Standing Strong (30 page)

Alice nodded as she turned the key and croaked, ‘Thank you so much, for everything.' She put the vehicle in gear and drove off.

Damien's heart lurched after her. He knew tears would already be flowing freely down her face again. He wished he could have taken away her pain and angst as well as the burden of the horses and emu.

Chapter Twenty-nine

Damien found he couldn't drag himself away from watching the horses. He was tired, but it wasn't just that – they were relaxing to watch. There was something quite magical about their elegance, their lovely kind eyes, long lashes, the slow, rhythmic chewing as they ate, and their long velvety ears flicking back and forth, taking in everything around them. He found himself sitting on the ground right beside the fence and crossing his legs. Squish pushed his way under his arm and into his lap. Damien smiled when he felt Jemima snuffle at the back of his neck and then lean against him.

As he sat there, the heavy burden of what he'd just taken on began to descend again. He'd told Alice these guys would be safe with him for as long as needed. But what if that wasn't true? What if the farm needed to be sold? It was one thing to send Jemima and the kittens elsewhere – sure, it would be hard and he'd be sad – but this was different. He'd made a promise. And not just to the animals and to the memory of his dead father, but to another human being; their owner. Damien McAllister was loyal and honest to the core. Perhaps he should have told her the truth about what was going on. God, what a mess. He buried his face in Squish's fur.

Jemima sat beside him and he rubbed her face and gave her a kiss on the nose. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Bob and Cara also lower themselves to the ground nearby. But when Sam the emu plumped down beside him and peered at him with those expressive eyes, head tilted as if in question, Damien didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

He thought he might have just heard a car pull up but couldn't bring himself to go and check. While he was sitting here surrounded by animals who had everything they needed, he could ignore the world and the possible devastation that faced him. He reluctantly dragged himself to his feet. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't sit here all day doing nothing.

He wandered over to the building site, his little menagerie – Sam, Jemima, Bob, Cara and Squish – shadowing him. He stood staring at the timber framework. Things appeared to be at a standstill. No doubt he was meant to be making some decisions and was the reason for the hold up. He'd better pull his finger out and get onto it. He sighed deeply. Even if the farm was to be sold, the house had to be finished. It was definitely past the point of no return, and far too many people had been far too generous to call a halt. He sighed again.

He turned back, hearing the crunch of a slowly approaching car on gravel: Philip Havelock's Statesman. Shit. His heart started to race and he felt his underarms begin to dampen. He really wasn't up to speaking to Jacqueline's parents yet. But he didn't have a choice with them right here. He tried to straighten his shoulders, but they refused to cooperate. He walked over to where they'd stopped the car. Philip and Eileen were exiting and he nodded and offered a weak smile to Eileen. But then he realised she had stopped and was standing with the door still open, fear written right across her face.
Sam.
He'd forgotten about the bird. If he'd known they were dropping in he would have locked everyone up. He looked around. Sam was still beside him.

‘Don't worry, he's friendly. I'm terrified of emus too. Well, I was until we met a while ago. Do you want me to lock him up?' Though as he said it, he wondered how he'd manage that. Alice's instructions were all well and good for her.

‘No, I'll be fine. I've just never met one up close before.'

‘Jemima will look after you,' Philip said, nodding at the roo, who was making her way towards Eileen.

Sam wandered over to Philip. ‘Hello there, Sam, is it?' Philip said, and rubbed the top of the emu's head.

Apparently having satisfied his curiosity, Sam wandered off and Damien turned and accepted Philip's hand with a slight grimace, which he'd meant to be a sympathetic, knowing smile.

‘How are you, my boy?' Philip said, pumping his hand and patting his shoulder firmly, as if nothing had happened.

‘Hi, look, I'm sorry about … ' Damien began. About what? He was so sorry about so much: having a fuckwit of a mother, being gutless in facing them – so many things.

‘Ah,' Philip said, waving a dismissive arm. ‘How about a cuppa?'

‘Yes, please. I'm parched,' Eileen said. She looked relieved to see the emu moving further away. She enveloped Damien in a tight hug, taking him by surprise. ‘And I've just got to take a proper look at this van of yours.'

‘Okay,' Damien said, vaguely waving an arm.

‘I'll be mother then, shall I?' Eileen said, when they were inside and Damien had completed the five-second tour of his temporary home.

‘Coffee, white with one would be great, thanks.'

‘The usual for me, thank you, dear.'

‘We've been to the cottage for a look-see,' Eileen announced.

Damien almost giggled at such ocker words coming from the very refined, almost prim, Eileen Havelock. He felt himself relax a little and smile weakly. God, it was good to see them. He'd been such an idiot to avoid them.

‘Yes, and Eileen seems to think we can live in a caravan on site while the builders are at work,' Philip said. Damien noticed he was looking around with a doubtful expression.

‘I'm wondering if it'll be an option. It might be a lovely adventure. Philip is needing a bit of convincing.'

‘Dear, I'm right here, you know. And it is
very
small. No offence, Damien,' he added.

‘Hey, no skin off my nose. It's on loan. I'm just really grateful to have somewhere out of the elements and away from the creepy crawlies.' Eileen put a mug in front of him. ‘Thanks. So the house hunting didn't go so well then?'

‘It was okay. There are a few viable options, but it just seems to make more sense to park something onsite, and it's much more cost-effective. And the power's already available.'

Damien thought six, eight or twelve months, or however long it would take to do the old stone place up – it was a dump, he wasn't sure he'd be bothering at all, but each to their own – was a long time for two adults to share such a small space.

‘It'll be fun. We can have a large annex. It'll be just like camping,' Eileen declared gleefully.

‘Might I remind you about the one time we attempted camping?'

‘Er, no, thank you. But that was different, anyway.'

‘Yes, dear. Eileen lasted one night, well, not even one. At midnight she demanded I drive her to the nearest motel – half an hour away – and wake up the owners to give us a room. We were damned lucky they weren't booked out! And that they answered their door at that hour.'

‘It was raining,' Eileen explained to Damien. ‘And
someone
hadn't stretched the guy ropes, or whatever they're called, wide enough, or something, so there was practically a river running between us.'

Now it was Philip's turn to flap a dismissive arm and look a little sheepish. ‘I tell you, putting up a tent is a lot harder than it looks. Never again,' he said.

Damien was enjoying their friendly banter. They both had a glint in their eye, so he knew it was all in fun. He didn't think they looked much like your typical grey nomads, but then wondered what a typical grey nomad looked like. While Philip was obviously good with his hands in the case of surgical procedures on animals, he didn't strike Damien as the sort to be too keen on hooking and unhooking trailers and changing tyres. He looked more the sort to drop his car off for a service or call the RAA to change a tyre.

‘Now, Damien,' Philip suddenly said, full of seriousness. ‘Eileen and I want you to stop avoiding us. We understand why, but it's not necessary, please. Ethel filled us in on everything – well, we assume everything – about your mum being the one to dob Jacqueline in to the authorities. I hope you don't mind her doing that.'

‘It's fine,' Damien croaked.

‘You've got enough going on without hiding yourself away. That's not healthy. I can only think you did that because you were concerned about what we might think.'

Damien nodded and stared down into his mug. He felt like he was in the principal's office at school all over again.

‘We love our daughter,' Philip continued, ‘we really do. But she's a grown-up and quite able of taking care of herself and fighting her own battles. Though, of course we'd do all we could to help. But what I'm trying to say, and making a hash of it, is that we don't hold you responsible for what your mother has done. And neither does Jacqueline.'

Damien looked up quickly. He tried to speak, but the words didn't come out.

‘Yes, she knows,' Philip said.

‘Oh no. God,' Damien said, rubbing his face with his hands. ‘How will I ever face her now?'

‘You're being too hard on yourself. And, I dare say, your mother,' Philip continued kindly.

‘I'm sure she thought she was doing the right thing by you,' Eileen said, gently laying a hand over Damien's. ‘Mothers don't set out to deliberately hurt their children, Damien. They do the exact opposite. Well, unless they've got a box of screws missing.'

Damien wasn't entirely sure his mother hadn't completely lost the plot – why else would she have ever thought what she did was a good idea? He stayed silent. They didn't know what a manipulative bully she could be. And he'd seen it through Lucy's eyes now too. It wasn't just him being a bit paranoid.

‘And we've met Tina. She loves you, Damien.'

‘Yes, look how she embraced your change of career and new venture. Sure, she shouldn't have done something so drastic, and definitely should have thought it through a bit more – spoken to you first – but we've all done things in haste that have turned out to be not such a good idea.'

‘I hear what you're saying, but I could still just about wring her bloody neck,' he said with a tight smile and slow shake of her head. ‘What was she bloody well thinking?'

‘That Jacqueline was a threat to her son? However misguided that's turned out to be. I think that's what it was, at the heart of it,' Eileen said quietly.

‘I really love Jacqueline,' Damien said earnestly, looking at each of them in turn.

‘We know you do. And she loves you. You'll get through this.'

‘One day I'm going to marry her. If that would be okay with you?' he added, searching their faces earnestly.

‘We'd love to have you as our son-in-law, when the time is right, wouldn't we, Eileen?'

‘We certainly would.' Damien noticed there were tears in her eyes. He felt emotion try to grip him too, but he swallowed it down.

‘How is she?' he asked.

‘She's fine. Sad – missing you – angry, disappointed, frustrated, afraid, desperate for it all to be cleared up and over and done with – probably everything you're feeling,' Philip said, smiling warmly at Damien.

‘Hopefully it won't be too long and we'll at least know where things stand and what the future holds. Doctor Squire is quite confident all will be resolved,' Eileen added a little wistfully.

‘Yes, he really is being very supportive of Jacqueline,' Philip added.

‘Thank you so much for stopping in. You're right, I have been avoiding you. I didn't know how I'd look you in the eye again. And the rest of the world,' Damien said. ‘My life feels like such a mess.'

‘Is there something else going on?' Philip asked.

‘Mum left Geoff.'

‘Yes, she announced that at dinner that night at Jacqueline's,' Eileen said, looking baffled.

‘And now it looks like the farm might be sold to sort out their financial settlement.'

‘Oh,' Eileen and Philip both said at once.

‘Just when I've finally sorted myself out.' Damien buried his head in his arms on the table. Tears filled his eyes. He just felt so overwhelmed, so damned useless. He'd nearly given in to the tears when Squish nudged him. He swallowed hard and concentrated on patting the little dog.

‘Are you sure it will come to that? Perhaps there's another way,' Eileen said.

‘I don't know. I don't know anything any more.'

‘Have you sat down together and started working through the figures?' Philip asked.

‘No. I only found out after I'd discovered that she was the one who dobbed Jacqueline in. I'm too pissed off to speak to her. Oh, I'm so sorry about the language,' he said, looking at Eileen.

Eileen waved his apology away.

‘As I said, it's all such a mess. And I don't know what to do.' He hadn't meant to say that bit, it sounded so childish.

‘You've got your own piece of land, haven't you?'

‘Yes, but there's nothing there – no power, no water. Just a super shed. And it's too far out of the way for people to deliver unwanted animals. It's too inconvenient. I'm off the beaten track here as it is.'

‘You can't think like that. It's defeatist. There must be a way,' Philip said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

‘Yes,' Eileen agreed. ‘If they're going to bring them at all, what's a few more kilometres? As long as it's well signposted and easy enough to find. You can't give up so easily.'

They went through all the pros and cons. While they didn't come up with anything concrete, Damien was beginning to see that while it wasn't ideal and would take a lot of work, Esperance could be relocated to his block. Unlike Eileen, he wasn't entirely convinced that people would be willing to go so far off the beaten track, but he had to get a grip, and start thinking more positively, otherwise he might slide right back into the hell he'd been in before. Anyway, it might not come to the farm being sold. Access wasn't the only problem, however: his block wouldn't support enough sheep or crop to bring in the income he needed so badly.