Stage Fright (12 page)

Beside him Val said softly, “Anything you want.”
* * * *

Early morning found Jesse standing outside his building, barely awake. He squinted up at the bright, cloudless sky. He guessed they were going to see the Grand Canyon or maybe Hoover Dam. He glanced at his watch and shifted his weight from foot to foot. This was an entire day with Val, just the two of them together on a road trip. He felt like school was out and it was the first day of summer vacation. He strode down the building’s walkway to the sidewalk and craned his neck to see as far down the empty street as he could.

Val was late. Maybe he’d overslept or his car had a dead battery. Maybe he had to cancel. Jesse checked his phone, but there were no missed calls and no new texts. He chewed on a fingernail and told himself if something had come up, it was no big deal. But when he heard the distinctive rumble of Val’s Subaru, he almost sagged with relief. He had his hand on the door handle before the car had come to a complete stop. He gave Val a good-morning kiss, then settled back and buckled up his seat belt.

“Sorry I’m late. I went through the drive-through to pick up coffees, and some idiot stalled. Did you eat?”
Jesse shook his head. He’d been too revved up to eat.
“There’s a couple of breakfast biscuits in that bag. Pass me one. The other’s for you.” Val grinned. “It’ll be a while before we have lunch, and you’ll be starving by then.”

Jess wolfed down the cheese-and-sausage biscuit, absurdly pleased that Val had brought him breakfast and coffee, with cream, no sugar. Just the way he liked.
“So where are we going?” They were heading north. Jesse tried to remember where the dam and Lake Mead were in relation to Vegas. He was pretty sure they were southeast.
Val set his coffee in the car’s cup holder. “Valley of Fire State Park. Have you been there?”
“No. I haven’t been out of Vegas since I got here.” Jesse thought back to what he’d seen from the plane when he’d flown in. “Has it got canyons?”

Val passed an old camper van with a bumper sticker that read COMPOST HAPPENS. Jesse saw him smile. “There are definitely canyons. Red Rock State Park’s closer, but Valley of Fire is better. The landscape’s surreal. Like something out of a Dr. Seuss book. The shapes and colors are like nothing you’ve ever seen. There are hiking trails, picnic areas… You wore boots, right?”

“Sneakers.” Jesse didn’t have any boots. “Is that okay?”

 

“It’s fine. We’ll just stick to the main trails.”

The drive took less than an hour. For the first part Jesse enjoyed his coffee and the novelty of being outside Vegas. Val smiled at him a lot and squeezed his thigh every once in a while, but he wasn’t one of those drivers who talked nonstop while he drove. Jesse could sit back and relax. Last night he’d been busy with the show. He hadn’t had time to think about Ben Mitchum until he was home and too tired to think clearly. Now, in the quiet confines of the car, his mind returned to their meeting. Once again he replayed Ben’s conversation, trying to remember his exact words, his body language, and figure out what it all might mean. Scottsdale and Ben’s car auction weren’t far from Vegas, but having his old high school nemesis popping up like a joker in the deck troubled him.

Val’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “Pit stop.” He pulled off the highway and into a gas station. “I’ve got our lunch in a cooler, but I need to buy more ice. I brought water too, but if you want to get a juice or something now, go ahead.”

Jesse leaned against the side of the car and sipped orange juice as Val dumped more ice in the cooler.

“Ready to hit the road?” Val asked.
“You bet.” Jesse made an effort and smiled. Enough with the brooding. He was on a date with Val, and he was going to have fun. The last thing he wanted to think about was Ben fucking Mitchum.

* * * *

When Jesse tried to pay the park-entrance fee, Val refused to let him. This was his idea, and he wanted it to be special. He wanted to make sure Jesse remembered this day forever. “Next time,” he told Jesse.

“Next time,” Jesse agreed, looking happier.

Val’s tension eased off a little. He wasn’t much of a talker; Jesse normally talked enough for both of them. On the way up Val had anticipated Jesse’s usual chatter, so he hadn’t played either the radio or a CD, but the car had been silent. For most of the drive Jesse had stared sightlessly at the road ahead, picking at the cuticle of his thumb until it bled. Even now he sat slumped in his seat.

Val was second-guessing this trip. Maybe Jesse wouldn’t be as impressed with the park as he was. The scenery on the way up wasn’t much to look at, just drab brown hills with scrubby plants and cacti dotting the land, and this first part of the park looked no different.

As the landscape changed Val watched from the corner of his eye. Jesse sat up, and Val remembered how awed he’d felt the first time he’d seen this sight.

Deep orange and red-gold sandstone loomed up against a backdrop of crisp blue sky. The colors and shapes of some rocks reminded Val of his mother’s terra-cotta strawberry pots; they were smooth and rounded by wind and time. Others were jagged like shards of broken crockery piled high.

Jesse shifted in his seat, pressing his face against the side window to peer up at a large sandstone formation as they drove past. “Wow.”
Val smiled. “Wait till we get out and start exploring.”
He took Jesse to his favorite spots. Together they examined Indian petroglyphs over a thousand years old. They went down an easy trail, and Val snapped a photo as Jesse stopped to empty the red sand out of his sneakers, laughing and hopping on one foot to keep his balance in the loose, almost ankle-deep sand. Val hoped the photo turned out.
He’d packed peanut butter sandwiches as well as fruit and lots of water. They ate lunch at one of the shaded picnic areas. He set his camera’s timer and rushed around to Jesse’s side of the table, squishing up against him so he could get a picture of them together. Even on the camera’s small display screen, it looked like a good photo. If it turned out okay, he’d give Jesse a copy.
After lunch they reapplied sunscreen, then set off.
“I love this park, but White Domes is my favorite trail,” Val said as they walked along the floor of a dry wash. The rock formations and sand were a deep red, like he imagined Australia or Mars would look. “I’ve been trying to get a good photo. The early-morning light makes the rocks look like they’re on fire. That’s how the valley got its name.”
Jesse squinted at the rocks as if trying to imagine the sight. “I bet it does.”

Val admired the shimmer of gold as the breeze ruffled Jesse’s hair. It wasn’t hot this early in the day, and the trail wasn’t hard, but the rocks threw the sun’s warmth back at them. Jesse was quiet, and a couple of times Val noticed him frowning. Jesse was fit, but he wasn’t used to hiking in the desert. Val made a mental note to make sure he didn’t get sunburned or dehydrated.

“You’re going to like this next bit,” Val told him.

 

Jesse, who’d been watching where he put his feet, looked up and stopped. “Wow.”

Val grinned. “Pretty amazing, isn’t it?”
Ahead, the trail wound between the sides of two tall rock formations. The rocks were so close together Val and Jesse would have to walk single file. The path twisted, and not much was visible beyond the canyon’s opening. Jesse stood staring, his expression one of awe. A tiny brown bird sang loudly from the middle of a silvery green bush nearby, and another joined in. Val gave silent thanks. He’d been worried when they started out, but it looked like Jesse felt the same way he did about this mystical place.
“It’s a slot canyon.” Val stood beside him as they gazed at the steep red walls. “Are you claustrophobic?”
“No,” Jesse said, but he looked doubtful.
“Come on, then.” Val took his hand. “It’s cooler inside.”

They entered the passageway. Jesse slowed. Val was leading, but he stopped. “You okay? It’s only a hundred feet or so long. Then the trail opens up again.” “I’m fine. It’s just…something else.” Jesse pushed his sunglasses into his hair. He

looked around, doing a slow sweep, then tilted his head back.

Val looked up too. They could only see a few feet ahead, the narrow entrance behind, and above the towering rock walls, a thin slice of brilliant blue sky. They could have been the only two people on earth, and when Jesse turned his head, about to say something, Val cupped his face and brought their lips together.

Jesse parted his lips, offering his mouth. He smelled like sunscreen and tasted faintly of peanut butter. He rested his hands on Val’s hips as the kiss deepened, and Val pressed closer.

Val didn’t know how much time went by before he reluctantly pulled away. Jesse stared at him with an almost tender expression, his lips red and swollen from kisses. Val imagined he looked pretty much the same. He felt soft, like Jesse had melted his insides.

“You are so sexy.” He stroked Jesse’s cheekbones, rubbed a thumb against Jesse’s bottom lip. Jesse flicked his tongue against the tip, and Val stepped back reluctantly. “But I didn’t bring you here to make out in the middle of a hike.”

“No? That’s a shame.” Jesse leaned back against the canyon wall, his eyes bright with suppressed humor. He took Val’s hand and placed it on his crotch. “Any chance I could change your mind?” He bumped his groin against Val’s palm.

Val knew he wasn’t serious, though the stiffening bulge gently nudging his hand showed his man was aroused. “Probably. You must have figured out by now I’d have sex with you pretty much whenever and wherever you wanted.” He shook his head, smiling. “And while hot, passionate sex in the desert would certainly be memorable, there’s a couple of places I’d prefer to keep sand-free.” Val gave Jesse’s dick a lingering caress before twisting his hand to capture Jesse’s. “But I’m not really an exhibitionist, and despite your job, I suspect you aren’t either.”

He rubbed his thumb over Jesse’s in an attempt to take any sting out of his words. “Ow.” Jesse pulled his hand free.

 

“Sorry. Is it bleeding again?”

 

“Nah.”

Jesse examined his thumb, his eyebrows drawn together, and Val wished he knew what was bothering him. It had to be linked to his work, but Val had been watching Chaz, and he hadn’t seen anything different. He could ask what was wrong, but they were still circling certain topics warily. Jesse, for such a friendly, chatty person, kept some things close to his chest. Val didn’t want to spoil their trip by forcing Jesse to withdraw further.

Jesse looked up and caught Val watching him. His expression smoothed out, and he grinned, his troubles seemingly forgotten for now. “How about you show me the rest of the park?”

Val let it go. “Sure. Come on.” He set off as Jesse followed behind. They exited the slot canyon and headed up a short slope. At the top Val stopped. The view stretched out before them uninhabited and untainted: dark brown mountains hazy with distance, and all around them rocks in yellow, cream, pink, gray, and of course, the surreal deep, dark red.

They stood shoulder to shoulder. “Look.” Val gestured at a fat lizard sunning itself on a nearby rock. The lizard sat immobile and then disappeared with a flick of its tail.

He slipped an arm around Jesse’s hip. “A lot of people who visit Vegas spend all their time drinking and partying. Most don’t leave the city, and I wouldn’t be surprised if some don’t even leave their hotels.” He pulled Jesse closer so their hips were touching. “I wanted to share this with you. To take you out of Vegas and show you something beautiful, something real.”

Jesse leaned against him, one arm loosely wrapped around his waist. “It is beautiful.”

 

Val turned his head and drank his fill as Jesse gazed at the far-off mountains, his expression serene.

 

Val’s voice was husky as he replied. “Yeah.”
* * * *

On the way back Jesse drove as Val tried to doze. He’d gotten up early to show Jesse his valley. He’d willingly miss sleep, though, if he could spend that time with Jesse.

His favorite part had been toward the end of the day. Outside the visitor center they’d shared the last bottle of water, and he’d laced their fingers together as they leaned against the car. A family came out of the center, and Jesse had tensed. Val hadn’t dropped his hand, but he’d kept his grip easy. Jesse could have pulled away if he’d wanted, but he hadn’t. Val’s heart filled with pride. He’d squeezed Jesse’s fingers lightly, giving him encouragement and support.

One of his Iron and Wine CDs was still in the CD player. Jesse had asked if music would stop him from sleeping before letting it play softly. Val doubted it was something Jesse would listen to by choice, but Jesse didn’t seem to mind his indie folk music. Jesse tapped out a complicated counterrhythm on the steering wheel, his lips curved in a slight smile.

Val drifted off. His lips were chapped, and his skin felt tight and sunburned—or since he was wearing sunscreen, probably more windburned. He’d never been happier.
Chapter Nine

When Jesse came back from a yoga class late Saturday morning, his roommate, Chris, was sprawled on their ratty couch in a tank top and a pair of holey sweats, a cup of coffee balanced precariously on his stomach. He looked up. “Your mom called. She says your cell phone must be broken ’cause you didn’t pick up.”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “I left it here charging.” He went to the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. He walked back into the living room and swatted at Chris’s feet.
Chris didn’t budge, and since it was his couch, Jesse settled for perching on the armrest as he sipped at his coffee. Chris poked him in the thigh with his big toe. “So was your yoga class good?” He snickered. “Did you have a yogasm?”
Jesse ignored his comment. For a straight guy, Chris was amazingly relaxed about Jesse’s orientation. And maybe a little more interested in what he called “the gay lifestyle” than someone who claimed to be strictly heterosexual usually was.
Jesse pushed Chris’s hairy toes away. “When did she call?”

Chris checked his watch. “Maybe half an hour ago. She wants to know if you’re eating right.” He smirked. “I told her Val made sure you ate regularly.”

“Thanks,” Jesse said drily. He was pretty sure Chris hadn’t said any such thing. His roommate was full of one-liners and double entendres, but he’d been polite and respectful each time he’d answered the phone when Jesse was home and heard him.