Steel: (#5 The Beat and the Pulse) (11 page)

“More?” She groaned. “It’s been going so well for us today.”

“I’m seeing Holly tonight,” I admitted. “I’m still pissed at her, and I don’t want to stuff it up if there’s even a slight chance we can work shit out.”

“You sly dog,” she exclaimed, laughing. “You were holding out on me.”

“It may be fucking useless…”

Charlie smiled and wove her arm through mine. Guiding me toward the bikes, she said, “Now, let me tell you a secret about us womenfolk.”

S
taring
at the boiling pot of pasta, my nose wrinkled. How long was I meant to leave this on for?

I was currently trying to make good use of my kitchen, but I was making a mess out of everything, no matter how closely I followed the recipe. Like a metaphor with an epic punch line, it was looking exactly like the chaos I’d made of mine and Josh’s fledgling relationship.

I’d invited him to come around to my place and had fully intended to cook him a nice dinner, drink some fancy wine, and straighten things out. I was going to be calm, apologetic, and real put together. I was not going to allow myself to submit to my base instincts, meaning I wasn’t going to fall to my knees and beg with my mouth at the sight of him. It was some kind of high-class plan for seduction…or something like that.

The intercom went off, and I flailed, trying to find a place to put the sauce-laden spoon down. Settling for just dumping it on the bench, I ran across the apartment and let Josh in. Flipping open the lock and wedging the door open a crack, I went and checked my reflection. Twirling, the black dress I wore flared at the hem.
Pretty good, Holly
.

“Hello?”

I ventured back out when I heard Josh’s voice filter through the apartment. He was standing just inside the door, his gaze wandering around the boxes I’d finally started to unpack.

“Hey,” I said, walking forward.

His gaze turned to me, raking up and down my body, and then his nose wrinkled. ”What’s that smell?”

Sniffing, the distinct smell of burning pasta filled my nostrils. “
Fuck!
”

Running into the kitchen, I yanked the smoking pot off the stove and dumped it into the sink, thankful that I’d had enough intelligence to turn on the exhaust fan. The last thing I needed was to evacuate the entire building over some fucking pasta.

“
Shit, shit, shit
,” I wailed, grabbing the spoon off the bench and stirring the Bolognese sauce. It wasn’t looking so hot.

Josh was standing beside me, looking amused, but I was borderline frazzled. I was trying to impress him, not put a nail into my domestic coffin.

“You’re not a cook, are you?” he asked, his lips quirking.

“Fuck it all to hell,” I cursed, extremely frustrated with myself. “I can’t even cook spaghetti right.”

“Holly,” he said, taking the spoon from my hand. “You don’t have to impress me with fucking spaghetti.”

“I can operate on a shattered collarbone, but I can’t cook a bunch of fucking tomatoes and pasta.”

“You want to know a secret?” he asked, dumping the spoon into the sink with the ruined pasta.

My ears pricked up, and I stared up into his green eyes, my frustration melting into hope that he might reveal something about himself. “Yeah.”

“I’d much rather a greasy pizza,” he said with a smirk. “Home delivered.”

Reaching around me, he grabbed the laptop that I’d had sitting open with a recipe I’d found on Google. Opening a page to order pizza online, he asked, “What do you like, Sparks?”

Sighing, I leaned against the counter and admitted defeat. “Hawaiian. Get some garlic bread, too.”

“You’ll have garlic breath,” he teased, punching in the order.

“So will you.”

“Done,” he declared, snapping the laptop closed. “Thirty minutes.”

Turning to my mess, I began to clean up, picking up the bin and scraping everything into it. Hopefully, I’d never have to see that shit again.

“Leave it,” Josh said, moving me out of the way. Turning on the tap, he doused the burnt pasta and began scraping it from the pot.

“You don’t have to do that,” I complained.

“It’ll stink up the place if you leave it in there,” he said, emptying out the remains into the bin.

I let him go, and he cleaned up my mess without complaint. When he was done, he turned toward me.

Now that I didn’t have anything to occupy myself with, silence descended on the apartment like an unwelcome weight. It was just me and Josh, and I didn’t know what was going to happen. He’d been nice enough since he’d arrived, but we hadn’t started airing our grievances yet. I desperately wanted us to work despite the fear in my heart.

“Holly…” he began, his gaze dropping to the floor.

“Call me Sparks,” I said, my heart feeling heavy. “Please.” At least he was going to stay for pizza. That’d give me an hour, minimum.

His gaze met mine, and his emerald eyes were alive with things I couldn’t understand. I did facts and figures. Living in the moment had always been something that was alien to me. That was until the night Josh took me out to that concert. He’d shown me that I could let it all go and just be…and it led me straight into bed with him.

Automatically, my gaze dropped to his lips, and I licked mine with the tip of my tongue.

“
Sparks
.”

The air seemed to thicken, and I squeezed my thighs together as the familiar ache of want began to bloom. We were meant to talk and make things right. We were meant to—

Josh strode forward and smashed against me, his lips meeting mine forcefully. Winding my arms around his neck, I buried my fingers in his hair and swiped my tongue into his mouth, trying to sate the desperate need that had arisen in my body. The need that had always been there, simmering underneath the surface.

His hands caressed my back, holding my body against his, and I felt his cock begin to harden against my belly. I took heaving gulps of air between kisses, not wanting this to stop. I could kiss him for days and indulge in his heady taste and his overwhelming touch. His body fit against mine like it was meant to be.

Deep down, a little voice was screaming at me. What was physical passion without love and trust?
Is sex worth that much to you?

I pulled away, doubt beginning to cloud my mind and override my body.

“We don’t have to do anything,” Josh murmured against my lips.

Kissing him softly, I ran my hands underneath his T-shirt, rubbing along the muscles in his back. I felt the ridges of his spine, the vertebrae that had become compressed due to swelling from the injuries that had brought him to me.

“I can’t help it,” I whispered. “I want you.”

Lifting me up onto the bench, he tugged at my dress and pulled the entire thing up and over my head. My hair spilled down my back, and I was immensely grateful that I’d worn the black underwear with the leather and lace inserts.

Josh’s eyes lit up. “
Fuck
.”

“But the pizza—”I began as he flipped open the clasp of my bra.

“We have enough time.”

“But—”He tugged an erect nipple into his mouth and sucked, silencing my complaints.

Fisting my hands into his hair, he stood between my legs, biting my skin as his hands pulled at my underwear.

“We’re going to do this fast, Sparks,” he said, his voice rumbling against my neck. “How would you like to get there? Hand, mouth, or cock?”

“Watch your language,” I said, gasping as his fingers pinched my clit.

A sly smile tugged at his lips as he guided the underwear down my legs. This couldn’t be hygienic for the bench.

“Lay back,” he commanded.

Lowering my body as he wanted me to, the cool marble pressed hard against my back, and I shivered. Not knowing where he was or what he was doing was making me tingle all over. Then his hands curled around my ankles, prizing my legs apart, and I gasped.

He caressed his palms between my thighs, his fingers spreading me wide, and I arched my back at the abrupt sensation of his tongue licking my entire length. Once, then twice, before his fingers dove into my wetness.

“Always ready,” he murmured from someplace far away.

His lips grazed my clit, and then his tongue flicked the sensitive bud, sending a tremor through my entire body.

I squirmed, my palms coming to rest over my breasts. “
Josh
.”

His fingers pumped faster and faster, his tongue and mouth working my clit with expert precision. Heat rose hard and fast as an orgasm threatened to explode and take me away. Too soon, I wanted to feel this…

“Quick, Sparks.” Josh’s voice rumbled against my clit. “Dinner will be here soon.”

Shit. I pushed myself against his lips, and a hand came down onto my abdomen, holding me in place.

As my orgasm crashed into me, I slapped my palms down onto the bench, my fingers curling over the edge, and I held on for dear life. Josh didn’t slow his onslaught as I came and came. He drew more out of me than I thought I had until I was spent and gasping for breath, his name a whisper on my lips.

Climbing up my body, he pulled me into a seated position and kissed me. Tasting myself on his skin was weird, I’d never had a guy kiss me like this after oral sex, and I found myself sucking greedily as a groan rumbled from him. It pleased him, so I bit down on his bottom lip, and then soothed the marks with my tongue.

The buzzer went off, signaling our dinner had arrived, and I glanced at the door, my heart still thudding in my chest. Josh extracted himself from my embrace, strode over to the intercom, and let the delivery guy in.

“You better do something about that,” he said, gesturing to my nakedness. “Or I’m gunna have to kill the pizza guy when he gets here.” Collecting my clothes from where they’d fallen to the floor, he pressed my dress into my hands. “Two minutes, Sparks.”

Scrambling, I went into the bedroom as there was a knock on the door. I dressed quickly as muffled voices filtered in from the living room, my skin still tingling from the pleasure Josh had just forced out of my body. Force was the wrong word—I’d given it freely.

Glancing in the mirror at my flushed cheeks and rumpled state, all I could think about was how good that man was with his hands.

Josh had chosen to arrange the food in the living room when I emerged. Sitting on the couch next to him, I shifted as my lady bits continued to tingle.

Glancing at me out the corner of his eyes, Josh smirked, knowing exactly what I was doing.

“I think we should talk,” I began. We hadn’t really discussed anything, and here I was, letting him fuck me with his mouth on my kitchen bench. “That was a little unexpected. Nice but unexpected.”

“I got a bit carried away,” he said, opening the pizza box. “Sorry.”

“Yeah…” 

Fuck, I could talk to patients, break bad news, explain treatment plans, and empathize, but I couldn’t talk about my own feelings? Why was this so hard?

“I fully intended to explain things to you,” I murmured, picking at the pineapple topping on the pizza. “About not calling and the sporadic texts. Then…” I trailed off, my gaze flicking to his.

“Yeah,” he said. “Sex will do that to a person.”

I frowned, dumping the slice back into the box. “Josh, it isn’t like that.”

“Like what?”

“Just sex. It’s nice and all, but—”

“But I’m not what you’re looking for?”

My mouth fell open, and I shook my head furiously. “
No.
”

His expression slammed shut, and he dumped the pizza box onto the coffee table. “Right. Understood.”

Shit, he thought… “
Josh
,” I exclaimed, practically throwing myself onto his lap. “You’ve got this all wrong.”

“Have I?” His hands curled around my waist, and I felt him tensing. My money was on him chucking me onto the floor if I couldn’t stop myself from putting my foot in my stupid mouth.

“Don’t,” I hissed. “I want you.”

“Archer wants you,” he retorted, his green eyes drilling into mine. “He’s a much better match for a woman like you.”

“Archer?” I scowled at the thought of the asshole. “No fucking way. I’d rather choke on my own vomit.”

Josh’s head tilted to the side, his expression turning thoughtful.

“I have no idea what happened the moment I found you on that footpath,” I murmured. “Or when you woke up and were a total asshole. Or anything that happened after. But what I do know is that I want to give this a shot. You and me. I know I’m going to be a pain in the ass with my job. The hours are long, and there’s always a surgery or a stupid ER rotation, but I want to try.” I settled into his lap, cupping his face in my hands. “Can’t you feel this thing between us? Am I just imagining it?”

He swallowed hard, his grip tightening on my waist. “No, you’re not.”

“Then isn’t it worth working it out? It doesn’t have to be all at once. Little by little is good…”

Running my thumbs across his jaw, I felt the harsh stubble and found an uncanny similarity to his mind. He was harsh but kind and a little rough around the edges. He was intelligent, no matter what he said to the contrary. Josh Caplin was this wild, elemental creature.

On paper, we didn’t fit, but that was just what society told us we had to be. Society was a human process that wanted to bunch us into categories with lines that never blurred. Take away all that red tape, and you just had a guy and a girl. When we were just Holly and Josh, there was more than a little something there. The trick was getting that stupid society thing to work for us. Change our mindsets about what was proper and what was deserved.

“Little by little,” he echoed, leaning his forehead against mine.

I took that as a yes, and I kissed him softly, holding his face firmly in my hands.

“We can start at the beginning if you like,” I whispered.

“Yeah? And where’s the beginning?”

“Twenty questions,” I replied, thinking about the deal he made when he was still in hospital.

“You tell me something and I will tell you something of equal weight.”

I smiled as I slid off his lap and curled against his side. Reaching for the pizza, I placed it back on his lap and flipped open the lid.

“Favorite food?” I asked. “Mine is anything I can reheat in a microwave.”

His lips curled into a tiny smile, and then a laugh burst forth, the air between us lightening significantly.

“I believe that,” he said.

“This pizza will taste great in the morning.”

“Is that an invitation?”

“Do you want it to be one?” I asked cheekily.

“If we’re giving this thing a go, Sparks, I want to spend as much time with you as I can get. I’m going to steal moments whenever I see the opportunity.”