Standing Strong (29 page)

Damien felt so disappointed with himself, so ashamed, that his face coloured. Even though it would be too little, too late, he owed his sister a massive apology. But not nearly as big as the one his mother owed her. He didn't think Tina could have hurt Lucy more, if she'd tried. She should probably be grateful her daughter spoke to her at all.

‘No. He didn't really do anything much,' Alice said with a shrug, bringing Damien back to the conversation. ‘He was too clever.'

‘I don't mean to pry, and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but what did he do?'

‘Tried to cop the odd feel, squeeze past at the bench and brush my butt or breasts. You know, the sort of things you'd tell yourself you imagined? So many times I just thought I was being paranoid. And he had a way of looking at me – not really looking at me, you know, in the eye, but kind of looking me up and down. And a few times I saw him licking his lips while he did. Just creepy stuff.'

‘But it made you feel uncomfortable. That's no way to live.'

‘God, he made my skin crawl,' Alice said, shuddering.

‘So did you tell your mum? And did she, um, believe you?'

‘Yes. Eventually. I didn't want to be the one responsible for them breaking up. She really did love him.' Alice looked at Damien a little sheepishly. ‘God knows why. I love my mum, but he belonged to someone else. She should never have gone near him.'

‘So what did she say? When you told her?'

‘That no man was worth her daughter feeling uncomfortable in her own home,' Alice said with clear pride. ‘Huge relief. It could have gone either way. Plenty of mothers might have thought I was just attention seeking or something.'

‘Hmm.' It was all Damien could say as he dealt with the overwhelming mixture of renewed rage towards his mother, sympathy for his sister, and disappointment and shame towards himself that was assaulting him. What sort of a big brother had he been? Useless. Bloody useless!

‘Anyway, even if she hadn't, she wouldn't have been able to ignore catching him peeping through the bathroom keyhole when she came home early the other day.'

‘God. That's terrible!'

‘Yeah. But he didn't see anything. I had him pegged as creepy from the start, just hoped he'd prove me wrong. I always made sure there was nothing he could see through any keyhole. Though that didn't stop him trying for as long they were together. He's got patience, I'll give him that,' she said with raised eyebrows. ‘Anyway, that's why I'm here. It all hit the fan, as they say. Mum threw him out, and then we got thrown out. We were on a few acres on the edge of town. Not sure where he went.'

‘Back home, I think. He threw my mum out.'

‘Oh. I'm sorry.'

‘Don't be, it's not your fault.'
And it's nothing she doesn't deserve
.

‘Thanks so much for this. I feel so much better.'

‘I'm glad. Maybe you should go and see Bill, the local copper. He's a good bloke. Surely there's a law around what Geoff did – stalking, or something?'

‘I'll think about it, but I don't want to cause a fuss.'

‘Well, it's up to you.'

‘Thanks so much for caring. I really don't have many friends,' Alice said shyly.

‘What about the horsey set, don't you all hang out together?' That's what it had been like in his sister's day.

‘Nah. I think the pony club closed down and, anyway, I'm not into competition. I had heaps of lessons when I was a kid. But I just have horses because I like them. Ben and Toby out there,' she said, tossing her head, ‘are the only two I've ever owned by myself. I rescued them. They were at a disposal sale, all set to go on the truck. You know,
the
truck?'

Damien nodded. He knew all right. His mother had often mentioned the nearest abattoir, Peterborough, when storming inside after a horse hadn't pulled its weight.

‘What about the emu? I've got a confession to make – I'm terrified of the bloody things. Got pecked as a kid,' he said with a shudder.

‘Aw, don't worry about Sam, he's a sweetie. No idea what his story is, he just turned up one day. I guess you could say he adopted me. But you can see the problem, can't you? We'll have to head back to the city, and no city stable – even if I could afford it – is going to want an emu hanging around.'

Damien wasn't sure he wanted an emu hanging around either.

‘Anyway, I don't think Ben and Toby would be keen on being pampered horses again. They're track rejects. And I don't want to split them up. Which is kind of why I thought you'd be prefect. Because you're all about the animals – all animals. I know you'll look after them. I saw the write-up about you in the paper the other week.' Alice dipped her head and coloured a little.

‘Do you ride them? Can they be ridden?'

‘Yeah. Quiet as. Do you ride?'

‘Nah. Tried it once when my sister was into it. But it wasn't for me.' Damien had the strange thought that that was then and now is now. So much had changed.
He
had changed. Perhaps he might give it a go. It might be nice to wander around the stock, check on the kangaroos on horseback. Except, of course, the shed full of saddles and stuff had been swallowed by the fire. Damn. He drained the rest of his coffee.

‘Come on, I think they're probably keen to be let out by now,' he said when Alice had finished her coffee.

As she left the van, Alice seemed suddenly sad again. Damien's heart wrenched. And then he had an idea. And wanted to belt his head against the van for not having it sooner and putting Alice out of her misery. Though he could barely believe he was about to say it.

‘Hey, why don't you just leave Ben, Toby and Sam here until you're settled somewhere else? There's no need to formally surrender them. Maybe you won't need to go to the city. They'll be fine here for as long as you need, while your sort yourself out.' The words came out in a rush. It's what Lucy would have done. She was a huge animal lover – always had been. Damien had come to the party quite late.

‘Really?'

‘Yep.'

‘Oh my God. Wow. Thank you, thank you,
thank you
.'

Damien was stunned to have Alice's arms flung around him suddenly and pulling him into a tight hug, a hug so forceful it nearly knocked him off-balance.

‘This means so much to me. Thank you. Seriously,' she said when she released him.

‘No worries. Happy to help.' He was sorry and a little embarrassed to see tears streaming down her face again, but consoled himself that these might be good tears. And that he was the cause. That thought gave him a warm feeling deep inside.

Damien stood back by the tailgate while Alice went into the front door of the float to untie the horses. He was surprised to see Sam, the emu, carefully step out of the small door, one long leg and then the other. If he wasn't frozen with fear, Damien might have laughed at the huge bird, which shook itself, looked around, and then stretched to its full height as if to shed its embarrassment and then assert its superiority. Damien stood rooted to the spot, quivering all over, as the bird walked straight up to him and stared him in the face, beady eyes just inches away. Damien held his breath. Alice popped her head out.

‘All ready when you are. Oh. Sam, leave him alone. Not everyone wants you in their face.' With that, the bird seemed to give an harrumph before tossing its head and wandering over to where Bob and Cara, still in their runs, were taking turns cowering and trying to appear bold, with bouts of menacing barking. Damien saw Squish disappear under the caravan.

‘Righto,' Alice called. ‘Ready when you are.'

Damien undid the latches, carefully lowered the tailgate, and then stood out of the way. There was no centrepiece dividing the space between the two chestnut horses and no rails behind them. Damien crossed his fingers, hoping they weren't the sort who reversed at a million miles. But both horses backed out slowly and carefully and then stood quietly, with heads held high, to take in their new surroundings. Damien felt a bit jittery at their size and close proximity. God, he really was going to have to grow a spine.

‘Ben, Toby, this is Damien,' Alice said, rubbing their faces. ‘He's very kindly come to our rescue, so be nice. Ben has the star and two white socks.'

Damien held out a hand for them to sniff, like he would a dog. Was that what you did with horses? He couldn't remember. Horses up close and personal were a distant memory.

‘They like their faces being rubbed and being scratched between their ears. Like this,' Alice said, and demonstrated. Figuring this was his cue, Damien followed suit with Toby. The horse lowered its head and closed its eyes before letting out a long, deep groan, which Damien took to be contentment.

‘See. He likes you.'

Damien smiled and rubbed more vigorously. Ben gave his shoulder a slight nudge as if to say,
My turn now
. But before Damien could do anything, the horse had sneezed loudly and deposited several huge globs of snot down the front of his work shirt.

‘Lovely, thanks very much,' Damien muttered.

Alice laughed. ‘Sorry. They do that after being in the float on a dirt road. It's the dust.'

‘Suppose you'll be next, Toby. Go on, go your hardest. What's a bit of snot between friends?' He and Alice stood rubbing the faces of both horses, and Damien leapt when the beaked face of Sam, the emu, suddenly appeared over his shoulder. ‘Christ,' he said, putting a hand over his heart. ‘You scared the shit out of me.' Damien wouldn't admit it in such polite company, but he really did feel something in his bowels shift slightly.

The beady eyes surveyed him. Could emus smile? This one looked like it was enjoying Damien's terror. Bloody hell, he was being teased, he was damned sure of it.

‘Step back, Sam,' Alice commanded.

Damien wouldn't have believed it if he hadn't seen it for himself, but the animal stepped back and seemed to have a chastised look on its face.

‘Right, where shall I put these guys?' Alice asked.

‘Over in the sheep yards for now. Follow me.' Damien led the way, wondering what the heck he was going to do with Sam the emu following him. It was unnerving. Nothing like facing one's biggest fear, he thought, as he trudged on.

‘Do we put them in together? What about Sam?' From memory, he thought Auntie Ethel's emus had roamed about the farm as they pleased, regardless of where they were put. They had a knack of silently moving about and popping up right beside you when you were least expecting it. Terrifying for a little boy, worse when the beasts pecked and chased you if you ran. Damien shuddered at the memories, the fingers of fear creeping down his spine just as they had back then.

‘He likes to stay close, so put them all in together for now. He seems to be able to get out of any enclosure, so locking him up is pointless, though I reckon he'd be hard pressed to get out of there,' Alice said, pointing to Damien's newly constructed enclosures. ‘He'll generally follow one of the horses if you need to move him and are afraid. Otherwise, just loop some string around his beak. He leads fine if you're a bit firm. There's nothing to be worried about. Though I do understand fear. I'm afraid of moths,' she said shyly. ‘Ridiculous, I know. They can't even hurt you. The only thing with Sam is he's a bit friendly, if you don't like emus. Just push him away and tell him to step back. Be firm. Same with the horses.'

Damien thought he'd worry about trying to manhandle the emu another day. Right now he just wanted to get the horses settled and give his heart rate a chance to return to somewhere near normal.

‘Do you mind if I leave the float and all my gear in it? There are a couple of stock saddles and everything else you need if you decide you'd like to give riding another go.'

‘No problem. Sorry I don't have a shed for you to put it in under cover.'

‘No worries. It'll be fine. Sorry you lost everything in the fire. That must have been terrible.'

Damien shrugged. ‘It's been a weird time all right.' What else could he say? He didn't want to go into a sermon about discovering that, really, when it came down to it, he was just relieved no lives were lost. And, anyway, his mother was such a control freak that everything was insured to the hilt. He could sense Alice was starting to stall, not wanting to leave, and he wanted her to leave while she was still calm.

‘And I'm really sorry I don't have room for you to stay with them. If I had a shed and a swag, or the house was finished, you could have …'

‘It's okay. Thanks, anyway. I really appreciate all you're doing. You've no idea how much …' And then the tears started up again.

Damien was not much into hugging, but wrapping his arms around Alice felt like the most natural thing in the world to do.

‘It'll all be okay, you'll see. These guys are safe, they're fine here with me for as long as you need. It's not goodbye forever. You can visit them whenever you want.' He felt her nod against him and mutter something he couldn't decipher.

Slowly she pulled away, dragged a tissue from inside her sleeve, and blew her nose. ‘Sorry, I'm being so pathetic.'

‘God, don't be sorry. And you're not. What you're doing is hard. They're special to you. But they'll be fine. I'll take really good care of them,' he said, laying a hand on her shoulder. ‘Even the emu,' he added, giving a roll of his eyes and a crooked grin to lighten the mood. She smiled weakly. ‘Now off you go and sort out whatever else you have to sort out,' he said, giving her a gentle brotherly shove.

Alice's chin wobbled again. She nodded. Damien put an arm around her shoulder and ushered her to the driver's side of the ute, opened the door for her and then closed it after she was seated.

‘Take care. And I hope your mum's okay,' he said.