Still Mine (14 page)

“What kind of education do you have?”

“I have three doctorates. But I got sick of writing the papers up and trying to make men with lower intelligence than me understand what I was talking about.” Paul watched her with sharp eyes as she absorbed his answer. Satisfaction glimmered in his expression as she slowly nodded agreement.

She was disgusted with herself. She’d known her husband had been hiding something; she’d just lacked the courage to confront him with her conclusions during their marriage. It had been that same lack of faith in herself that had caused her to be discarded from his life. An ironic twist, when you considered that she’d strived to grow strong as a reaction to losing him.

One vicious circle that had dumped her right back where it had begun.

Of course, they were still married, but she sat facing a stranger.

“Well, what’s one more lie? I mean, you wanted me to believe that you were just a mechanic. Or was that some personal need you had to make sure I wasn’t a gold digger?” She tried to keep the hurt out of her voice. There was still a girl inside her who wanted to believe he’d done it all out of love. Too bad life demanded she be more practical.

He lifted an eyebrow at her. “Really, Jo? You want to know everything about me? Fine. Welcome to the world where secrets are worth lives. But not mine. It’s not that simple. They will come for you and send me pieces of your body, tapes of your screams. All the while making sure you linger in pain to press me to turn over the information that comes with my job. It isn’t a choice, Jo, it’s a fact. Being identified as a genius isn’t all glamour. I can’t change how my brain works. I need to experiment. Working in the private sector wouldn’t change much either. I’d still have people who wanted everything I create.”

“You didn’t have to lie to me, Paul.” Her emotions were flying out of control. His words sank right into her heart, eating away at the anger that stood between them. She had every reason not to give a damn about what he said, but it slashed across her emotions anyway.

“No? Well, you’re right. I could have had you locked up on a post while I went forward with my career and you played housewife. No future of your own, just waiting for me. A radio transmitter strapped to your wrist, while every phone call you took was logged down in a record book. Not one damn hint of privacy.”

Jo stared at the man who sat in front of her. A hard shiver shook her body as a chill ran down her spine. She was suddenly so cold it felt as though she were standing in an ice storm. Questions swirled around inside her brain but she couldn’t decide which one to ask first.

“Are you cold?” His gaze inspected her, moving over her from head to toe as she tried to still the quivering shaking her frame.

“I’m fine.” As fine as a person could get while facing the fact that the man they loved to the point of complete devotion had never loved them. Lust was an unwelcome feeling coupled with the six years she’d mourned. She needed to think, not respond to him. Her teeth chattered before she tightened her jaw enough to control the shock-fueled motion.

“Okay, I’m cold.” She wasn’t about to allow him to take care of her.

“You’re white as a sheet.” He reached across the space between them and laid his hand against her neck. A gasp escaped her lips as his flesh pressed down on hers. He was hot, so hot it stunned her.

Offering him a sarcastic grin, she lifted her newly bandaged hands up. “Oh, well, let’s ta-ke a guess why.” Shock. Her body was shutting down.

“This conversation is over.”

Standing, Paul scooped her up into his arms. Her brain was working slowly again, because she couldn’t seem to make her feet work fast enough for her to stand before his arm went right under her knees.

“Put me down.”

Paul shouldered his way though the glass door before responding. But his arms tightened on her body slightly as he strode through the security center. Her cheeks heated right up as just about every pair of eyes in the room turned to take in the spectacle her husband was making.

“I know you heard me, Paul.” She hissed under her breath, attempting to keep her temper from drifting to the ears of the curious.

“Not a chance in hell.” He continued across the room and out into the night. A wave of dizziness washed through her as the ground passed by. Taking a quick breath, she focused her gaze on Paul’s face to steady herself.

“I can feel you trembling, Jo. I should have told Nolan to wait for his debriefing.” His eyes dropped to her lips. “I’m sorry.”

He meant it. She stared in fascination at the look in his eyes. She really wasn’t used to be cared for and she discovered there was a mighty tender spot deep inside her heart that recalled what it was like not to have to face the world all alone.

A sentry stood beside her quarters, his fatigues making him blend in with the night. He reached over and opened the door, pushing it inward as Paul carried her through.

“The sentry stays.”

Paul deposited her on the bed, his voice firm with command. Jo listened as the door was pulled shut and sighed. But her gaze found a telephone sitting on the desk.

As bare as the room was, the addition of that telephone stood out. Jo glared at it with suppressed annoyance. It was a sad day when she was reduced to being grateful for the presence of a telephone. Paul nodded approval as he picked up a sheet of paper to show it to her. Even from across the room she knew what was written on it.

“Oh gee, you’ve given me your phone number. Lucky me.”

She didn’t think there was a spot on her body that didn’t hurt. Pushing one boot heel against the other, she tried to force it off her foot. The fatigues were baggy enough to sleep in, but she wanted her boots off. Sitting up she stopped with her hands in midair as she looked at the gauze covering her fingers. Removing her boots was suddenly a lot more complicated.

“So what now, Paul?” Her blue gaze raked his face for a solution. “Am I just expected to live on the crumbs that you and Durant remember to cast my way?”

The need to close her eyes was becoming more pressing. Jo held them open hoping for a measure of peace before she succumbed to her body’s fatigue. The man in front of her held the answers, she was certain of it. She wanted to prod him until she stopped yearning for something from him. She really wasn’t even sure what it was anymore, only that he could provide it.

He lowered his body to sit beside her and the bed gave under his weight. He reached for her foot and began untying the lace. He pulled it free and went after the opposite boot before he took both her socks off as well.

“We’re going to rebuild our lives.”

He turned the bedding down and she scooted over, so that she could slide her feet under it. Being helped into bed was humiliating, but she needed the warmth of the covers too much to refuse.

“That’s impossible.” Her voice lacked confidence. Even she heard it.

Paul raised an eyebrow at her. “You forget, Jo, I’m the man who makes the impossible a reality. I’ve never taken someone else’s boundaries and lived inside them.”

She shivered as he stroked the surface of her face, lingering over the touch.

“We’re going to collide again, Jo. Just like we did six years ago.”

Reaching out, Paul slowly ran his hand over the side of her face. She jerked her head away but he only grinned. “Tell me your nipples aren’t hard.” He caught the back of her head and leaned down over her body, controlling her as he settled her weight against the pillow. His body heat surrounded her, setting off a deep hunger that threatened to drive her insane if she didn’t surrender to it. She was like an addict, never recovering, only holding off the urges day by day. Being faced with her addiction was too much temptation.

“Tell me you don’t dream about me, that you could move on if you got a seat on one of those outbound planes tomorrow.” His breath teased her lips and the tender flesh tingled, begging for a kiss. He pressed down farther so that his chest touched her breasts. A little moan escaped her lips and his eyes filled with enjoyment.

“You don’t have to tell me because I never did either.” His hand massaged the tight muscles of her neck and she sighed as relief rippled down her spine.

“They sent me surveillance photos of you, every week.” He lay down next to her and rolled onto his side, molding his body along hers, his fingers playing in her hair.

Her eyes widened. “You’ve been watching me?” Her voice cracked as she tried to shake his hand off her forehead, but he surrounded her. Actually holding her, while keeping his body weight carefully away from her injured hands. The warm scent of his skin completed the moment, bathing her in intimacy. It was the tender kind that you hoped to experience with a lover after the sex was over. Tonight, she swallowed the lump in her throat because it would be easy to think Paul was lingering beside her out of love.

“Yes. I looked forward to them, Jo. It was the only way I could see you.” He stroked her cheek and her eyelids fluttered as she began losing the battle to debate anything with him. His body was close and she just wanted to curl up next to him while the stress of reality dissipated, leaving her to the comfort of the man she loved.

“I needed to see you.”

His eyes filled with a flickering hunger that mesmerized her because it was the kind that still burned inside herself.

“So, we’re still married and I plan on being your husband in every sense of the word.”

His mouth touched hers, drowning out her reply. It was a tender kiss and a deep one. He pressed her lips apart, thrusting his tongue inside, stroking and mingling with her tongue as he rubbed his chest against her breasts. Heat flooded her, pooling in her belly. It was too delicious to struggle against and she kissed him back with equal heat.

But her body refused to remain aware. His warmth surrounding her was too much to ignore and she slipped under the curtain of pain medication and shock. Her muscles relaxed as she let the bed support her. Her husband’s kiss was so much a part of her memories that it was only natural to let it carry her into a dream world where love didn’t leave scars.

Paul lifted his head and stroked her cheek. She sighed as she turned towards his touch.

Forcing himself away from her was an effort. Paul consoled himself with the knowledge that tomorrow he’d make certain to be the first person his wife saw. One night’s rest wouldn’t see her completely recovered, but as he was discovering about this woman, she would regain her feet sooner than most.

Hitting the light switch, he stood in darkness. He listened to the steady rhythm of her breathing for a long time, drinking in the fact that it was real and not a memory. The scent of her skin wrapped around his starving senses as he allowed himself a final stroke across her hair, smoothing the strands away from her face. He stiffened but forced his feet to move away. The desire to curl up next to her was strong, but that had never been his way with Jo. He still craved the invitation that only surrender could give him. Lying down beside her wasn’t worth anything if she didn’t willingly allow him in her bed. Sure, he could sleep next to her. But that wasn’t the same thing as knowing that she surrendered to need they shared.

That was what he craved and nothing else would satisfy him.

The sentry snapped to attention as Paul let himself out of his wife’s quarters. The man cut him a salute that Paul acknowledged with a curt nod. Technically, the men here did not have to salute him. He wasn’t an officer. Most of them did anyway.

Well, he wasn’t quite a civilian either. Having accepted his current position, Paul didn’t have the option to resign from his post. That had been made abundantly clear to him ten years ago. But it was more than just his desire to work on his projects that drove him to remain with the armed forces. His mind was a commodity that companies and nations fought over. He’d been educated and housed on base since his intelligence was discovered and proven useful. A sarcastic grin twisted his lips. Sometimes success wasn’t your best friend. In his case, some of the people who wanted him on their projects weren’t so congenial when he turned them down. They figured working under the persuasion of a gun was just fine. As long as he produced what they wanted, it didn’t matter how. As a legal adult, he’d had enough sense to recognize his name was on lists out there in the world that might make it hard to settle into anything normal.

But there was also the hunger that ate at his soul. The desire to tinker with fusion and engines would never be satisfied in a normal life. He wanted to experiment with compounds that were controlled due to their volatile nature. He’d lain awake at night as his brain worked through the mathematical equations of complex design ideas. It was as much a necessity as Jonnie was turning out to be. Both ran through his blood. At least this way, he wasn’t tempted to store illegal compounds in his garage when the urge to create overwhelmed his better judgment.

But there would always be the threat of someone wanting to exploit his mind for their own cause. Some of those people didn’t much care about what method they used to make him comply, either. Ruthlessness went hand in hand with the nature of his creations. To him, it was the thrill of conquering the elements, combining them until they functioned to serve his needs. To the rest of the world, it was about controlling a tool that would place power in the hands of those willing to take it through force.

Andraluph sure didn’t pull any punches when it came to stalking his wife. It made for bitter feelings as he contemplated the projects he ached to begin but dreaded what a man like Andraluph would use them for. Every new fuel source he created might serve or impress, help or harm, the rest of the human population. Hatred burned in his gut for terrorists as he contemplated the twisted uses Andraluph had in mind for the creations Paul considered his children.

It sucked. Casting his gaze back towards the quarters where Jo slept, he felt his mood shifting as he watched the sentry. Knowing she wasn’t lying in her own bed, just waiting to be discovered by a monster like Andraluph, lifted a burden from his shoulders that he’d carried for too damn long. Fate had tossed them together. Six years ago neither of them had been willing to resist the pull between them.