Staying True - A Contemporary Romance Novel (21 page)

I couldn’t take it. I needed to see
her. I needed to make sure she didn’t forget me. I didn’t want to blend into
the background and fade away as that woman she once enjoyed time with and
needed once upon a time.

The next morning, Jessica sneaked up
behind me and nuzzled up to my neck. “You know what I could really go for right
now?”

I sensed her need. “A latte from
Starbucks?”

She moaned and rocked her hips
against me. “What do you say?”

Jessica needed me. That should have
been all that mattered. I needed Ruby out of my mind. So, I led her up the
stairs to our bedroom and undressed her one button at a time. She peeled off my
blouse. I dropped her pajama bottoms. She wrestled with my skirt. I wrangled with
her hair, pushing it out of the way so I could kiss her neck.

I went through the motions, dragging
my tongue along her skin, along her collar bone, down to her nipples. She
swayed under my touch. I traveled down her belly to her vagina and nibbled on
it the way she loved. She grabbed onto my shoulders and dug into them,
groaning, urging me to suck on it. “Harder. Press harder.”

I did as told, feeding my wife
something she hadn’t indulged in since the night before the accident. She
moaned and bucked and screamed out in spastic grunts, digging into my shoulders
and claiming me in her thrusts. “Oh Butterfly, you are incredible,” she yelled
out. “You know just how to please me. I missed your tongue more than I could
ever tell you.” She panted and tossed herself back on the bed. “No one can ever
come close to what you just did.”

I rose and crawled up beside her. “So
the women in jail couldn’t match me on this delivery?” I joked.

She reached down and fingered herself
then placed her fingers in my mouth. “Not even close.”

I pulled her fingers away. “Wait? So,
other women tried?”

Her eyes widened, recognition for her
grave mistake splintered across her cheeks. She flung her arms out to the side.
“I can’t even joke around correctly anymore.”

“You call that a joke?” I exhaled.
“That is not a good joke.”

Her face wilted. “I’m sorry, I guess
I just lost my timing a little.” She shrugged and looked down to the comforter.
“I’m just full of disappointment.”

“What?” I lifted her chin. “Why would
you say such a thing?”

Her eyes held defeat. Her confidence
no longer there. She shook her head. “I don’t know. I just…” She fidgeted with
a string. “I just don’t feel like the same person anymore. I honestly don’t
know how you are going to love this new me.”

I stared into her weakened eyes. I
wanted my confident, sexy Jessica to appear. “Seduce me. Come on. Just forget
everything else and seduce me.”

She inhaled, rolled me over onto my
back and straddled me. Then, she began her descent down on me. Each movement
methodical and planned, mentally scrutinized. She planted kisses robotically on
my inner thighs, ducking in between my legs as if performing a serious
procedure. I lay back against our bed, imprisoned by her reluctance, gutted in
thoughts of a gynecologic exam rather than a hot and steamy sexual encounter.
Her tongue had lost its will, its pressure, and its power since the last time
she’d gone down on me. I pushed her head harder against me, willing for her to
return to her sexual roots and bring me to ecstasy. After five tiresome minutes
of unsatisfied tongue flicks, I resorted to buck and grind and scream out a
false pleasure. I faked my orgasm for the first time with her, offering her
reprieve from what seemed like such hard work for her.

Ten minutes later, after a serious
attempt to find comfort in her arms, I lied to her. “I’ve got to go to Rhode
Island today for a meeting with the sales team. I’ll probably be away for
several days.” I needed to get away.

An hour later, I drove to Rhode
Island and straight to Ruby’s condo. I rang her bell at eight forty-five in the
morning. The sun rose up over the horizon beyond the Jamestown Bridge. Seagulls
were flying around squawking and dive-bombing to pluck up delicacies along the
seashore. Early morning joggers blew white puffs of cool air as they sped past
me. I stood on Ruby’s doorstep taking this all in as I waited for her to
answer.

Ruby never answered.

I peeked on the side of her condo for
her car. Not there. She could be anywhere, and I had no right to know where. I
called her cell. She didn’t answer.

I left her a message. “Please call me
as soon as you get this. I need to talk.”

I sat on a swinging chair. It
creaked. I wondered how many times she sat outside in this very spot and took
in the view? Did I flood her mind, too? Every second of the day? Or had she
already forgotten about me, her lover in between others.

Two hours later, I decided to walk on
the beach. As I did, the water soothed me with peace. A strange swirling of
tranquility mixed with the salt air and created a pocket of comfort. I’d only
experienced this same level of comfort when I sat sandwiched between Ruby,
Shawna and Grampa at the pottery cafe as we listened to Grampa tell stories to
us about bonfires, sticks for fishing rods, and his days playing hockey on
ponds that used to freeze but now just glazed over with algae.

I would miss that man.

I stared out at the open sea. I
watched seagulls sink into the water and surface with a treat. I admired the
majestic boats in the distance. I smiled at the shiny ripples on the crests of
small waves and watched as they ran to shore and pushed back to the sea, to
where they belonged. They had no doubt where they belonged.

I envied them.

* *

I sat in a small café and sipped some
tea. I browsed
Rhode Island Monthly
magazine. My eyes fell upon an ad
for Lifespan, a medical group. A young nurse was smiling, her chin raised, her
eyes glowing, wearing her name badge, Trish. She’d probably spent years
readying for that picture, a picture that showed off her hard work and
dedication to something she loved, to something she stayed true to.

She probably married her childhood
sweetheart and stayed loyal to him and their two intelligent and witty
children. No doubt they enjoyed evening walks on the shores of Galilee and attended
Sunday mass together each week. They probably even wore matching sweatshirts
and spent their Saturdays doing fun things together like kayaking, not ever
worrying that one of them would take off mid-relationship to tend to her
alcoholic spouse who just got out of prison for killing someone.

* *

For two days I busied myself at the
Rhode Island office waiting on Ruby to arrive at her massage chair. I imagined
the worst during those days. I imagined her flying the skies with this new
girlfriend of hers, forgetting all about me and all about her great gig at the
hotel.

I dove headfirst into a pile of
paperwork I needed to get through, when finally, Ruby called.

I answered before the first ring
could finish. “Are you okay?”

“Of course,” she said. “Are you?”

“Yes. Of course.” I paused. “I’m in
town. Any way I can see you?”

“You don’t sound like you’re okay.”

“I want to see you,” I said.

“I’m with Grampa. I’m sure he’d love
to see you.”

“And what about you?”

“We’re at the pottery shop. We just
started making mugs.”

“You didn’t answer me,” I said.

“Is that really a good idea?”

“Probably not. I just want to see
you.”

“Then come,” she said. “Just come.”

Chapter Seventeen

Ruby

Nadia’s CRV pulled into the parking
lot of the pottery café.

“I’ll be right back, Grampa.” I stood
up and met her outside.

Nadia walked with a bounce in her
step, carrying a tray of coffee, gazing at me with her tiger eyes. Her hair
fell like feathers upon her shoulders, and a side-swept bang flirted close to
her right eye, just the way I liked it. She wore jeans that hugged her curvy
hips and a fitted zipper jacket that showed off her toned abs. Under that
zipper sat her navel, deep and erotic and last touched by my tongue just weeks
ago.

“Hey you,” she said with a friendly
twist to her voice.

Why did she have to look so
beautiful? I opened my arms and welcomed her into a hug. She fell into them and
softened. Her hair smelled like she just stepped out of a salon. “You look
gorgeous as ever,” I whispered.

We stood outside the pottery cafe.
Nadia offered me the coffee. I preferred tea, but never let on to this tiniest
of facts. She did know, however, that I liked Mozart when I bathed and that I
always brushed my teeth twice at night ever since having to get my first cavity
filled at the age of twenty five. She also learned that I read the bible every
night before going to sleep and that in the middle of the night, I ran to the
bathroom because I still feared someone grabbing my ankles from under the bed.

We had so many more things to learn
about each other that we’d never get a chance to, yet, here I stood breathing
her soul, hungry for her kiss, delirious without her. Nothing freaked me out
more.

Nadia carried all of the power. I
flittered around her like a bird with clipped wings. All of the work I’d done
to reestablish my balance in the wake of her sudden and painful exit from my
life disappeared with the arrival of her sexy smile and magnetic energy.

We bantered back and forth about the
weather and the spa and the hotel, nudging one another, and laughing like giddy
girls. Not until I sipped the last of my coffee did I manage to toss out the
question that would set me up as the independent, strong one, unaffected by the
unfortunate reality that lay before us. “So, how’s Jessica?”

“She’s not handling the transition
well,” she said. “I feel sorry for her. I’m trying to empathize, but honestly,
I have no idea what kind of thoughts must be tearing at her right now.”

Jealousy ripped through me. I
envisioned them curled up together in their bed, under a sea of comforting
blankets warmed by their naked bodies, Nadia caressing her hair, her skin, her
soul. I hated that she had this grip on my life. I hated that I could so easily
turn to mush in her presence. “She’s in good hands.”

Nadia scrunched up a smile. “I don’t
know about that. I feel like I’m caught in between two worlds. You know?”
Regret splayed out on her face.

“No need for that stress.” I leaned
against the wall like a strong, cool, and collected woman who was not
succumbing to a riptide of hurt inside her tummy. “You love her. You’ll work it
out.”

She gazed out over the trees lining
the parking lot, struggling to inhale. “So how was your date?”

“Incredible. A hot woman who can fly
an airplane. What more could a girl ask for, right?” My voice carried far too
much angst in it. Fuck the hot girl who could fly. I wanted the one standing in
front of me.

We dueled for balance. “I hate that I
can’t fix any of this.”

“Fix what?”

“Fix the fact that I am caught up in
these two worlds. I care so much for Jessica,” she said. “I worry about her. I
want her to be whole again. I want her to love life again. And at the same
time, I hate that you went on a date. I hate that I can’t be the girl who takes
off in an airplane with you. I hate that I feel this way.” She pulled in her
lower lip and slowly released it on a seductive sigh.

I loved that she did. A spark of hope
rested in that sigh, one that told me she’d be willing to stomp on her ideals
for a temporary moment of passion. She could sneak into town, and Jessica would
never have to know. The hunger growled in her eyes. The air sizzled between us.
I adored her, and she adored me.

I stared at a married woman, though.
She took vows. Her wife trusted those vows. She could so easily hurt me and
leave me standing with my head bowed, alone, just like Grace did with Grampa.

Marriage stood in its rightful spot,
front and center. I deserved no claim to her. The game had changed. She now
stood before me just as eager for a temporary escape from the emptiness of our
separation. A month, a year, a decade from now, I would hate for her to reflect
back on me as that mistake.

I reached out for her hand and
caressed it in mine. She stared down at it, then back up at me. Longing hung on
each blink. “You’re a good person,” I said. “That’s what I love so much about
you.”

“What we have is fun. It’s pure. The
purest I’ve experienced, ever,” Nadia said. “I don’t want to wrong her. But, at
the same time, I don’t want to wrong us either. You bring thrill into my life.
I don’t want to give that up.”

I enjoyed the idea of fun-loving sex,
but not like this, not with her. With her, I wanted more. “I don’t think you’re
the type of person who can deal with having both. I also don’t want to be a
mistress to you.”

“Please don’t ever call yourself
that.”

I ran my fingers through Nadia’s
hair. “That’s who I would be.”

She bowed her head and wrestled with
tears. They leaked from her eyes, and I did everything I could to stop them. I
pulled her into my arms and consoled her. I rubbed her back, her hair, squeezed
her tight, and buried my head along with hers, cheek to cheek.

She twisted towards my face, and I
wouldn’t let her. I pressed her head against me and rocked with her. I wanted
to cave into this moment, to just pull her into my arms and hug her and tell
her I wanted to continue being that source of pleasure.

One of us had to be strong. She loved
two women. I only loved one. So, by default, I chose to be the strong one.

I cupped Nadia’s face in my hands.
“What do you say we just have fun right now and go in there and make my grampa
smile a little bit today?”

“I’d say I would love to, Ruby.”

I dropped my hands, reached out for
her hand, and pushed open the door to the pottery café. “And I would say I love
that you would love to, Nadia Chase.”

* *

Nadia and I returned to my condo
after dropping off my grampa. Marcy and Rachel were cleaning up in the kitchen.
“You girls want to join us for drinks at the Beach House?” Marcy asked.

“I’m kind of tired,” Nadia said. “I’m
going to use the little girl’s room and maybe head out in a few minutes.”

Rachel passed by us and headed to her
bedroom. “Suit yourself. They’re having dollar shot night.”

Nadia and I shared a private smirk
before she headed into the bathroom.

A minute later, the girls swept out
the door and wished me a good night.

I sat on my couch and flipped through
the newspaper waiting for Nadia. She emerged looking gorgeous as ever with her
caramel highlights and pink lip gloss.

She walked past me. I admired the way
her jeans hugged her tight ass.

She leaned up against the pole that
separated the kitchen from living room areas. Her eyes swept over me. “Just one
more time. Please.”

I melted when she cocked her head and
smiled at me. “Stop that.” My tummy rolled.

“Come on. Just one last time.” With
coy eyes, she placed the tip of her finger in between her rosy lips and nibbled
on it.

“I thought we settled this.”

Nadia pouted.

My heart raced. I stood up.
“Darling,” I said, all breathy, braving closer. “Once you turn on this spigot,
there’s no turning it off.”

She swept me over with that seductive
glance again. “I don’t want to turn it off.”

I moved in close, unable to resist
her advance. “I don’t want you to either.” I feathered her lips with my
fingers. She nibbled on it, never taking her eyes off of mine.

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the
coolness of her teeth against my finger, the softness of her lips as they
hugged my skin. I pulsed and moistened, hungry for her touch. She needed this.
I needed this. We were two girls with needs that only we could fulfill and
satisfy.

Nadia’s eyes flickered and she bit
down a little harder. Her chest rose and fell with great breadth, begging me to
take her away from her misery and bring her to sheer pleasure. “Kiss me,” she
whispered. “Please, kiss me.”

I couldn't contain my passion another
moment. I lost my sense of resolve and strength as I pulled Nadia in close to
me and kissed her hard. Then she spun me around and pushed me against the pole
and tore off my top. I reciprocated and tore off hers. Panting, and clawing at
each other’s clothes, we wrestled out of them and stood, skin-to-skin
trembling.

We kissed as we both caressed each
other, traveling to those parts that only we knew how to bring to life. Nadia
began her descent down on me. I raked my hands through her hair and prompted
her to keep blowing her warm breath on my most delicate skin. She knelt on the
ground, her luscious lips a mere inch from serving me ecstasy. I pulled her
back, and she stared up at me with desire.

“I love you, Nadia,” I whispered.

She rose to her feet and kissed me.
“I love you.” She pressed harder against me. “Too much.”

I caught my breath. “Is there really
such a thing?”

She rolled her tongue against mine,
wedging her leg up in between mine. “Don’t you think so under the
circumstances?”

I stiffened. “I suppose so.”

“We should stop, shouldn’t we?” Her
breath blew hot in my mouth.

I pulsed. “If you have to ask, then
yes, we should.” I clawed her back, unable to match my words with my actions. I
failed to contain my euphoric release induced by her hot breath.

Nadia traveled down my neck. “I need
you. I need this.” She sucked on my skin, traveling lower towards the curve of
my breast, hungry, animalistic, like she would implode if I stopped her. I
turned into her life source, leaning ready for the tap in, for my call to
action, for my elixir to save her from her newly-troubled life.

I was the other woman, the mistress,
the one with no claim, no fringe benefits, and no commitment.

I pushed away from her advances. “We
should stop before someone gets hurt.”

“Please don’t push me away. Please
just let’s have this moment.” Nadia moved in closer, placing her lips back on me,
as if weakened by my weakness for her. In a day or two I’d be right back to the
foolish person snooping around her Facebook profile for clues on her
whereabouts. I’d wonder how much love she poured into Jessica. I’d stress about
their future, their happiness, their investments, their laughter, and their
quiet moments together. I couldn’t go through this torture.

I shoved off of her. “I don’t want to
be this to you.”

She draped her hands over my
shoulders. “Be what to me?”

“Be regret.”

“I could never regret you.”

I pulled away and hugged myself.
“Then leave her. Just leave her.”

Nadia dropped her hands. “Why are you
doing this?”

I shrugged unable to find the right
words.

“You know I can’t just leave her.”

“Well then you should stay true to
her.” I regretted the words as soon as they tumbled out of my mouth.

“You’re making me sound like some
kind of whore.”

“Well, you’re not exactly acting like
a married woman. Are you?” I dissed out one regrettable word after another.

Nadia scoffed, pulled on her clothes,
then flew out of my front door and down onto the landing. Then, she ran across
the two lane road straight towards the beach. I followed suit. I bolted towards
her, away from the pigeons, away from their hungry snappy beaks.

“This is so unfair what you’re doing
to me,” she said.

“What I’m doing to you?”

“You’re a freedom-lover, remember?
You want to fly up somewhere in the clouds where no one else goes. You want to
have fun. You want to remain unsettled. You want to travel around and massage
people’s necks. You don’t want to commit. You are okay with me being married.
Remember?”

“So I’m supposed to just be your
little fuck buddy?” I tripped over the sand, following her sprint to the
seashore.

“I don’t want to leave her. She needs
me. Don’t you understand?”

Nadia’s words stung me like a slap.
“Well, I can’t do this anymore.” I stammered away, embarrassed, humiliated and
heartbroken.

She ran after me. “You wouldn’t know
what to do with me if I left her. You’d feel smothered in less than a month.
You’d be so bored.”