Sticks and Stones (12 page)

‘Sure.' She rose slowly and then, almost as an afterthought, nodded her head in Maddie's direction. ‘Good to meet you.'

‘Likewise.'

By now both children had also risen and Ashley was throwing her arms around her mother, compressing Tigger between them. ‘Bye, Mum!'

‘Bye, sweetheart. Have fun.'

‘We will. C'mon Sam.'

Sam leant forward and gave her a crisp, teenage-boy hug. ‘Bye, Mum. See you soon.'

Maddie just smiled, because for a moment she couldn't speak, and then watched as they both made their way hurriedly across the concourse. The woman followed at a slower pace and for the first time Maddie registered that she was both taller and slimmer than she herself. And more expensively dressed. She dragged her eyes back to the children, who were now waiting by the counter at gate seven, near a snaking queue which had already begun to form.

‘Missing them yet?'

Maddie jerked her head back and stared at him. She wanted desperately to ask who
she
was, and how serious was it. If only because of the impact on the kids. But she also knew that any such questions would get misconstrued, so she swallowed her curiosity, feeling it settle painfully in the bowl of her stomach. Instead she just nodded.

‘Good.'

‘We need to talk about this, you know. They'll have to come home eventually.'

‘Is that a challenge?'

‘They've got school, and everything, all up there.'

Jake opened his mouth to answer and then closed it again. A shadow flitted across his face and he smiled briefly. ‘They'll be back in a week or so. You can spare
that
much, can't you?'

‘Of course,' said Maddie quickly, relief mingling with guilt. Was she so unwilling to share?

‘Good of you.' Jake fell silent, staring at her. She couldn't read his expression but he
did
look older, more tired, the grooves on either side of his mouth were now more like deeply embedded brackets. Then he smiled, quite suddenly, and they really
were
brackets, curving outwards and holding vital information within.

‘What's so amusing?' asked Maddie, emboldened by the smile.

Jake shrugged. ‘I suppose just the idea that we're sitting here, drinking coffee.'

Now it was Maddie's turn to smile. She wondered if the woman was watching. ‘I know.'

‘When only a week ago I had no idea where my kids were. And hadn't seen them for six years.'

Maddie's smile slipped.

‘
Six
years,' repeated Jake musingly, as if it was an abstract concept. Then he looked down at Maddie's hand, lying beside her coffee cup and reached out slowly, wrapping his own around hers. He stayed that way for a moment, as if thinking.

Maddie swallowed. ‘Look, I want –'

‘Ah, but it's not about what
you
want, is it?' said Jake mildly, looking up. ‘Not any more.'

Maddie stared at him, wanting desperately to pull her hand away but worried that this was a gesture of goodwill and she might make things worse. The second boarding call came over the loudspeakers and she glanced towards gate seven. The line had started to move forward, albeit slowly. The woman stood with her back towards the cafe, and only Sam and Ashley were looking in their direction. Maddie smiled over reassuringly.

‘Funny, is it?' Jake's voice suddenly thickened, and Maddie shot her gaze back, shaking her head emphatically.

‘I was just –'

‘Whatever,' he said dismissively, sounding very much like his daughter. ‘Let's get back on track, shall we? As already stated, this
isn't
about you.'

‘I know that.' Maddie felt a surge of annoyance that invigorated her. ‘But it's not about
you
either. It's about what's best for those two kids. And it always has been.'

‘Are you going to lecture me now on what's best for the kids?' He shook his head incredulously. ‘You? Who
kidnapped
them?'

Her annoyance remained, but now trepidation arose to keep it company. Automatically, she searched his face for clues as she started, gently, to pull her hand away.

‘Six years.' He clamped his hand down. ‘And yet you
dare
try to lecture me on what's best.'

Maddie kept her eyes on him as she deliberately relaxed her hand, waited for a few seconds, and then tried to jerk it out. But the pressure increased immediately and she remained trapped.

‘
You
who ruined my family,
you
who took my kids,
you
who fucked up
everything
.'

Pain began to blossom as the vice tightened. It took all her effort not to flinch.

‘Do you see the common denominator here?' Jake leant forward and almost smiled as he spat out the next word. ‘
You
.'

Maddie recoiled even as resentment boiled. She used her free hand to tug at the other though that itself hurt, sliding skin against flesh, but the mushrooming pain also fed her anger. ‘And do you see how everything you say begins with the word “my”?
My
family.
My
kids. Nothing is shared, it's all my, my,
my
.'

Jake blinked, and then stared at her. Incredibly, the pressure increased even more. ‘You fucking hypocrite.'

Maddie could no longer feel her fingers, but the knuckles were on fire. Grinding together with a sound that was like chalk on a blackboard, but could only be heard inside her body. She caught a glimpse of herself in the window beyond Jake and it was like another person was peering over his shoulder, grimacing at her with horror. Disgust.
I'm going to do my kids a favour, he said in a thick voice, giving her a smile that stretched his mouth but went nowhere near his eyes. And he reached out, quickly, grabbing her by the shoulders and then thrusting her backwards. So that she ended up flat against the wall, staring at him, terrified.
She flinched, then reached out and took hold of his hand with increased urgency, vainly trying to peel it off finger by finger.

‘You'll have to do better than that.'

‘Let
go
,' said Maddie, now digging her short nails into his skin.

‘Look around.' Jake gestured with his free hand to the mostly empty tables around them. He kept his voice low. ‘They all just think we're a couple, holding hands. Funny, isn't it? I bet none of them have any idea how good you are at ripping a man's heart out through his balls. I bet none of them even suspect what a fully fledged
bitch
you are.'

Maddie didn't bother answering, concentrating instead on leaving deep crescent-shaped indentations in the back of his hand. And then suddenly her hand was free, and the pain was even sharper as the blood flooded her veins to swell just below the skin. Throbbing so intensely that even the beat ached. She cradled her hand against her chest and stared at him, eyes shining with pain and fury. And a crushing, heart-stopping disappointment that he hadn't changed at all, not one bit.

He stood up rapidly, scraping his chair across the floor with enough noise to make several people nearby glance at them with annoyance. But he didn't take his eyes off her. ‘Enjoy your week. Bitch.'

She watched him stride away across the concourse, while past him she could see Sam and Ashley and their uneasy apprehension as he approached. Even that woman was staring towards him now. Expressions hanging in abeyance, waiting for their cue. And then suddenly smiles wreathed all of their faces, which meant that he must have brought his own face under enough control to smile first. To reassure the children, who should have known better. And she didn't know whether that thought made her glad, or even angrier.

NINE

T
here were two postcards in the letterbox when Maddie arrived home from work on Wednesday, one from each child. She smiled at the thought that they couldn't share, even this, and then wondered who had thought of it first. Or perhaps it hadn't been either of them.
See that cafe, guys? Here's some money to go buy your mother a postcard each.
She frowned as the thought formed, annoyed at her eagerness to believe the best. Then flexed her hand as she walked up towards the house slowly, postponing the pleasure of the cards for as long as possible, for good luck.

It had been a slow few days, with each simply leading up to the evening's phone call: laconic and offhand or overflowing and animated, depending on whether it was Sam or Ashley. She told herself she was glad,
thrilled
, things were turning out so well. That both children were having a fantastic time and were getting on so well with their father and perhaps he really was a changed man – with everyone except her.

This was a message that also seemed to be getting through to Hannah, helped by the fact that Maddie hadn't shared the finer details of the confrontation at the airport. Choosing instead to focus on the presence of another woman, clearly indicating that he had moved on, and his confirmation that the kids would be returning soon. Both of which had impelled her sister to put aside her research into contested custody in favour of studying up on parenting orders by mutual agreement. A methodology which appealed to Hannah enormously, not just because it was less aggressive and adversarial, but because it all seemed so much more
civilised
. More refined.

But, for Maddie, the aching tenderness of her hand served as a reminder that things would not be quite so easy. She certainly believed that they would come to an agreement simply because, eventually, Jake would have little choice. But within the parameters of that agreement she knew he would make life uncomfortable whenever possible. Verbal abuse and casual violence. Reconfiguring shared care into an ongoing competition with tactics and strategies and manipulation. Late pick-ups and drop-offs, last-minute cancellations. Because these were all the things he had done before, six years ago, and back then he had at least loved her. Needed her.

And now there was another woman. With her image intruding on Maddie's life like a photograph she had forgotten to put away, or couldn't find a place for. She would say her name,
Natalie
, sounding out the syllables as if she was in love with her also. Re-examining her features, and the sound of her voice, and the moment when she had looked across at Jake and they had tacitly spoken with that easy interaction that came from intimacy. Foreplay for the grunting, thrusting, never-ending fornication that took place in Maddie's mind. Ten, twenty, one hundred times a day.

She was continually amazed by her own surprise. Why had it never occurred to her that he may have repartnered? And why on
earth
did it bother her so much? She told herself it was a good thing, that it would mean he was less obsessed, less fixated on her and their marriage. That even though he might still hate her, would probably
always
hate her, the situation was helped enormously by the fact that there was no longer a Jake and Mattie. Now it was Jake and Natalie. Jake and Nat. And this other woman, this
Natalie
, younger, fitter, slimmer, would have wandered through their house, and slept in their bed, and have been woken with breakfast in bed on the weekends. Tea and toast and perfectly poached eggs. His specialty. And the irony was that Maddie knew she wouldn't have traded places with her for a million dollars, for a
billion
dollars, or for all the poached eggs in the world. But that didn't stop it hurting.

She unlocked the back door and let Guess out, propping the door open with her foot until the dog came running back, jumping up excitedly to receive his formal greeting. Then she put her bag on the table and fed him some leftover casserole before switching the kettle on and finally, when there was nothing else, sitting down at the table with the two postcards. She examined the pictures: the sea and surf and sunshine. Then she read Sam's first, followed by Ashley's.

Maddie read them through again a second time, marvelling at the contrasting styles, with monosyllabic sparseness versus flowery script and love hearts. Flicking Ashley's card over, Maddie stared again at the elegant resort, with palm trees and a sparkling sapphire swimming pool the same colour as the sky. No wonder they were enjoying themselves. She told herself she was glad, that they deserved to have a marvellous holiday, even if it wasn't her who gave it.

Guess scrabbled to his feet from under the table and stood poised for a moment, head cocked. He took off just as a sharp knock came from the little-used front door. Maddie looked up, frowning. She took a moment to align the postcards neatly and then headed down the passage towards the door. Through the frosted glass insert she could see the outline of a man, lifting his hand to knock again. Guess crouched, sniffing at the doorjamb, tail wagging excitedly.

‘Just a minute,' called Maddie as she tugged the door open and pushed Guess behind her with one foot. The man stood with one hand still raised. He was good-looking in a conservative way, with short hair and clean features, but dressed a little too casually to be an evangelist. Maddie smiled politely. ‘Hello? Can I help you?'