Spirit's Princess (30 page)

“Oh, I don’t blame her for glaring at you. You’re being greedy, holding on to three possible husbands. Choose one, get married, move into your own house, start having babies of your own, and let poor Suzu scavenge your leftovers!”

“All that? Right now? I was hoping I could have some dinner first.”

“Fine, make fun of me.” Aki pretended to take offense. “That’s the thanks I get for having your best interests at
heart and giving you good advice. It’ll serve you right if Mother and Yukari each has twin boys and all four of them turn out to be worse brats than Sanjirou!”

“Why don’t you take some of your own advice and marry a nice Matsu girl?” I joked.

“You know I could never do that, Himiko.” Aki looked so sad that I felt a sharp pang for having taunted him.

“Forgive me, Big Brother. I know that you love—”

“Oh, love hasn’t got anything to do with it,” he said. A hint of mischief crept into his voice. “It’s just that my wife would object.”

“Your
what
?” I gawked at my brother. He gave me a smug grin in exchange.

“Hoshi and I were married last autumn.”

“And you didn’t tell me?” I wanted to push him into a ditch the same way I’d treated Ryu.

“I didn’t think you could keep a secret.” He was teasing, but as soon as he saw that I was in no mood for it, he changed his tone. “I’m sorry, Little Sister. I was hoping to tell you when Hoshi and I told everyone in our families. Her mother’s the only one who knows.” That made sense. As shaman of the deer people, Lady Ikumi would be the one to call for the gods’ blessings on the new couple.

“At least that explains why Kaya never said a word about it,” I remarked.

“The secrecy wasn’t my idea. I love Hoshi, and I was sick and tired of hiding it like something foul that needed to be buried. I told Lady Ikumi I was going to confront Father. If he still gave me no choice but exile or renouncing my beloved, I’d go to the Shika and never look back.”

“She convinced you not to do that, didn’t she?” I recalled my conversation with the Shika chieftess:
“To lose your family, to lose your clan, is to lose a piece of your soul.”

My brother nodded. “And Hoshi agreed. She’s willing to wait for the day when she and I can live together openly. I only hope it comes because Father has a change of heart, not because he—” Aki didn’t finish his sentence, but I could:
—not because he’s dead
.

I kept my thoughts to myself. Kaya’s sister was a sweet, gentle girl, with more patience than I would ever have. She was willing to take a husband who couldn’t acknowledge her as his wife, who had to hide her from his kin, who was little more than a visitor whose comings and goings were unpredictable and whose stays were brief.

I couldn’t live like that. Try as I might, I couldn’t comprehend how Hoshi was able to do it. What would she say if I dared to ask her for an explanation? Most likely
“I love him.”
That might be a good enough reason for her, but not for me. Perhaps I didn’t understand Hoshi. Perhaps I didn’t understand love.

What I said was, “Maybe when you and Hoshi have a baby, Father will be more ready to accept her as your wife.”

Aki agreed. “That’s what Lady Ikumi said. It’s easy to reject the person your son or daughter marries, but to turn your back on the grandchild who carries your blood? Not even Father could do that.” He paused and added, “I hope.”

“So do I, Big Brother, with all my heart.”

Yukari gave birth to a little boy who was every bit as lusty as Emi’s son. Sanjirou didn’t like his new half brother Takehiko
and made sure that all of us knew it. When the baby cried, he howled for attention. When the baby slept, he danced around the house, making the floor shake. When the baby needed to be cleaned, he—Well, some things are so obvious they don’t need to be said.

Luckily for us, before the moon god’s disk went through the full cycle of its changes, Mama delivered her baby, another boy. Sanjirou stared at my brother Noboru, screwed up his mouth as though he’d tasted something sour, and ran to bury his face against his mother’s shoulder. From then on, he kept his distance from the infants, spoke in a hush, and walked softly in the house.

“Did you ever see anything like that?” Masa remarked as we all shared dinner. He indicated Sanjirou, who was casting suspicious glances back and forth between Noboru and Takehiko while he ate. “Remember how he used to be? I’m not complaining about the change, but I do wonder what caused it.”

I shrugged. “After Takehiko was born, Sanjirou made a big fuss every chance he got, and what happened? Noboru. I think he’s afraid that if he makes too much noise again, we’ll get another baby.”

Of course
that
was when Aki let out a whoop so loud it jolted dust from the thatch. Poor little Sanjirou jumped like a cricket and turned a terrified stare my way, as if he expected
me
to produce the next infant then and there. It would have been funny if Aki’s holler hadn’t scared the babies too. A three-way chorus of yowling shook our house, made worse by Father thundering at Aki for acting like a badly behaved child.

Masa looked at Shoichi. “Well! At least
we
know how to maintain our dignity, don’t we, my respected Elder Brother?” He spoke so primly it would have made a turtle laugh.

“Oh, beyond a doubt,” Shoichi replied, lifting his nose high. “We would never engage in such immature behavior, would we, my dear Younger Brother?”

“By no means.”

“Never.”

“We’d sooner die.”

“
I’d
die first. I’m older than you. It’s my privilege.”

“Hey, I’ll die first if I want to!” Masa gave Shoichi a light shove, Shoichi shoved back, and soon all three of my older brothers were rolling on the floor like puppies while my three younger brothers wailed on. Father ran out of threats before Mama and the rest of us managed to get the boys to settle down.

I loved my brothers, but at times like that there was no way to measure how very,
very
much I wished Mama, Yukari, and Emi had given birth to daughters.

Father was one of those people who could not enjoy good times wholeheartedly. As our clan chieftain, it was his responsibility to stay alert for trouble, but his mind was so filled with all the possible setbacks, accidents, and calamities that could overtake the Matsu that there wasn’t much room left for his own celebrations and pleasures. Although he rejoiced over the births of his three new sons, his eyes were always anxious when he looked at them, as if he saw the ghosts of his lost children hovering nearby, waiting for the chance to steal their little brothers away into the
darkness. When Shoichi married the girl he loved and moved into a home of his own, Father wished the new couple every happiness, but never visited their house without casting uneasy glances everywhere, as though fretting that the walls wouldn’t stand and the roof were about to collapse any moment.

One early summer morning as I sat on our porch, holding Noboru in my lap, I heard Father’s voice drifting up from below. He was walking with one of the other nobles. The man congratulated Father on all the new additions to our family and went on to rejoice over the happy days that had come to the Matsu clan.

“What a splendid time to be alive!” he crowed. “I can almost feel the gods embracing us. Not even the oldest member of our clan can recall better years than these. I can barely begin to count the blessings we’ve received, and no end to them in sight! How can we ever thank you enough for having led us into so much good fortune, my chieftain?”

“Don’t thank me for anything,” Father said in a flat voice. “Good fortune is as fickle as a songbird. It lands for long enough to let you glimpse it, then flies away.”

“Er, as you wish,” the nobleman said.

As they moved on, I heard my Father add, “You know, my friend, there’s such a thing as too many blessings.”

I didn’t believe that at all. If good fortune really was like a songbird, Father was wrong to call it fickle. As a hunter, he’d spent more time in the woods than I, but his eyes and ears were tuned solely to the prey. He hadn’t truly
seen
. He hadn’t truly
listened
. I had.

A songbird
, I thought as I looked into my baby brother’s
sleeping face.
They’re quick to take flight, but not always. They’re true to their mates, build nests made to last, and stand guard over their hatchlings with their lives. If our clan’s luck is that “fickle,” we’ll be blessed for many seasons to come!

After the boys were born, I had to stay close to home for some time. Mama and my stepmothers were competent women, but caring for Noboru, Sanjirou, and Takehiko was exhausting for them. They needed my help, and I was glad to give it, especially on those days when Mama put me in sole charge of Noboru.

I’d prayed for a sister, but once I held my baby brother in my arms, I forgot all about those prayers. Noboru was a beautiful boy, with a round face, plump cheeks, shining eyes, and hair so thick and black it was astonishing. He was also the most charming infant I’d ever known. He had such a sweet disposition that it seemed as though he’d been born smiling. Even when he cried, he never sounded whiny or strident. It was the difference between listening to a person who politely asks for what he needs and one who complains he doesn’t have
this
, and he doesn’t have
that
, and
why
doesn’t he have it, and he wants it now, now,
now
!

The one thing I couldn’t do for Noboru was feed him. When he cried for his milk, I had to bring him to Mama and wait for him to finish nursing. At those times, I found myself longing to have him back in my arms and wishing he were old enough to eat solid foods so that I’d never have to give him up. Mama must have noticed how hungrily I stared at the baby because she said, “You know, dear, I wasn’t much older than you when I got married.”

“What made you say
that
?”

She smiled serenely at the baby. “I’ve seen you in the company of at least three of our young men, and I’m willing to wager that there are at least two more who are too timid to approach you. Any one of them would make a good husband.”

“I don’t want a—”

“And a good father.” She wiped a last drop of milk from Noboru’s sleepy mouth and handed him back to me.

My time with Noboru was precious, but so was my time with Yama. The problem was, the baby had more magical power in one of his smiles than the shaman had in all of her spells. I was carrying my baby brother through the village one morning when Yama came up to us and said, “So there’s the little thief.”

I raised one eyebrow. “Mama
gave
him to me.”

“I didn’t mean you, Himiko.” The shaman looked down at Noboru and let him grasp one of her fingers. “I meant
this
sneaky thing. He can’t walk, he can’t talk, he’s small as a wink, and yet he managed to steal away this clan’s next shaman. How did he do it?”

My cheeks flamed. “I’m sorry. I was going to come back to my studies, but everyone needed my help with the babies.”

“Everyone? I’ve seen you looking after Takehiko once or twice, and I can’t remember ever seeing you alone with Sanjirou. Poor Emi! She could
use
an extra pair of hands to deal with that boy, but obviously she’s not going to get yours.” Yama smirked knowingly. “I’ve underestimated your mother. She’s always been an intelligent woman, but I never
suspected she could be so clever when there’s something she wants so badly.”

“What could Mama possibly want now that she has Noboru?”

The shaman gently disengaged her finger from the baby’s grip. “She wants what all good mothers want: for her children to be happy. And what does happiness mean to her? A family. A home. Children of your own. All of those have brought her the greatest joys in her life, even if your father’s been a bit of a … 
challenge
now and then. She loves you and your brothers, Himiko, and she believes that what makes her happy will make you happy too.”

“Lady Yama, I still don’t understand.”

“When you were small and your mother wanted you to try something new to eat, what did she do? Filled her own plate and let you have only the smallest taste. You were soon begging her for more!” She lifted Noboru’s tiny fist to her mouth and kissed it. “Delicious.” She grinned.

I had to laugh. “Well, Mama may be clever, but she’s not subtle. She keeps reminding me about all the boys who’d like to marry me.”

“Mm-hmm. Shall I begin the preparations for a marriage rite? It’s not every day that a Matsu princess takes a husband.”

“It’s certainly not going to be any day
soon
,” I said. “Mama wants me to share her kind of happiness, but first I have to see if it holds everything that will make me happy too.”

“Does this mean you’ll resume your studies soon?”

“Yes!” I shifted Noboru in my arms and delicately touched the dainty indentation just below his nose. He snuffled in his sleep. “I didn’t like it when you called this little one a thief, Lady Yama, but when you said he’d stolen our clan’s next shaman”—I smiled at her—“I liked
that
very much.”

My lessons with Yama weren’t the only part of my life interrupted by the birth of my new brothers. It was almost autumn by the time I next visited the Shika village in Aki’s company. Mama looked a little disappointed when I told her I’d be going away again to gather supplies for our shaman. I think she’d had high hopes that Noboru’s enchanting power would overcome Yama’s presence in my life and that I’d be a bride before winter. She didn’t realize that neither she, Noboru, nor Yama herself had any real influence on my decision. That was mine alone.
I
wanted to go. I wanted to see Kaya again, but what I wanted more than that was to see Hoshi and give her a sister’s welcome.

Aki and I left our village well before dawn. We greeted the sun goddess’s first light when we were already far into the forest. We were done with the days of my needing Aki’s help to cover the distance between our home and the Shika lands. I’d grown stronger thanks to all the times I’d made that journey. Even my “bad” leg wasn’t so bad anymore. If I fell behind my brother, it was usually in those places where the trail was too narrow for the both of us to pass, or at the very steepest parts of our route through the mountains.