Starting Over (11 page)

With an immense effort she managed to control her tears. She wasn't a girl any more now...a child...she was a
woman.

'Did you tell
anyone
that you were coming home?'

she asked Jack.

Jack shook his head.

'No. I wanted to see you first,' he repeated. 'We need to make plans, Lise,' he warned her as gently as he could. 'I have to speak to your father....'

'No! Promise me you won't say anything to
anyone
—not yet—promise me, Jack,' she implored. She was so distressed that Jack felt he had no option other than to agree.

Suddenly she was a child again, terrified of her parents' anger, shivering as she moved closer to the warmth and protection of Jack's body.

'They'll make us stop seeing one another,' Annalise told him despairingly, her eyes full of fear.

They can't,' Jack reassured firmly. 'No one can make us do anything we don't want to do, Annalise.'

'This isn't the way I wanted it to be,' Annalise responded miserably, looking away from him. 'I never wanted this.' Her voice broke over the words and Jack closed his eyes.

'I've got to go home,' she burst out. 'My father will be back soon. I wish this was all just a horrible dream and I could open my eyes and everything would be back to normal.' She was crying again, the noisy racking sobs of a child this time. Jack's own throat felt raw with pain and dread and with guilt.
He
had done this to her.

'Promise me that you'll stop worrying,' he begged her. 'We're in this together.' But Annalise could only look sorrowfully at him. It wasn't the same for him.

How could it be?

As he watched her walk away from him, Jack's heart turned over. She looked so thin and frail. He wished he knew more about what was going to happen to her. Olivia, his sister, had had two children but he had not really paid much attention to the progress of her pregnancies. He was dreading the thought of having to break his news to Jon and Jenny.

Aunt Jenny would surely understand, though. She had been pregnant herself when she and Uncle Jon had married. That was no secret. The baby had died shortly after it was born, Jack knew that.

He brushed his hand across his eyes. He had hoped that ultimately when he had qualified as a solicitor he would be able to join the family practice here in Haslewich—but that couldn't happen now.

As he made his way to Jon and Jenny's he tried to think of how he might best earn a living. The future seemed frighteningly daunting but Annalise and their baby had to be his prime concern—not himself.

EVEN NOW Saul wasn't sure just why he had turned off the main road on his way home from work, taking the side road that went past Livvy's. It wasn't because he cherished any secret forbidden passion for her.

Those feelings had been completely swept away by his love for Tullah, but he
did
care about Olivia. She was still Livvy and he wanted to see her, wanted to offer her a shoulder to lean on if she should need one—he knew she was far too proud and independent to ask for help.

As Livvy's house loomed up ahead of him a cau-tionary voice warned him that it might have been wiser to discuss his feelings with Tullah before acting on them, but it was too late to heed that voice now.

OLIVIA'S FIRST intimation that she had a visitor came when Ally, the retriever, newly returned by the ken-nels where she had been staying whilst they were away, started to bark. The girls were both upstairs doing their homework and Olivia had been trying to motivate herself to start sorting through Caspar's things.

Relieved at having this task postponed she hurried to open the door.

'Saul...'

The feeling that filled her as she saw the tall and sexily handsome person of her second cousin walking towards her was the closest thing she had known to happiness in a long, long time.

Her voice caught in her throat as he reached her and then, to her own chagrin and Saul's obvious concern, she promptly burst into tears. Immediately Saul wrapped her in his arms as he hugged her tightly in a brotherly embrace.

'Hey, come on,' Olivia heard him protest against her hair as he squeezed her comfortingly.

'Let's get inside....'

Still keeping one arm around her he turned to close the front door before bending to pat Ally and then guide Olivia into the kitchen where he insisted that she sit down whilst he made them both a cup of tea.

'I heard about you and Caspar,' he told her.

'You and the entire population of Haslewich,' Olivia returned with a brave attempt at a normal bantering manner that made Saul's mouth curl in a gently re-proving smile.

'This is
me,
Livvy,' he reminded her quietly. 'You can take down the defences. What the hell is Caspar thinking about?' he demanded fiercely. 'He's a fool to let you go....'

'I didn't give him much alternative,' Olivia admitted. 'It just wasn't working for us any more, Saul. We were picking fights with one another all the time and for the girls' sake...' She stopped speaking and took a deep breath. Saul was right. She didn't need to put up any defences against him. They were as close as though they were brother and sister and could easily at one time have been even closer...Saul had wanted her and she...

Saul was still an impossibly handsome and sensually appealing man, the kind of man any woman could be forgiven for wanting. He had a very special male strength about him and, right now, Olivia ached to have a man like Saul to lean on, a man like Saul to protect her, cherish her...

But Saul was married to Tullah she reminded herself sharply. Saul
loved
Tullah and she loved him and
she
had no right to be thinking what she was thinking, no matter how sorry for herself she might be feeling.

'What's wrong?' Saul asked her gently. 'And don't try telling me "Nothing." If you're having second thoughts about this separation...'

'No, it isn't that,' Olivia told him. She stopped and took a deep breath. The urge to confide in him couldn't be denied.

'Saul. I've done the most dreadful thing,' she told him in a wobbly voice. For a moment she thought he was going to respond with some teasing throw-away comment but then he gave her a penetrating look and instead said quietly, 'Tell me.'

Haltingly she did.

'...and now I don't know
what
to do,' she admitted.

'I can't bear to think what Jenny must think of me.

My behaviour was so appalling.' Tears burned her voice. 'I feel so ashamed, Saul.'

'Would you like
me
to have a word with Jenny for you...explain...?' Saul suggested.

Immediately Olivia shook her head.

'No. I want to speak to her myself...to explain to her myself...I have to, I can't hide behind someone else—not even you.'

'I'm sure she'll understand,' Saul comforted her.

'Jenny
knows
you, Livvy. She loves you and she'll know how you must be feeling.'

'Then if she does, why hasn't she rung me?' Olivia asked him despairingly before shaking her head. 'Oh God, Saul, there I go again, feeling sorry for myself... being selfish. She must be
frantic
with worry about Maddy.
Has
there been any news about her yet?'

'Not so far as I know. She's still in hospital. Try not to worry,' Saul counselled her. 'Ring Jenny in the morning. She should have some news about Maddy by then and you can explain everything to her.' He glanced at his watch. 'I'd better go. Tullah will be wondering where the hell I am.'

As Olivia looked at the kitchen clock she couldn't believe that they had been talking for over an hour.

'Thanks,' she told him simply as she walked with him to the door.

'For what?' he demanded.

'For being you,' Olivia told him softly. 'And for understanding me.'

She kissed him quickly on the mouth and then stepped back. She was only feeling the way she was because she was lonely and vulnerable she told herself fiercely as she watched him walk to his car...that was all!

'MR CRIGHTON...'

Max tensed as the nurse came into the small room where he had been waiting to see Maddy ever since he had returned to the hospital to be told that the consultant had given strict instructions that she was not permitted to see anyone.

'Mr Lewis would like to have a word with you. If you'll come this way...'

Fighting to control his feelings Max strode after her down the corridor and into the room he had become so familiar with and which he knew would for ever now be for him a place drenched in the darkness of his own fear and pain.

'Please, sit down, Mr Crighton,' the consultant instructed him quietly.

'Why haven't I been allowed to see my wife?' Max demanded sharply.

'Your wife's situation, as you know, is very serious and it's vitally important that she isn't distressed or upset in any way.' The doctor started to frown. 'I have to be honest with you, Mr Crighton, she isn't responding as well as we would have liked.'

'What do you mean?' Max cut across him grimly.

His mouth felt dry, acid with the taste of his own fear.

The consultant had stood up. He walked over to the narrow window of the room and fiddled with the blind, keeping his back to Max as he told him obliquely,

'When we first discussed your wife's condition you raised the question of a termination of her pregnancy....'

Max felt as though a lead weight had been tied to his heart dragging it down, sending it plummeting through his body.

'You said that wasn't an option you felt we needed to consider,' he managed to say.

'It wasn't
then
...' the other man agreed heavily before turning round to face Max.

'There's no easy way to say any of this. Your wife is very seriously ill, she's also closer to the point at which I would not carry out a termination. Do you understand what I'm trying to say, Mr Crighton? Your wife is nearly twenty weeks pregnant.'

'Of course I understand.' Max's voice was equally harsh. 'What will happen if you do nothing and the pre-eclampsia can't be controlled?'

The consultant looked sympathetic and told Max again about the risk of convulsions with both mother and baby being deprived of oxygen. 'If that happens...'

'Yes. I understand,' Max interrupted him harshly.

'If, in the next few days we can get your wife's blood pressure down to an acceptable level and keep it down, then should it recur in the latter stages of her pregnancy we can always opt to deliver the baby by Caesarean section.'

'...and if you can't get it down?' Max demanded.

The consultant looked away from him.

'If there is to be a termination of her pregnancy then it has to be carried out soon.'

'So what you're saying is that if she's shown no sign of responding to the treatment within a week then...'

The consultant sighed.

'Three days, Mr Crighton...that's all we can allow her. The termination has to be carried out
before
the twentieth week,' he repeated as though he were trying to explain something to a child.

Three days.

Helplessly Max rubbed his eyes. They felt as though they were rimmed with acid, dry and sharply painful.

'Have you told Maddy any of this?' he asked hoarsely.

The consultant shook his head.

'Not yet.'

For the first time he looked Max in the eyes.

'However, if in three days' time there has not been an improvement... Look, why don't you go home and try to get some rest?' the doctor was suggesting.

'There's no point in staying here. I'm afraid we can't let you see your wife. She might sense...something...

and it's critically important that we keep her calm.'

Max bowed his head.

THE BABY WAS already asleep and Jenny had just finished reading Leo and Emma a story when Max rang.

'I'm coming home,' he told her.

'Maddy? How is she?' Jenny began but Max cut her short.

'Not now, Ma,' he responded tiredly. 'I'll tell you everything once I get back. I'm leaving now so I shouldn't be very long.'

'I'll start supper,' Jenny suggested but on the other end of the line Max fought against the nauseous rejection filling his stomach at the thought of food. Eating, doing
anything
to sustain his
own
life seemed almost a form of blasphemy in the light of what he had just been told.

JACK WAS JUST cooking himself something to eat when the telephone started to ring. The house had felt oddly cold and unfamiliar without the welcoming presence of his aunt. He assumed that she must be at one of her committee meetings and that his uncle Jon was still at work.

With one eye on his stir-fry he reached for the receiver and spoke into it. On the other end of the line Jenny frowned as she recognised her nephew's voice.

What on earth was Jack doing at home? He was supposed to be at university.

'Jack?' she questioned in concern.

'Aunt Jenny.' Guilt filled Jack's voice.

'Are you all right?' Jenny asked him anxiously.

'Er, yes...I'm fine,' Jack responded but he sounded so unconvincing that Jenny immediately felt sharply anxious. If he was fine then
what
was he doing at home?

'Is your uncle Jon there?' she asked him.

'No,' Jack replied. 'Do you want me to give him a message if he comes home before you?'

'Mmm, yes...yes, please,' Jenny confirmed. 'Just tell him please that Maddy's still in hospital but that Max is on his way home and once he gets here I'll be coming back.'

She didn't say anything to Jack about her plans to go and see Olivia, primarily because she couldn't now decide what was worrying her more, Olivia's uncharacteristic behaviour that morning or the disturbing discovery that Jack was not at university where he should be but at home.

A sudden thought struck her.

'Jack, this unauthorised "exeat" you've given yourself,' she asked, keeping her voice as light as possible,

'wouldn't have anything to do with Annalise would it?'

His sharp intake of breath gave him away even before Jenny heard his carefully casual but wholly unbelievable, 'No...no why should it? I just had some spare time in my schedules and I thought I might as well spend it at home. Look, I've got to go, my stir-fry is about to burst into flames.'