Authors: Susie Tate
‘That’s…that’s great,’ Lou said, forcing a smile. She was surprised by the surge of disappointment she was feeling at the fact that she herself would never now become a consultant. She’d thought that she’d put all that behind her.
‘You know that Prof will be retiring next year I suppose?’ Dr Hudson said, watching Lou carefully for her reaction. Prof’s stroke consultant job met the exact criteria of what Lou wanted, and after seeing the improvement in Alun today she found that she was no longer that keen to give up on her dream. She shook her head.
‘I – ‘
‘Just listen to me a minute Louise.’ Lou stopped abruptly with whatever she was going to say. Dr Hudson had never used her first name before. ‘I know what you’re doing in Africa is important and I know you don’t need the money, but you’re so close to getting your CCT.’
‘I’m not even in the rotation anymore,’ Lou protested.
‘Fiddlesticks,’ Dr Hudson scoffed. ‘One word from me, another review of the evidence and you’d be back in like a shot and you know it.’ When Lou shook her head again Dr Hudson moved forward and placed both her hands over her upper arms. ‘Don’t underestimate the importance of being an NHS consultant,’ she said fervently. ‘I know it’s not only Africa you want to change. I know your plans for the improvement of stroke care in this country. To effect change you’ve got to have the power and clout behind you. Don’t just do the easy thing, the shortsighted thing.
Your
country needs you too.’ With that she released Lou’s arms and stepped back but still held eye contact, Dr Hudson’s lit with determination. ‘I’m not giving up on you yet Louise Sands.’
Gifted
‘I’m bloody coming too!’ Benji’s feet were planted firmly apart, his little fists clenched at his sides, his face red and set with determination. Lou was mostly successful at swallowing the giggle that was bubbling up, but she still emitted a strangled choked sound, causing Sarah to give her a warning look. Benji’s penchant for that particular word was still going strong.
Lou tucked her face into Finlay’s neck and gave an inelegant snort against his soft skin causing him to shriek in delight and wriggle on her lap. It seemed that absence had only made the heart grow fonder with these boys, and since Lou had arrived for tea at Sarah’s house Finlay had glued himself to her like a limpet. Jack being the oldest at nearly eight had been slightly more aloof but a now six-year-old Benji had been her little shadow since she arrived.
They’d skyped frequently throughout the year but not since Lou had contracted malaria. From the look on Benji’s face and the way he hadn’t left her side (almost like a miniature bodyguard) it was obvious that he had noticed the change in her appearance. Lou wasn’t too surprised; he was a perceptive child and had obviously inherited a strong protective streak from his father
‘Why don’t I just take him?’ Lou asked. ‘He can come back with Tom.’ Lou was about to go into the hospital for the night shift, and Tom would be just finishing a long day.
Sarah took one look at her son’s determined face and sighed. She had her niece Lucy firmly planted on her hip, was making tea with the other hand, and, at five months pregnant, she was already looking pretty large. She did not look like she even had the energy to finish boiling the kettle, leave alone take on her son in a shouting match. It wasn’t as though Sarah had decided to get pregnant this time, in fact she’d been on the pill and booked in to be fitted with a coil but somehow Rob’s ‘toxic evil mega-sperm’, as she called them to anyone who would listen, had breached that barrier and now she was well and truly up the duff for the fifth time.
Frankie who was sitting at the table with baby Thomas (now more toddler Thomas, but until the arrival of the next addition his baby title would stick) started to get up, but Katie was closer and unencumbered by a large toddler. She moved to Sarah and reached for Lucy who went to her with heartbreaking ease.
Okay so it was impossible not to like Katie. She was quite simply adorable. But it was difficult not to have some less than generous thoughts about someone who went out with the man you’d been in love with for over ten years, and who’d practically become your replacement whilst you’d been away. The fact that Lucy knew Katie better and went to her more willingly actually hurt Lou, which was ridiculous. Lou felt like the lowest form of life but she couldn’t help hating Katie just a little. Finlay gurgled from under her chin and she smiled; at least someone was loyal (although that might have had something to do with the Maltesers she slipped him earlier).
Benji took one look at his mother and smiled at Lou. ‘Come on then slow Jo,’ he said, tugging at her hand, and then transferring his efforts to removing a disgruntled Finlay.
‘Fu…fooey,’ Lou said, glancing at her watch and nearly dropping an increasingly unhappy Finlay. ‘I’m going to be late.’ She stood and deposited Finlay in his chair with a big sloppy kiss on his cheek.
‘Thanks for dinner honey,’ she said hugging Sarah tightly and then moving to Frankie to do the same, Baby Thomas and all. That was when it got awkward. Without even thinking about it she kissed Lucy on the cheek, and then whirled towards the door, grabbing her bag on the way. Such was her panic that she missed the brief hurt expression flash across Katie’s face as she was leaving.
‘Argh!’ Lou was just putting her keys in the ignition when she heard the click of the seatbelt next to her and shot half a mile in the air. Benji had somehow managed to get his booster seat, put it firmly on the passenger seat and secure himself safely on it before Lou even had a chance to start the car.
‘Benji I – ‘
‘I’m coming,’ he cut her off. ‘It’ll take ages to remove me from the car, I promise you,’ he said ominously. Lou sighed, leaned forward and hit her head against the steering wheel.
‘Fine small stuff.’
‘I’m not small,’ Benji said, clearly affronted.
‘You’re smaller than me.’
‘So? I’m not done growing.’
‘Okay get back to me when you’re at least as tall as Katie; she’s tiny.’ Lou smiled to herself. Yeah bitch, take the love of my life, steal my friends, steal the affection of my friends’ kids, whatever. You’re still a midget.
*****
Benji sat in his seat and fumed. He was
not
short. In fact he was the fifth tallest in his whole class which was pretty bloody tall. And he didn’t like the way Lou called Auntie Katie tiny. It didn’t sound like the teasing, cutesie way Mummy and Daddy sometimes did it. It sounded mean, and Benji knew Louey was not mean. Lou could make him laugh till he weed himself, but she never did it by being mean about people. But, then again, there were lots of things that had changed about his Louey. She didn’t look the same; too skinny. Before she had been like a superhero or something, all action and energy and lego-ninga dance moves.
Although she was still funny, Benji could tell the difference. He could tell when people were happy or sad. Just like when he knew his teacher was sad and had sneaked away from the carpet when everyone else was glued to ‘The Lion King’ at the end of their Africa topic the other day. He’d gone to the back of the classroom where Miss Chadwick was sitting. The lights were dimmed so he couldn’t see her face, but when he hugged her he could feel the wet on his hair and her chest shake as she drew in breath.
Benji had asked her what was wrong, and she had pulled back slightly to look in his face and whispered, ‘I’m being silly Benji, honey. Nothing for you to worry about.’ Benji had just stared at her and luckily Miss Chadwick knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t give up.
‘It’s just a…friend, a best friend, and he…well he doesn’t want to be my best friend anymore. Do you understand?’
Benji did understand. He understood loads more than Miss Chadwick probably would be comfortable with him understanding. He understood that the way Miss Chadwick wanted to be best friends with that man was how Mummy and Daddy were best friends, and he knew that that was the same way that Lou wanted to be best friends with Dylan. Benji was observant. He watched people, and he’d watched the way Lou watched Dylan, and he knew. Well, Dylan might not want to, but Benji had decided that when he got bigger
he
was going to be Lou’s best friend, and she wasn’t going to be sad ever again.
Lou pulled into a space in the underground car park next to the hospital. Benji knew she had turned to face him but he was still grumpy so he crossed his arms over his chest and stared out of the window.
‘Hey,’ she said softly. Benji felt her lean forward and before he knew it she’d blown a big wet raspberry on his neck.
‘Urgh! Louey, gross,’ he shouted, shrugging up his shoulder and wiping the spit away. Lou used the opportunity to put her hand to the back of his neck and pull him forward so that their foreheads were touching.
‘Sorry, I called you short stuff,’ she said softly and he shrugged. ‘You’re a goliath among six-year-olds, bigger than the incredible hulk at your age, okay?’
‘Okay,’ he replied just as softly, but as she was pulling away he added, ‘You can’t say mean stuff about Auntie Katie either.’ He saw Lou’s face close down and hurried on. ‘She’s nice and funny like you.’
‘I know she is sweetie. I didn’t mean it that way.’
‘And you’ve got to hug and kiss her too. Auntie Katie hugs and kisses more than anyone. I should know, cause she’s been doing it to me all my life, and it’s annoying. But she’s get’s sad when you hug everyone and not her. It breaks her feelings.’
‘Hurts her feelings honey,’ Lou corrected. ‘You hurt your feelings and you break your heart.
‘That too,’ he said.
‘You see more than we give you credit for don’t you sweets.’
‘I see everything; “I’m gifted”.’
Lou burst out laughing and pulled him in for a hug. ‘And so modest,’ she said through her laughter, kissing the top of his head. ‘Right we’d better go.’
Benji
did not
like underground car parks. They were dark and smelly and spooky. Although he would never admit to being scared, he did make sure he stuck real close to Louey as they walked to the lifts. Two cars pulled in as they rounded the corner. One went into a space with a yellow wheelchair on it and the other swung really fast into a space opposite. Benji watched as a large man got out of the fast car. When the man caught sight of Benji and Lou he froze and then stared at the back of Lou’s head with a funny expression on his face. Benji did not like the look of this man. Even from this distance, and even only at a brief glance, Benji could tell that he was mean, and the way he was staring at Lou was weird.
Benji wasn’t lying; he really did see everything. And he could see that man was dangerous and for some reason that man
did not
like his Louey. He tore his eyes away from the man, grabbed Louey’s hand and started dragging her to the stairs.
‘Benji, it’s five floors up,’ Lou protested pulling back on her hand. ‘We’re taking the lift. I’ve go to be on my feet all night you know.’ Benji looked back at the man who had started walking towards them and shook his head vigorously. Somehow he knew for absolute certain that they should not stand still. They should not wait for a lift.
‘Let’s just bloody go,’ said Benji through gritted teeth, but Lou was pulling him towards the lifts.
‘Benji!’ she cried as they struggled to a standstill and she managed to press the button. ‘What on earth are you – ‘ Benji stopped struggling as he felt the large man getting nearer. He instead turned in her arms to face the large approaching figure, putting himself in front of Lou but not having the size to shield her.
‘Doc,’ the man said, his voice low, and Benji, who noticed everything, definitely noticed the menace threaded through it. He felt Louey stiffen behind him and tried to puff himself up as much as possible. Unfortunately there’s only so much a six year-old can expand, and the man didn’t even spare Benji a glance.
It was then Benji noticed the man was swaying slightly and his eyes looked all red and squinty. The smell coming from him was strong. Benji knew that smell cause it was how Papa Marco smelt when he wasn’t feeling very well and was acting all funny. Strangely this made Benji feel a bit better. When Papa Marco smelt like that it usually meant he was either going to be sick or go to sleep very soon, so hopefully this man would too. Lou turned them both away from the man without saying a word, and Benji could feel her hands shaking on his shoulders.
‘Nothing to say you snooty little bitch?’ the large man spat out and Benji stiffened as he started prowling towards them. He caught a flash of something silver just before Louey roughly pushed him behind her. She had her shaky hands up in front of her now and was speaking very slowly, ‘Just let the boy go and then we can talk. Maybe I can look into the case again for you. With my recommendation we could – ‘
‘Oh so now Dr High and fucking Mighty wants to get me my funding. Now she wants to help me keep my fucking house.’ He voice was all slurry and funny. Benji had heard the f-word before but only a couple of times; once when Mummy has stubbed her toe and once when Uncle Tom was cross before Auntie Frankie would be his best friend. Both times he had extorted at least a bag of sweets out of the situation to keep his silence, but neither of those times had the words sounded so vicious and scary. ‘Get going you little shit.’ Benji saw that he had moved even closer now and was peering around Louey at Benji.
‘Run Benji,’ Lou said in that slow voice.
‘No.’
‘Run, now,’ she said firmly and pushed him away. Benji skirted the man quickly, the man’s large frame was now blocking Louey’s exit. He was walking slowly towards her, and she was going backwards with her shaky hands still up in front of her. She caught Benji’s eye and saw that he’d stopped running to look back. ‘Bloody run Benji!’ she screamed. ‘Get help.’ Her scream seemed to spur the man into action and Benji stood, horrified as he made a lunge towards Lou.
‘Omph!’ Lou’s back hit the concrete wall behind her and Benji saw that flash of silver again. Lou caught his eyes over the man’s shoulder. He could see hers were saturated with pain and shock. ‘Go,’ she tried to shout but was cut off as then man lunged into her again.
I’m not bloody leaving
, Benji thought, and then an idea flashed into his brain. He crept forward until he was right behind the man. Feeling for his marbles in his pocket, he pulled them out then swung them forwards between the man’s legs. There were at least fifty marbles in there and the bag was pretty heavy. Benji had accidently-on-purpose punched Jack in the willy last week for being a tattletale, and it took Jack almost an hour to get better, so he knew that fifty marbles would be even better and he was right.
‘Fuck!’ screamed the man, dropping the silver thing, which was now covered in red, and falling to his knees on the ground. He swung round to Benji and made a lunge for him. ‘Why you little – ‘ Thwack. The man was cut off by a hard blow to the side of his head from a long stick. Benji looked up to see a very, very old man (perhaps the oldest man he’d ever seen in his entire life) standing over the now completely still large man, and wielding a wooden cane. The effort of clobbering the man round the head was enough to make the old man stagger slightly, but he righted himself once his stick was back on the ground and he could lean heavily on it. After a brief rest he raised his stick again and brought it down on the unconscious man’s skull twice more. There was blood seeping from under the man’s head now. Benji didn’t think that he was getting up anytime soon.