Starting Over (12 page)

As she replaced her own receiver Jenny closed her eyes. It had been obvious to her that Jack was lying to her and that Annalise
was
the reason he had come home.

They were both far too young for the intensity of the relationship that had developed between them. Jon and Jenny had already agreed that, but they knew all too well themselves the trauma of teenage heartaches to want to see Jack suffering from them.

Although he had tried manfully to keep it from her, Jenny had heard the note of despondency, of desperation almost, in Jack's voice and she ached with love and pity for them both. The last thing she wanted to see him do was to ruin the whole of his life by giving up his studies so that he could be with Annalise. Not that she didn't like Annalise. She did. But she and Jack were so young. Too young. And Jack had to understand and accept that he simply could not come rushing home every time he and Annalise had a falling-out.

What was happening to them all, Jenny wondered unhappily as she waited for Max to arrive. Suddenly it seemed as though their lives had plunged from happiness into danger and darkness.

Since David's return... Since David's return...

Jenny stiffened. She knew that what she was thinking was illogical and more than a tad influenced by her own very ambivalent feelings towards the man who was now her brother-in-law but who had once been her lover. She felt no desire whatsoever for David now.
Jon
was the man she loved but David's return had marked a sharp change in the previously gentle happiness of all their lives—and not for the better—

and illogical or not, for that she could not help blaming him and wishing that he had stayed away.

'YOU'RE LATER than I expected,' Tullah commented absently as Saul uncorked the bottle of red wine they were having with dinner.

'Mmm...' he agreed non-committally. He would tell her about his visit to Olivia later when they were on their own and when he could do so without compro-mising the confidence Livvy had given him about the situation with Jenny. As a woman Tullah would probably have a more insightful view on how Livvy might deal with the situation than he did himself.

'Am I going to be allowed a glass of wine tonight?'

Jemima asked Tullah hopefully.

She was the eldest of his three children from his first marriage and Saul was ruefully aware of how fast she was growing up. During the summer she and Tullah had made a 'secret' female shopping trip which had resulted in a certain bashful mixture of self-consciousness and smugness as she started to wear her first bra.

'No. Not tonight,' Tullah answered her. 'It's a school night. Perhaps at the weekend...'

Jemima pulled a face but accepted Tullah's veto.

'Jem, can you tell the others that supper's ready please,' Tullah called out to her.

As Jemima left the kitchen, Nick walked in raising his eyebrows in appreciation as he saw the bottle of wine Saul was holding.

'Good choice,' he approved, adding carelessly, 'Is Livvy okay? I saw your car parked on her drive when I drove past earlier....'

Immediately Saul could sense Tullah's tension although she hadn't moved.

'You've been to see Olivia,' she asked him sharply.

'You never said...'

'No. I just called on impulse.'

Saul could see Nick looking at them both and starting to frown.

'Have I put my foot in it?' he asked.

'No.'

'Of course not...'

Both of them spoke at the same time but Saul knew that the flush darkening Tullah's face wasn't wholly caused by the heat of the meal she was removing from the oven.

Going over to help her he told her quietly, 'Look, I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I'll explain why later....'

Tullah's smile was tight and unforgiving. Saul heaved a sigh.

'How ARE THINGS at the hospital?' Jenny asked Max as she handed him the mug of coffee she had just made him.

'Maddy still isn't responding to the treatment,' Max told her bleakly.

All his life Max had possessed an aura of personal strength that had seemed indomitable but now, for the first time, Jenny was aware that a pall of defeat seemed to have settled around him.

Like any mother she instinctively wanted to help and reassure him.

'There must be
some
improvement,' she insisted,

'otherwise they would not have allowed you to come home.'

Max sighed.

'The reason they sent me home is
not
because of any improvement in Maddy's condition, Ma, but because they wanted me out of the way in case I inadvertently made her worse.' He paused and then burst out, 'Do you think I'd be here if they
hadn't
sent me away? Oh God, Ma...if I were to lose her...'

The sheer torment in his voice brought tears to Jenny's eyes. She could see how close he was to the edge of his own self-control and she could see, too, now just why the hospital
had
sent him home.

'These things take time,' she soothed him.

'Maddy doesn't
have
time....' Max grated. '
Neither
of them do.'

Just before he buried his face in his hands, Jenny saw the tell-tale sheen of his tears.

'Try to have faith, Max,' she counselled him gently.

'Look,' she continued softly, 'I
had
intended to go home.' She didn't tell him why, there was no point in telling him about Jack's unscheduled return home or her concerns for his young cousin, 'But if you'd prefer me to stay...'

Immediately Max shook his head.

'No, you go home. Dad must be cursing me for keeping you here this long.'

Jenny hesitated, torn between staying and going.

'Go home, Ma,' Max insisted seeing her indecision.

'I'll be fine...'

'Promise me you'll ring us if you need us,' Jenny begged him.

'I promise,' Max confirmed.

I'll be back in the morning, anyway,' Jenny told him. 'You'll want to go back to the hospital then and I can sort out the children for you.'

Much as she hated to leave him she knew that this might be her only opportunity to speak to Jack and to find out exacdy what was going on.

As she gave Max a fierce hug and headed for the back door she acknowledged unhappily that it was going to be almost impossible for her to go and see Olivia.

'JENNY...you're home...'

At any other time the relief and pleasure in Jon's voice would have brought a teasingly loving comment to her lips but on this occasion she simply pursed them in irritation.

'Jack's home,' Jon told her.

'Yes, I know,' Jenny responded. 'Has he told you why?'

'He said something about having a gap in his lectures,' Jon offered.

'I think it's because of Annalise,' Jenny corrected him grimly. 'I think they must have had a quarrel.'

Jon looked perturbed.

'Surely he wouldn't come home during term time because of that?' he asked her.

'They're in love, Jon,' Jenny reminded her husband, giving him an exasperated look as she added, 'Where's Jack now?'

'Upstairs in his room. How's Maddy?'

'There's no change,' Jenny admitted.

Jon walked over to her and put his arm round her, turning her to face him.

'You look worn-out,' he told her gently. 'Come and sit down. I'll make us both a drink.'

'No. I can't. I've got to go and talk to Jack—find out what's going on,' she refused Jon firmly. 'You'll need to talk to him, as well,' she insisted. 'You'll have to make him see how important it is that he goes back to university, Jon.'

'Jenny, it's nearly ten o'clock, I haven't seen you in days.... Jack isn't going anywhere. Surely he can wait until tomorrow...' He was about to tell her how much he was missing her but Jenny was already pulling away from him saying disapprovingly, 'You're beginning to sound as irresponsible as David always was.'

As she hurried towards the kitchen door her eyes were blurring with tears. She hated this disunity that had sprung up between them but she seemed power-less to be able to do anything about it.

OUTSIDE JACK'S bedroom, Jenny paused before knocking on the door. When Jack opened it she realised that in the short time he had been away he had grown even taller and broader but the hug he gave her was still that of a boy, no matter how much of a man he might look physically.

'I'm sorry,' he apologised, his voice muffled as he released her. 'I know I shouldn't have come home but I had to.'

The anguish in his voice increased Jenny's concern.

'I know how much Annalise means to you, Jack,'

she began carefully. She felt both physically and emotionally drained; these last few weeks with David's return and marriage and then Maddy's illness had taken their toll on her and she had to remind herself of just how important his own present feelings would be to Jack and to treat them as seriously as she would have done were he ten years older.

'She means
everything
to me,' Jack responded gruffly. 'I
love
her Aunt Jenny and she loves me...I know that....'

Jenny closed her eyes. She could hear the desperation in his voice but for once her intuition did not tell her the cause of it and she misinterpreted the anguish she could hear as being caused by his fear of losing Annalise and not his fear
for
her.

It was the kind of mistake anyone could make...the kind of mistake that Fate delights in as she tauntingly throws down a life-changing card.

Jack ached to be able to confide fully in his aunt, but he had given his word to Annalise. The determination and the strength he had shown Annalise herself earlier had now been replaced by a natural feeling of fear. He badly needed the comfort and reassurance that spilling his anxiety and guilt out to Jenny would have given him but he was not going to break his word to Annalise.

At the back of his mind he knew that a part of him was hoping that somehow Jenny would guess what had happened and that she would tell him so and tell him, too, that he was not to worry and that everything would be all right, but instead Jenny told him tiredly,

'No matter how much you love Annalise, Jack, you cannot simply leave your studies and come home to see her, no matter
what
has happened between you....

Have you seen her yet?'

'This afternoon,' Jack acknowledged. Aunt Jenny had every reason to be angry with him—he knew that.

Manfully he tried to respond to her questions. 'I wasn't making it up when I said that there was a gap in my lecture schedule,' he insisted truthfully. 'I
do
have a window of a few days.'

Jenny looked at him and saw in his eyes that he was telling the truth. If it wasn't for Maddy's problems she would be planning to bundle Jack into her car in the morning and drive him right back to university but she simply didn't have the time to make that length of journey.

'I promise you that I'll go back just as soon as I need to,' Jack was telling her earnestly. 'I just must have a few days with Annalise to...to sort things out....'

Jenny could feel her exasperation and her tiredness increasing.

'Jack, Annalise has to understand that
you
are a university student,' she told him severely, 'and
that
means that you have to stay
at
university.'

Jack looked away from her. He could see how angry and upset she was and his heart sank. What was she going to say...how was she going to feel when he had to tell her that he and Annalise were going to become parents?

Jenny saw the look in his eyes and her own heart softened.

'Jack, I
do
understand. I
know
how hard it must be for you.' She gave a small sigh. 'You and Annalise are so young and I know you won't believe me when I say this but...' She stopped. He
wouldn't
believe her and she wasn't sure that she believed herself that the pains of one's youth faded into insignificance with age and experience. Look how long it had taken her and Jon to come to terms with their youthful traumas.

'I know how much things can hurt,' she told him gently. 'But, Jack, you really do have to put your studies first at this stage in your life.' She broke off and picked up one of his large hands in her own smaller ones.

'Come downstairs and have some supper. We're probably better talking about all of this tomorrow when we've all had some time to sleep on it.'

Jack blinked hard. What would she say if he were to tell her that he didn't
want
to sleep on what he had to tell her and his uncle Jon.... No, he didn't
want
to but for Annalise's sake he
must.

SAUL EXPELLED an irritable breath as Tullah walked into their bedroom from their en suite bathroom, deliberately refusing to look at him. She had been giving him the cold shoulder treatment all evening and he was becoming increasingly fed up with it.

'Look, Tullah, you're over-reacting,' he told her.

'Am I?' she challenged him. 'You go to see a woman, a
woman
you were once desperate to take to bed—without saying a word to
me
about your visit and you've got the gall to say I'm over-reacting.'

'I went to see Olivia, my
cousin
,' Saul corrected her firmly, 'and I went to see her because I thought...

because I felt...'

'Yes?' Tullah pressed him acid sweetly. 'You
felt...'

'Oh, for God's sake, Tullah,' Saul exploded.

'You're making an unnecessary melodrama out of the whole thing.'

He had shaved and showered ready for bed and ludicrously almost, Tullah who never ever wore anything to conceal her body from him in the privacy of their bedroom, was wrapped from her neck to her ankles in a thick fluffy towel.

To his own chagrin he discovered that there was something about the sight of his beautiful wife so clad that was having a disconcertingly distracting effect on him.

'Yes, with hindsight, I
should
have rung and told you...discussed with you,' he corrected himself as he saw her expression, 'what I was planning to do. Yes, I acted on impulse, but impulse is exactly what it was, Tullah, and not some latent desire to resurrect a relationship with Olivia that never existed in the first place. I thought she might want someone to talk to, a shoulder to lean on if you like. I felt sorry for her, concerned for her. I
like
her....' He stopped.