Stay (23 page)

I didn’t know I was crying until he pulled me closer and kissed my tears away. I was frozen in his arms, afraid to speak and break the spell of his affection. I knew what he wanted to hear from me, what I had whispered to him in sleep countless times
and just once awake. What broke my resolve most was how much I wanted to tell him I loved him and that I could never leave. Knowing the consequences, I might have still told him over and over so neither one of us could forget.

His lips pressed to mine gently and immediately I felt the pull in my lower chest, that
forbidden string attaching my body to his. With all the strength I possessed, I pushed away from him and sat away from his arms. My body immediately protested and my soul screamed madly, demanding I return to the only embrace I would ever want again.

Neither of us interrupted the awkward silence that followed. I fought back the sobs threatening to spill from my lips. When I glanced up at Cain, I saw how he watched the rise and fall of my chest with brooding intensity, how his fists clenched and unclenched.
Colors broke out over our heads, black as a storm cloud and rolling with sparks of lightning. Cain’s emotions pulsed around his frame in a wild frenzy, while outwardly he remained calm.

I knew better, even as I began to put my new clothes back into the sacks and
said, “I think I’ll wear the purple dress tonight. I can ask Mrs. Nguyen to dress me again and we can walk together. Is that okay?” I turned around when Cain did not answer and then frowned.

He had already stood and walked across the room. I watched numbly as his bedroom door shut with a light click. Only then did I truly despise myself. This time it had nothing to do with Seid or my father or the man my father chose for me. It had nothing to do with the choices I had made two thousand years ago. I knew I was hurting Cain and somehow, this new pain was the one I felt deepest.

Mrs. Nguyen answered her door after the second knock when
I arrived later. I carried nothing with me but the purple dress and undergarments and heels. She was already dressed in a black silk dress, draped in a shimmering gold fabric. It hugged the curves she still possessed in spite of her old age. And her black and gray-streaked hair was piled high on top of her head in weaves that reminded me of the mother I could vaguely remember.

Her red
-painted lips parted over her black-stemmed cigarette and cherry-scented smoke escaped with her words. “Sugar, you look terrible. Come on in. Why you crying? It was Cain, wasn’t it? I swear if that son of a—”

“Mrs. Nguyen!” I interrupted, unwilling to hear anything against my love. “I
t is I who has wronged him,” I said as she shut the door and locked it behind us.

For a long moment she appraised me with narrowed eyes and puffs of smoke filling the space between us. So I told her what she wanted to hear. “I hurt him. All I do is hurt him,” I ground out in the end and dug my nails into my palm.

Mrs. Nguyen waved the cloud of smoke away from her face and strode forward until I could see every one of her beautiful wrinkles. Then she said what I needed to hear. “Can I give you a piece of advice, sugar?”

I nodded my assent and she lifted one of my clenched palms with her free hand. With gentle pressure she relaxed my tense digits and patted my skin.

“First,” she said, “let’s fix that gorgeous face of yours.”

I waited impatiently as she sat me down on the seat before her many beauty products. After stubbing out her cigarette, she washed my face. Between hard looks and hidden smiles she applied black
kohl around the rims of my eyes. She almost spoke while curling my eyelashes with a sticky black substance.

Finally, while lining my lips did she say, “Sugar, it’s clear you ain’t had much time to be around these people you claim you’ve helped. My advice? Stop overthinking things. Listen to Cain. Help them, sure, but stop holding yourself back. You never know what could happen if you let it.”

She finished applying paste to my lips and began braiding my curls next. I watched our reflection in the mirror as her fingers combed through my hair. I smiled at the lines between her brows as she concentrated on creating perfection.

“You saw what happened to me yesterday morning. You know that I am not human. What you do not know is
why
I am no longer human. I may not be able to stay with him. If I choose to remain here I may die, but the thought of leaving him… I—I don’t know if I can do this anymore,” I said between strained breaths.

Her black eyes snapped to mine and to my surprise, she cackled. “Good! Glad you got
that off your chest. Maybe now you won’t think so hard.”

A
t last I studied my own reflection and hardly recognized the painted and frightened-looking woman in front of me.

“You need to go check on your boy as soon
as I’m finished with you. You wearing that dress tonight, huh? Good choice.”

I squeezed the soft fabric in my hands and frowned at the bunched
smoky indigo pooling from them. “We’re going to rehearsal soon. Cain’s going to play his instrument tonight.”

Mrs. Nguyen’s hands froze above me and I lifted my gaze to find h
er staring at me in shock. “You.
You
convinced that poor boy to play?”

I gasped when she came from behind and grasped my hands in hers. My dress spilled over my bare legs. “Yes,” I hesitantly replied. I already knew Cain had not played in years. But judging from her look, this was more significant than I understood.

Her sudden smile brightened my dark mood. It was with a slap on my wrist that she said, “Good! I knew you were good for him! I knew you could do what
she
never could.”

I shook my head and pulled my hands out of her grasp. Clutching my dress in my hands, I stood and walked away.

Mrs. Nguyen only knew a piece of the truth. She had seen the almost-human Orona, who was orphaned and alone in the world, a woman whom Cain had plucked off the streets and fallen in love with. What she didn’t see was the undead creature Cain barely knew, the foolish human girl who fell in love with the caretaker of the seas. She hadn’t seen me stand up against a hurricane or keep a cave from crushing two lovers to death. She hadn’t seen me throw myself over the ones who would have turned to ashes when the volcano erupted, or made water appear from the sands to the dying in the desert. She did not know I was both savior and destroyer to so many souls.

And so
I cringed when Mrs. Nguyen called after me with another cackle, “See you later, alien girl!”

“I realize I was only able to finally make a good choice with my eyes wide open.”

-derrolyn

Chapter 21

Reality
Affirms

Cain adopted a convincingly carefree attitude as we rode his bike up to the club. I savored the closeness the bike afforded us though I should have kept my distance. Instead I buried my face into the scuffed leather of his jacket, the one that smelled like all the years he had spent by the sea in his youth. I could smell myself on it from the few times he had draped it across my shoulders and the day I borrowed it to walk to the club alone. Mixed together, our scents created a heavenly brand of agony to me. I could only imagine what he felt every time I tightened my arms around his waist.

Before
, I had breathed in these city streets as an indifferent apparition and viewed its inhabitants like the brittle flowers they were. They bloomed and gave beauty to the world around them for such a short time before shriveling up and returning to dust. I was disgusted with their play on love and their desperate search for fulfillment. They were a pack of starving, sniveling, smelly creatures that I wanted nothing more to do with. Of course, I never considered myself like Seid, one of the beautiful, unattainable immortals, either. World-weary better described my state of mind two weeks ago.

Now, inexplicably, the city streets were pounding with life beneath the wheels of the bike. The roar and rumble of the engi
ne coupled with the feel of our hearts beating together through the layers separating us made me feel more alive. People
looked
at me as we passed and they looked at Cain as he stopped before the lines of vehicles and signal lights. There was a constant rhythm to this city, to the world, I now felt, set by the pounding of their feet on the sidewalks. Music and voices and the screech of metal were the temporary legacy of this generation. Today I was a part of it because of Cain.

He had promised he would not pressure me into anything. I believe
d if I had been any other girl, he would have shied away from any sort of commitment beyond occasional intimacy. But the fire between us was deeper and more dangerous than either of us anticipated. It should have frightened him with how fast we settled into each other. It should have scared me more, how he wooed me with his acceptance and patience.

C
ould anyone truly know when love took hold of them? And if so, would they want to prevent it? The idea of love frightened me, because every day of my existence reminded me what happened the first time I lost my heart. I saw how fragile and foolish humans were. I would have never chosen this fate for myself.

For the chance to know Cain
, I would have done it again instantly, willingly.

When the bike came to a gravel
-strained stop in the back alley around the side of the club, I was reluctant to let him go. Cain rested his booted feet on either side of us and I shifted, feeling the strap that attached his instrument to me pulling at my chest. After he turned off the switch, he bowed his head and rested his hands on the handlebars. There we sat in silence, in the muted bubble surrounding us and keeping out the rest of the world.

I drew my hands over his leather
-coated back and he shivered, then sighed and said, “Once was enough for me, you know. I’m not mad because you won’t say it back…”

My nails dug slightly into his jacket as I
shut my eyes and tensed against my guilt.

“Baby,” he
said while twisting in his seat to face me. With his other hand he grasped my chin. “Look at me.”

His thumb brushed
my cheekbone. My lashes fluttered and parted as I gave in. Brilliant blue eyes the color of the sea, of the sky on a sultry day, were boring into mine. His beauty stole my guilt and threatened my resolve.

With conviction he said, “I love
you
, whatever that means. I don’t care that it’s been a week and none of this makes any sense. But I just hate being reminded that you might leave one of these days. And I hate even more the fact I’m gonna forget you. It’s not like I can offer you forever. I want you to live, baby, whether that’s with me or out there being Wonder Woman to lost souls.”

“
Cain, what are you—”

The pad of his thumb pressed to my lips and as I stilled, he said, “Don’t worry about tomorrow. Just think abo
ut today for now, for me, okay?”

This was dangerous.
He
was dangerous, because what he was offering was a license to my greatest temptation. I wanted to live for the present and not think about the consequences. I would gladly endure an eternity of fire beneath my skin if it meant I could be near him, touch him. A wicked part of me rose in triumph and I nearly agreed with him.

Instead, I gave into fear and blurted out,
“Is that what helped you recover from the loss of your baby?” I regretted my outburst the instant he released me.

Emotion wrenched turbulently through his face and he cowered from me as if I had dealt a physical blow to him. He wasted no time getting off t
he bike then and kicked out the metal stick to hold it in place. The love and hope in his face was replaced by a hardened mask.

With his lips pinched and his square jaw clenched so tightly, I almost didn’t recognize him.
Emotions brewed above him and around his form in black-stained shades of red. I fought back tears and hated myself for my need to push him away.

He grasped the handle of his bike and turned his shoulder away from me a moment
. The harsh line of jaw faced my line of sight and his words escaped his lips harshly, hoarsely. “How do you know about the baby?”

“
Lissa still has not recovered from her choice. I guessed.”

Cain laughed bitterly, a harsh abrasi
ve thing, and muttered, “Exactly,
her
choice. I—I didn’t know she was pregnant until—until after she…”

As he trailed off at the end, I gripped my chest with my hands to keep from wrapping my arms around him.
This wasn’t about me and my selfishness or these stupid, addictive human emotions any longer. It was about Cain and Lissa and their baby.

It is about your mission, Orona.

He dipped his head low and looked up at me through the fringe of his dark lashes. “Look, Rona, I can’t do this right now… between rehearsal and dealing with all those people in there.” He must have seen something he didn’t like in my expression, because he turned away then. After hesitating a moment he said, “Let’s just get through the next couple of hours and maybe later tonight we can talk some more.”