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“I’m an asshole, Maggie. I should’ve called you,” he
said as he buried his face into the crook of my neck. “Forgive me.
But I couldn’t stay away any longer. I’m sorry to show up out of
the blue like this.”

I edged away from him to move to get a glass of
water. What I really wanted was a cigarette, but I gave those up. I
glanced at the clock to make sure I had enough time to talk to him,
to explain what had happened since we last saw one another.

“It’s good to see you,” I said. Because it was true.
He was a friend first; before we’d started to date, and that was
something I never wanted to lose. He looked heartbreaking tonight.
His hair had grown some, making him appear as if he’d just stepped
out of bed, and didn’t bother to run a comb through it. He looked
crazy good in his Levi’s and black fitted T-shirt.

He cocked his head to study me. “Hey, come here.” He
reached out to grab hold of me and I let him pull me back into his
chest. “You look great, Maggie. I missed you so much.” His arms
wrapped around me, squeezing me tightly for a few seconds before
finally releasing.

I couldn’t move. I couldn’t believe he was standing
in my kitchen. “Are you just going to stare at me, or can we talk?”
he asked. He placed his arms on my shoulders, gaze locked on mine,
and I could tell he was trying to figure out what my lack of speech
meant.

It was at that exact moment that the door flew open.
We turned to see Jeremy standing by the front door, his mouth
hanging open at the sight of us. It probably didn’t look good to
him. He shot an evil eye at Max, and glared at me.

“Maggie, can I talk to you for a minute. Privately!”
he said through gritted teeth.

Nothing was happening or was going to happen, but as
Luke’s best friend, Jeremy was making sure. I excused myself and
followed him into my bedroom. “What the hell is he doing here?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know. He just showed up. I
know it didn’t look good, but he just got here five minutes ago.
What you saw was us just us saying hello.”

He shrugged his one shoulder. “Okay, well now tell
him goodbye because when Luke finds out, he’s going to be
pissed.”

I nodded. “I know. I’m going to tell Max everything.
I just need a few minutes alone with him.”

He crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m not
leaving.”

I raised my eyebrows, sneering at him. “I think I
can manage alone. Go hide in your bedroom or something.”

Max stuck his head in. “Is everything okay? I didn’t
mean to cause any issues.” Slowly, Jeremy turned to face him. He
looked between us, and then stormed out of my room, clipping Max in
the shoulder as he left.

“Shit, Maggie I hope my coming to see you wasn’t the
wrong thing to do.”

“No. I’m glad you came. Come sit down.” I patted the
bed for him to sit down next to me. “We need to talk.”

He let out a rather large sigh, but sat. “Nothing
good comes from those four little words.”

“No, I guess not.” I dropped my head into my hands.
“I’m back with Luke. I’m sorry. It just kind of happened, and I
should’ve called you but,...but I couldn’t. I haven’t heard from
you, so...I know you don’t deserve this, any of this.” He stared
into my eyes for what seemed like forever, obviously unsettled by
my admission.

He sighed. “What really happened, Maggie? I was
offering you a chance of a lifetime. I’d offered you your dream to
keep you by my side. Was it my folks who freaked you out?”

“That’s just it. I want this dream to happen, but on
my own terms. It pissed me off that you expected me to take the
money. Your dad’s money. The pressure I felt when you told me-you
should’ve asked me when we were alone, Max. It wouldn’t have
changed anything, but you shouldn’t have put me on the spot like
that. And to force me to move back to New York. I know how you feel
about me, and I care about you. I do. More than you know. But, I
love Luke so much. I never stopped.”

Max stood and ran his hands up and down his thighs,
frustrated. “So that’s it? You’re back in love with him, and our
time together meant nothing to you?”

I stood. “I didn’t say that. It meant everything to
me. You are the only reason I got through New York. If it hadn’t
been for you...you just don’t understand.” He had to hear the
frustration in my voice. I certainly could.

Max cut me off by grabbing hold of me, his hands
gripping my wrists. “Well, help me understand why you’re back with
him and not me. What the hell was wrong with me loving you? You
left him for two years because of everything that happened. How
could you just fall back so easily?” He’d raised his voice, and I
was afraid Jeremy would come in and start a fight. Tears welled in
my eyes, watching this sweet guy tell me how much he loved me.

“It’s not the only reason I left Luke, Max. We have
so much history. We’ve always loved each other. You don’t know all
the reasons.”

He loosened his grip but didn’t let go. “Well, now
you have me curious. So I have one question.”

“Yeah, this whole thing actually leaves with me two
questions.” Luke’s voice thundered from the bedroom door. He looked
at both of us, and then focused on me. When he saw my surprised
face, he said, “I got off early to come home and be with my girl,
because I know I’ve been busy lately. But I guess the surprise is
on me, huh?”

I shook off Max’s grip to get to Luke. Luke held me
off keeping the distance between us. “No, Maggie. You don’t get to
run into my arms and pretend like something isn’t going down.”

I swallowed. “Nothing is going down. He just showed
up. I had no idea.”

Luke glanced over my shoulder to Max, clenching and
unclenching his jaw. “He’s in our bedroom. Tell me, Mags, what’s
the real reason you left? And why is he standing in our room,
Maggie? Our fucking room with a suitcase like he plans on staying?”
he yelled.

I twisted slightly to peek over my shoulder. “Max,
you should go. I’m really, really sorry for hurting you. But you
should’ve called first.”

Max didn’t move. “I want to know the reason I didn’t
win. You haven’t said it yet, Maggie and I sure as shit had no idea
you could be this cruel.”

Luke appeared like he was ready to pounce, but I
could tell by his demeanor that when he shifted his focus back to
me, he too was waiting for my reason.

I couldn’t face either of them. This was it. Head
down, I spoke softly. “I was pregnant.” I never got a good look at
Max before he left, but I could hear his heavy breathing behind me.
And then the sound of his footsteps as he walked away. He was gone.
Luke fell to his knees once Max took off. He looked up into my
eyes, whispering so softly you almost couldn’t hear what he was
saying. “You were pregnant? That’s why?”

I nodded, unable to speak. Jeremy appeared but
stayed in the doorway. Luke stood, suddenly enraged, his hands
balled into fists at his sides. “You left me because you were
pregnant? That makes no sense. Was the baby mine?”

I reached out to touch him, but he pulled away. “Of
course it was, Luke. I was never with anyone else. How could you
even ask me that?”

Luke started to pace, pinching the bridge of his
nose. “What the hell were you thinking?” He stopped abruptly, his
eyes bulging. “Where’s my baby?” When I didn’t answer him, he
groaned. “Oh my God, you got rid of it, didn’t you?” He hollered so
loud I jumped back.

Jeremy moved closer to me. Luke was only seeing red,
and I think maybe Jeremy meant to keep me out of harms way. “Luke,
calm down, bro,” Jeremy said.

Luke barely gave him a glance before he started
screaming again. “Well, answer me, damn it!”

“I didn’t. I promise. I lost the baby when I was
just over four months. I didn’t mean it. It just happened. I’m so
sorry, Luke.” I’d gone to reach out to him, but he stepped
back.

“I want to know what happened, Maggie. Tell me the
fucking truth!” He stood tall, leaning into my brother to get to
me, but Jeremy blocked him, holding him back. I wasn’t afraid of
him. Luke would never-ever hurt me. But my heart was breaking.

“I didn’t want to ruin your life. You kept talking
about how great college was, the partying, the frat, grad school,
how you wanted to travel. I didn’t want you to resent the baby, or
me, so I left. I thought I could do it on my own. I wasn’t able to
take proper care of myself. I was stressed out and not in a good
place, so I lost the baby. That’s the truth.” My words were hardly
above a whisper, but to get it off my chest felt so freeing.

“So, you lied about Dad?” Jeremy asked.

I stepped around to face my brother. “God, no, Jer.
I hated living there everyday. Seeing him, talking to him,
pretending like nothing ever happened. I wanted to beg you or Luke
to get me out of there, but then you were both so happy, and I was
having a baby. A baby I didn’t think Luke was ready for. So I left.
I couldn’t raise a baby at home. I was so scared if it was a girl,
and Dad... I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t know what else to do. I
was just so scared.” Heavy, sorrowful tears streamed down my face
with no signs of stoppage.

Luke shoved Jeremy. “I swear to God if you knew
about this baby, then we’re no longer friends.”

“Luke, I didn’t know. I promise. I would never keep
something like that from you. You know that.”

With a face of pure disgust, Luke turned to me. “You
want to know everything that I just heard, Maggie?”

When I didn’t answer, he continued. “That you not
trusting me and what we had, when I never gave you any reason to
doubt my love for you, caused you to lose my baby. My baby!” he
yelled, pointing to his chest. He took a deep breath. “I would
still have a family. I know Phoebe and my folks are gone, but that
baby. You and that baby could’ve saved me, Maggie. And now...,” he
said in the saddest voice I’d ever heard. Luke pulled me to him.
“Shit, Maggie. You should’ve told me. I would’ve taken care of you.
I don’t know what to do or say right now. I’m so sorry you didn’t
trust me. I’m sorry about your Dad and not being there.” He pressed
his lips to mine softly, and pulled away. “And I’m sorry, but right
now I need to get out of here before I say something else I’ll
regret.”

Luke turned toward the closet, grabbed his duffel
bag from the shelf, and stuffed his clothes inside. Jeremy and I
watched quietly as he went from drawer to drawer. Finally, Jeremy
stepped forward. “Where you going, man? Don’t do this. Talk to
her.”

Luke stopped packing momentarily, but didn’t turn to
face my brother. “I’m done talking, Jer. I love your sister more
than anything in this world. I wanted to give her everything, and
this is what I get in return? I need some space, bro.” With those
last words, I screamed and dropped to my knees, pleading for him to
stay. But he didn’t. He left, and didn’t look back.

I knew hearing this was going to kill him after
losing his family. All that pain he had felt was probably hitting
him like a sledgehammer. I had suffered so much pain too. The day I
lost our baby, I couldn’t breathe. It took days and days to gain
the courage to get out of bed and push forward. I’d never been so
devastated in my entire life. It was the only piece of Luke I had
taken with me. And I couldn’t even hold onto that.

Chapter 22

Luke

I was losing my mind, all sense of control. I
had no idea where I was going to go. And I didn’t care. My life
felt empty again. The same hollowness that took over two years ago
was back. I was beyond mad. I was infuriated with Maggie and her
lies. Lies that should’ve never been covered up. I didn’t
understand how she could’ve done that to me. All that time I
thought she knew how much she meant to me. How much I fucking loved
her. My memory of that last night, the one when she left, was still
fresh in my mind. I revisited it on a daily basis to try to figure
out what I’d done to make her leave. Yeah, I boasted about my life,
but she’d always been a part of it. I never once even thought
about, or looked at another girl after that first kiss and we’d
finally gotten our shit together.

Even from a little girl, Maggie caused so many
emotions, so many feelings in my life. Jealousy, lust, passion,
desire, love, devotion, infuriation. You name the feeling; she was
the one that brought it on. And, now this. I desperately wanted to
run back and pull her into my arms when she’d cried out my name,
but I couldn’t. I wanted to scream and shout about why she left me
in the dark? Why she didn’t come back after losing our baby? But,
now I couldn’t. I wasn’t even sure if it was going to be possible
to ever look at her face and not feel the disappointment, the
frustration and the contempt I had for her at the moment. It felt
like she’d killed me when she left two years ago. Now I realize I
was wrong back then. That pain was nothing compared to this. This
was what real pain felt like. To feel completely destroyed. I truly
hated Maggie for the first time in my life.

Deep down, her miscarriage was not her fault. I knew
that. But some weird voice kept yelling at me that it was. That if
I’d known, if she’d stuck around, she would’ve taken better care of
herself. There would have been no stress. No worries about her next
meal, or making rent. Because I’d have moved the earth to take care
of her and move in together. I’d always thought my intentions to
spend forever with her were clear. Apparently, I was wrong. There
would be a baby now if she trusted me. My baby. I never once
thought about being a father so young. I’m sure if she’d told me
back then, I probably would’ve freaked initially, but this was
Maggie we were talking about, not some random chick I’d knocked up.
I would’ve made myself ready.

I barely even remember driving there, but miles and
miles later, between the tears and pain I was halfway through the
Lincoln Tunnel. I was on autopilot. I found a Sheraton and checked
in, exhausted from driving straight through. What the hell was I
doing in New York? Maggie, Dean and Jeremy had been blowing up my
phone, but I let it all go to voicemail.