Spencer's Face (Buckeye Hawks) (34 page)

“Even if there
was, I would never cheat on you, Taylor. You can’t think that I’m like Jose. You’ve
got to know that. You’re the only girl I’ve ever wanted. You’re the only girl I
will ever want. And, with every boyfriend you’ve ever had hanging around with
us all day long, you have no right to say anything about being friendly with
the opposite sex.”

“I want to break
up. This is too much. I’m being smothered. And, I think you’re feeling it too.
I could tell that you liked it when Sally and the other girls flirted with
you.”

“Break up? This
is just a misunderstanding. We can work through this. That’s what couples do.
They work through things. They don’t break up at the first sign of trouble.
Taylor, let’s talk about this.” I was almost begging.

“We need to break
up. I’m not happy. You’re not happy. It’s not working. We need to go our
separate ways. You can date Sally or whoever is next in line.” She said.

I could tell that
it hurt her to say that last part though. I don’t know why she was saying it. It
was no use. I wasn’t going to change her mind. She was set on breaking up with
me. I had no clue what I’d done wrong. Flirting? I swear I was being polite.
Taylor drove me home. I waited in the car for a minute. She was crying and
couldn’t talk much.

“I’ll see you
tomorrow at school?” I asked.

She nodded.

“Maybe after you
think about it, you’ll see how stupid you’re being.” I told her.

She shook her
head. “I’m not one of those girls who breaks up with a guy just to see if he
loves her and begs her back, Spencer. Thanks for the last five months. I really
did love you. I mean that.”

Oh damn. She was
really serious. She was actually ending things. It felt like she was ending my
life. What would I do without her? “Taylor. Don’t do this. Please don’t do
this. We said forever.” I was almost begging again. I was about to lose all
respect for myself and start crying too. I could feel my heart breaking,
actually feel it splitting in two. I now knew what heartbreak was.

Taylor tried to
take the bracelet off. She was going to give it back to me. I stopped her.
“Keep it. It’s not like I can recycle it.” I told her.

She kissed me.
Really good, but softly, never any tongue. That was unusual for us. Every kiss
we’d had in the last couple of months had our tongues involved. I thought maybe
she was changing her mind, but then she pulled away. “I will never forget you, Spencer.”
She said with tears in her eyes.

It was a goodbye
kiss. I didn’t recognize it, because I’d never received one before. I tried to
pull myself together and not look like a chump. I couldn’t think of a thing to
say. Nothing was going to change her mind. Nothing would make me feel better. I
wanted to tell her that I was going to take Sally and any other girl that would
have me out tomorrow, but I decided not to be an asshole. I could get out of her
car with some dignity. I stepped out and even resisted the urge to slam the hell
out of her car door. I forced myself to hold it together until I cleared the
front door.

I heard her car
pull out of the driveway. This was it. It was over. The love of my life was
gone from my life. What did a guy do after a breakup like this? My aunt and
uncle were right. She was going to dump me sooner or later. Later was now. I
hadn’t felt more like crying since my parents died. I wanted to cry. No I
wanted to throw something. I wanted to hit something. I walked straight to my
bedroom and locked the door.

I looked around
for something to break, but I couldn’t find anything. I wanted to find
something. I went in my bathroom and punched the mirror hard. It hurt my hand,
but didn’t break. I kicked the toilet. I didn’t expect it to break. I sat on
the toilet and started to cry. No one would see me. I was safe.

I heard someone
trying to turn my doorknob, but the lock caught it. “Spencer. Are you okay?”
Janel called to me.

“I’m good.” I
called out to her. I tried to calm my voice, but I knew it sounded like I was
crying. I wished she’d just leave me alone.

“Let me in,
please.” She said.

I didn’t answer
her.  I heard her go into the kitchen, then she returned a minute later. She
had the key and she was using it. She opened the door and came inside my room.
She looked over at me sitting on the toilet. I could feel the pity from across
the room. I stood up and walked over to her. I hugged her. Somehow she knew
that Taylor had dumped me. I didn’t let myself cry in front of Janel. I
couldn’t.

The next day Zane
picked me up for school. I told him about Taylor breaking up with me. He was
beyond shocked.

“I didn’t see
that one coming.” He said quickly. “She was really in love with you.”

“Obviously not.”
I told him snidely.

We talked on the
way to school. I tried to change the subject, but he wouldn’t let me until he
had every excruciating detail. It was almost as if he was hoping to move in on
her now. That would crush me. I really hoped I didn’t have to face that possibility.

At Senior Pole, I
waited for Taylor to come. I was talking with the guys and the girls, but I
tried to steer clear of the girls as much as possible. If Taylor was thinking
about giving me another chance, it wouldn’t look good for my case. Please let
her give me another chance. She never showed up to Senior Pole. She was probably
avoiding me. It figures.

I went to my
locker. It was totally cleaned out, completely void of anything related to
Taylor. The only thing left of her was her scent. There was a note sticking out
of the front pocket of my letterman’s jacket. I grabbed it quickly and read it.

“Spencer. I’m so
sorry. I really did love you. I hope you can forgive me. Good luck in
everything. Taylor.”

I hated the note,
but I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away. As soon as I saw her again, I’d
have a few things to say to her. How could she break up with me? I was going
through hell, struggling through every second of the day without her.

Damn. What was I
going to do for lunch now? Zane came to my rescue and offered to take me to
Pizza Hut. Of course, I accepted. It reminded me of Taylor. Everything reminded
me of Taylor.

While eating, I
grilled my best friend. “Did she say anything about me during History this
morning?” I asked him. I knew he wouldn’t betray her confidence, but I was sure
he’d help out if he could. Or I hoped he would.

“She wasn’t there
today.”

“Why?” I asked.
Was she sick? Was she taking it harder than me? She shouldn’t have broken up
with me if she was going to take it so hard. Damn.

“I’ll text her.” Zane
offered.

That was perfect.
At least I could find out about her through Zane. I waited. I didn’t want to
sound too anxious. I watched as Zane texted, hoping he’d tell me what was going
on.

“I’m asking her
what’s going on?” he said. “She says she’s sick today. I’ll ask her if it has
anything to do with you.”

I waited for an
answer. His phone vibrated about thirty seconds later.

“She told me to
mind my own business.” He said, laughing and shaking his head.

Damn, that didn’t
work out too well. I shook my head in defeat. Zane was texting again. “Are you texting
Taylor again? Maybe we should leave her alone.”

“I’m asking how
she’s doing. We are still friends. I should check on her.” he sent the text.
“Ouch! She told me to mind my own damn business. She’s definitely in a bad
mood. She usually lets me help her through all of her breakups.”

“She knows we’re
friends. She probably didn’t want to put you in the middle.” I halfway laughed.
Yes, she’d been through a few breakups. But the other guys dumped her. This
time she did the dumping. She shouldn’t need too much consoling. I felt like
such a chump. Probably everyone who had ever been dumped felt this way.

“Maybe, but I
can’t just leave her hanging.” Zane said. “She takes these breakups really
hard. And, she’s had sex with you, she’s probably going to feel worse.”

“
She
dumped
me
, Zane.” I reminded him.

“Sorry.” He
apologized as if he’d just remembered that fact.

After lunch, I
went to my auto shop class. Jose had a few words for me. I wanted to slug him,
but I didn’t. Ryan was a small comfort. He patted me on the shoulder as he
walked up to our Chevelle. “It happens to all of us, dude.”

“Thanks, Ryan.
I’m not sure I’m going to get over this.” I confided in him.

“Date someone
else. Soon. Make sure she sees you with her too. That’ll piss her off, or bring
her running back.” He advised.

“No. I don’t want
to play those games.” I told him. I didn’t. I remembered her telling me how mad
she was at Jose for dating someone else the next day. I wanted to go home. I
felt like calling my aunt to pick me up, but she was at work today. I could
wait until school was over. Zane didn’t have anything going after school
anyway. After auto shop was over, I was changing clothes when my cell phone
vibrated. I’d gotten a text from Zane. I read it.

“She’s not at the
hotel. The guy at the front desk said she checked out last night.”

I texted him
back. “Try the trailer park outside of town. She said she was going to rent a
trailer there from Karen’s dad.” 

He texted me back
a few minutes later. “I’m back at school now. I’ve got an English quiz today.
We’ll go check after school if you don’t mind waiting in the car for a bit.”

“I don’t mind.” I
texted him back. I hated it, but I’d have to get used to it. She was Zane’s
friend still. Maybe someday the two of us could be friends. We didn’t start out
as friends exactly so I’m not really sure how being friends with her would be.
Plus I’d never had sex before, so I wasn’t sure that you could be friends with
someone you’d been that close to. I’d find out hopefully.

After school, we
went to the trailer park. Karen was standing out front talking to someone, so
we stopped to talk to her first.

“Hey, which
trailer is Taylor in?” Zane called to her as he pulled up beside her.

We stepped out of
the car.

“Taylor? What are
you talking about? Is her family moving in here?” she asked. She was really
confused.

“No.” Zane
laughed at her. “Where’s your dad?”

“In the office.”
She pointed.

Zane went in. I
stayed outside and talked to Karen. She was a really nice girl. Her dad was
really strict with her, so she never made it to any parties. Her, Taylor, and
Sandy were all good friends though. She and Sandy were on the flag girl team
together.

“I’m sorry about
you and Taylor.” She said.

“Thanks.” I told
her. I really didn’t want to talk about it.

“I don’t know why
she broke up with you. Last week, she was all in love with you and never wanted
things to end. She was talking about an apartment in Phoenix with you. Then
this week, she ends it. I’m a little clueless as to why she did that.”

“Me too.” I
agreed. It was all I could say.

Zane came out of
the office. “Manny said she hasn’t talked to him about any trailer. He was as
oblivious as Karen is. Are you sure she said this trailer park?”

“She said she
talked to Karen’s dad.” I assured him. “In Buckeye. I think she lied to me. I
don’t know why though. And, where did she go?”

“We can check the
other hotels in town. Maybe Sandy’s house too.” Zane said.

“She’s not at
Sandy’s. They’d tell me if she did that.” Karen said.