Speed Dating (11 page)

Holly needed a moment to take this in. “Stilettos? As in shoes?”

“Yes.”

“Your mother wears diamond-studded shoes?”

“She’s very flamboyant,” Eli said. “But then, so is Imelda.”

“Who’s Imelda?”

“She was our maid. Now she’s my stepmother.”

“Your father had an affair with her?”

Eli nodded. “She’s very greedy. She wanted to marry my father, so she tried to kill my mother. My father took her away, partly
to save my mother’s life. Now my mother’s a basket case. She can walk, but she prefers the wheelchair.”

“Wow,” Holly said. “That’s some family story.”

“I know. More sangria?”

He poured the fruity punch into Holly’s glass. Holly picked out an orange segment and sucked on it. No wonder Eli had acted
so strangely. His background was pretty weird.

“What about brothers and sisters?” she asked. “Do you have any?”

Eli looked away. “That’s very complicated. I’ll explain it to you some other time.” His eyes returned to settle on her face.
“Right now all I want to do is drink you in, like this sangria.
Salud.”

They clinked glasses. She felt herself getting lost again in the gray-green-gold labyrinth of his eyes.
What am I getting myself into?
she wondered. Whatever it was, it wouldn’t be dull. She could feel herself perched on the edge of an adventure.

After dinner, they got into his car, a blue Honda, and drove south along the coastline. Holly had been surprised when he offered
to pick her up; since spying on him with Sebastiano and spotting him in the student driver car, she’d thought he didn’t have
his license yet. But it turned out he’d just gotten his driver’s license, even though he was already seventeen. He might have
been on his way to take his driving test the day she had seen him.

Just outside of Carlton Bay, they pulled into an overlook and stopped to watch the moon over the water. They got out of the
car and sat on the rocks, side by side. Eli didn’t say much, and he didn’t touch her, didn’t reach for her hand, didn’t start
petting her hair the way so many
boys did. He simply sat still and stared at the moon. Holly did the same, stealing sidelong glances at him from time to time.
What was his story? She knew some of it, the lurid family parts, but that wasn’t what she meant. What did he want from her?
Where did he think this was all going, if anywhere?

“I like to sit outside and kind of absorb the moonlight,” he said at last. “I can feel it sinking into my body through my skin
and my eyes. I feel like it gives me some kind of special power.”

“Power to do what?” Holly asked.

“I don’t know,” Eli said. “But I think I’ve absorbed enough moon rays for tonight. Ready to go?”

He stood up and held out his hand. She took it, and he helped her to her feet. They returned to the car and drove home. A
CD was playing, the Shins. The music filled the car, so that there was no need to talk. Holly had the feeling the Shins were
doing all their talking for them, much more beautifully than they could do it themselves.

He pulled up in front of her house. She looked at him. He looked at her. He leaned forward.

Here we go,
Holly thought.
No guy can make it through a whole evening without trying some sort of pass.

He pressed his lips against hers, softly. Then he pulled back. “Good night,” he said. “I had a beautiful night.”

That was it? She held still for a moment to make sure he didn’t want to suddenly start mauling her. She wouldn’t have minded,
not much.

But he just smiled. So she said, “I had a beautiful night, too, Eli. Thank you.” She opened the car door and said, “Good night,” before
shutting it. He waited while she walked along the stone path to her front door. She opened the door and waved. He blinked
his headlights, then drove off.

That was the sexiest kiss I’ve ever had,
she thought as she leaned against the door. The energy from his lips still buzzed on hers, like that lip gloss that stings
and is supposed to give you a puffier pout. Maybe it was the moon’s energy she felt in that kiss.

He was a little weird. She knew that. And from what she’d heard so far, his family was beyond dysfunctional. But none of that
mattered. He was Eli. She’d met him at 3:17. And she was a goner.

To:     linaonme

From: your daily horoscope

HERE IS TODAY’S HOROSCOPE: CANCER: You’re perfectly happy sitting alone with a good book. This will come in handy when your
social life withers away to nothing.

The third Speed Dating party was held at Vineland last Saturday, and scored another big success. Though this time, the crowd
that signed up was a little different from before. The first two groups of Speed Daters were, for the most part, a fairly
conventional crew. This time about half the participants were
hardcore Goths, punks, or otherwise misfits. Interesting. But it worked.

One guy a Draper student who shall remain nameless (because I can’t remember what his name was), showed up sporting a David
Bowie Spiders from Mars look, complete with dyed-blond hair, space-blue spandex over a cadaverous frame, and a lightning bolt
painted over one eye on his chalky face. At the first Speed Dating party he might have been a reject, but this time he had
the Goth chicks swooning. A certain Rosewood Poetess was especially smitten, though she didn’t want to admit it. When her
six minutes were up and she faced the prospect of losing David Bowie to a girl with a safety pin in her cheek, and the next
boy in line was a yucky freshman wearing a cape, she decided to stop playing by the rules. She dug in and refused to let David
Bowie go on to the next girl. “He’s mine for the rest of the party,” she declared. “You in the cape—go around me.”

Safety Pin Girl refused to go along with this, and who can blame her? David Bowie was definitely the catch of this crowd,
and Cape Boy the dud. True to her punk ethics, Safety Pin Girl took a swing at the Poetess, narrowly missing the ruby stud
in her nose. The Poetess dropped all pretense of literary diffidence and slapped Safety in the face. Safety jumped to her
feet, knocking her chair over, and dove on top of the poor Poetess, who didn’t have as much practice brawling as your typical
punk girl gets on an average weekend night. Holly, Mads, and I had to break
up the fight before it got bloody, which doesn’t take long when you’re dealing with the heavily pierced. A few of the boys
sprang to our aid. Not Bowie, though, perhaps he was afraid of smudging his lightning bolt. Safety and the Poetess were ejected,
and the party proceeded. I later learned that the Poetess managed a glimpse of Bowie’s e-mail address and has been in touch
with him. No news of an actual date yet. Maybe he’s too busy making contact with his home planet.

I suggest that from now own we should hold Speed Dating parties for different segments of the high school population. What’s
next—jocks and jockettes? Sk8ter Boyz and the chicks who love them? Hip-hop princes and princesses? The possibilities are
endless.

“Oh, Lina!” Autumn chased after Lina on the way to biology class. They were dissecting frogs that day. “Do you have a frog
partner yet?”

Lina kept walking. “Nice try, Autumn, but you can forget it. I’m stonewalling you. I’m not telling you anything, and we’re
not going to be lab partners. I’m not saying another word to you, starting NOW.”

Autumn was now in front of her, walking backward so she could face Lina, and in danger of tripping with every step. She pouted
and tried to look pitiful and helpless.

“Don’t give me that look,” Lina said. “I can’t believe
you wrote about Pete and Tess on your blog. You stole my secrets! I was an idiot to trust you.”

“I’m not trying to get your secrets,” Autumn said. “I just want to be your lab partner.”

“Please.”

“Come on, Lina. What are you so mad about? Walker is still talking to me. In fact, this morning he told me all about how wild
you and he got last night—”

“Liar! I didn’t see him last night.” Lina remembered her vow not to speak to Autumn at all. She was doing a lousy job of it.
“And I’m not talking to you anymore. Starting NOW!”

“But you’ll still be my lab partner, right?” Autumn said.

Lina shook her head.

“You can’t keep this up forever,” Autumn said.

Lina made a zipping motion across her mouth and stalked into the biology room. She went up to the first person she saw and
said, “Be my lab partner?”

“Uh, okay,” Ramona said.

“Lina’s
my
lab partner,” Autumn said.

“I am not,” Lina said to Ramona. “Tell her I’m not. She only wants to be my lab partner so she can find out secrets about me
to post on her Web of lies.”

“Give it up, Autumn,” Ramona said. “Her secrets are mine now. You lose.”

“That’s what I get for trying to be friendly,” Autumn huffed.

“Yeah, right,” Lina said. “Friendly. She’s trying to beat me to that internship. By stealing my stories! She’s got nerve. How
dumb does she think I am?”

“You did fall for it the first time,” Ramona said. “She probably thought it was worth another shot.” She paused. Lina braced
herself for what was coming next. “I
do
read your column, you know.”

“You don’t mind what I wrote about you, do you?” Lina asked. “It wasn’t exactly a secret, the fight and everything. There were
dozens of witnesses.”

“You could have checked your facts with me first,” Ramona said. “I wasn’t hot for the David Bowie guy. I just didn’t want to
waste six minutes talking to Yucky Gilbert.” The boy in the cape. “Even if I was willing to stoop that low, which I’m not,
everyone knows Mads is his true love. He only signed up for the party because he knew she’d be there without her boyfriend.”

This was all true. Much to Mads’ horror, Yucky Gilbert, a cape-wearing, twelve-year-old freshman geek, had declared his love
for her earlier that year. It was also true that even Ramona, with her unusual tastes, would never want to go out with him.

“I would have thought you’d
like
the cape,” Lina said.

“On some people, maybe. On Bowie, sure. But on a boy who dresses as R2-D2, Halloween or not, no.”

“How’s your internship application going, by the way?” Lina asked.

“I submitted some poems,” Ramona said. “But that bitch Erica said she doesn’t like poetry. Can you believe that? Doesn’t like
poetry! I’m surprised she’s willing to admit it.”

“Well, it’s true that most newspapers don’t publish much poetry,” Lina said.

“They used to,” Ramona said. “And they should. Anyway, I need to find a new approach. Maybe I’ll write some more journalistic-type
articles for her, stuff like the spiritual malaise gripping RSAGE students, or how popular people have no souls. I think I
can prove that popularity actually sucks your soul out of you. Take Rebecca. Remember her back in like sixth grade, when she
was tubby and had braces and she used to be kind of sweet? Now look at her. Vapid monster.”

“Well, if I can’t win the internship, I hope you get it,” Lina said. “Anyone but Autumn. I’m really mad at her.”

“Thanks for your support. Now that you’ve gotten rid of her, are we really going to be lab partners?”

Lina glanced around the classroom. Everyone else had already paired up. There was no one left but her and Ramona.

“Looks that way,” Lina said. “Start slicing. You can show me which of the frog’s internal organs you use in your love potions.”

“All my potions are vegan-friendly,” Ramona said. “That eye-of-newt stuff is just a stereotype.”

Pete and Tess scoop! Trouble in Paradise—Pete and Tess are on the outs! Here’s the deal: Last night Tess called Pete, desperate
for some nookie. If she doesn’t get it every three days, she goes crazy. So he picked her up and they drove all over town
looking for privacy. Tess was completely losing it. Finally Pete just pulled over on the side of the road and they started
going at it right there in the car. How do I know? They were parked on Rutgers Street. I happened to drive by and saw them
through the window when I was stopped at a light. They’re so brazen! Tess is such a slut!

After hours of X-rated cavorting, Pete drove Tess home. This morning, he got into the car with his mother, who was driving
him to school. That’s when he spotted them: Tess’s pink panties, right there on the floor! She forgot them in her passion
the night before. Those two just can’t keep track of their underwear! Pete quickly scooped them up to hide them from his mother.
But where
could he hide them? They’d make too much of a bulge in his pocket. So he stuffed them in his lunch bag and forgot all about
them—until lunchtime today, when he opened up his bag and pulled out Tess’s panties, right in front of the entire boys’ swim
team. The boys were passing them around and Pete lost track of them and now he doesn’t know who has them. Tess heard about
it, of course, and is on the rampage! Stay tuned!

On a more serious note, is anybody reading Mood Swing anymore? I mean, who cares? A bunch of freaks acting like freaks—big
surprise. That blog has gone way downhill, if you ask me. If you want real dirt—dirty dirt—Nuclear Autumn is your source!

“Hey, Lina—I’ve got your panties!”

Lina kept her eyes forward and tried to ignore the jokes. “I could barely make it to my locker this morning,” she complained
to Holly and Mads outside homeroom the next day. “Stupid Autumn! Why does everybody believe her lies?”

“Because they want to?” Mads said.

“She’s right about one thing: Walker is furious with me,” Lina said. “I told him I had nothing to do with this. But he hates
to be teased. He’s afraid to be seen with me until this blows over.”

“It never will, as long as Autumn gets attention for it,” Holly said.

“There she is.” Lina spotted Autumn walking toward them down the hall. “I’m going to have a little talk with her.”