Starting Over (11 page)

“I felt like
I’d known her forever,” Alex said, smiling at the memory. “You’d
told me so many stories about her… I’d even read a few chapters of
her books that you left lying around your apartment. They were kind
of like a glimpse into who she was. It’s great that you’ll always
have that part of her to hold on to.”

“I think so
too.” Inhaling deeply, she appreciated the crisp evening air
coupled with the beautiful perfume from Sharon’s prize-winning rose
bushes. “She’s left me with so much. I just feel blessed to have
been a part of her life.”

“She felt the
same way about you, Eve,” Alex said.

Footsteps on
the path behind them caught Eve’s attention, and she turned around
to see her mother walking toward them with two wineglasses. “I
thought you could use a drink after the day you had,” Jane said,
smiling as she offered red wine to her daughter and son-in-law.

“Thanks, Jane,”
Alex said, accepting the wine. “That was nice of you.”

Lifting a
shoulder, she said, “It was the least I could do.” Looking uneasy,
she shifted from one foot to the other as she spoke to Eve. “Um,
Dan said that most of the people who’d checked in for the funeral
have left already.”

“That’s true,”
Eve said warily. “Why?”

“I was
wondering if it would be okay if I stayed for a little while?” When
Eve sighed, Jane said, “I don’t want to impose. I just thought you
could use some help, you know, packing up Sharon’s things and…”

Eve looked to
Alex, as she often did, when she needed a second opinion. It had
become a habit, one she would have to break since they were no
longer a couple.

As though Alex
sensed his wife’s uncertainty, he said, “We’ve all had a long day.
I’m sure you’re tired, Jane. Why don’t you spend the night, and you
and Eve can talk in the morning, when she’s had a chance to sleep
on your proposal?”

“Of course,”
Jane said quickly. “Whatever you decide is fine, Eve. I know you
don’t owe me anything. I just thought it would be nice if you had
someone to lean on.” She glanced at Alex. “Your sister told me you
two are separating, Alex. I can’t tell you how sorry I am to hear
that.”

***

Alex would deal
with his sister and her big mouth later. “I appreciate that. I’m
not too happy about it myself.” He hadn’t intended his comment as a
dig, but when he saw Eve’s body tense, he suspected that’s how
she’d perceived it.

“I’ll leave you
two alone,” Jane said quietly. “I’m sure you have a lot to talk
about. Good night.”

“Good night,
Jane,” Alex said when Eve didn’t respond. He turned to her. “I’m
sorry, are you upset that I told your mother the divorce is your
idea?”

A muscle in her
jaw flexed. “You’re making it sound like I’m the one who initiated
this. I wasn’t. I wanted our marriage to work. You were the one who
checked out a long time ago.”

“That’s not
true. I’m as invested in this marriage now as I was the day we took
our vows. Hell, maybe more so.”

Raising her
wine glass, she got a determined look in her eye. “Why don’t we
agree to disagree and drink to starting over?”

Touching his
glass to hers, he said, “I’m all for starting over… with you.” He
knew he was pushing his luck, but he had nothing left to lose.

“Why are you
making this so hard?” she asked, taking a sip of her wine.

He turned to
face her, tucking one leg under the other. “You don’t really expect
me to make this easy for you, do you? You’re my wife. I love you. I
want to be married to you. I don’t know how else to make you
understand this divorce is the last thing I want.”

She watched
several guests enjoying drinks on the inn’s patio several hundred
yards away. “Can’t you see this is an impossible situation? I need
to build a life here. Your life is in New York. There’s no way to
make that work. I tried to be happy in your world for years. I
couldn’t do it.”

Alex couldn’t
deny her claim. He knew she’d made the effort to find a place in
his world, especially in the beginning of their marriage. During
the last couple of years, he’d sensed her unhappiness growing to
epic proportions. He should have addressed their problems before it
was too late, but he hadn’t known how. He wasn’t sure he was ready
to be a father, and that was the only thing that would make her
happy. They were at an impasse that would force them to take a
long, hard look at their marriage, so he tried to pretend things
would get better. “I kept telling myself what we were going through
was normal. Relationships go through cycles, at least that’s what
I’d always heard.”

“I suppose
that’s true,” Eve said. “But the downturns don’t last for years, do
they?”

“Were you
unhappy for that long?” he asked. All he’d ever wanted was to make
her happy, but he’d obviously failed miserably.

“It’s not your
fault,” Eve said, setting her glass down on the broad arm of her
chair as she laced her hands over her flat stomach. She was wearing
black dress pants, high-heeled sandals, and a black and white,
silky tank top. She’d left her black blazer inside, complaining it
was too hot inside with all of the people crowding the lounge and
dining area. “We’re just two different people. We came from
different places. This is my home. It’s where I belong.”

Alex hated to
admit he could see why she felt she belonged there. Lakeside Inn
was a little piece of paradise on earth. He could imagine himself
settling down in a place like it in twenty years, when he was ready
to think about retiring. The community was filled with wonderful
people who’d grown up, raised families, and grown old there. Like
Eve, they felt they belonged and couldn’t imagine living anywhere
else. Alex, on the other hand, liked making deals, putting out
fires, taking on new challenges, and meeting new people. He liked
his career most days, and he could imagine running Bolton
Enterprises for many more years. But without Eve to come home to,
his business would be the only thing he had left in his life.

“Why are you so
quiet?” Eve asked. “It’s not like you.”

“I want to give
you a million reasons why you belong in New York with me, but I
can’t.” He’d heard the saying about loving and letting go, but he
couldn’t imagine Eve stepping back into his world if he let her go.
That realization felt like a stake through his heart. If he gave
her the divorce she was asking for… it would be over. He would have
to figure out how to get through every day for the rest of his life
without her.

“You’re an
amazing man, Alex,” she whispered, reaching for his hand. “That’s
what makes this so hard. If you were a self-centered, egotistical
pain in the ass, this decision would be easy.”

“Thanks, I
think.”

She winked when
he gave her a wry smile. “You’re going to find someone amazing
someday. Someone who will love your life and you with everything
she has.”

“You used to
love me that way.” Even if she was determined to let him go, he
couldn’t walk away without reminding her of when she was his world
and he was hers. “You still do, Eve. I see it when you look at me.”
He licked his lips and let his eyes fall to her mouth. It was full
and sensuous, outlined in a pale coral that enhanced her bright
green eyes. “I felt it when you made love to me.”

“I’ll always
love you,” she whispered fiercely. Her eyes looked even more vivid
when they brimmed with unshed tears. “No matter what happens or
where life takes us, a part of my heart will always belong to you
and only you.”

Alex kissed her
hand, wishing he still had the right to strip her and kiss every
inch of her beautiful body. “My whole heart will always belong to
you. No one could ever take your place.”

She looked
pained. “Please don’t say that. That’s not what I want for you. I
want you to find happiness with someone else. I don’t want you to
be alone.”

He smirked even
though his own pain burned him up. He was doing something he’d
never thought he would: saying good-bye to the love of his life.
“Then you’re a better person than I am. The thought of you falling
in love with another man, sharing his bed, makes me want to beat
the hell out of him.” His eyes fell to the swell of her breasts
peeking out from beneath the lace edge on her tank top. “In my
mind, you’ll always be mine. I can’t imagine anyone else having
you. No one else could ever love you as much as I do.”

“Alex, please…”
She sucked in a breath and her chin trembled. “Don’t do this.”

“I have to. It
may be my last chance to tell you how I feel.” He placed her right
hand over his heart. “I love you too much to try to hold on to you.
If you really want the divorce, I won’t fight you. Just know that
I’ll never stop loving you. You may not be mine on paper
anymore”—reaching for her left hand, he kissed the diamond rings
he’d placed there a decade earlier—“but you’ll always be the very
best part of me.”

***

The inn was
quiet after the breakfast rush when Jane claimed the stool beside
her daughter at the breakfast bar. “How are you this morning?”

“I’m okay,” Eve
said, folding the local newspaper and setting it aside.

“I don’t know
how you could be. You just lost your aunt, and your marriage is
falling apart.” Reaching for the teapot in front of Eve, Jane
filled both of their cups.

Eve couldn’t
decide whether her mother was trying to instigate an argument, so
she decided to wait for her to continue.

“I know what
it’s like to lose someone you love, Eve. I’ve been there.”

“Really?” Eve
raised an eyebrow as she sipped the camomile tea. Eve wasn’t in the
mood to rehash ancient history about the breakdown of her parents’
marriage and how her mother was the innocent victim, wronged by the
man she loved.

“I thought I
knew what love was when I married your father, but it wasn’t until
I met Tim that I realized how toxic our relationship was. Your
father had fallen out of love with me long before I learned of his
affair, but I held on so hard because I was afraid to be
alone.”

“Who’s Tim?”
Eve asked. She and her mother really were strangers. She knew so
little about the life Jane had been living for the past twenty
years.

She smiled. “I
met him about nine years ago. I was working in a health food store,
taking some natural healing classes, and he came in to chat with me
from time to time. He had some ailments he was trying to treat with
natural remedies, and he would ask for my advice.”

Listening to
her mother talk about Tim was like meeting her for the first time.
She transformed into a different person. The light in her eyes and
her smile was evidence of how much she loved him.

“Did you two
marry?” Eve asked, her eyes drifting to her mother’s left hand. She
wasn’t wearing any rings, but Eve knew that didn’t mean she wasn’t
married.

Jane smiled and
ran a fingertip around the edge of her cup. “No, we didn’t feel the
need for a piece of paper to prove our love to the world. We knew
how we felt about each other, and that’s the only thing that really
mattered.”

“Why didn’t Tim
come with you?” Eve had mixed feelings about meeting her mother’s
boyfriend. She didn’t have any sense of loyalty to the father who
hadn’t been a part of her life in years, but seeing her with a man
other than Eve’s father would shed a different light on her
mother.

“He passed away
a few months ago,” Jane said quietly.

“I’m sorry.”
When Eve witnessed the pain on her mother’s face, she touched her
hand. “That must have been very difficult for you.”

“It was, but
Tim made me promise I wouldn’t waste time feeling sorry for
myself.” Taking a deep breath, Jane sat up straighter. “I owe it to
him and to myself to continue on my path.”

“Your path?”
Eve asked, trying to reconcile the raving lunatic who attended her
wedding with the serene woman sitting beside her.

“I was lost and
broken when your Aunt Sharon offered to let you stay with her. I
didn’t want to let you go, but I knew how much staying with me was
hurting you. My home was a toxic, negative environment. I was angry
at the world, myself, and your father. That wasn’t a life for a
young girl, but the thought of letting you go broke my heart.”

Eve had always
thought her mother was happy to be rid of her. It never occurred to
her Jane might miss her. For the first time, Eve put herself in her
mother’s position and imagined what she must have been going
through during her darkest hours.

Jane continued,
“I resented everyone for a long time. The anger was like a cancer,
eating me alive. I was even angry at you for leaving me and my
sister for being a better mother than I was capable of being.
Eventually, I started to find my way. I met people who taught me I
was responsible for my own thoughts. I could choose to be sad and
angry or grateful and happy. It was liberating. Once I was finally
happy with who I was and learned to love myself, I began to believe
I could attract a wonderful man who would love me too.”

“That’s when
you met Tim?”

“It is,” Jane
said, laughing. “When I imagined the kind of man I might attract…
Well, not even in my wildest dreams did I believe the perfect man
could exist.”

“You think he
was perfect for you?” Eve asked, wondering if she would ever be
able to say that. Alex had been perfect for her in so many ways,
but their differences were leading them down opposite paths.

“I’m not sure
there’s such a thing as perfection, but he seemed perfect to me. He
taught me how to be in a healthy, loving, respectful relationship,
and I’ll be forever grateful for that.”

Her marriage
had once been all of those things, Eve realized. She couldn’t
pinpoint the moment when it stopped fulfilling her. Or perhaps she
had been unfulfilled with life in general and she expected her
husband to make her happy, which was impossible. If she wasn’t
happy with herself, she couldn’t expect anyone to satisfy her. “You
said you were looking for a place to stay? Why?”