Stanton Adore (20 page)

“Mr Stanton organized it Mamm.”

“Huh, Mamm what am I fifty?” My mind goes into overdrive and I get out of the car.

“Why is the security so tight around Joshua?”

He frowns. “I’m sorry I have specific orders not to divulge you that information.”

“From who?” I snap.

“Mamm.”

Stop calling me that!” I scream.

“Umm, ok. I think you should calm down.”

“Calm down………… calm down………… if you want to know who to guard tonight, guard Joshua, because I am going to fucking kill him.”

He steps back and smiles as if he knew I was going to say that. “Let’s just get you home safe shall we Maam,” he turns me to push me back into my car.

“My name is Natasha Asshole,” I scream and “Don’t touch me,” I yank my arm free of his grip. I get back into my car and slam the door, taking off so fast I rev the shit out of my Honda.

Chapter 17

A
s I pull
into my driveway my Mother’s happy mood is sickening. I don’t have the strength to keep quite much longer. I climb out and hit the lock button as she links arms with Will and begins to walk inside.

“A night of cocktails with my son’s, how exciting,” she purrs. I roll my eyes at Cameron who puts a reassuring arm around my neck.

“Just keep quiet and don’t fight with her, you will only make it worse,” he whispers. I walk in behind them and head straight into the master suite shower. I can’t be around her at the moment. She makes me sick. How can she be in such a good mood after speaking to Natasha like that? She really does hate her. I blow out a breath as I put my head under the water. I hear the door shut and my eyes shoot up to see Cam sitting on the side of the bath with a beer in his hand. I turn my back to him and start to soap up.

“Do you mind?” I snap. I’m not in the mood for his shit either. He takes another swig of his beer but stays silent. He comes over to the walk in shower and leans on the wall of the entrance with his shoulder, his face impassive. Obviously he has something to say to me but is trying to word it correctly in his head.

“How long?” He asks. I drop my head and continue washing my legs deliberately ignoring his question.

“All along…………have you always been seeing her?”

My eyes shoot up. “Fuck no,” I snap.

“Since when then,” he questions. “Why didn’t you tell me? I thought we told each other everything.” “Cam,” I sigh. “This is fucked up shit that I don’t want anybody to know about.”

He sits back on the side of the bath and takes another sip of his beer. “I want to know since when?”

I sigh and drop my head. “Since we had that fight at the fight night.” He nods and takes another sip of his beer. I stay silent as I wait for him to start going off at me, he doesn’t. He stays silent which is worse………… much worse. I turn the water off and get out and start drying myself while he sits in silence watching me.

“Do you love her?” He takes another sip of his beer.

I wrap the towel around my hips. “What do you reckon?”

He raises his eyebrows and smirks. “Well as I sit here and read her name written down the fucking length of your body, I would say yes.” I raise my eyebrow at him and shake my head. “It’s not that bad you know?” He sighs.

“Huh, what do you mean?” I walk into my room, he follows me and sits on my bed. I drop the towel and head into my walk in robe.

“Being with her, it’s not that bad.”

“Fuck off,” I snap. “It’s woeful.”

“Twenty per cent of marriages worldwide are between first cousins you know.”

I frown. “How do you know that? That’s bullshit” I snap.

“Seriously, it’s not that bad.”

I shake my head. “No it is that bad, you are just desensitized to this shit like her because you’re a Doctor, well soon to be Doctor whatever.”

“What does she say about it?” He asks.

I shrug. “She wants to come out and move back to America with me.

He raises his eyebrows and takes another swig of his beer. “Shit. Have you forgiven her?” I frown unsure what he is talking about. “For playing up on you.”

I smirk a sad smile as I pull my jeans up. “She didn’t, she lied so I would go to America and not throw away the opportunity.”

His eyes widen. “Fuck,” he whispers.

“I know,” I sit on the bed to put my shoes on.

“Are you going out?” He frowns.

I nod. “Yeah I have to see her, I have some serious explaining to do.”

He nods and smiles. “You seem scared, what is she a ballbuster or something?”

I smile. “You have no fucking idea, we fight nearly every time we see each other.”

“Seriously?”

“She doesn’t put up with my shit which is,” I shrug “refreshing I suppose. Without sounding conceited I am pretty used to women doing anything I say.”

He listens and I can see him thinking. “Do you think that’s what the attraction is, the defiance thing?”

I shake my head. “I wish it was just that,” I flop back down on the bed as I try to articulate my words.

“I’ve never been with anyone remotely like her she’s funny, beautiful, and smart.” I rub my heels of my palms into my eye sockets, “And the sex.” I shake my head and blow out a breath. “She fucking blows my mind. You have no idea how hot the sex is it’s………… ridiculous. And it’s intimate which is new.”

He frowns. “Intimate, what you mean?”

I shrug and stand back up. “If I knew how to turn it off I would have done it seven years ago.”

“Do you think that maybe it’s just that she was the first girl you loved that you are so stuck on her?”

I smile and nod. “I did think that, but since I have been with her again I’ve fallen harder for her again, it’s totally fucked. I have absolutely no control over her or my feelings when I’m with her and it’s fucking with my head. I’ve lost six fucking kilos since I got back, she makes me so crazy I can’t even eat.”

He winces. “This whole situation sounds shit, just don’t tell Mum until”………… he shrugs “you know if it’s going to work out. Don’t put yourself through it,” he smiles. “Actually don’t put me through it she will go fucking Ape shit when she finds out.”

“Just tell her I’ve gone to bed then, will you? And then tell her I’ve gone to work early in the morning.”

“Are you not coming home at all?”

Probably in half an hour, she’s going to kick my ass when I get over there but hopefully I will be staying.” I quickly throw my work gear into an overnight bag. He watches me silently as I move around my room. “Going somewhere Joshua?” Fuck it’s Mum. I don’t need this shit. How did she hear us?

“Yes,” I keep my eyes down as I keep packing my gear in my bag.

“Where are you going?” One of her eyebrows raise as she waits for her answer, her arms are crossed in front of her. She knows damn well where I am going, I don’t answer.

Cameron interjects. “Come on Mum, where’s my cocktail?” she holds up her hand.

“In a minute Cameron, give us some privacy please” I glare at Cameron warning him not to go anywhere. “Cameron can stay Mother. I have nothing to hide from him, what is it you want to say?” She walks over to the window with her back to me and pulls the curtains back and stares out at the view.

“What is going on with Natasha Joshua? And don’t you dare lie to me.” Cameron does wide eyes to me signalling silence.

“I’m still attracted to her,” I answer as I close my eyes waiting for the backlash.

She turns and smiles at me “I know you are attracted to a lot of women Joshua, god knows you’ve slept with more than your share,” I bite my lip as I listen to her. “You realize that if you allow her to persuade you into her bed, you will disgrace the family.” I smile. The fucking gall of this women, I really have had enough of her shit for one night. Cameron shakes his head at me, again signalling my silence.

“Natasha would never have to persuade me into her bed. I would go there willingly.” She narrows her eyes at me and I cross my arms in front of me in defiance.

“Tell me Mother, does Dad know you use your money to intimidate people?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” she snaps.

“Natasha asked you tonight if it mattered to you if your boys married into money.”

“And,” she snaps.

“You totally ignored the question.”

“Of course I want my boys to marry into money, any self – respecting mother would want good breeding for her grandchildren.”

I stand up and start throwing my things into my bag again. “That’s funny, because if I know the story right Dad’s parents didn’t accept you because you came from a poor family and yet you have the audacity to judge Natasha.”

“Natasha is a self – absorbed social ladder climber Joshua, and even if you were not related to her which you are, I would not approve. The girl repulses me.” That’s it. I pick up my bag and sling it over my shoulder. “Where are you going? Put your bag back down immediately until you tell me where you are going.”

I turn slowly. “Josh just go,” Cameron urges.

“You want to know where I am going Mother.” I have never been so angry. She glares at me “Do you really want to know?” I whisper again.

“Enlighten me,” she growls.

“I’m going to Natasha’s and then I am going to beg for her forgiveness for letting you speak to her like a piece of dirt tonight.”

“Don’t you dare apologize for me, I meant every word I said,” she screams.

“I won’t be home tonight,” I snap as I grab my bag.

“Joshua no, you can’t sleep with her again, she’s bad news” she says frantically.

“No Mother!” I scream. Natasha is the only thing that is good!” I have been holding myself back from her out of respect for you. But seeing you don’t respect her, or me. It’s on, and you can blame yourself.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“Totally!”

She runs and grabs my arm. “Cameron talk some sense into your brother. Joshua no. Don’t leave. This is what she wants, to cause trouble between us.”

“What. You can’t be serious. I am going to spend the night with the one woman in the world doesn’t love me for my money. The one woman, that I have no doubt can make me happy.”

“You’re a fool Joshua, she will break your heart again and deep down you know that. This can never have a happy ending, as soon as her family finds out she will leave you again and then who will pick up the pieces.” I storm out and grab the keys to my car trying my hardest not to punch something. I’ve had enough of this shit. Why is everything so fucking hard?

The apartment is too quite when I enter, I used my key because I know she wouldn’t have opened the door if I knocked. She must be asleep. I walk into the bedroom and see her lying with her back to me, she hasn’t moved so I’m assuming she’s asleep. I watch her for a few minutes in silence. My heart aches just to touch her, to sooth her, to tell her everything will be alright. I just wish I knew if it will be. Probably a good thing she’s asleep. I’m too fucking angry with my mother to even talk to Natasha now. I will only end up fighting with her again which is exactly what my bitch of a mother wants. I can’t believe she brought up Amelie………… that’s low, even for her. How in the fuck am I going to explain that one, she might be the one punching holes in the door this time.

I hear the key in the door and I quickly jump under the covers. I am way too mad to speak to him but he’s damn lucky he had the guts to come. He walks to the bedroom door and I watch his reflection in the mirror, he doesn’t say anything and blows out a breath as he walks back into the lounge room while running his hands through his hair. I hear the jug flick on and then fussing about in the kitchen. What is he doing? The toaster pops. What in the world? he’s making toast and a cup of tea. I hear the Television flick on. Now I’ve seen it all. Actually I’m hungry too. The wicked witch of the west killed my appetite at dinner. How does she live with herself? I lie and try to think of this evenings events from his side. It wasn’t his fault his mother was a bitch, but then he didn’t defend me either, it was Cam who told her to shut up. Was he really just trying to diffuse the situation? This is a mess. And the Amelie thing. My heart aches as I ponder this one, he has lied to me again. Even If they are just friends she obviously has a hold over him if he drives her everywhere for horse stuff. She lives in his country estate and she’s a Veterinarian. I can’t compete with this shit, I hate horses with a passion. I roll over for the hundredth time and punch the pillow. A depressing thought crosses my mind, even if Josh and I have the guts to come clean about our relationship or whatever this is between us, our lives are just so different that we might not work out in the long run anyway. Do we even have anything in common? I mean honestly, apart from sex what do we have other than memories. A lump forms in my throat as I try my hardest to suppress my tears. How do I walk away from him without this hurt? I need to get out of this relationship, it’s going to break me I just know it. It’s not healthy for either of us. An hour later he comes into the bedroom after a shower with a towel around him. It has taken all of my strength not to go out into the lounge room and demand answers but I know I can’t fight with him tonight. I don’t have the strength, I will end up crying like a baby. I feel weak and it’s an emotion I have become way to familiar with lately. I have never felt so weak in my life. It’s true, I feel better with him here and if we fight and he leaves I will just put myself through hell again anyway. If I just act asleep maybe we will both actually get some sleep and maybe I will calm down enough so I can actually articulate what I want to say. What do I want to say? He pulls the blankets back and silently slips in behind me pulling me into an embrace, I pretend to be asleep.

“I hate these fucking flannelette pyjamas,” he whispers as he cuddles into my back. I smile on the inside. He gently kisses my hair and blows out a breath. “We will talk about it in the morning precious,” he whispers. “That’s if my balls haven’t exploded by then.” I smile as I hear the last words he has spoken. I must admit, all this dirty talk and no action is about to explode my ovaries as well. Glad I’m not the only horn bag in the house. I stifle a giggle as the last thought runs through my head.

“You find this funny,” he whispers and I roll over to face him.

“No,” I pull a sad face and he leans in and kisses my cheek.

“Sweetheart I’m sorry,” he gives me a sad smile.

“I’m mad with you Josh.”

“I know,” he whispers and he runs his fingers up and down my arm. We stay silent both lost in our own thoughts while looking at each other.

“I can’t handle fighting with you tonight, we haven’t spoken in three days. Let me stay and we will talk about it in the morning.” I narrow my eyes as I sum up his words, he acts like he cares. Does he truly care or is it an act.

“You won’t be here in the morning Josh, we both know that,” I sigh.

“You know why I never stay with you Presh?” My eyes tear up and I shake my head, I can’t say the reason I know out loud because it just hurts too much. He can’t even bear to look at me as he does the walk of shame. He’s just that ashamed that we have been together and every time I think of this reality my heart breaks just that little bit further.