Starting Fires (9 page)

“She is not my girlfriend!” he bellowed.

We were staring at each other, and I was trying to figure him out. I didn’t understand any of this and he wasn’t exactly being forth coming. “What is she then?”

He grimaced. “It’s… complicated.”

“Then count me out. I don’t want to get involved in your complications. The last thing I need is some girl ready to punch me because of this.”

He ran his hands through his hair, making it stand up on its ends. He looked wild and frustrated, as if he’d just worked a 70-hour week at a job he hated. His palms linked on the back of his neck and he tilted his head back to lean on them. For a moment, he just stood like that, his eyes closed. Then he opened them and looked down at me. I could see his Adam’s apple bob with each of his slow swallows. “So that’s it,” he said. “You don’t want me to explain?”

It didn’t matter if he explained. I wasn’t dating him. Or anyone. Instead of looking at him, I looked out my least favorite window and softly said, “You can explain all you like, but I don’t want to date anyone right now. At all. So it doesn’t really matter.”

He didn’t respond so I turned back to him. The look on his face was intoxicating. In this moment, it felt like I was the only thing that mattered to him. “Come here,” he softly said. Momentarily forgetting everything else, I took a slow step towards him. With his hands still behind his neck, he walked the rest of the way. My fingers reached out and landed on his stomach. Feeling his skin on mine had felt like there was a fire burning through my entire body. And I wanted to feel it again.

My fingers trailed down his stomach until I reached his belt. I curled them around the top of his jeans as my thumb started running circles along the leather. He took his hands away from his neck and grasped my elbows. “I promise it wasn’t what it looked like, Marzy.”

I wanted to believe him. I wanted him to keep calling me Marzy. It was a ridiculous nickname, but one that no one else had ever called me. Only an hour after my empowering decision and I was already second-guessing myself. I stared into his eyes, trying to find any deceit or manipulation. There wasn’t any. Just honesty. And hopefulness. I didn’t know what to do. My heart and brain were in complete conflict with each other. Which one did you follow? Your logic center or your soul center? Which one led you to fulfillment? Which one guided you down the right path? I spread my fingers on his stomach and gripped his shirt.

Sensing that I was giving in, he leaned down and kissed me softly, barely touching my lips with his. I didn’t pull away. I
couldn’t
pull away. My resolve started to crumble. “If we do this-” I started, but a loud knock at my front door cut me off. We both jerked our heads towards the foyer.

“Lucas! Are you in there?” a girl cried from outside.

I quickly released him and took a step back. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”

Lucas’ face fell and he leaned down on the kitchen island. I walked away before he could try to talk me out of my decision. When I’d nearly made it to the stairs, there was another knock, this time louder. I paused and looked over my shoulder. Lucas was hunched over, looking at the counter. “Fuck!” he yelled and banged his fist on it. I flinched but resumed my steps. As I reached the bottom of the stairs, I heard him walking towards the front door.

Wally and Charles were at the top landing, staring at each other. They had their hands over their mouths, trying to keep from making any noise. Their eyes were wide with astonishment. Seeing me, they ran off. I heard one door slam and then another. They were just like girls.

In my room, I sat down on my bed and took off my shoes. My phone was on my nightstand, and I scrolled through the missed calls. All from my father. Six in total. No voicemails. I couldn’t bring myself to call him back. With everything else going on, I didn’t want to hear his explanations. It would just piss me off more. Nothing he said to me right now would make me feel any better.

Without a knock, my door opened and Wally strolled in. He fell down on my bed, bouncing with the movement. “It’s a good thing I wasn’t naked.” I told him.

“Good for who?” He made a face like I was insane. “I know you’re my roommate, but you’re a girl. Of course, I want to see you naked. Like that’s all I think about.” He didn’t even seem embarrassed to admit that.

I hugged myself and narrowed my eyes at him. “You’re weird.”

“Tell me about it.” He flung himself back on my bed and looked up to the ceiling, linking his fingers on his stomach. “So let’s talk about your situation.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“I don’t feel like talking about it.”

“Well, then I’ll talk and you can just listen.”

I sighed one of those sighs you would give your parents when they kept nagging and nagging about how you needed to live your life better.

“Candace and Lucas-”

“Ugh. I don’t care!” I flung my hands down on the bed. “Can we all just move on from this?”

“Of course, but only after you let me finish.” He peered up at me and I rolled my eyes but didn’t say anything else. He looked back down and continued. “Candace and Lucas’ parents are really good friends. That’s how they met and why they are still around each other all the time. But it all started about four years ago. They dated for a little while. Not long, and things never got serious. They broke up because she was super possessive of him. She would flip her lid every time he talked to another girl. I’m talking even a waitress. Well, he got tired of it and ended it. But they never stopped hooking up here and there. It just sort of happened sometimes. Then Lucas’ dad gave him the bar. He’d been running it for probably about six months when Candace went batshit.”

Not comfortable in my position, I lay down next to him and rolled to my side so I could look at him while he talked. He mimicked me and propped the side of his head on his hand.

“Burns got a new bartender,” he continued. “She was hot. Like super-hot.” His eyes got wide to emphasize. “I mean blowing a gasket hot.”

“I get it,” I smiled.

“Nothing was going on between Lucas and her,” he said. “Believe me, I’d know. He’d tell me. They had a position open and she was the only one who applied, so she got the job. That was it. But Candace thought that they were… you know…” He was thrusting his hips. I smiled while I shook my head at his vulgar miming. “Not that it mattered, because they weren’t even dating, but Candace felt like she had some type of claim on him. And girl, she went
crazy
. I mean literally insane. Showing up at his house all the time, yelling in the yard. Coming up to the bar trying to start stuff with the bartender. It got bad. She even punched her one night. The cops had to come up there and everything.”

I didn’t know how to feel about that. Candace seemed terrifying. Would she come find me and beat me up if she knew that Lucas and I had kissed?

“After that, Candace moved to Alabama. Something about a good job. She came back occasionally, but she and Lucas never started anything back up. She dated other people. He kinda dated other people, nothing serious. But then Candace’s mom got sick and he was there for her, because, I mean, come on, they’d known each other for years, he couldn’t act like he didn’t care. They restarted their thing around that time. Whenever she’d come in town, they’d hook up, and when she left, that was it.”

I squinted my eyes at him. “You sure do know a lot about Lucas’ love life.”

“I’m good at keeping secrets. People confide in me.” I pulled a face. He was spewing it all to me no problem.

“This is for the greater good,” he said, squeezing my wrist. He let go and continued. “So moral of this long ass story is that Lucas and Candace aren’t dating. They’re just a drawn out break up. Candace likes to pretend that Lucas is all hers, but it’s bullshit. Lucas is just stuck. He’s been stuck for forever. Putting up with Candace has to be bad for his health. And girl, we all hate it. She sucks the fun out of any room. Acts all high and mighty, and always finds ways to weasel into things. And Lucas has been a pussy about it this whole time. He’d rather deal with her on the short trips she makes home instead of finally having the knock down drag out when he tells her to leave him alone.”

“That’s exhausting. Why would he want to put up with that?”

“He’s used to it I guess. And he’s never cared about another girl enough to tell Candace to fuck off. In fact, he’s never even showed interest in dating anyone since her. Not until you.”

“Making out with me at his bar and asking to take me out isn’t exactly showing interest. You said earlier that he’s ‘kinda’ dated other people.”

Wally sat up and looked down at me. “You have no idea. That stuff at the bar the other night? He has never acted that way before, trying to reassure you and blowing off everyone around him. I’m almost positive he was outside about to tell Candace that he couldn’t put up with her shit anymore. And all that arguing downstairs,” he pointed towards my door, “Never. You have the power to bring him his salvation, Marlowe.” He grabbed my shoulders and started playfully shaking me. “Bring him his salvation. Rid us of the black cloud of Candace. Help him move on.”

I started laughing as he jerked me back and forth. “That’s a bit dramatic,” I giggled.

“You have the power!” he bellowed and let me go. Smiling, he fell back on the bed beside me.

“I wish I could help you,” I said, still laughing, “but I’m not committing to anything right now. I just got out of my own shit relationship.” I recapped the whole drama with Mark and Samantha, not leaving anything out.

“That sucks,” he said, looking up at the ceiling.

I blew out a breath. “Tell me about it. I just want to have fun and live my life. If I meet guys, cool. If I don’t, whatever. I want to be free to do what I want, with who I want, when I want.”

I looked over and saw a big grin plastered on his face. “You are so perfect for him. The two of you don’t even know it yet.” He rubbed his hands together with excitement.

“What are you, some kind of sage?”

His face got serious and he closed his eyes. He laced his fingers and pointed the index fingers up, bringing them to his mouth. “I predict much sexy times to be taking place in the near future. So much sexy times.”

I threw my pillow at him. “Stop it!”

“Alright,” he laughed. “Let’s drop it and watch a movie.”

It wasn’t horribly late, so I agreed. Wally picked, and told me it was another one of his favorites. I grabbed a throw blanket and put it over myself. Eventually, I fell asleep listening to him recite the lines of North by Northwest along with the actors.

The next morning, sunlight was shining through my window, and the TV screen was bouncing the Blu-ray symbol around. I looked over my shoulder and saw Wally sprawled out next to me, fully clothed and over the covers. Nothing about that seemed strange. And I realized, as I was falling back asleep, that he wasn’t just my roommate, he was my friend.

 

Chapter 8

A
check for $200
was on my kitchen island the next morning. It had
Burns Pool Hall and Spirits
listed as the writer. Doing the math in my head, I realized that it was way too much money for the time I put in. Maybe he was paying me for the feel up. Suddenly, I felt like a prostitute and ripped the check, throwing it in the trash.

School started the next day, and this semester wasn’t going to be easy. I needed to relax and enjoy myself. At lunch, I went to a fast food place and gorged myself on a cheeseburger and fries then drove around my neighborhood trying to familiarize myself with it. It was big with two parks, a public tennis court, and even walking trails. I needed the trails after the meal I just had, but eh, who had time for walking?

When I made it home, Lucas’ garage door was open and all of the guys were there, sitting in cloth folding chairs. I noticed Nicole and Lacey too. When did they start hanging out with the guys?

Nicole started waving frantically when I stepped out of my car. “Marlowe! Marlowe. Hey! Over here!”

“Hey!” I yelled back. “What are you doing here?”

She held up a can of beer, “Day drinking,” she smiled and gave me a thumbs up.

I chuckled and waved. “See you later.”

“Wait! Where do you think you’re going?”

Lucas was sitting in a red chair, his elbows propped on his knees, a bottleneck in his hands. He was staring at me with what might have been anticipation. Did he want me to join them? Did it make him uncomfortable? I wasn’t sure.

Needing more time to decide, I flicked a thumb over my shoulder, pointing towards my house. “I, uh, gotta …” Suddenly I couldn’t think of an excuse—even though there were a million—but all of them were just out of my brain’s grasp. “… dishes,” I finished meekly.

“Don’t be a loser!” Lacey yelled. “Come hang with us.”

I was stuck in my spot, staring at Lucas. He was also staring at me. Nervously, I fluffed the hair at the back of my neck and looked towards my front door. Maybe I should just make a run for it.

Noticing my hesitation, Lacey and Nicole marched across the street. They reached me and grabbed my arms. “Dishes can wait,” Lacey said. “Especially when there is fun to be had.”

“Yeah,” Nicole chimed in. “You have your whole life to do dishes.” We reached Lucas’ driveway and they were still holding on to me. “You look hot by the way,” Nicole said. “Where’d you get that shirt?”

I looked down at my top. It was a purple ribbed tank. “Uh, Target, probably,” I said, embarrassed that I couldn’t say something more upscale or fancy.

“Really?” Nicole asked. “I’ll have to start shopping there, because, I’m not kidding, your boobs look huge.” She was staring right at my chest and it made me a tad uncomfortable.

“I agree,” Wally added. “Totally huge.” I threw a disgusted look at him.

“Oh, don’t be like that, baby. Not after
last night
,” he said with a wink. My brow scrunched, not getting what last night had to do with it. “You know…” He was leaned back in his chair, his feet propped on an upside down bucket.

“I know what?” I said, flicking my hand.

“Uh, Marlowe, we totally slept together.”

I heard a few gasps, and Lucas choking on his beer. “Wally! Don’t say shit like that!” My face was heating. “Tell them the truth. Right now.” My finger pointed directly at Lucas even though I’d said “
them
”.

“What?” he threw his hands up in innocence. “I am telling the truth.” I started towards him, ready to push him out of his chair. “Alright, alright! We just slept
next
to each other.” I felt my jaw get tight. He was such a jerk. “Over the covers with our clothes on after watching a movie and I never touched her,” he finished quickly. “Geez, Marlowe, anyone ever tell you you’re scary as shit?”

I reigned in my anger and propped my hands on my hips. “Well, that was a very rude thing to say.”

He laughed as he brought the bottle to his mouth. “
Rude
…” he chuckled around the lip before taking a drink. I turned away from him, already uneasy and I’d only been here for five minutes.

“Now that Wally is done being a tool,” Lacey said, “have a beer and relax.”

I took it and drank a tiny sip. The first bit of beer was always the worst. Bitter and harsh. I didn’t start enjoying them until I was three in—which I didn’t plan to get to. So there was really no point to even drinking, but I supposed I could just hold it.

After a moment, Wally, Ian, and Lacey all went inside. Nicole was sitting next to Charles, and I tried to listen to their conversation. It was something about a TV show I’d never seen. Knowing that I couldn’t participate in their discussion, I peered around to Lucas, who was sitting by himself. My hair was falling all over the place and I swept it over my left shoulder. He pointed the neck of his bottle at an empty seat next to him. Ignoring my nerves, I smiled and made my way over.

After some awkward silence he asked, “What’d you to today?”

I went for honesty. “Ate my weight in French fries and drove around trying to forget that I have to start school tomorrow.”

He lightly chuckled. “It’s your last year, right?”

“Yep, graduate in May.”

“Excited?”

I nodded. “It’s about time. It’ll be nice to be done, but then again, I’m not all that excited about joining ‘the real world.’”

“Naw, the real world isn’t so bad. If you’re doing what you love, then it’s great.”

I thought back to what he had said at lunch. “Do you love working at the bar?”

“I don’t just work there, Marzy, I own it,” he smiled. “It’s a bit more satisfying.”

My stomach flipped when he called me Marzy, but I noticed that he didn’t tell me that he loved it. I wondered if Candace was still in town or if she was going to be stopping by later, but decided it best not to ask. Wally, Ian, and Lacey came back outside carrying folding chairs, and set them up around the garage.

For the rest of the day we all laughed, talked, told stories, and reminisced about fun memories. We’d get up, walk around, others would claim our previous seats, and then we’d take a different one. But Lucas and I…

We always ended up right next to each other.

The first week of school came and went in a rush. I spent almost all my time in my bedroom, reading, doing homework or studying. Even though I was mad at my father, I wanted to show him that I could get the grades he wanted me to. I did finally call him, but neither one of us brought up Juanita. I think he was waiting for me to do it, and I was waiting for him. It wasn’t a bad conversation, but I hung up feeling angry. That Saturday afternoon, I went to Lucas’ bar, but he wasn’t there. Kate let me in. I did his weekly reports and left.

The next few weeks went by even faster. I went to an old theatre with Wally and watched classic movies. He was a closet cinephile. I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone about our trips, because he said it would ruin his reputation. I thought it would only help it, but if he wanted everyone to think he was shallow and only out for a good time, that was his decision.

Charles and I played video games and he took me around the surrounding cities to all the interesting shops and restaurants. He never brought up Lucas or the argument he overheard between us, and I was grateful. We drove around our neighborhood singing to some of our favorite songs from high school and I felt like we gained something that we’d lost over the years.

Lucas was at the bar every other time I went and things were never awkward between us. He gave me my space, and I gave him his, but I made sure to never be alone with him for long. I wasn’t sure what was happening or going to happen between us, but whatever it was, I knew I wasn’t ready for it. He still gave me his slow smiles, and I still got butterflies with each one. One day he even drove me there. He put on some music and sang it animatedly, beating the steering wheel as he drove. That same day, he let me drive his Buick around the parking lot after I finished working. I could tell he was nervous, so I took it nice and easy. When I gave him his key back, his fingers curled around mine, and I think he was going to say something, but decided against it. I still caught him checking me out, and I sure as hell watched him whenever I thought he wasn’t looking. Kate kept giving me knowing smiles, but she also shamelessly flirted with him. And he flirted back. I always acted as if it didn’t bother me, but it did a little.

If the weather was nice Charles, Wally, and I would go swimming and occasionally Lacey and Nicole would join us. I don’t know how I became friends with those two girls and usually I felt like the third wheel, but I liked them. They made me laugh and were never catty. I didn’t feel like I had to have my guard up around them. And eventually we started hanging out all the time.

I was finished with my first month of the semester and it felt great. To celebrate Nicole talked me into going shopping with them. It wasn’t exactly my definition of a celebration, but I needed new clothes anyway. We went to some girly shops that I knew I would never buy anything from. I probably should expand my fashion, but at this point, it seemed unnecessary. I felt good about me. Finally. I knew I needed to lose weight if I wanted to be considered “skinny,” but suddenly I was fine with not being skinny. I was happy in my skin, and everybody I’d met here had helped with that.

I was doing whatever I wanted. Which some days was nothing. Others reading books. Others listening to music for hours on end. And others, going out to a bar. It didn’t matter. No one was there to tell me I was boring or that I needed to do this or that. It felt great. I was great. But more importantly, I was happy.

We went to a store more up my alley and I was pulling shirts off a rack. Lacey and Nicole were on the other side going through their size. I was in my own little world when Lacey loudly cleared her throat. She shifted her eyes towards the cash register, and I turned to see Lucas standing there. My heart thudded erratically when we made eye contact. Despite everything, something about him made me turn into a pile of goo. He smiled and waved. I smiled back and felt a deep breath push out of my lungs. After he was finished, he walked towards us.

My thoughts went crazy. Was my hair okay? Was my makeup smeared? How did my outfit look? Could it be possible that, even though I hadn’t eaten, something was in my teeth?

“Hey,” he said when he reached me.

“Hi.”

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

I held up my arm with the shirts draped over it. “Clothes shopping.”

He held up his bag. “Me, too.”

We were silent for a few seconds, staring at each other, before he said, “Can I take you to the bar tomorrow?” Thinking about it, I didn’t answer right away. Nervously, he started rubbing the back of his head, looking anywhere but at me. “I was thinking maybe we could go for a drive afterwards. I’ll even let
you
drive. If you, uh, want to.”

I thought back to my talks with Wally and Charles. Bear had said that he was basically a serial dater, and that Candace was his constant. Meaning that, no matter what happened between us, he would go back to her. Wally had said that he was stuck with her, but didn’t want to be—that he needed to move on. I needed to move on, too. Though, I didn’t know how I would feel if he suddenly dropped me because of her. But maybe I was getting ahead of myself. It was only a drive.

I took a breath and said, “Okay.”

He smiled with relief. “Great. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Sounds good,” I told him, and realized I was smiling, too.

As he walked away, I watched him, and when he reached the door, he turned to wave at me. My smile grew as I went back to rifling through clothes. It was then that I realized Lacey and Nicole were being incredibly quiet, and I looked up at them. They were both staring at me with wide eyes.

“What?” I asked defensively.

“It’s so obvious that you two like each other,” Lacey said. “But you bounce around and pretend like you don’t watch every move the other makes. Just get it over with and start dating. I don’t know what you’re waiting for.”

I huffed. They knew about my decision to take a break from dating. “You know I’m not dating.”

“Um… I’m pretty sure you just agreed to go on a date with Lucas tomorrow,” Nicole chimed in sarcastically.

“No I didn’t,” I scoffed. “He asked me if I wanted to go for a drive. That’s not the same thing.”

“I guess,” she sighed. “But what are you hoping will happen?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “Maybe we could just hang out. Why does it have to be a date?”

“Well, who says you
have
to date?” asked Lacey. “From what I hear, Lucas doesn’t really want that either. Maybe the two of you can come to some sort of mutual understanding. You know, just go out together, have fun, but leave all the messy relationship stuff out.”

Was that possible? Already I became jealous when he was with other girls. “I don’t know,” I said. “Part of me likes that idea. Not having to answer to someone. Not having to worry about the other person getting mad about silly things. But the other girls… I think that might bother me.”