Splintered (11 page)

He turned over onto his back, listening in the dark to the noise of the angry rain hitting his bedroom window. It’d also been pouring in his dream. He remembered the feel of the water hitting his skin. His insides had felt cold, but his skin must have been fever warm because a mist had risen from it once the water made contact.

In the dream, the same one he’d been having for over a week, Hank’s sixteen-year-old self stood outside the barn, terrified. Yet he couldn’t make himself turn around and go back in the house. He knew the barn was off-limits while his dad worked inside, but his mom had made Hank go out to tell him supper was on the table.

Normally, Hank would knock and then holler his message. His dad would yell back that he’d heard, and Hank would go wait for him back at the table, his stomach rumbling as he smelled the food and stared at his empty fork. In the dream, though, his dad’s radio was turned up too loud for him to hear Hank. He hollered three times, but never got an acknowledgement that his dad heard any of the shouts.

“Enter Sandman,” the same song Hank had woken up to just then, had been blaring out of his dad’s radio in his dream too. Hank could always tell Earl Fry’s mood by the type of music he listened to. An old country ballad if he was feeling sad, bluegrass with a heavy banjo when he was feeling upbeat, and heavy metal when his darker side took control.

In the dream, Hank heard the angry singer shouting lyrics over squealing guitars. With the barn door closed, he could barely make out a muffled noise, but once he opened them, even the music couldn’t drown out the sound of screaming. Hank always jolted awake the moment he heard those blood-curdling shrieks. In the dream, Hank never stepped inside the barn, but he knew the source of the screams.

He never forgot what he’d seen the day he had actually crept inside the barn.

Hank had pulled open the barn door just enough to slide his body through. Then he got low and crawled behind bales of hay. The straw tickled his nose, and he had quickly pinched it to cover a sneeze.

Gathering his courage, Hank had peered over the hay. Forty feet into the barn, he saw his dad hunched over the worktable. A naked girl was strapped down to it with leather restraints. The music still blared, but the girl’s screams had quieted. He watched as his dad smacked the girl’s face. She must have passed out for a minute, but then she came to and once again started crying out. His dad held a hunting knife over the girl’s face so she could see it. Her panic rose as he teased her by trailing its tip across her bare skin. Though Hank couldn’t see it, he knew the exact moment his old man had drawn blood because another shriek soared high above the music.

A loud bang sounded behind Hank. He jumped at the noise and turned to see that the wind had caught the barn door he’d left ajar and blown it fully open. Suddenly another violent gust whipped up and slammed the door shut again, causing another bang. Hank looked back toward his dad. Their eyes met.

Hank mentally readied himself for the beating of his life. Instead, his father motioned with his head, indicating he should approach. With each measured step forward, a war raged inside Hank. He had a desire to help the girl, but also an overwhelming curiosity to see what his dad was planning to do next. He’d only ever seen naked females in magazines. The one strapped to the table was much younger than the ones striking dirty poses for the world to see though. This girl only looked a couple of years younger than Hank.

He couldn’t help getting an erection as he neared the table. The thought that he could do anything to her without her fighting back aroused him. He had stopped directly across the table from his dad. The strawberry-blonde haired girl lay between them. A dozen or so bleeding, red tracks crisscrossed her pale breasts and belly. They weren’t deep, but Hank couldn’t take his eyes off the blood seeping from the wounds and dripping down her side.

The girl pleaded with Hank. He couldn’t hear her words over the pounding music, but he could read her lips.

Help me. Please.

Hank had licked his lips. His tongue felt as dry and rough as sandpaper.

“You’re getting older now,” his dad told Hank in a loud voice. “It’s time I teach you what that means. You see, females need to be molded, shaped into the pliant creatures God meant for them to be. But they can’t do it on their own. They need training, instruction in the art of pleasing a man. I’ve had this one here for three days, and she’s still willful. She has to learn the lesson: defiance will not be accepted. Lucky for her I’m a patient teacher, willing to repeat the lesson as many times as needed.”

His dad had nodded toward the tools lying near the girl’s feet. “Pick one, son.”

Hank remembered shuffling his weight from one foot to the other, fidgeting with the front pocket of his jeans. He knew what would happen if he refused. It would be seen as the ultimate cowardly gesture. With a shaky hand, Hank had picked up a long-barreled lighter, the one he always used to light logs in the fire pit behind the house. He handed it to his dad and listened to the click of its ignition button and the
whoosh
of the flame. His dad placed the lighter against the screaming girl’s flesh. A nauseatingly sweet smell wafted up from the burned patches of skin. A smell so strong Hank could almost taste it.

Over the years, his dad had taught him many lessons in that barn. How to choose the right piece of wood for a building project, how to strip paint from a piece of furniture, and ultimately, how to inflict the maximum amount of pain a person could tolerate without dying. Hank was an excellent student.

Lily unlocked the craft store’s two front doors, then stood aside to allow a couple of impatient women to enter.

Gotta get your early morning scrapbooking fix, don’t you, ladies?

She forced the biting retort to stay firmly in her mind. Outwardly, she smiled, greeting the women, who were already racing down the center aisle.

When did I become so bitter?

Lily had always thought of herself as a pleasant person, the type to consider another person’s feelings over her own. She believed she was the sort of friend others wanted in their corner. One who would roll up her sleeves and jump in during the tough times. So how was it that she could deal with other people’s problems so well, yet completely fall apart during the rough patches in her own life?

It seemed to her that having single-mom status thrust upon her had been the tipping point. She didn’t know how other women did it. There was no time to grieve over a spouse walking out when every waking moment was either spent trying to earn enough income to keep their whole house of cards from crashing down or being an emotional cheerleader for Maddy in order to get her through.

When Tom had still been part of the family, at least there had been someone else to pass the baton to once in a while. He may have travelled a lot with his job, but whenever he was home, he and Maddy were always together. Those were the times Lily could take a break. Take time for herself, to recharge and in turn have something to offer back to her family. Lily had been running on empty for so long now, she had nothing left to give.

At least I don’t have to listen to someone constantly belittle me anymore.

She was glad for that, but still felt sad when she thought about no longer having a man in her life who loved her. She didn’t know which was worse—Tom’s stinging verbal attacks or being alone.

What would happen if I just sat in the middle of this store and refused to move?

Lily cracked a smile as she pictured herself plopping down on the floor in full tantrum mode.

Maddy got to do it, why can’t I?

“What’s so funny?” Holly, one of her employees, asked. She’d walked up beside Lily, probably wondering why her crazy boss was still standing at the front door.

“Oh, just daydreaming. Can you take the counter this morning?”

“Sure, boss. Do you—”

Lily suddenly felt a wave of dizziness wash over her. She put a hand on a stack of baskets near the door to steady herself.

“You okay, boss?”

“Yeah.” Lily took a couple of deep breaths. “I guess skipping breakfast wasn’t such a good idea.”

Just then, Lily’s phone vibrated in her back pocket.

A skeptical look flitted across Holly’s face as she turned and walked toward the register. Lily ignored it and pulled out her phone. It was Maddy’s school calling.

Now what?

Lily listened to a recorded message that announced her daughter’s absence. Maddy had left the house with her backpack early that morning.

If she didn’t go to school, where is she?

Lily disconnected the call and dialed Maddy’s cell phone. No response. After the beep, Lily said in a low, angry voice, “I got a call from the school’s absentee line this morning. What do you think you’re doing, young lady? Did nothing about last night’s conversation sink in? You promised you’d get your shit together. Were those words just something you said to shut me up? Call me back as soon as you get this.”

Lily regretted leaving such a harsh message as soon as she hung up. The logical mom in her knew the angry words would only have the opposite effect from what she was trying to achieve, but as she thought back to the heated battle that had taken place in her living room the previous night, Lily told that know-it-all bitch yakking in her head to mind her own business.

The entire car ride home from City Hall had passed in silence. Lily had been lost in her thoughts, trying to figure out the best course of action for dealing with her daughter’s deception with the police. Maddy had stared out the window sullenly. But once the front door to the house closed, the dam of silence broke. Both were armed with mental battle plans by then, and neither wanted to listen to what the other had to say. They lobbed insults back and forth like cannon fire until Maddy finally surrendered and stormed off to her bedroom.

After a long cooling-off period, Lily had gone to her daughter’s room and sat beside her on the bed. She wanted to reach out and stroke Maddy’s hair like she used to when she was little. Instead, she spoke to Maddy’s back. Lily talked about how she was trying her best where Maddy was concerned, how she approached their conversations with the best of intentions. Lily didn’t understand why she always let her anger get the best of her. She told Maddy how it seemed like her pot of emotions was always set on a low simmer and any problem made her boil over.

It was easier to open up to Maddy when she didn’t have to look her in the eyes. When she didn’t have to see that accusatory glare. Lily knew she had let her daughter down, and the crushing guilt was more than she could bear. She talked about how her emotions were all out of whack and how no matter which path she started down, they all ended in anger. It was the one emotion that had become her constant companion over the past year. It was easier to feel outrage than the debilitating sadness that followed her like a shadow. Lily told Maddy she was afraid that once she gave in to tears, there’d be no stopping them.

She’d hoped opening up to Maddy would get her talking. She couldn’t help her daughter if she didn’t know the girl’s struggles. In a robotic voice, Maddy had said she would stop causing trouble. She hadn’t even rolled over to look at Lily when she said it. Thinking back now, Lily realized Maddy hadn’t meant a word she’d said. She’d only spoken so Lily would leave the room.

“Bonnie! Bonnie!” A woman rushed down the aisle past Lily and soon ran back up again. “Bonnie!”

“Ma’am, can I help you?” Lily placed a gentle hand on the frantic woman’s shoulder as the lady continued looking around the store.

“I can’t find my daughter. She’s four. She’s in red dress. I only turned my back for a second, but then she was gone.”

Lily hadn’t even noticed them enter the store.

They must have walked in while I was having my mental pity party.

“I told my husband we should buy one of those harnesses. Bonnie’s a runner. But
nooo
, he said only bad parents use them. He said we were raising a child, not a dog.”

A giggle echoed across the large, open store. The patter of shoes sounded to their left.

“Bonnie!”

“Ssshh,” Lily told the woman. “She’ll keep running if you call her name. All this is a game to her. She wants mommy to find her.”

Lily crept down the center aisle, checking each side aisle for the little girl. Four rows away, she saw her crouching down, peeking around a display. Her back was to them. Lily looked over her shoulder at the woman and pointed down the aisle, then put a finger to her lips.

The woman snuck up on her daughter and scooped her up. “Gotcha, you little munchkin.”

The girl squealed in delight, happy her mother had won the game.

“You know you’re not supposed to run off, little one.”

Lily thought of her own daughter at that age. Of Maddy’s strawberry-blonde hair up in pigtails, half her lunch smeared across her face. She could still hear Maddy’s sing-song voice as clearly as if she’d been standing beside her. “Bet you can’t find me, MomMom.” A wave of sadness crashed over Lily as she remembered the name Maddy had always called her, a name that had only hung around until the middle of first grade.

I miss being MomMom.

Lily accepted the woman’s thanks on her way toward the checkout line. Lily wished she could figure out a way to help her own daughter as easily.

Pulling the phone out of her pocket again, she dialed Maddy’s number and left a different type of message. “Hi, Maddy. It’s Mom. I can only imagine how rough last evening must have been for you. First at the police station, then at home. I’m sure you were emotionally spent and just needed time to recharge this morning. I’m not mad you skipped school. If anything, I’m envious. How about this weekend we splurge and have a mother-daughter day? We’ll talk, really talk. In the meantime, though, will you please text me back? You know how I worry about your safety . . . I love you.”

After suffering the humiliation at the police station the previous night and dealing with the subsequent blowup at home, Maddy knew there was no way her mom would let her bad behavior continue by letting her stay home from school. But she couldn’t face her friends. Not yet. So she got ready like usual but instead of stopping at her bus stop, she kept walking.