Starless Nights (Hale Brothers Series Book 2) (15 page)

Last night my dad was arrested. I spent most of it sitting next to my mom in the hospital, holding her hand. She cried a lot, and I don’t think that she was crying over losing her husband or because she was in pain. I got the feeling from the few things she said, that she was crying over regret. It really was the first time that I’ve ever heard her say she wished things had been different for us. Over the years, she always kept her mouth shut and never tried to give us a better life.

The nurse that was on duty took pity on me. She helped clean and stitch me up. She also mysteriously gave me some pain medicine that supposedly my mom refused but she didn’t want to go to waste. I’m not gonna lie, my face, my head, my back, where he hit me with the frying pan, everything was screaming at me.

I’ve replayed over and over in my mind what happened to us earlier at home. Drew has always felt guilty for the things that have happened to Matt and me, but what he doesn’t understand is, he’s always been my hero. What he did for us, I could never repay him. In many ways, he saved my life. Who knows what would have happened, and I don’t think that I could have lived in that house with Drew gone. He has nothing to feel guilty about and I am so happy to see that Drew has Ali. He deserves to be loved and she is the perfect girl for him.

After leaving my mom at the hospital, I drove straight to Ali’s. Drew said that he would be there, and like him, I had zero interest in returning to our house. Even the thought of being in that house alone leaves an unsettled feeling in my stomach.

Ali mothers me like she always does and it’s shortly after she serves us breakfast that there is a knock on the door. Ali opens it and my heart stops as I hear her voice. It feels like a cool mist has washed over me only to be dried by the warm sun. Never in my life has something sounded so good. I hop up off the couch and walk into the foyer. She is talking to Ali, but stops mid-sentence when she sees me.

“Beau,” she says, just barely louder than a whisper. Her eyes fill with tears, and for the first time in a long time, I feel like my best friend is back. All I can hope for is that these are not tears of pity for what has become my life, but that they are tears of heartache for what I went through. I don’t want her to feel sorry for me but at the same time I need her to feel compassion. I need someone to care about me. And if I’m telling the truth, I don’t want just anyone, I want her.

“What do you want, Leila?” I ask her. She needs to know that today is not the day to mess with me.

“I just . . . twenty-four hours.” She’s fidgeting with her fingers. She always does this when she is nervous.

“Twenty-four hours of what?” I run my hand over the back of my neck. It’s stiff from sitting in the hospital chair and from sleeping on the couch.

“A truce, a cease fire, whatever you want to call it. I just . . . please Beau. Twenty-four hours.” I can hear in her voice how desperately she is hoping that I will say yes.

Everyone around me has someone: Drew has Ali, Matt has Aunt Ella, Mom has all of us, but who do I have? I know that I’m not alone, but I feel that way. Standing here looking at her, as much as I don’t want to admit that I need her, I do. She was always my person, just mine, and right now I really need her. I need someone for me.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” she asks, hopeful yet hesitant at the same time. I nod my head at her and the next thing I know, she lands in my arms and I feel like I am home.

Just the feel of her up next to me, the way she smells, the softness of her hair, everything . . . she makes this horrible situation feel just a little bit better. I never want to let her go.

“Thank you, Lei,” I say into her hair.

She squeezes me tighter and I tuck my face into her neck.

Drew and Ali leave the room and Leila pulls back from me. Slowly, she looks at all of the damage to my face, and I close my eyes. I don’t want to see what I am feeling reflected back at me through her eyes. It’s bad enough that she can probably see how much her being here is affecting me. I don’t want this to be added to my list of memories.

Her hand gently touches the side of my face, “Are you staying here?”

“I am for now. Mom comes home from the hospital a little later today. Now that you are here, Drew and Ali will go and get her. Are you really going to be here with me for twenty-four hours?”

“Yes, if you’ll let me.” Her fingers drift down my face and over my neck to my collarbone. The last time she even came remotely close to touching me, we were standing in the photo lab closet at school. She’ll never know how good it feels to me, to be touched by her.

“I need to run home, grab some clothes, and take a shower. I stayed with mom last night at the hospital and honestly I’m just dirty and tired.”

“Okay, can I go with you?” she asks.

“Sure.”

I decide that it would be best if we go through the front door. I’m not ready to face the kitchen. She follows me up the stairs and into my room. I’ve never given much thought to Leila being in my room; after all it’s been almost three years. Looking around I try to imagine how it looks to her. On my nightstand, I spot the journal that she gave me. I quickly walk over to it and shove it into the drawer. I don’t want her to see it.

Grabbing some clothes I turn to face her. “I’ll be right out. Will you wait for me?” I don’t know why I ask her this. Maybe I feel like if I do she won’t leave and honestly, that is what I am expecting. I am expecting her to leave.

“Yes, I’ll be here. I promise.” Giving her a small smile I head into the bathroom and close the door.

Standing under the water, I’m trying to wrap my head around the fact that Leila is in my bedroom. Even before she moved away, she very rarely came in our house. I never wanted Dad to see her. It was better if he thought I was just outside being a boy. The more I kept her away from here, the longer I thought I would get to keep her.

Throwing on a long sleeve T-shirt and a pair of athletic shorts, I apprehensively open the door, and find her sitting on the end of my bed looking at a magazine she picked up off my desk. She smiles at me, and for the first time in a long time, I feel like things are going to be okay.

As we walk back across the street, she slips her hand into mine. It’s such a simple gesture but it makes me feel like I don’t have to cope with this all on my own. I tighten my grip. In this moment, there’s no letting go.

“You’re in the guest room, right?” she asks me as we walk through the front door of Ali’s house.

Ali’s home has become my second home and having Leila here and talking to me, it all feels surreal. I spend so much time thinking about her, that having her here in the flesh, it’s messing with my mind and my heart. I know that we agreed to twenty-four hours, but what am I supposed to do when the twenty-four hours are up?

“Yeah.”

“Why don’t you head on in there and I’ll grab us a couple of waters and a few snacks.”

“Sounds good. Thank you.” Before she can pull her hand away I gently tug her closer to me and lay my forehead on hers. This girl will never understand what her being here means to me.

Lying on my back with my hands under my head, I close my eyes when I hear her coming down the hall. She opens the door and slips in. The bed dips as Leila climbs on and sits right next to me. My senses are immediately invaded by her presence. She smells so good. Her fingertips brush across my cheek bone. The comfort that this gives me causes a lump to form in the back of my throat.

“Does it hurt?”

“Yes. But it will heal. It always does.”

“You mean this isn’t the first time that he’s hit you?” I turn my head so I can look at her beautiful face. I don’t say anything. I don’t need to. “Why didn’t you ever tell me? I could have been there for you or done something. I don’t know . . . I just . . . you should have told me.”

“When was I going to tell you, Leila? When we were little kids and I was so terrified of him finding out that I told someone that I lived in fear? Or, sometime during the two years that you were gone and I had no way to reach you? Oh, I know . . . when you moved back and our friendship resumed with open arms. Don’t you get it? You were never to find out.”

She frowns and her eyes dull a little with sadness. “I wish that things had turned out differently for us.”

Does she? Does she really wish that? Because if she did, then why did she say what she did, when she moved? Why did she send me that letter? The way she left things and the way she made me feel, I’m not ever going to forget it. Irritation mixed with heartache slips into my already fragile emotional state.

“Yeah well they didn’t, which is why in twenty-three hours, this will be over.” As hard as I try, the lump grows bigger, my chest gets tighter, and one by one, tears leak out and roll down the side of my face. I really don’t want to cry in front of her but I can’t stop it if I tried.

Her thumb gently brushes away the tears. I close my eyes and her lips replace her thumb. Running her hand through my hair, she kisses every sore, bruised, and injured spot on my face, including my bottom lip that holds the stitches. Maybe if this was another time and we were in another place, I might have tried to explore that kiss a little further, but that’s not what this moment is all about.

I feel her pull back a little so I open my eyes. She is still hovering directly over me. “I have missed you.” This causes my eyes to fill again and become watery, hers do the same.

“Stay with me.” My voice catches as I ask her this.

“I’m not going anywhere, and Beau, I will always be here for you.” She scoots down next to me lying her head on my chest. I turn a little and wrap my arms around her.

“Wanna watch a movie?”

“A movie sounds great. You pick, but make it something funny or something scary.”

I pull her closer and reach for the remote. I’m sure there are plenty of things that we could talk about, but I’m too tired, and really I just want to lie here curled up with her. Her being here, that’s enough.

When morning comes, I don’t even have to open my eyes to know that she is gone. The bed feels empty and where she was lying next to me is no longer warm, but cool. Letting out a deep sigh, I let the pain of this moment absorb me. I’m alone again. Realistically, I knew that she was going to go, but way down deep, there is a part of me that really hoped she would stay. I think that maybe, if given the chance, I could have forgiven her for what she did four years ago. But in the end, I guess I’ll never know.

WALKING INTO DREW’S apartment, every hair of mine seems to stand on end. I knew that Leila would be here, and honestly, this reaction to her is starting to get old.

There is this little bit of me that is excited to see her today. Lately, I have been dreading it more often than not, but having her at the loft was really nice. It was good to get to talk to her again. Maybe I will a little tonight too.

“Dude, check out all the hot girls here! What did you say your sister-in-law did?” Nate asks.

I love that he calls her that, even though she isn’t yet. Just the thought makes me smile. I invited Nate to come along because I know that Tiny is up to something. After our little conversation at the beach house, she’s invited me over several times to “meet her friend.” I politely decline every time, but I know that tonight I probably won’t be so lucky.