Steel Rush (In the Shadows#5) (23 page)

As I stare at the sinfully primal look on his face, with any other guy I would be all about a down-and-dirty fling, but with Calder I want more. Owning my body isn’t the same as owning my soul. I want him to covet
both
. No…I want him to demand it.

“After this branding, then what?” I say, raising my eyebrows.

Calder starts to lift his hand to my face, but remembers where we are and lowers it back to the seat. “My life won’t truly be my own until the EUC is taken down. After that, you’ll have my undivided attention.”

I respect his sense of duty to complete what he started, but it worries me that he’ll be putting himself in harm’s way. Right now, I have no place in his life that would give me the right to ask him not to continue with the EUC, and it appears he intends to keep things that way. I know he’s just being honest, but it’s frustrating knowing he plans to keep his distance. That’s not how being in someone’s life works. You don’t get to opt out just because the relationship is distracting or taking up too much time. I refuse to put my feelings on hiatus for an unspecified amount of time. With Calder I
want
to try the all-in thing, but if he’s going to compartmentalize us to that extreme, then I don’t think he’s ready for a relationship, let alone anything permanent.

Wrapping self-preservation around me like a thick winter coat, I open the car door. “Thanks for being honest. It’s almost over, Calder, and then you can get back to training and the EUC. We just need to get through tonight. Now I must go take a nap before my head explodes.”

“Wait—”

I shut the door and walk inside, then head straight for Celeste’s bedroom.

W
hat the hell just happened?
I stare after Cass, watching her walk to the front door, my jaw tight. I’m pretty sure I just got the brush off, but for the life of me, I don’t know what I said that made her fold those damn walls back around herself. Wrapping my hands around the steering wheel to keep from punching something, I mentally go over our conversation.

Does she think that training for the EUC is all I care about?
Fucking hell, that couldn’t be farther from the truth, but I need to get this done so I can move on.

I start to open the car door and go after her when my phone rings.

Shutting the door, I quickly answer. “How the hell do you deal with a woman’s brain? I swear it’s like walking in a minefield with skis on.”

Bash snorts. “I take it you and Cass are having issues?”

I shake my head and stare at the front door she just closed behind her. “Maybe it’s the pressure she’s under pretending to be Celeste that’s getting to her, but honestly, Bash, I don’t have a fucking clue. All I said was that my life won’t be my own until the EUC thing is done and over.”

When Bash barks out a laugh, I scowl. “What’s wrong with that? I’m trying to protect her. I don’t want her anywhere near the gym or the EUC event. These guys are dangerous. Right now the EUC doesn’t know that Cass is in my life, and I want to keep it that way. I don’t want to give them any leverage over me, and I would never forgive myself if anyone hurt Cass because of this MMA stuff.”

“Your intentions might be honorable, but that’s not how she sees it.”

I scrub my hand over my jawline. “Oh yeah? Then enlighten me, oh pussy-whipped one.”

“Bite me. I’m not the one asking
you
for relationship advice.”

“Why
did
you call?” I snap, annoyed that he’s right.

“To let you know that Mina’s coming tonight.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. The Blakes have never been close with the Carvers. Too many of you suddenly showing up might look suspicious, especially with another Blake they definitely don’t trust staying in their house right now.”

“Mina is needed.”

“And why is that?”

“Because drinking glasses are an excellent DNA source.”

“Not quite seeing the connection. And napkins are just as good a source.”

“I agree that napkins would be easier to swipe and conceal, except not every person uses them. But almost everyone holds a drink at some point while standing around chatting. A glass will easily fit into a woman’s purse. Cass sent Talia a note that she’s planning to collect two samples, hence Mina’s presence.”

I dig my fingers through my hair, tension riding my shoulders. “Fine, but make sure to drill everyone so they don’t give Cass away, especially Damien.”

“We’re prepared. You don’t have to worry about Damien. He has no clue she’s not Celeste or what we’re doing tonight. He just thinks I’m suddenly interested in politics.”

I exhale my annoyance that he hasn’t told his brother. I know it’s because they aren’t very close, but that just means Damien will be insufferably irritating. He’s never forgotten that I stole “Celeste” from him at that party. “I guess we’re good to go.”

“Not quite. Do you want my advice or are you going to continue being an ass?”

“You’re going to tell me anyway.”

“Damn straight I am. Cass means the world to Talia, so listen. When you said that your life isn’t your own until the EUC is taken down, you were telling Cass that she’s not a priority to you.”

I grip the phone tight. “That’s bullshit. I never said that.”

Bash chuckles. “When it comes to women, it’s not always what you say, but what you don’t say that matters. Trust me on this, Cald. We’re both men of few words, so the ones we do say count for a fucking lot. Got it?”

Well shit.
I thought she knew why I needed to keep my distance while I’m still part of the EUC, but maybe Bash’s right. “I hear you,” I grumble. “See you tonight.”

Hanging up with Bash, I send Cass a text.

Calder: Call me when you wake up.

I
wake with a start, wondering why Beth is leaning over me, her hand pressed to my forehead.

“Are you okay?” Her brow furrows as she pulls her hand back. “You’ve been asleep for hours.”

“I have?” I groggily blink at the clock on the nightstand, then turn wide eyes her way. “Is it really almost five?”

Beth nods. “Calder sent me in here when you didn’t respond to texts or knocking.”

I quickly glance at the door. “He knocked? Man, I was out.”

Holding out a small plate with a sandwich cut in fourths, she says, “I brought you something to eat since you skipped lunch. The event starts in a little over an hour. I thought I’d fill you in on the meeting this morning while I help you get dressed.”

I push back the covers and take the plate. “Thank you for the food, but I think I can put on the dress you picked out by myself.”

Beth purses her lips and walks over to where I’ve hung the mid-thigh length black dress with a scooped neckline on the top of the wardrobe door. Lifting the long sleeve up, she raises an eyebrow. “These won’t hide your tattoos.”

I set the plate on the desk and walk over to lift the other sleeve up. She’s right. My tattoos will show through the thin material. I’m surprised she noticed my tattoos. She must’ve seen them while I was trying on dresses. I release the sleeve to look at her. “Why did you pick this out if you knew that I had tattoos?”

“Because it’s one of Celeste’s favorites and…” She shrugs and lifts a cosmetic tin out of a small wicker basket she’d set on the desk. “Because I have this.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s a waterproof concealer. This stuff won’t come off without using baby oil and soap in the shower, so once I put it on it’s not coming off no matter how much you rub it.” Beth sets the tin down and pulls out the chair. “Have a seat and roll your sleeves up.”

I do as she asks, my heart suddenly heavy. Beth is in a friendly, upbeat mood. Either she is in complete denial or Phillip didn’t share that his lab person determined the DNA in Celeste’s hair did match the blood found in that abandoned car.

While Beth taps the triangular sponge into the concealer, I take a bite of my sandwich and casually say, “So fill me in on breakfast.”

She glances up, her eyebrows pulling together. “Why did you tell Jake who you really are? I thought he was angry at Celeste about the engagement, but once we sat down for breakfast it became clear he was furious at my father and Phillip for having you fill in as Celeste. No matter how angry he was, I still can’t believe he attacked a total stranger.”

I swallow the bite of food and clear my throat, hoping she doesn’t focus too closely on that part. “I didn’t tell him. I thought Phillip did, though I couldn’t figure out why he would.”

“No, it wasn’t his dad. I wonder who told him?” Beth snorts and shakes her head.

Marco.
He had to be the one who told Jake. I scarf down the rest of the quarter piece of bread, chewing hard. That asshole knew Jake would more than likely take it out on me.

“Phillip was highly annoyed that Jake had discovered the truth.” Beth’s comment pulls me out of my own head and back into our conversation. “He insisted that Jake not tell Ben, saying that he’d recently discovered another place to look for Celeste buried in an old email on her computer. He’s hoping one of these will lead him to her.” While dabbing the makeup along the swirls on the outer edges of my Never tattoo, Beth rambles on. “Father said he was done waiting for answers. He’s going to accompany Phillip tomorrow to a resort in the Catskills—that was the place Phillip hadn’t checked out yet. Jake jumped up all angry, telling our fathers that they wouldn’t find her, that she was gone for good. I wanted to choke him for making me think of Celeste pregnant and out there on her own, possibly hurt or worse. It took me all day to force that image out of my head. I have to believe she’s all right.”