Squirrel Cage (30 page)

“So, three months is what you want?”

“Yes, that should do it.”

“Do you have any vacation time?”
I suppose I have a couple of weeks.
I’ve only taken a few days since I’ve worked here” I said.

“Okay Cindi, this is what I’m going to do.
I’m going to ask for
three
months plus your unpaid vacation time.
And they are going to provide the insurance coverage to keep your kids covered until you find another job okay?”

“Leonard, that sounds fine to me.”

“You should have asked for more money” said
Squirrel
.

“Never be greedy
Squirrel
” I responded.

“We are going to be ho
nest from now on” I admonished S
quirrel.

“Yea
h,
sure… we’ll see if that works out,” she responded.

I met Bruce and Sandy at the church.
Bruce and his companion were going to dress up as women.
I was dressed all in black with black hair and black shoes.
I had done my face in very dark colors.
I didn’t have a hat but I told them that I was a good witch.
They all laughed as they welcomed me with open arms.
“What are you going to be Sandy” I asked as I noted she had no costume.
In her sort of long drawl she said “Oh, I just figured just for tonight, I’d be a fag hag.”
We all hooted.
For our novice readers, a fag hag is a woman that spends all of her time with gay men. She wasn’t being cynical, its just that she had found a clever way to say that she was not about to wear a costume.

I told them all that I had something to tell them.
I told them what had happened at work.

“You should have asked for more money
,
honey. You are going to need a lot for your surgeries and living expenses,” Bruce said.

“I don’t need it Bruce. I’ll find a job and earn what I need. That’s all I wanted from them… just enough till I can find work,” I said.

“But Cindi, what if you can’t find a job that quickly?” Sandy queried.

“I’ll be okay Sandy. I can find work,” I replied.

“Does this mean you’ll be leaving us?” Bruce asked with a painful look in his eyes.

“Yes Bruce, I believe it does.
I don’t know where I’ll be going, but it sure is going to be anywhere but here,” I answered. A brief pause ensued as everyone collected their thoughts.

“Cindi, will you join us for service on Sunday?” Sandy begged.

“Only if there is punch and cookies!” I smiled back at her.

Sandy and I helped the Bobsy twins get dressed up as women. They looked horrible but they were having great fun. And then we went out to eat at a local restaurant.
It was nothing fancy but there were many people there dressed in costume.
We had a wonderful time laughing and talking. No one had asked me about my “ordeal” at St Ben’s.
They had not an inkling that it turned out to be a very uplifting experience. I figured that I would have the chance to tell them later.

For now, it was a time of laughter. A time to enjoy each other
’
s company and let loose for a while.
Later on in the evening, we left and went to a local bar. It was loud there and we danced till the wee hours of the morning. Sandy and I had our Diet Cokes.
I was usually the designated driver for which they were eternally grateful.

I dropped off the Bobsy twins and Sandy and I had a quiet repose to talk briefly.
I told her a little about what had happened to me in my rise from the fall.
I told her that I would be leaving soon. She gave me a big hug.

“Cindi, I hope you come and visit often,” she said.

“If I come Sandy, I’ll make it a point to see you,” I told her as we parted company for the evening.

I arose and arrived at work early.
I was glad that I didn’t drink. I
never had a
hangover. I was looking forward to how the day would turn out.
I had heard that the corporate lawyer had flown in from Palo Alto.
I knew that if it came down, it would come down quickly.
I had better take advantage of free long distance while I had it.

I had to figure out where I was going to go.
I considered the possibilities.
I had traveled all over the country. Boston and the bay area were the best for technical jobs.
Boston was too far away.
And at the moment, I had no one that could lend me their couch in the bay area.
Matty had a new girl friend.
There were many other big cities to choose from. I had several friends in LA, Phoenix, Seattle, and Portland.

The clear choice was LA. I had visited Trish a few weeks earlier.
She had been very adamant about coming to stay if I ever needed a place. I had not spent a lot of time with her face to face. It had been just that one visit. But we had spent a great deal of time online in chat and sending emails back and forth.

I decided to give her a call.

“Trish”, I started, “I’m getting out, I’m breaking free, and I’ll be on the road in a few days. Can I stay at your place for a while until I can find a place of my own?” I asked.

“Cindi,” she said “You can have the couch. You know you are welcome at my home anytime.”

“Trish, you are a sweetheart. I don’t know how this is all going to play out, but I’ll let you know what happens when it happens.”

As soon as I hung up, Amy popped her head in.

“Cindi, Ellen would like to see you in her office if you are available.”
Wasn’t it interesting that everyone was calling me David. Amy still called me Cindi. She was such a sweetheart.

I knocked on Ellen’s door.

“Come in,” I heard her say.

I opened the door and passed through. Ellen and the corporate lawyer were in there.
Imagine. The shit had hit the fan only the day before. Here he was, the legal representation from Colorado Springs. The company did not want to waste time with this.
He stood up to introduce himself.

“Cindi, I’m David Skills.”
Wow, the lawyer was calling this dude in dress blues and a red tie Cindi. This was going to be interesting.

“Cindi”, he started, “I had a chat with your lawyer yesterday concerning your employment here with us. I am aware of the problems you have been having and for that I am truly sorry.
Your lawyer indicated that you would be interested in a
three
month severance package plus your vacation.
We will round that up to 4 months salary if that is al
l
right with you,” he said.

“You realize”, I started, “that there
has
been some very unconventional behavior here, and I’m excluding my antics,” I said. I could see the lawyer getting ready to get legal with me.

“Are you not comfortable with
four
months salary,” he queried.

“David,” I said to him, “I only want enough to get far away from here. I want a fresh start. I’m willing to get a job and pay my own way. But it is the end of the year. As you know, no one hires at the end of the year.
Four
months salary is fine. I have always maintained that I only want to be treated fairly.”

“We are sincerely sorry about all that has happened”, said David.

He helped me through the paperwork. He showed me the cobra forms so that I could get my children insured. I signed an agreement stating that I could never again work for the company or sue the company.
I should never talk about the settlement, although I couldn’t see how they could ever come after me. I’ve omitted the name of the company in this book for that reason.
He showed me the numbers and calculations for my final check.
Ellen laid an envelope on the table. “This is your final check Cindi”, she said. I want to personally tell you how sorry I am that I caused all of this.

“Ellen!” I said, “This is
not
your fault. I know what happened.”

I looked briefly at the check and realized that I could probably get by for 6 months if I had to. I
had
some stock options come due and sold them off earlier in the week.

The lawyer David smiled.
“
I have to tell you this Cindi. Dennis told me that after he
talked to you the first time. H
e called in a psychiatrist sympathetic to his religious beliefs. Dennis implemented the advice he received from this doctor. Now Cindi, this had nothing to do with the company. The advice he received was to take away your responsibilities, to give you nothing to do, and to apply constant pressure concerning your religious beliefs. He said that… “If you do this, he will commit suicide or quit within
six
months”. Dennis talked to me this morning and told me proudly “Well I guess that it worked didn’t it? Cause the little queer is leaving.” Cindi, I am ashamed that this happened. I admire your fortitude, because indeed you can sue us.
But I’ve had a long talk with Ellen here. We both know that you are an honest person and that you will be successful wherever you go.
I’ve only known you briefly. I wish you the best of luck.”

I never would have believed an attorney to be so open about something like this. He represented the company, but wanted to let me know the real score, now that the company could hide behind its paperwork.

I shook his hand an
d Ellen gave me a warm embrace.
I passed by Amy’s office and gave her a big hug. I told her that I loved her like a sister and that I would miss her. She told me that she would be leaving soon as well.
She had
filed one of the two
sexual harassment suit
s
against the company, which she would win, and s
he had
also
been offered marriage by one of the brilliant engineers. I was so thrilled for her.

I walked out of the building and never saw any of them again.

I attend
ed
church services on Sunday. Pastor Bruce eloquently announced from the pulpit that I would be leaving.

“Cindi Jones will be leaving our flock this week. I am happy to announce that she is moving on to start a new life. When she came to us, I
looked
out upon her, and thought that she was a representative from the LDS Relief Society, or that she might be a reporter. I thought that she had come to cause us some trouble. She introduced herself as a transsexual.
And I asked her “Oh, are you going to become a man?” She replied that she was going to be a woman.”

With that remark a chuckle rolled through the room, not unlike the wave from the fans in the seats of a football stadium.

He went on to say
,
“She is a vibrant, brilliant, and loving human being. She is a woman we have all come to love and respect. She has the highest integrity of anyone I’ve ever met. And lastly, the most important of all, she is a very spiritual person of faith and conviction. We have all been blessed by your presence here Cindi.
Please take a moment after service this afternoon to say goodbye.”

I sniffled and then tears welled up in my eyes.

After the service, we retired to the reception room and had cookies and punch.
I stayed until most everyone had left. Bruce looked at me.
“Cindi, would you like to take the left over cookies?” I hugged him with a warm embrace. “Bruce, thank you so much. I love you like a brother. I won’t need the cookies now.”

“Amen Cindi, Amen,” he said.

I cleaned out my apartment and threw everything I owned in the back of my
tiny
hatch back. It wasn’t much. There was only one thing to do and that was to say goodbye to my parents.

Dad had once told me that if he ever saw me in skirt, that he’d become violent.
Sure. Dad the softie.
Ever since he and Mom visited with the doctor at St Ben’s, I think that he better understood some of what I was going through.
Although he never talked about it, I knew that he had his own problems in his lifetime that caused him pain.

“Look David,” he said. You have to do what you have to do. When you get down there, for crying out loud don’t tell anybody, and I mean ANYBODY, where you live. If you need to be Cindi, then be Cindi. Your mother and I will give you all the support we can. We love you son. We really do.”

My mother was having a very difficult time with my leaving. She knew that if I were to get a job, it would be in California. Not only were there jobs there and companies that would hire me. But she knew that I had several friends there. I told her about Matty and Trish. And that no matter where I ended up in California, I would have people who loved me and could help me.

“David,” she said, “my dear sweet child. I don’t know what to say.
I want you to know that I will always love you. Never, ever forget that.
It doesn’t matter whether I can accept your problem or not. That will never be an issue where my love for you is concerned.
Please, please call, write, and visit us often. You will always be cherished. You will always be welcome in our home, no matter the circumstances. You are loved and welcome here. God bless you on your journeys,” she concluded with “may we have a moment of prayer?”
I agreed that would be fine. I knelt with my parents while my mother offered a beautiful prayer.