"You do what you want, when you want, to whomever you want! And all the while, you claim that you want to understand us better. Fine! Understand this, then--we don't like to be treated in this fashion!" "What can I say, Jean-Luc?" sighed Q. "You bring out the worst in me." "I bring it out in you!" "Yes," said Q testily. "When I arrived, did I stop your ship in space? No.
Did I disrupt your bridge? No. Did I attempt to harass you? No. Instead I show up, relatively quietly, at a party. I mingle.
I mix. I tell entertaining anecdotes, and give absolutely no indication that I am infinitely superior to the life forms milling about in your dreary little Ten-Forward. And my reward for my restraint? You challenge me, you berate me, and you order me to leave. I ask you, Jean-Luc: Is that fair? Is that just? Is that the open-minded behavior of a starship commander?" "That is the behavior of a starship commander who has been burned more than enough times by an unpredictable and uncontrollable individual." And yet, Picard couldn't rid himself of the nagging irritation that Q--for all his bluster--had a point. He had indeed been behaving in a fashion no different than anyone else at the party. But Picard had singled him out.
But this was Q, dammit! Q.
Who, as an ally, might be the Federation's first, best hope against a Borg invasion.
Who, as an enemy, could destroy them with a thought.
But he was on parole.
But he was.
"We're getting company." At first Picard didn't know what Q was talking about. Then the shuttlecraft seemed to separate from the looming background of the Enterprise and swoop towards him.
Q turned back to him, and speaking with amazing restraint, said, "Jean-Luc... you would give the lowest of the low the chance to redeem himself. To show that he is capable of fitting in. And yet I, the most supreme of supreme..." "There you go again! Humans don't like to be reminded of how superb you are in comparison to us!
If you want to be like us, understand us--stop patronizing us and elevating yourself!" Q shrugged. "It's reflex, Picard.
I've been godlike for centuries. You can't expect me to go from omnipotence to incompetence overnight. If a human tries to break the habit of a lifetime, no one expects immediate success. I've lived thousands of your lifetimes, so how can you expect more of me? Just because I can work miracles, don't assume I can do everything." Picard sighed in airless space.
"It's a party, Jean-Luc. A celebration.
You heard them. If you insist I leave, they'll consider it bad luck. A pall will be cast on the festivities, and it will be your fault, Picard, not mine. You won't be able to lay this failure of yours at my feet. Not this time." Picard blinked.
And he was in the shuttle.
"He's gone!" he heard Worf say, and realized that he was standing directly behind them. They were looking out the front. "He just vanished! And so did Q!" "Mr. Data--" Riker was ready to start barking orders.
"No need, Number One," Picard said.
Riker and Worf jumped slightly as they turned with whiplash speed. Worf's eyes widened, then narrowed. "He's toying with us," rumbled Worf.
"Captain, are you all right?" said Riker.
Picard patted himself down. "Apparently fit, Number One." "It may be a trick," Worf warned them.
"Perhaps Q is waiting for us to turn around, and then he'll steal the captain again." "It would hardly seem that Q would have need for such bait-and-switch motives," observed Data.
"I tend to agree," said Picard, and admitted, "I did demand we step outside.
In his own strange way, Q was trying to show he wanted to cooperate." "Strange is hardly the word for it," said Worf.
Riker informed the Enterprise that the captain had been retrieved, and Data brought the shuttlecraft about. It hurtled back towards the Enterprise, and all the way back Riker and Worf suspected that at any moment Picard would be whisked away once more.
Picard, for his part, had a feeling that wasn't going to be the case. It was verified when shortly before they reached the shuttle bay, Q's voice sounded within the shuttlecraft.
"So, Jean-Luc?" they heard. "I approached you in good faith. How do you--seeker of new worlds, greeter of new life forms--how do you respond to my peaceful overtures?" "I do not trust him," said Worf shortly.
"Such grudges. Give us a kiss, Worf," came the disembodied voice.
Worf issued a growl that seemed to start from the bottoms of his shoes.
"Nor do I trust him," said Picard shortly. "But what if he is sincere? Think of the ally he'd make." "Think of the corpse he'd make," Worf said.
Picard let it pass.
"I leave if you say, Jean-Luc, and stay if you say. It's up to you, mon capitaine." Picard sighed softly.
"Q," he said, "since it is the wish of the Tizarin that you be welcome--and since you are asking to be accorded the same privileges as other alien emissaries--I am hereby inviting you to the wedding festivities aboard the Enterprise." "Captain!" said Worf, as shocked as if Picard had just casually announced that a Romulan was going to be the new first officer.
Picard understood Worf's indignation. But the bottom line was that Q could do what he felt like, and despite his statements to the contrary, Picard had a feeling Q was going to stay whether Picard told him to or not. So he might as well extend the invitation.
There was a dead silence. "Q--?" asked Picard.
"You didn't say the magic word, Jean-Luc," came Q's faintly scolding voice.
Riker looked at Picard with mild amusement. Picard had expected it. Riker was clearly taking a perverse amusement in his captain's discomfiture. If he didn't know better, Picard would think that Riker enjoyed seeing his commanding officer taken down a peg. But no--Riker had more class than that. Didn't he?
"Magic word," Data said thoughtfully.
"Alakazam? Presto chango? Hocus pocus?" "No, Data," said Picard. "The magic word is "please," and if that is what Q is interested in, then what would "please" me is if we never saw him again. Somehow, though, I don't think we'll be that fortunate. Will we, Q?" There was no answer.
The rest of the way to the shuttle bay, there was still no answer, and for a time Picard and the others entertained the notion that they'd seen the last of Q.
This notion held until they walked into the Ten-Forward lounge, where Q was standing, regaling listeners with embarrassing moments that Picard would much rather have forgotten. At the moment, Q was mentioning how Picard had tried to maintain his dignity with hot chocolate poured all over his uniform.
Q turned and gestured to Picard.
"Jean-Luc!" he said. "Won't you join us?
Oh, and Worf, just to show there's no hard feelings, I've got a present for you." Worf's eyes narrowed. "I want nothing from you." "Oh, but you'll love this." He stretched out a hand and there was a soft, purring, round creature in it.
Which took one look at Worf and started to screech ear-piercingly.
Worf took two steps back and his face twisted in nausea. "Get that disgusting thing away!" "Picard!" bellowed Graziunas. "Don't tell me your big, brave security officer is afraid of a tribble?" The tribble, for its part, shook violently in Q's hand. Worf fought down revulsion upon seeing the loathsome vermin's gyrations.
Picard snatched the tribble from Q's hand.
"Is this how you begin your friendly overtures, Q?" "Gift giving seems traditionally friendly to me, yes," Q replied, looking hurt.
"He didn't like it. Ah well..." and he gestured. The tribble vanished from Picard's hand.
There was delighted laughter in response to this marvelous trick. They still don't realize, thought Picard. Still don't understand the extent of his powers.
"No more of it," said Picard. "Understood, Q?" "Of course," said Q, and smiled most ingratiatingly.
And across the way, Lwaxana Troi was eyeing Q in a way that had Picard seen it, might have prompted him to shut down the entire celebration no matter how much Starfleet wished to keep the Tizarin happy. Shut it down and be done with it.
But he didn't. Because some horrific meetings are too much for anyone to have to contemplate.
Chapter Nine
O'Brien sighed with relief as the transporter circuits came back into full, normal activation.
Wesley Crusher and the bridge crew sighed with relief upon the return of the captain to the safe confines of the Enterprise.
Geordi La Forge sighed with relief when Lwaxana Troi thanked him graciously for what little information he was able to provide her regarding the awesome entity known as Q.
Deanna Troi, whose expertise was getting people to relax, was tense as a whip.
"Mother," she said firmly, in the crowded Ten-Forward lounge--as she tried to ignore the distant pounding headache that so many minds in close proximity gave her--"I forbid you to talk to him." Lwaxana turned and looked at her daughter with amazement. "Very well, Little One.
I forbid you to be unmarried any longer. Wed Commander Riker." "If I thought for a moment that it would prevent you from making a hideous mistake, I would strip naked and perform the Betazed marriage rituals right here." Lwaxana raised a speculative eyebrow.
"That would certainly be the highlight of the party." "But I know not even that would stop you if you put your mind to something. So instead I'm trying to appeal to plain, old-fashioned common sense. Do not do what you are contemplating." "I am contemplating," said Mrs. Troi firmly, "performing my duties as an ambassador of Betazed and daughter of the Fifth House. No more and no less than that." She turned and regarded Q for a moment, who was still under the watchful eyes of Picard, Worf, and Riker. For his part, he was cheerily chatting with the fathers of the bride and groom, apparently oblivious of any undue attention being cast his way. "Although," she said slowly, "he is a most intriguing individual. I can't read him at all." "Neither can I," admitted Deanna. "He's too powerful and unusual an entity for me to perceive." "Yes, but I'm more powerful than you, my dear," Lwaxana said. It was true, of course, but Deanna still wasn't thrilled with the matter-of-fact way that her mother had put it. "And I can't detect him either." She frowned.
"He's not one of those abominable holodeck things, is he?" "No, mother." In spite of the difficulty of the situation, Deanna couldn't help but smile.
One of the more amusing moments in her life had been her mother's trying to cozy up to a holodeck-generated bartender. Deanna cherished the memory. "I wish it were that simple." "The most complex matters in life are the most simple," said her mother in that infuriating manner she had of making sweeping statements which, when analyzed, made no sense. "If you'll excuse me..." Before Deanna could make another move, her mother was sweeping across the room.
As if sensing her coming, Q turned. He raised a bemused eyebrow and watched her until she came to a halt barely two feet away from him.
The true horror of the situation didn't dawn on Picard for a moment, so distracted was he by trying to anticipate what Q might do in the near future. So the recollection that Lwaxana Troi was in phase--and was still in search of a mate --did not come immediately to him.
"Jean-Luc," said Lwaxana. "Who is your charming friend?" Then Picard remembered.
"Mrs. Troi," said Picard quickly, "now might not be the best time," not bothering to add that no time would be an improvement.
But Q took a step forward. "I am Q," he said.
"How intriguing. Are there any more letters like you at home?" She laughed lightly.
Q smiled graciously.
Riker moaned softly.
Worf's eyes widened and his fingers strayed near his phaser.
Picard began to perspire.
"How charming you are," said Q. "You seem familiar for some reason, but I don't believe we've met." "Possibly you're familiar with Deanna Troi...?" "Of course!" said Q. "Your sister, no doubt." Riker glanced around, hoping to locate a blunt object.
"Oh, honestly!" said Mrs. Troi, and coquettishly batted Q on the shoulder.
Q's eyes widened for a moment, and Picard took an urgent step forward, certain that disaster was about to befall and not entirely sure what he could do to forestall it.
And then Q laughed.
It was not a pleasant sound, for it was a noise that was laden with disaster. And yet Lwaxana Troi was utterly charmed by it. "You flatter me," she said, "and deliberately so. I'm her mother, Lwaxana." "Her mother!" said Q in astonishment. "I admit that humanoid aging is somewhat of a subtlety to me, but nevertheless, I believe I speak for all present when I say that it's hard to believe Deanna Troi is your daughter." He turned to the Enterprise men for verification. "Do I not, gentlemen... and Worf?" Worf clenched a fist, but Picard said quickly, "Absolutely. You speak for all of us, Q.
