Stepbrother Bastard (17 page)

“
OK,
”
Cash smiles, lowering
himself back onto the blanket before me,
“
You
ready?
”

I
unlock the phone for him and sit cross-legged on the blanket, unsure of what to
do next. I
’
m not really well versed in the
grammar of sexy pouts and poses.

“
I
guess you probably can tell this is
another
thing I don
’
t have much experience with,
”
I laugh nervously.

“
Really?
”
he asks.
“
You
never sent nude pics to any of your boyfriends?
”

“
Nope,
”
I shrug.
“
Not
that they didn
’
t ask.
”

“
No
kidding,
”
he laughs softly.

“
Is
there, like, some kind of protocol for this?
”
I kid in my best porn
star voice, fluttering my eyelashes ridiculously. But Cash doesn
’
t
seem interested in any of that.

“
I
like that you don
’
t know the protocol,
”
he says,
“
You
’
re
don
’
t
have to play at being sexy. You just
…
are.
”

I
let my joking fall away, truly touched by Cash
’
s
response. I
’
ve always been pretty confident with
my own sexuality, but I haven
’
t been completely immune
to the idea of
“
being sexy
”
.
There
’
s
so much pressure on women to perform sexiness, rather than feel good in their
own skin. Cash is the first person I
’
ve
been with, who doesn
’
t make me feel like I
’
m
falling short of some predetermined mark by just being myself. I sit before
him, calm and composed, as he trains the camera on me.

“
Perfect,
”
he murmurs, glancing up
from the screen.

“
Just
like this?
”
I
ask. My blonde hair is sex-tousled, my makeup next to non-existent.

“
Just
like that,
”
he
says softly, focusing the shot.

I
train my eyes on the camera, hands resting on my knees. It
’
s
not a glamorous, practiced shot
—
but it is real. And is
this moment, I absolutely believe that I
’
m
as beautiful as Cash tells me I am. Now
that
’
s
something that
’
s never happened to me before.

He
takes a few more shots, smiling down at the screen.
“
Got
it,
”
he says, scrolling back
through the half dozen shots.
“
Now I
’
ve
just got to pick the best
…”

Cash
trails off mid-sentence, brow furrowing as he peers down at the screen. His
expression goes from confused, to disbelieving, to completely blank in the
space of a second. At first, I have no idea what he
’
s
reacting to so strongly
…
until, that is, I
remember the last picture I took on that phone.

“
Oh
shit
…”
I squeak, hands flying to
my mouth. The morning after we first slept together, I snapped that picture of
him for Allie. I never thought it would come back to bite me. But isn
’
t
that always the way?

“
Care
to explain this?
”
Cash asks, turning the phone to face me.

There
on the screen is the picture I look of Cash
’
s
sleeping form the morning after our
“
one
night stand
”
. The one I sent to Allie as proof of
my making good on our bet. Even in the moment, I knew it was a shady move. And
that was when I thought I
’
d never see the guy
again. But now
…

“
I
am so, so sorry Cash,
”
I sputter, scrambling onto my knees.

“
You
took a naked picture of me? Without my knowing?
”
he asks evenly, though of
course he already knows the answer. He has the evidence right there in his
hand.

“
I
know. It was stupid,
”
I hurry on, grabbing for the phone and
missing,
“
I wasn
’
t
thinking, at all. It was an impulsive, reckless
—”

But
Cash
’
s
roaring laughter cuts me off mid-babble. He throws back his head and crows to
the heavens, clutching his perfect stomach at the hilariousness of my gaff.

“
You
little creep!
”
he
cackles, lunging forward and scooping me up in his arms.

“
You
were just messing with me?!
”
I shriek, pounding playfully at his chest
with my fists.
“
Goddammit, Cash!
”

“
Yeah,
well, that
’
s what you get for being a sneaky
little perv,
”
he
teases, holding the phone just out of my reach as I try and make a grab for it.
What with his being an entire foot taller than me, it
’
s
not much of a contest.

“
I
thought you were seriously mad at me for a second,
”
I say, standing on my tip
toes to reach my phone.

“
Nah,
”
he says,
“
I
don
’
t
blame you for wanting to get this sexy bod of mine on record.
”

“
You
’
re
such a dick,
”
I
laugh, jumping to my feet as Cash gives chase. We dart around the clearing in
the all-together, belly-laughing all the while. The way Cash can go from
serious to playful, solemn to soulful, is incredible. His ever-changing mood is
the most enticing things about him, and the most challenging. But hey
—
challenges
are my thing, right?

“
Truce!
Truce. You can keep the picture,
”
he finally allows, coming
to a stop.
“
Just as long as I get to send this
one of you to myself
…”

“
Fine,
fair is fair,
—”
I
reply, holding up my hands. Cash taps a few keys and raises a victorious fist
into the air.

“
There
it goes!
”
he crows, handing my
phone over
at last,
“
That
sucker is all mine.
”

“
Oh
god,
”
I groan, clutching my
phone to my bare chest,
“
Now the NSA has seen me
in my birthday suit.
”

“
Lucky
motherfuckers, if you don
’
t mind my saying,
”
Cash grins, giving me a
playful pat on the ass before going to fetch his clothes.

“
Ha,
ha,
”
I drawl, rolling my eyes,
“
Whatever,
it
’
s
fine. Now you have something to remember me by, I guess.
”

“
What
’
re
you, swimming back to Seattle from here?
”
he laughs, pulling on his
jeans,
“
What
do you mean remember you
—”

“
Since
we won
’
t
be seeing each other after the trip, I mean,
”
I blurt out unthinkingly.
The blunt certainty of my statement comes off way harsher than I meant it to.
Fiddling with my own clothes, I stammer on,
“
I
meant to remember me by
…
after.
”

Cash
’
s
body tenses for a fraction of a second, but that
’
s
all it takes for the spell of our gorgeous morning to be shattered. I invoked
our relationship
’
s inevitable deadline,
here of all places. Now I feel as though I
’
ve
ruined everything.

“
Right,
”
Cash says gruffly,
pulling his tee back over his head.

“
I
just meant, you know, that I
’
m not expecting anything
here,
”
I say, stepping into my
clothes as quickly as possible.

“
Yeah,
I got it,
”
he
goes on, tucking his hands into his pockets as I finish dressing.

“
Are
you mad that I said
—
? I didn
’
t
mean to
—”

“
It
’
s
fine, Maddie,
”
he
tells me, his expression neutral,
“
I
wasn
’
t
expecting you to ride off into the sunset with me either.
”

“
No
…
I
know,
”
I reply, giving my hair a
nervous tousle.

“
You
’
ve
got a whole life of your own back in Washington,
”
he goes on, rolling up
the blanket. I hop off quickly to avoid being rolled up with it.
“
And
I
’
ve
got my own shit back home, too. Nothing as impressive as your job, but still. I
’
ve
got a good thing going.
”

“
No
one
’
s
saying you don
’
t,
”
I reply, crossing my arms
tightly.

“
Course
not,
”
he smiles placidly,
tucking the blanket back under his arm.

We
’
re
squared off across the clearing, our closeness of a moment ago scattered to the
morning breeze. There
’
s so much that we
’
re
not saying, so much of ourselves that we
’
re
still trying to protect. At least, that
’
s
what I
’
m
doing. Cash has retreated back behind his unreadable mask, so I can
’
t
even guess at what he
’
s thinking.

“
We
should head back,
”
he says shortly, turning toward the canoe,
“
Before
everyone else wakes up.
”

“
Right,
”
I say, following in his
stride.

Everyone else:
the real reason why we
could never be together past this wonderful couple weeks.

Chapter Nine

Though
mentioning the inevitable conclusion of our fling
right
after having incredible sex was a bit of a fumble, my misstep isn
’
t
without its up side. Knowing that we only have a little more than a week in
each other
’
s company adds a major exponent onto
mine and Cash
’
s want of each other. All of a
sudden, we
’
re locked in a race to see just how
much mind-blowing sex we can have before distance and circumstance separate us.

And
it seems that the answer is: quite a bit.

My
secret excursions with Cash become a regular occurrence. I don
’
t
think I sleep for the next few days, I
’
m
too excited to hear his telltale knock on my bedroom door. At first, we contain
our liaisons to the dead of night, when we know everyone else in the house will
be sleeping. But soon enough, it becomes clear that a few hours of the day just
won
’
t
cut it. Cash
’
s early efforts at throwing the
others off our trail peter out as our days together tick away. We
’
re
still careful around our family members, feigning indifference to each other
during group meals and activities. But the second we find ourselves alone
again, it
’
s a whole other story.

We
steal away whenever we can, our hunger for each other only increasing each time
it
’
s
sated. No place is safe from the urgency of our need. We have each other in the
bed of the family
’
s pickup truck, in remote
corners of the woods accessed by ATV, even in the outdoor shower stall on one
rather reckless occasion. We both know that it
’
s
risky, that one of our parents or siblings could very well catch on (or catch
us in the act), but the awkwardness of that outcome doesn
’
t
come close to outweighing even a second Cash and I get to spend together.
Besides, we
’
re doing our due diligence not to get
caught. Getting caught would mean being forced apart
—
and
that
’
s
not an option. Not now. Not yet.

As
the first half of my two-week vacation draws nearer, I find that I
’
ve
completely acclimated to this strange domestic arrangement. Whereas the idea of
John Hawthorne and my mom having a little summer fling totally freaked me out
at the beginning of the week, given my feelings for Cash, I can hardly muster
up the energy to care by now. Life out here by the lake plays out with its own
set of rules. It
’
s easy enough to imagine
that the eight of us are the only people on the planet.

We
’
re
so isolated out here that I feel my anxieties about any taboos Cash and I are
toying with falling by the wayside. So what if my mom and John were high school
sweethearts? So what if they
’
ve been all moony-eyed
during our week here? I know my mother well enough to be certain that it isn
’
t
really serious. The only thing in her life that she tended with any consistency
at all was her relationship with my father. There
’
s
no chance in hell that she could replicate that with any other man. Especially
not John Hawthorne.

On
the second Saturday night of my stay at the Hawthorne lake house, I find myself
with a couple hours to kill before my next rendezvous with Cash. He and his
brothers are helping John with a small contracting job in town that needed a
few extra hands. Even a few hours of separation from Cash is making me crawl up
the walls. I try to distract myself by diving into
Love
in the Time of Cholera
, one of my favorite Gabriel Garc
í
a
M
á
rquez
novels. But even the absorbing, magic realism of his prose isn
’
t
enough to tear my thoughts away from Cash.

But
wouldn
’
t
you know it, a different sort of distraction offers itself up to me (whether I
like it or not). For the first time this week, it
’
s
just us Porter ladies hanging around the house, without the company of the
Hawthorne men. And my mother pounces on the opportunity for a little
“
girl
talk
”
.

“
Maddie!
”
I hear her call up the
stairs as I root through my suitcase for some sexy underthings,
“
Come
on down to the front porch, honey!
”

“
In
a minute,
”
I
call back, holding up a bright red thong for consideration. A bit too
on-the-nose, I decide. Cash and I are planning on visiting some local dive bar
later, a place he frequents whenever he
’
s
back in his hometown. This is the first time we
’
ll
be in public as a pair since that first night at the roadside bar. I don
’
t
know why, but I
’
m super turned on by the
idea of being seen together in the
“
real
world
”
.
It
’
ll
make it feel like this isn
’
t all just some crazy
dream I
’
ve
wandered into. But seeing as I
’
m already excited to
spend some more alone time with Cash, I want to be prepared for what might come
after. Pun
absolutely
intended.

I
hear the warm sound of female conversation as I make my way down the stairs and
step out onto the front porch. Four wooden Adirondack chairs are arranged along
the verandah and occupied by my mom and sisters. Set on a low wicker table
between them is quite a feast
—
fruit, cheese, chocolate,
and four bottles of wine. I raise an eyebrow at Mom, watching as Anna and
Sophie pour themselves generous glasses.

“
What?
”
she says, waving off my
skeptical look,
“
Can
’
t
we indulge a little for once? How often do I get to have all my girls in the
same place? Come on. Let me spoil you a little.
”

“
I
’
m
not complaining,
”
Sophie laughs, piling a plate with fresh
strawberries and real whipped cream.

“
Just
don
’
t
narc on little nineteen-year-old me,
”
Anna smiles,
“
This
being my first taste of alcohol ever, obviously.
”

“
I
’
m
sure,
”
Mom replies, rolling her
eyes.

I
wave my suspicion aside, never one to complain about free booze and snacks. I
sink down into the last available chair as my family
’
s
conversation resumes.

“
I
think it
’
s
very smart of you, getting some extra credits over the summer,
”
Mom says to Sophie,
propping her feet up on the porch railing.

“
I
just want the option of graduating early, if anything good comes up,
”
Sophie replies, sipping
her wine,
“
Acting apprenticeships are pretty
competitive. If I snag a good one in the middle of senior year, I want to be
able to grab it.
”

“
Campus
must be pretty quiet in the summer,
”
Mom goes on,
“
I
’
m
sure it
’
ll
be relaxing to get some alone time.
”

“
Not
that you
’
ll
be
entirely
without company,
”
Anna remarks, her voice
purposefully casual. I catch Sophie shooting her an evil glare.

“
Oh!
Will some of your friends be doing the summer session too?
”
Mom asks cheerfully.
“
How
fun.
”

“
Uh.
Kind of,
”
Sophie says vaguely,
looking as though she wants to dive head first into her glass of wine.
“
It,
uh, turns out that Luke is going to be TA-ing some more classes this session
…
And
he
’
s
going to be an RA, too.
”

“
RA?
What
’
s
that?
”
Mom asks.

“
A
resident assistant,
”
Sophie says, her voice pained,
“
It
means he
’
ll
be living in the dorms, too. Making sure us kiddos don
’
t
get into any trouble.
”

I
have to try hard not to giggle at Sophie
’
s
discomfort. I
’
ve barely seen her look at Luke all
week. I
’
m
sure having him around her on campus all summer isn
’
t
exactly a dream come true. Though from the way Luke
’
s
been looking at
her
, I doubt he minds too much. I
’
ve
been so wrapped up in my fling with Cash that I
’
ve
dropped the ball on getting to the bottom of their drama. I make a mental note
to get the truth out of Sophie before the week is up.

“
Get
out,
”
Mom breathes, grabbing
Sophie
’
s
hand,
“
That
is so, so wonderful. And here I thought all you kids were going to go your
separate ways after this week. I
’
m
so glad you two will get to keep on being friends.
”

“
Uh-huh,
”
my middle sister says, a
hot blush rising in her cheeks.

“
I
guess Sophie and Luke will have to be the ones keeping in touch for all of us,
huh?
”
Anna goes on, her tone
unreadable,
“
Since the rest of us will be going
home after this?
”

“
Seems
that way,
”
I
add, trying to keep my voice as neutral as hers.

A
small smile lifts the corner of Mom
’
s
mouth.
“
Well,
actually
…”
she says
conspiratorially,
“
I wanted to talk to you
girls about just that.
”

My
sisters and I trade uneasy glances. Mom has that brand-new-scheme glint in her
eye. And that
’
s never a good thing for the rest of
us. I survey the bounty of booze and treats with a fresh wave of wariness. Has
she just been trying to butter us up with this
“
girls
night
”
? And if so, what is she
about to spring on us now?

“
What
’
s
up, Mom?
”
Sophie asks uneasily.

“
Well,
”
Mom begins, taking a big
swig of her wine,
“
I know I told you that my
plan for this summer was to spend a little time getting grounded in my hometown
before going back to Vermont. Really, I just wanted a couple of weeks away from
it all. At first.
”

“
Are
you staying for longer, then?
”
Anna asks,
“
Did
you find another place to rent in town or something?
”

“
Or
something,
”
Mom
beams at us.
“
Actually
…
God,
I feel like a teenager again, dishing with you girls like this. But actually,
things have been going so well for me and John here that he
’
s
…
he
’
s
invited me to stay!
”