Speak Bird Speak Again (9 page)

With
reference to sexuality, the third determinant of authority, the
relationship between the tales and the culture is extremely complex.
On the one hand, the tales reflect prevailing moral standards; yet on
the other, they also articulate attitudes and explore relationships
and practices that are in almost total contradiction to social norms.
The attitude of frankness we find in many of the tales may be
attributed to the fact that their narrators are older women who are
liberated from the social constraints governing verbal expression of
taboo subjects like sex. The best example we have of this freedom
occurs in a variant of Tale 1, as told by Im Nabil. When she came to
the part about the man defecating in the cooking pot and the pot
closing on him, Im Nabil laughed; then, still laughing, she said that
the pot chopped off the man's "equipment" (idde). In Tale
33 there is a reference to the child's "little pecker."
Such examples are to be found throughout the tradition. In ordinary
conversation, however, especially in mixed company, women would
almost never bring up the subject of sex, particularly if they are
still unmarried.

We
noted earlier that the extended family as an institution maintains a
proprietary relationship toward its individual members. This
relationship manifests itself in a system of social controls based on
family structure and on a highly developed sense of shame (eb) that
is inculcated in the individual from a very early age. And of all the
forms of behavior that the family seeks to control, the sexuality of
its women, which has the greatest potential for incurring shame, is
by far the most important. The sexual urge is recognized to be a
powerful drive that by its very nature threatens family unity
because, as a private and individual matter, it is not susceptible to
control or direction from the authority figure. At the same time,
sexuality constitutes a vitally important resource that, if handled
properly according to the traditions of the society, can advance the
goals and interests of the family in relation to the outside world.
If mishandled, however - if, for example, family members, especially
females, allow themselves the freedom of acting on their individual
needs or desires - it can be a most dangerous resource.

Female
sexuality is precious for several important reasons. First, it is the
source of reproduction. Palestinian families value children highly,
as the tales often show, the prevailing attitude being that the more
children the better, as long as a reasonable sexual balance obtains
(e.g., three males to two females). Second, women's sexuality,
through marriage, involves the actual winning or losing of
individuals, a most important economic resource in an agrarian
society based on manual labor, in which women as well as men play an
important part in the production of food. And third, marriage commits
a family to a relationship of nasab (in-laws), through which it can
make allies or enemies and compete for power in the society. The
value of sexuality in the Palestinian context of endogamous family
relations, in which first cousins can marry, is clear, for it allows
the family to grow larger and more powerful without having to resort
to an outside relationship. Furthermore, because the Palestinian
extended family is also polygynous, an excess of daughters, even
though they are less favored than sons, is not. necessarily viewed as
an evil, as long as there are enough cousins to marry them -
provided, of course, that no two sisters end up as co-wives, since
that is forbidden by Muslim religious law (saria).

By
viewing sexuality from the perspective of the extended family we can
put into meaningful focus one of the most important themes in
Palestinian and Arab culture - and in the tales as well (e.g., Tale
28) - namely, the question of sexual honor. It is important to note
that in a sexual relationship the man is generally considered to
take, or gain, something, whereas the woman gives away, or loses,
something. Undoubtedly, the issue of female honor (which is actually
the honor of the male) also involves psychological, religious, and
perhaps even spiritual considerations, but these do not negate the
notion of possession if a man feels that what he holds most sacred
has been violated because his sister has given herself illicitly to a
man. The wife in Tale 44 helps her husband escape her father's wrath
because she, having been together with him sexually, was now
"beholden" to him - that is, she had surrendered to him
part of her identity.

Because
female sexuality is such a valued possession of the family, it is
guarded with utmost care. The family that fails to protect this most
precious of assets incurs great shame, because the stakes are high,
as in Tale 22, where the hero's revenge on his mother for marrying
behind his back is quite terrible. Protecting female sexuality (that
is, male honor) is the most important value in Arab society, on which
the family's sense of honor, its integrity, and its self-respect all
hinge. If a female were a willing participant in an illicit
relationship, she would be considered a great offender, a traitor to
the honor of the family (Tale 25), and her punishment could be severe
indeed, including (until recently) the possibility of death. Illicit
sex is considered as serious a crime as murder and carries, along
with the revenge feud, the greatest potential for violence in the
society.

Because
sexuality is so important and so closely connected with the family's
honor and reputation, families do restrict, channel, and control the
sexual activity of their members. It is on the foundation of the
power of sexuality that the Arab practice of sexual segregation
rests. Although this practice is perhaps not as pronounced in the
Christian as in the Muslim community, nevertheless gender governs
social relations from childhood to old age in both communities.
Generally, individuals are given no chance to abuse sexuality by
engaging in it outside prescribed channels, and all possible
temptations that might lead to sexual activity are removed through
segregation. Indeed, a girl need not actually establish a sexual
relationship for her reputation to be ruined; just falling in love -
by which she transgresses the barriers of separation - if it becomes
publicly known, is enough. Because people consider that even an
innocent love relationship could be the pathway to sex, it is a
definite threat to the family's honor.

The
separation of the sexes starts early. Boys grow up in the men's
world, and girls in the women's. Although they are allowed to play
together when young, as they grow older and the potential for sexual
contact increases, the barrier of separation is made stronger,
particularly if marriage is a possibility. For example, first cousins
living in the same house, who may be intended for each other, will
stop talking together and will avoid each other on every possible
occasion; thus their relationship will take on a sexual definition.
Regardless of whether the pair are cousins or not, however, the
stronger the possibility of a sexual relationship (i.e., marriage)
between them, the more intense is the isolation imposed on them by
society and the separation they feel individually. If a girl hears
that a certain family is interested in her for their son, she will
start to feel bashful in front of him and his family and will
probably try to avoid contact with them altogether. As we have
indicated, for a girl merely to show interest in any matter relating
to sexuality is dangerous to her reputation. Hence the safest course
for her is to act as if she does not want it (as Sackcloth does at
the end of Tale 14), even on her wedding night - or perhaps
particularly then, for a display of aversion would prove her
innocence and modesty.

After
marriage husband and wife must behave discreetly, showing no
affection in public. Indeed, public show of affection is permitted
only in situations where there is no likelihood of a sexual
connection. Thus men will hug and kiss each other on the cheek after
a prolonged absence, and women will do likewise, but the men will not
kiss the women, or vice versa. Teenage males hold hands
unself-consciously, and may come into much closer physical contact in
public than would be acceptable in Europe and North America. Women,
at least until menopause, are supposed to be more circumspect in
their behavior at all times; thereafter, however, they are given wide
leeway.

It is
not because sex is considered evil that behavior in sexual matters is
so strictly circumscribed by society. Quite the contrary; Palestinian
and Arab society is not prudish. Any society that loves children so
much cannot possibly denigrate the activity that leads to their
birth. Rather, it is restricted because it is viewed as the force
with the greatest potential for disrupting family unity and harmony.
Beauty and sexual desire can drive people out of their wits, making
them feel as if possessed by the jinn - as at the beginning of Tale
30. They say of a beautiful woman, bitjannin, "she will drive
one mad." Women in the tales frequently appear in the guise of
jinn (Tales 17, 30, 32, 37). In the final analysis, the separation of
the sexes, the pretense in front of the young that sex does not
exist, and the value placed on sexuality as a signature of family
honor all merely confirm its supreme importance. Sexuality, in short,
is affirmed through constant denial.

Denial
is not, however, the prevailing ethic in many of the tales here;
rather, we find women's sexuality and their emotional needs largely
affirmed. Indeed, women play a much more active role with regard to
their sexuality in the tales than in real life. For example, they
actively choose their mates at least as frequently as the men do,
whereas in the society they play a passive role, being chosen by the
family of their potential mates and then having merely to accept the
decision their guardians make on the subject. Rarely does a woman
ever negate this decision, especially if her father or the head of
her family has already given his word. The image we see in such tales
as 13 and 35, where the woman is stranded in a tree, looking as
beautiful as the moon but waiting for a man to rescue her, is
counterpoised by the figure of the vizier's daughter in Tale 15, by
Gazelle in Tale 17, or even by the cricket in Tale 23 - all of whom
actively search out their mates. Even where the woman awaits rescue
by the man in the tales, it is she who accepts the offer of marriage
and not her family. This pattern in the tales concerning mate choice
is so consistently at odds with the facts of social life that we must
finally conclude that a deeply felt emotional need is being
articulated.

Another
aspect of sexuality in the tales that society plays down is the
affirmation of a romantic attitude toward love, which would lead to a
questioning of some basic social assumptions. As we have seen,
premarital contact of any sort is considered detrimental to a woman's
reputation, making it difficult for her to find a husband. Yet
frequently in the tales (12, 14, 16, 18, 21), this contact
constitutes the very basis on which the marriage relationship is
formed. Concomitant with the aura of romance, we find also an
attitude of permissiveness and playfulness, which stands in sharp
contrast to accepted social practice. The appearance of a nightly
lover (Tale 12), for example, would be absolutely forbidden, yet in
the tale the father himself summons the lover to his daughter. And
(obviously) the dalliance of pursuit in such tales as 15 and 17 would
be out of the question in real life.

No
doubt, the basic situation in many of these tales is dictated by the
tale type, as for example the father's express desire to marry his
own daughter (Tale 14) in many Arabic variants of the Cinderella
type. The same thing may be said of the symbols and the fantasy
through which many of these tales convey their meaning. Indeed,
social context helps illuminate the very significance of these
elements in the tales. Presented in a form that might rely less on
literary displacement and more on verisimilitude, the events that
take place in the tales would jar the prevailing sensibility of the
society. The fact that the nightly lover in Tale 12 comes in the form
of a magic bird or that the sexual playfulness in Tale 15 takes place
in a mysterious underground cavern removes the action from the realm
of the plausible without diminishing its meaning. Nor does it detract
from the tales' value as a form of wish fulfillment or from their
esthetic purpose in presenting possibilities not permitted in real
life. We said earlier that men generally do not concern themselves
with these tales. Our discussion here will have made that aversion a
little clearer, particularly since some of the mores of which men are
the guardians, such as the strictures safeguarding women's honor, are
consistently challenged in the tales.

As we
remarked earlier, heroines predominate over heroes in the tales, and
in the corpus as a whole we discover that the men's portraits are
usually restricted to their social roles as sons, brothers, fathers,
and authority figures, whereas the women's are more complex. On one
end of the scale we have images of women as magical beings who can be
enchanting and ethereal like the jinn, or bestial and destructive
like ghoulehs; and on the other, the tales also embody a wide range
of social relationships involving women. Thus we have situations in
which women act in relationships as daughters, sisters, cousins,
brides, wives, co-wives, mothers, mothers-in-law, daughters-in-law,
aunts, grandmothers, widows, old wives acting as go-betweens, and
foster mothers. The reason for this accent on women is twofold. First
- and most obviously - the majority of tellers are women, and
folktales constitute their genre par excellence. And second, the
Palestinian patrilocal social arrangement does not bring men into as
complex a set of relationships as it does women. Men, for example,
have no relationship equivalent to that of co-wives, certainly one of
the most prominent relationships in the tales; nor is there one
equivalent to that of salafat (husbands' brothers' wives).