise,” I say.  “That’s wrong.”

“Oh!” 
Tara’s eyes light up.  “What is it?  Tell me!”

Addison
winks at her.  “Later.”  She redirects her attention to Ashley.  “As far as
your shower and bachelorette party, I have a few dates and themes in mind.”

The
men collectively groan.

“We
don’t need to go into them here,” she says, annoyed.  “I just wanted you to
know I’ve been coming up with ideas.”

Ashley
grins, then looks back at her book.  “Kevin and I will pick out the tuxes; you
guys will have to go get fitted a month or so before the wedding.  Us girls
will do the dress thing together.”  She flips another page.  “We’re still
working on the guest list, but it looks like each of you will be able to bring
a date.”  She looks from Tara to Addison.  “I already included John and Derek.” 
Her eyes jump to me.  “What about you, Kyle?  Are you planning on bringing anyone?”

Her
question takes me off guard.  “Not that I know of.  It’s five months way.”

“Four,”
she corrects me.  “What about Jen?  Kevin mentioned you guys were talking
again.”

I
can feel Addison’s body stiffen beside mine.  My speaking to Jen shouldn’t
bother her, but I shoot my brother an annoyed look anyway.  Apparently, he
tells his woman every damn thing.  “We’ve talked once.  Besides, I thought she
was already invited.”

“She
is,” Kevin says.

“I
was just trying to see if she needed a plus one,” Ashley explains.  “If you two
came together, I could estimate two people instead of four.”

Thankfully,
Ashley moves on.  She asks Austin and Noah if they’re bringing dates, and the
subject of Jen is dropped.  Out of the corner of my eye, I glance at Addison. 
She appears extremely interested her cuticles.

Moments
later, after Ashley informs me I’ll be responsible for a few other things, like
the rings, Nikki finally shows up.  Her arrival is the distraction we need to
forget the wedding talk and start bowling.

Kevin
and I head to the lanes to program our names into the kiosks.  One lane is
guys, the other girls, paired up based on the wedding.  My partner is Addison,
Tara’s is Austin, and Noah’s is Nikki.  However, before the game gets underway,
the food arrives.  We all dig in to an assortment of nachos, wings, and coconut
shrimp.  I order a beer, and Addison asks for one as well.