Speed of My Heart (14 page)

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Later that day, Cole made a grocery store run while I lounged around on his couch, flipping through one of the magazines I'd picked up in the airport. When the doorbell rang, I paused; at first caught off guard by the loud chiming noise. Once it occurred to me what it was, I threw the magazine on the coffee table and headed to the front door. Luckily, this time, I was wearing a pair of yoga pants and a tank top instead of nothing but a t-shirt. That was a relief, at least. You know, in case I had to face another flawless female. I bit my lip as I got closer to the door. I really hoped this wasn't another woman from the past
just stopping by for a visit.
I was
so
not in the mood for that again today.

Swinging the door open, I gasped when I saw the one person on Cole's front doorstep that had absolutely no business being there. I felt myself break out in a cold sweat when I found myself staring directly into Marcus' steely blue eyes.

Not bothering to say a word, I grasped the door and slammed it with all my might. Marcus' hand shot out, stopping the large wooden door just before it clicked closed. He thrust it open, stepping inside the foyer and shutting the door behind him. I gulped, slowly backing up; my mind racing for a way to make it out of the house before he laid a hand on me. My left leg throbbed, reminding me that I wasn't as fast as I used to be.  Sometimes, with Marcus, being fast was instrumental in avoiding the worst of his temper.

Another thing my throbbing left leg reminded me of? My tendency to attract nut cases.

I swallowed hard, taking in all six foot one of Marcus' hard body. What were the chances I could fight that?

"What are you doing here, Marcus?" I managed to sputter out. I felt like a cornered animal: eyes wide, heart racing, body tense. I couldn't believe this was happening to me again.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, Marcus was relaxed; lazily walking toward me with a cajoling smile on his lips.

"Come on, Mara," he said. "You're not scared of me, are you? I've never hurt you before have I? Not on purpose, anyway,” he mused.

"Marcus," my voice came out pleadingly, more scared than angry. "Why are you here?" I asked again. If I could just keep him talking until Cole came back from the store.

"Isn't it obvious?" he said, in the condescending tone he had always used to make me feel two inches tall. "You're why I'm here, Mara. Always you."

He walked up to me, and I winced as he trailed a finger down the side of my face endearingly. "I can make you remember how good we were together. Make you realize what a mistake you coming here was. Nothing will ever compare to what we had," he said, with such certainty that I knew he actually believed his words.

I let out a small scream of distress when he grasped my hips with his hands and yanked me forward, so we were belly to belly. I tried to pull back, but it was useless. My strength was a tenth of his. Instead, I settled for pulling my head back as far from his as I could. He stepped forward, shoving my back into the wall. There was nowhere to go.

"Why are you fighting me, Mara?" he asked, his face a mask of hurt. I knew better. This was just the way he liked it —with him in complete control.

I tried distraction. "What about Miranda?" I asked with a bravado I didn't feel. "She told me you were with her the whole time we were together. So, why are you pretending to care?"

Marcus shook his head at me as if I was a small child. "Come on, Mara. What did you expect, always putting me off the way you did? She was simply a substitute. And a poor one at that," he assured me. He brushed back a lock of hair that had fallen in my face, and I got none of the tingles of anticipation I felt when Cole did the same thing. Instead, an ice cold tendril of fear slithered down my spine. If I didn't get away from him... things were going to go from bad to worse.

I saw his mouth descending and knew he was going to smash his lips down on mine. I whipped my head to the side just in time, his mouth landing roughly on my cheek. Marcus moved his lips to my ear. "We can do this the easy way, Mara," he chuckled. "Or we can do this the hard way. Either way, it doesn't matter to me." His fingers were biting into my upper arms, making me want to rip his arms off. I'd sustained enough bruises on my upper arms from him to last a lifetime.

My breathing was coming in short gasps of fear. I tried to think of something, anything, I could do to get out of the situation. I just couldn't believe I survived a gunshot wound and Miranda's craziness, only to face a rape and who knew what else at Marcus' hands. It didn’t seem fair —but life never was.

That's when my eyes fell on a small cream-colored box mounted on the wall just a couple feet from my head. An emblem of a bright blue shield was fixed on the lower corner of the box and a red rubber panic button was directly beside it. My heart skipped a beat. Cole's alarm system. If I could just hit that button, at least help would be on the way. I latched onto my only hope of getting away from Marcus.

Knowing what I had to do, I rolled my head back to face him. "Okay," I whispered. "You're right, Marcus. I've missed you," I said with false sweetness. "You know me better than I know myself." I threw that last line in because I knew how much Marcus liked to think he knew better than everyone else. I'd learned a thing or two on how to survive during my hellish year with him.

"That's my girl," he said approvingly. I steeled myself for his lips on mine, and even though I wanted to vomit, I pretended to want him. I did my most convincing acting job, until I felt him loosening his grip on my upper arms. Fighting back bile, I moved my fingers to his pants button, popping it open. This move did exactly what it was designed to do; Marcus' arms dropped from mine and I wasted no time. I slid from his grasp and punched the red panic button with one finger. A piercing sound shot through the house, and Marcus immediately jumped at me.

"You bitch!" he shouted, grabbing my arm and snatching me back to face him. I felt the blow to my face seconds before I flew backwards, landing heavily on the hardwood floor.

At that instance, the front door flew open and Cole stood in the doorway. He looked like an avenging angel to me in that moment, and it made me wonder just how hard Marcus had hit me. I'd never seen the lethal look that was on Cole's face before. It would have been terrifying if it hadn't been focused soley on Marcus. But instead, I just stared mesmerized.

"No!" Cole roared from the doorway. Within seconds he was across the foyer slamming into Marcus, the floor literally shaking from the impact as they hit the ground. I watched, frozen, as Cole and Marcus pounded into each other, blood flying everywhere.

My eyes widened as Cole slammed Marcus' head into the floor, followed by a sickening crunch —and then an eerie stillness.

When Cole realized Marcus wasn't getting up, he stood. I was on my feet and in his arms before he could fully right himself.

Somewhere during all of that I had started crying hysterically, and now I couldn't manage to get a word out. It was frustrating. I wanted so badly to tell him that I'd never been so happy to see someone in my life. His arms protectively around me were the closest thing to Heaven I'd ever felt.

Marcus was diagnosed with a concussion and a broken nose. We were filled in on his status by one of the officers that had taken the initial report and later called to check on us. Cole, once again, had somehow come through the fight with only a few minor scrapes and bruises. A feat that amazed me considering Marcus was a lot larger than Cole. But, Cole was tall, with an athletic build, and clearly liked to win no matter what he was doing.

I was just glad it was over. Marcus wouldn't be getting out of jail to harass me, and I could finally live my life not wondering if he'd show up on my doorstep again.

 I slept harder that night than I ever had. It made it a hundred times better that I was in Cole's arms the whole night. He healed me in a way that months of therapy never would. He was a soothing balm for my soul, like the most potent of drugs. I craved him constantly to put out the dull throb that only his presence could. And when he held me, it was like I could breathe again.

This must be where the term
lovesick
came from. Because, clearly I had it. I wasn't sure how I was going to bring myself to leave him. My heart literally ached and I felt nauseous just thinking about being apart from him again. Quite frankly, I didn't know if I could get on that plane. 

*  *  *

One week later...

My last day in Charlotte was miserable. It started out quite lovely. Cole waking me with gentle kisses on my face and neck which of course led into an almost desperate lovemaking session; both of us trying to drown out the fact I was leaving the next day. But, as the day wore on, we both seemed to get progressively more nervous and on edge. Me? Because not only were we meeting his family for dinner, but my plane was leaving the next day. I felt sick. I didn't want to leave, but what was I going to do, beg him to stay? Okay, so I had thought about it, but my pride wouldn't let me.

And, Cole's deal? I would assume the same. Except, he acted more agitated than sad. When I asked, he assured me it was nothing. But, I couldn't help but wonder.

I had woke early that morning, sneaking downstairs to make breakfast. I found a carton of eggs, sausage, and cheese in Cole's refrigerator and a loaf of bread in the large walk-in pantry. I turned my Ipod on shuffle and went to work preparing omelets and toast. Just as I was plating everything, Cole walked into the kitchen wearing low slung gym shorts and a t-shirt. He had his running shoes in his hands.

I raised an eyebrow as I offered him a plate of food. "Going somewhere?" I asked, curious. I was still in my pajama bottoms and a tank, and here he was showered and ready to go.

"I thought I'd go to the gym, work off some of this energy I woke up with," he said, but I noticed he sounded a little off.

"Oh," I said, surprised. "I would have thought you worked off most of your energy when we woke up this morning," I teased, referring to the pleasant way he'd woke me.

He gave me a crooked grin. "Yeah, well, that did help. But," he continued, his voice taking on an edge, "I really need to get a work out in today. Do you think you'll be okay here by yourself for a while?" He acted reluctant to leave, and yet he was obviously full speed ahead with going.

I raised my eyebrows. I was good with being by myself. With both Miranda and Marcus under lock and key, I had never felt so safe. The last thing I wanted was to feel hovered over. "I'm completely fine. If you want to go the gym, by all means..." I said, a little bewildered. Maybe he just needed time to himself, or worse, maybe I had been too clingy and he was dying for me to leave tomorrow. The thought made my heart race nervously. I hoped not.

Cole finished tying his shoes on, and came over to give me a quick kiss on the cheek. "I love you," he murmured next to my ear, before grabbing a duffel bag from a hall closet near the side entrance. "I'll be back in a couple of hours."

And with that, he headed out the door and into the garage. I stood in the kitchen, the plate still in my hand, listening to him set the alarm and then the garage door raising and lowering outside.

"That was weird," I said out loud to myself. I wondered over to the bar and leaned against it, taking a bite of eggs from the plate I had prepared for Cole. I guess I was spending my last morning in Charlotte alone.

*  *  *

That evening, it took me an hour to decide on something to wear to meet Cole's mom and brother. I finally settled on a long sleeved, black fitted dress and black heels. Hopefully, my left leg wouldn't give me a hard time. For the most part, it had healed nicely. But sometimes, if I wore heels or was very active, it would get achy.

 I added diamond stud earrings, curled my hair and was satisfied. I was really too worried about what was going on with Cole's change in demeanor to stress about what I was wearing anymore than I already had.

It would make me feel a little better about meeting his family for the first time if Cole hadn't been acting so strangely today: nervous and distracted.

When I rounded the corner into the living room, Cole was standing at the window with his hands tucked into his pockets, staring abstractedly out. He was wearing a pair of gray dress pants, white shirt and a black tie. The look was classic, while at the same time the cut was very now. It was the first time I'd ever seen him dressed up, and I was taken aback at how utterly handsome he was. Even more so than usual, if that was possible. I stood for a few seconds watching him, unnoticed. Something had been on his mind since we woke this morning, and it was really starting to bother me. He had been so fidgety and tense.

I stepped into the living room. "Cole?" I said hesitantly. He turned around, giving me a heart-wrenchingly gorgeous smile, dimples and all. My heart started to flutter and my stomach dipped. In that second, I wished
so
badly that I knew exactly where I stood with him. I knew we loved each other, but I wanted more. I wanted to know for sure that he was mine. Most of all, I didn't want to have to be hundreds of miles apart.

But, I had been the one so adamant about leaving things open, and I wasn't sure how to broach the subject. Especially with how he was acting today. I half expected him to tell me any minute that things weren't working between us.

Cole stared at me for a moment, his eyes seeming to drink me in. My heart did a double take. That wasn't the look of a guy that was getting ready to tell me he didn't want to be with me. The opposite, actually. I was so confused.

"You look... ravishing, Mara," Cole said, his voice a bit awed. I stood still, unsure; letting him come to me. He placed his hands gently at my waist. "I'm not sure I even want to share you with the public tonight," he murmured softly, looking down at me, his gray eyes intent.

I lifted my lashes to study his face. He was looking at me so tenderly that I had to wonder if I had imagined the change in him this morning. I swallowed, nervous for some reason.

"Cole, are you sure you want me here?" I said softly, my voice bleak. I had to ask it, no matter how hard it was for me to do so.

"Mara!" his tone was shocked, "How can you even ask me that? This is exactly where I want you —right here with me," he said adamantly.

I sighed, truly bewildered. "It's just that you've been acting so... oddly today. Really distracted; nervous even. I don't know what to think."

Cole shook his head in denial, pulling me to his chest and holding me tight. He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. "Oh God, Mara. I want to tell you exactly why I've been acting the way I have today. But, I can't —not yet."

I lifted my head from his chest, looking up at him. "Is that all? All that you can tell me?" My voice trembled. I felt emotionally exhausted all of the sudden. Dealing with this hot and cold business from the one person you loved more than anything did that, apparently.

He lifted my chin gently with his fingers. "Trust me, Mara," he said. His voice was even, but his eyes pleaded with me.

I held his gaze for a few seconds, trying to read him, and then nodded. "Okay," I said a bit dizzily. Looking at him for very long did that to me. He was too perfectly handsome for his own good. "But," I added. "You have to promise to tell me very soon. I can't stand it much longer."

He smiled tenderly. "Neither can I, Mara," he said, but then amusement flashed in his eyes. "But, I do know how you love to be kept in suspense, so I may have to drag this out a bit longer."

I narrowed my eyes, hitting his shoulder playfully. "I wouldn't suggest doing that," I warned. "I was two seconds away from calling a cab to the airport earlier.”

Okay, so that was an exaggeration, but he deserved it the way he'd been acting. Cole eyed me like he wasn’t sure if I was joking or not, but I took pity on him and grinned.

He released a sigh of relief before planting an affectionate kiss on my forehead. "You can't leave me that way, Mara. You'd be hurting yourself almost as much as you'd hurt me. Besides," he joked, "you'd miss my phenomenal cooking and expert prowess in bed."

I rolled my eyes, but admitted, "True. It‘s bad enough going weeks without it. I don‘t know if I‘d survive forever."

"I know I wouldn’t,” he said, his voice serious and his eyes on me intense. My heart clenched at his words and I was pretty sure my face was glowing with happiness.

 “Now," he continued, "let's go introduce my family to the love of my life."

"Okay, well, you two have fun," I said innocently. I knew I should be looking forward to meeting his family, but there was a lot of pressure that went along with it.

"Mara...," Cole practically growled. "Am I going to have to drag you out to my car?" The way he had tossed Marcus around, I knew he could throw me over his shoulder and carry me out with little effort. From the look on his face, he was contemplating just that.

I put my hands up in mock surrender. "Okay, coming." I followed Cole reluctantly out of the house with my stomach full of nervous butterflies.