Stay With Me (14 page)

“What?” I answered with a gasp.

“Whose are you, baby?”

“Yours . . . I’m yours . . .” I panted even harder. “I’m yours.”

15

The first light of dawn was peeking through the shutters. I’d forgotten to close the curtains given the events of the previous evening.

I reached my arm out toward the right and found the bed cold and empty. I got up in a flash, terrified Andrew might have left me alone again. I looked at the clock. It was ten to six, and he wasn’t there.

But then I saw a note on top of the pillow.

Good morning, baby,

You were sleeping so well that I didn’t want to wake you.

I didn’t run away. I know that was your first thought. I simply didn’t think it’d be appropriate for Olivia to find us together.

Know that we should talk as soon as possible, because I will no longer tolerate waking up without you and without my eyes being the first thing you see in the morning.

I’m staying at the usual place.

Take the evening off. We need to talk.

And on your first day at work, remember that . . .

I love you.

Your Andrew

I held the note for many minutes with a stupid smile on my face, my heart finally filled with joy.

He loved me.

And he was mine.

He was right; we had to talk to Olivia as soon as possible. I wouldn’t lose even one more day. I wanted to start my new life as soon as possible. With my little girl and the man of my life.

That night I would meet him after work, and we were going to make all of the important decisions. And we were going to do it together.

With my head in the clouds and a smile I couldn’t get rid of, I woke Olivia and got her ready for preschool.

I hadn’t felt like I could touch the sky in a very long time. There was no shadow lurking, ready to overpower my joy, and that was incredibly wonderful. I could finally lower my guard, because there was no sorrow waiting to attack.

Once outside on the sidewalk, with Olivia’s hand inside mine as she skipped, I wondered how she would react to the news that her father had finally returned from his “work.”

The times she’d asked me about him, it broke my heart to see the innocence of someone who didn’t know, and couldn’t yet imagine, what unpleasant turns life could take.

With my lies, I’d instilled the hope that one day she too might be able to have a father the way every child deserved.

It didn’t appear that Olivia suffered, but I couldn’t be certain. In any case, it was over. Soon things were about to change.

I smiled as I kissed her cheek. “Sweetheart, be good, and please behave yourself. Understood?”

“Of course, Mommy.” She smiled, her eyes lively and mischievous. She ran toward the entrance of her preschool with her backpack rocking on her back.

I’d just finished putting two pans of muffins in the oven, and time seemed like it was standing still. When was the evening going to arrive?

I cleaned the work shelves again and straightened up a bit. Then I left the kitchen and went to open the display case for the sweets.

Just then, Mag walked in.

“Hi, kiddo.”

“Hi, Mag!”

“What’s that smile about?” she asked as she got closer. “Did I miss something?”

“Maybe . . .”

“Hey you, spit it out. You know the curiosity will kill me.” She put her hands on her hips and tapped her foot. “It has to do with Andrew, doesn’t it?”

“Exactly!” I cried out cheerfully. A shadow came over Mag’s face, and it surprised me. “What’s wrong, Mag?”

“Nothing, kiddo. Never mind.”

“But I can’t. Now you spit it out!” I warned.

“You know I’m apprehensive. That’s all. I’m happy for you, seriously, and I’m happy that man backtracked, but the memory of your suffering all of these years is still fresh to me.”

I came around the counter and went to hug her. “I know, but Andrew won’t make me suffer any more. He’s explained everything to me, and I trust him.”

“I hope so for his sake, because one false move and I won’t be so sensitive,” she threatened.

I burst out laughing. “Mag, we’ve just made peace. Do you want him to run away again?”

“He won’t run away, unless it’s for a cheap bimbo. At any rate, I’m happy for you.”

“Thank goodness. I was starting to think the opposite.”

She pinched my cheeks. “I can’t wait to welcome your old-new man to the family. We’ll see some good times ahead,” she said with her eyes full of laughter.

Poor Andrew. She was going to torture him.

I looked at her and asked her the one thing turning over in my mind since she’d come in.

“Ashley . . . how is she?”

Mag drew a smile that was a little too forced. “Andrew didn’t tell you anything?”

“No, we haven’t talked about it yet.”

“I understand.” She shifted in her chair. “Maybe he should be the one to tell you everything.”

“Mag . . .” I said.

“Really, kiddo, he’ll explain.”

For the first time, Mag was reticent about talking to me about something. The reason had to be serious. I dropped the conversation and asked her when she’d be using my present.

I’d left Olivia at Alys’s place and was nearly to the Mandarin Oriental. I’d dressed up, changing my outfit at least ten times, as though it were going to be my first date with Andrew.

It wouldn’t be. That much was certain. But perhaps it was the most important night for us. We were going to talk about us, our future, and how to tell Olly the truth.

As I went through the revolving doors of the hotel, I felt the joy pervade my body, and my heart exploded inside my chest when I saw Andrew seated at the bar with his legs crossed, his eyes smiling.

But then I took another step forward and saw the silhouette of the person sitting in front of him. All of my positive sensations were destroyed by the sight of him tenderly holding hands with a blonde girl.

I had to hold onto the wall when I recognized the woman as the same one who had been happily walking with
my
Andrew along the streets of San Francisco four years ago.

They had the same comfort level with one another that they’d had back then.

He looked at her with the same sweetness he had that night.

She smiled at him in the way people do when they really love someone.

The girl moved slightly and I was able to see what had been concealed from me.

The belly of an advanced pregnancy.

My heart picked up speed. My breath fell short, and my mind became enveloped in complete darkness.

16

Andrew

A thud diverted me from Kristen’s words. I turned toward the entrance and saw several people around a girl, trying to help her. I got up from the chair, knocking it to the ground.

It was Zoe.

“Andrew!” Kristen called after me, but I could see only Zoe.

As soon as I reached her, I bent down and caressed her face.

“What happened?” I asked the man who’d been there to help her first.

“She must have fainted,” he said. “She was standing up one moment, and then a moment later . . . boom . . . on the floor.

Boom?

“Hey, baby,” I whispered to her.

Her eyelids opened slowly as she released a small moan.

“Andrew?” she asked in a trembling voice as she tried to get back up.

“Don’t move, Zoe.” I kept her down. “How do you feel?”

She swallowed with effort, then angled her beautiful eyes at mine.

“I’m OK.”

“I need to take you to the emergency room,” I said.

She shook her head. “There’s no need. I’m fine.” She propped herself up on her elbows. “Actually, it’d be best if I went home now.”

“Home? You’re not going anywhere.”

“Are you going to stop me, Andrew?” she asked in a poisonous tone.

“Zoe, you just fainted. I’ll take you to the room.”

“I’m not going to your damn room,” she hissed.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

I saw her turn in Kristen’s direction, then she closed her eyes and motioned again that she needed to get up. “I have to go.”

“Baby . . .” I tried to calm her down.

“Is that what you call her too?” she burst out.

I leaned back, disoriented. What the hell was she talking about?

“Andy, is everything alright?’ Kristen asked.

And in that moment, I understood everything.

Zoe, still on the floor, glared at Kristen, who was watching the scene with worry.

I burst out laughing, earning a dirty look from Zoe, who’d regained her color.

“Baby, you have no idea what you’re talking about. Let’s go upstairs so I can explain.”

The two of them looked at each other for a second, and Kristen had guessed what the situation was about. She got down, minding her belly, and offered Zoe a hand.

“Hi, you must be Zoe.” She smiled kindly. “I’m Kristen, Andrew’s sister-in-law.”

Zoe scrutinized me, then Kris.

“It might be better if we go upstairs, Andrew,” Zoe said as she grasped that what she’d imagined was just an enormous misunderstanding.

“I’m going, Andy. We’ll talk tomorrow.” Then she turned to Zoe. “It was a pleasure. Hope to see you soon, hopefully for a dinner.”

Zoe only nodded. Her cheeks had turned red. It was a sign she was embarrassed but feeling better.

God, she was adorable.

I offered her a hand and helped her up, holding her close to me as I thanked the two men who’d helped her. We walked toward the elevator in silence. I could feel the rapid beating of her heart and the warmth of her skin, and inhaled the scent of her hair . . . I never managed to control my desire when it I came to her.

It had been that way since I’d first laid eyes on her.

She was so unaware of how she drove men wild. She didn’t notice the effect she had on them, how everyone hung on every word from her splendid pink lips.

Of how I’d fallen for her from the first moment.

The elevator doors opened and I held her up until we reached the suite. She seemed so fragile and defenseless in my arms, but I knew she wasn’t that way. Behind that daintiness hid a warrior, an amazing woman who’d managed to make it on her own in spite of everything.

Still in silence, I had her sit on the cream-colored couch in the middle of the living room and went to the bar area to pour her a glass of water.

“Drink,” I told her as I offered her the glass and leaned my back on the marble pillar. “What happened downstairs?”

“I think I had a panic attack,” she stated curtly.

“Does that happen to you often?”

“Every so often, especially if I’m stressed out.” She drank a large gulp. The hand holding the glass was visibly shaking. I felt small and insignificant—I knew so little about her. I’d been in the dark about her life.

“You fainted,” I said, stating the obvious. “That doesn’t normally happen with panic attacks.”

“And what do you know about them?”

“My mother used to have them,” I answered, trying to keep the sound of my voice calm, even though it proved difficult.

“Right, sorry. I . . .” She seemed to be having a hard time.

“Zoe, you don’t need to apologize to me. You need to tell me why you had such a strong reaction. Why were you feeling so anxious?”

She took a deep breath, placed the glass on the night table, and relaxed into the couch.

“Because of her,” she whispered.

“You mean Kristen?”

She nodded.

“We were just talking. Why such an excessive reaction?”

She started playing with her hands, no longer raising her eyes toward me. I yearned to dive into those irises, which were as warm as caramel.

“Four years ago . . .” She stopped and closed her eyes, remaining silent for a few seconds before beginning again. “Four years ago, I was coming out of the video store, the one we went to with Olly.”

I nodded, signaling her to continue.

“I decided to take the long way home. I wasn’t in a rush. And after walking a little ways, I saw you . . .” Her voice was shaking. “I saw you and Kristen.”

“Baby, she’s my sister-in-law and has been my friend since we were little.”

“What is she doing here?” she asked, raising her eyes to me. “Why is she here and not in New York? Why do you touch her as though she were—”

“A sister,” I interrupted. “I touch her as though she’s my sister. The baby in her womb is my nephew.”

“Now I know, but when I saw you together in the lobby, my whole world came tumbling down. The way it had four years ago.”

“But we were only talking. She came here because she was having some problems with my brother.”

Zoe shook her head. “You don’t understand. Four years ago, you were out with her, among people. We never had a moment like that. Never. Then you stopped, and you put a hand on her cheek. Now that I know the truth, it doesn’t mean anything, but back then, when I was madly in love with you, it was as though someone had ripped out my heart out and stomped on it: one, two, three times . . . infinitely.”

In that moment, I finally realized how much I’d made her suffer. It was absurd to think I’d kept her away just to protect her. I was a madman, an idiot of biblical proportions. And for the second time in two days, I kneeled in front of her and leaned on her legs.

“Zoe, my love, forgive me. If only I could go back . . .” I kissed her knees, uncovered by her skirt. Her skin was so silky and velvety. Each time I kissed it, it was like eating a delicate little pastry. “I won’t make you suffer again, not—”

Zoe’s hands grabbed my face, and she leaned forward. “Do you know what I need right now?”

I shook my head.

“You inside of me.” She bent lower to place her soft lips on mine.

With a big tug I pulled her on top of me, and like every time, I lost control.

“God, you’re beautiful . . .”

“Shhh, let’s not talk now. We’ll talk later.”

She slowly slipped off her snug tank top that wrapped her body beautifully. My hand, as though powered by a mind of its own, extended to caress her hard nipple.

She licked her lips, smiling lasciviously.

I loved it when she took the initiative.

Her hand slid down the waist of my pants, undoing them. Without saying a word or lowering her gaze from mine, she grabbed my member, making me moan.

She got up on her knees and, with her other hand, pushed away her panties and slowly slid me into her.

I harpooned her hips and helped her reach the right rhythm, as though she didn’t already know how to make me crazy.

She threw her head back, and I pulled myself up to put the pink gem of her nipple into my mouth.

She started to moan even louder while holding on to my shoulders.

“Oh, yes . . . yes,” I uttered, out of control, caught in the rapture of who, in every way, was my woman. “Fuck, baby, I’m there. God . . .”

Once I felt her walls contract, I finally abandoned what little control I had left to a mind-blowing orgasm, as I had every time I made love to her.

I fell backward and thanked the heavens I was on a soft carpet and had Zoe rest on top of me.

I kissed her head and listened as her heavy breathing returned to a normal rhythm. Her body was humid.

And I still wanted more of her.

“I love you, Andrew.” Her voice was delicate, crystal-like.

“Me too, baby, me too.” I caressed her back. “I’m sorry you misunderstood earlier.”

“I was only afraid of waking up from a dream.”

“From a dream?” I asked.

“Yes. God, it seems pathetic if I say it this way, but I dreamed about having a family again. One that would be only mine.”

“You have a family.”

I felt her smiling on my skin. “Now I do.”

With her in my arms early the next morning, I was able to squeeze her without holding back, without lying, to tell her what I really felt for her, to love her at 360 degrees—it was the most extraordinary thing in the world.

To be honest, I felt it four years before as well, but only when I was inside of her. Those were the only times I would let myself totally go. If actions had words, Zoe would have heard my every cell screaming, every one of them yelling at the top of its lungs. “We love you . . . we belong to you!”

I chuckled to myself, and Zoe slowly lifted her head to look me in the eyes.

“Why are you laughing?”

I shook my head. “Nothing, baby, nothing.”

“Don’t you want me to laugh too?” She gently kissed my chest and then sighed. “Let’s talk, Andrew.”

“Now?”

“Yes, now.” She was dead serious. “Let’s talk now, and then we’ll leave everything behind us.”

I caressed her naked back and could feel her tension. “Ask me anything you want, Zoe.”

She sat up, trying to cover her nakedness with a sheet. “If you loved me four years ago, how could you treat me that way? To leave without looking back?”

I pulled myself up, leaning my back against the bed’s soft headrest. “I only made you think you understood everything about me. If you’d been careful, you would have figured out I hadn’t always been . . . careful.” I winked at her and her lips turned up into a smile.

“With your sister-in-law last night . . .” she started uncertainly.

“I told you, Kris and I have known each other forever and she’s my dearest friend. I was the one who introduced her to my brother.” I stretched out my arm to grab the bottle of water I always kept on the night table and took a sip to soothe my parched throat. “She came here from New York because she discovered that my brother was cheating on her.”

“Oh,” was all she said.

“As you can imagine she is broken up, and pregnant on top of that.”

Her face emanated disgust, the same expression I’d made when Kristen told me all the details. “My brother acted very much like my father,” I admitted.

“You thought you were like him too,” she said, pointing out the obvious.

“Yes, I thought so until you entered my life.”

She looked at me, confused. I knew she wanted me to elaborate, but she’d asked how things were between my sister-in-law and her husband.

“I thought—”

“That I was dating someone else?” I concluded for her, seeing a flash of pain in her eyes. “I’m sorry . . .”

Zoe shrugged and told me to continue.

“The pregnancy is the main reason Kristen isn’t ending things. She’s decided to sacrifice herself for the cause,” I said mockingly. “And though my brother is an enormous bastard, she loves him. At least he’s a bit more discreet than our father was.”

“Oh God!” she exclaimed, caressing my leg. “That’s why you thought it was something genetic. Because your brother’s like him,” she remarked, looking at me with those two huge, sweet eyes.

“Well, to you tell the truth, I’d always behaved that way too. I had a fiancée in college and was never faithful to her. And even with Ashley—” the words got stuck in my throat once I realized I’d mentioned her. Zoe, however, continued to look at me calmly, peacefully. I’d never seen her so relaxed.

“Before we talk about the present, and about Ash, tell me . . . When you and I were dating, were you seeing other women?” Her voice shook slightly.

“No,” I told her straight out. And just then, I realized I’d been faithful to the only girl I’d never promised anything to. The only one I’d ever loved.

“Good!” she affirmed with a radiant smile. “So you cheated on all of your girlfriends, but not me?”

I attacked her, shutting her mouth with a ravenous kiss. I didn’t want to hear what she was about to say. The mere thought that she could think she meant so little to me made my blood go to my head. “I was faithful to the only woman I’ve ever loved,” I whispered on her lips.

“Andrew . . .”

She was the one to kiss me again. But this kiss was slow and sweet and contained everything Zoe felt for me.