Still Surviving (25 page)

“Yes… It’s just a picture, Tiff. I think… we’ve crossed a huge bridge tonight. Can we just leave it? This… right now… you being here in my bed. This is all I need. Two months ago I wouldn’t have ever thought this was possible. I like it. I fucking love it, and I just want to enjoy this moment. Can we do that?” His thumb found my bottom lip as it always did.

“Yes,” I whispered against the pad of skin.

My hands slid up to his neck as his thumb lingered. I brought my lips around the tip, tasting the salt on his skin. He groaned and pushed his thumb further into my mouth. I let my teeth lightly drag across his knuckle as he withdrew it from my lips. His eyes locked on mine as his hand fisted in my hair. He kissed me then, with a roughness I’d yet to experience from him. His other hand enclosed around my throat just under my chin. The light grip caused heat to pool between my legs, and the stubble of his five o’clock shadow burned my tender skin. My eyes fell closed as he silenced me with
this
kiss. This powerful kiss brought me under. His lips demanded; his taste for control was laced within every breath that spilled from him. And I wanted more. My hips met his, and I moaned as his length pressed against me.

His hand dropped from my neck, and his lips separated from mine.

“You’ve got me strung out.” His eyes were wide and bright. “We should sleep. This night, this whole fucking day… You… Tiff, it’s so much. I’m heavy with it.”

“Heavy with it?” My brow dipped and the butterflies in my stomach soared.

“Yeah, Angel, fucking heavy with it. It’s like I have to be touching you or I can’t breathe, and it makes my chest hurt… and I’m trying so hard to find the control. I’m so deep, so completely into you. You’ve taken hold of me, and I’m feeling…
shit
… it’s… I can’t explain it, it’s right here.” He took my hand and placed it in the center of his chest. “It’s like panic, but it’s not. It’s just… heavy.”

His heart hammered against his sternum. “This is how it’s supposed to be, I think.” I kissed him as tender as I could possibly bear. He was in love with me… and I was with him, and we were both so out of our depths.

“I feel like a lunatic, like I’ve lost my damn mind.” He smiled and kissed me on the cheek.

“Me too. But I like it.” I brought my fingertips to his cheek, and he closed his eyes. “Are you tired?” The tip of my forefinger drew a soft curve down his nose.

His eyes popped open. “I am.”

I turned my body so that my back was to his chest. He leaned to switch off the lamp. The room darkened, and his muscular arm draped over my hip, pulling me close. He let his hand rest on my belly. “Thank you for everything.” My smile spread across my face, invisible, in the dark.

His warm breath heated the nook in my neck just as his lips grazed my ear. “Being with you, I’m learning how to breathe again… and I’m scared. But the fact that I can tell you that, the fact that I’d rather drown in that fear than to never have you like this again, it makes this fucking chaos worth it.”

My heart skipped. The rhythm a jagged beat. “Seth.” The lump in my throat felt like a boulder. “Our love… it’s total chaos, but I want it… I want every bit of it. I want that heavy feeling you have to dissipate and for you to trust me.”

“I’m here, Angel. I’m right here. I trust this.” He laced our fingers together, our joined hands resting against my stomach. He gently squeezed my hand. “I trust this.” The conviction in his whisper took away my apprehension, and I squeezed back.

I swallowed down the worry and closed my eyes. “Goodnight.”

“Night, Angel.”

T
HE SUN HARDLY PEEKED
through the storm clouds as Seth drove me to my apartment the next morning. I wanted to stay in bed with him all day, his warm hands on my body, his mouth savoring me, the scratch of his day old scruff on my inner thigh. I shivered at the thought. That was one hell of a wakeup call.

“You sure you’re up for dinner tomorrow at my dad’s place. He can be a dick.” Seth’s brow crinkled and he frowned. The dinner invite via text had woken him early this morning.

“Yes, I’m sure and I don’t care. I can be a bitch.” I smirked, and he chuckled.

“I’m not going to confirm or deny that shit.”

I slapped him against the chest, and he laughed harder. “You’re an asshole.”

“Now you sound like Lily.” His smile was ear to ear, and the sheer beauty of it stunned me.

“She’s a wise girl. I’m sort of glad they were still sleeping. I don’t need to hear any crap from Todd.” The car came to a stop in front of my place.

“Don’t worry about that idiot, I’ve got him covered.” He smirked. “You want me to walk you to the door?” Seth looked at me with eager blue eyes.

“Nah. I’m okay.” I leaned across the console to kiss him.

He kissed me with a profound effort, and as I pulled away, feeling properly dazed, he smiled. “Next time you stay over, I want you to make sure you have nothing going on the next day.”

“Oh yeah, why is that?” My lips spread involuntarily as Seth’s smile grew sinful.

“Because I’m not letting you out of my fucking bed all day, that’s why.” Seth’s hand tangled in my hair, and he kissed me deeply again.

“I hate work.”

“No you don’t. You love your job.” He grinned.

“I do.”

“I’ll come by later? Finish up the last orchid?” he asked.

“Sounds good, I’ll be in a deep Seth hangover by that point.”

Seth laughed. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I know. But it’s true.” I bent down to grab my bag. “And besides, Scott comes back from Vegas today; I’ll need to see a friendly face.” With my bag in my hand I turned my gaze back to Seth, all his good humor had faded. His lips were set in a grim line, his hand curled tight around the steering wheel, his eyes not really meeting mine. “He’s nothing to me.” I reached my hand slowly over to his cheek. My palm against the heat of his skin, he softened under my touch. “He’s nothing.”

He nodded. “I know. I just don’t like it. I don’t fucking like it all.”

“Look.” His eyes met mine. “He’s not going to be here long. I’m pretty sure he’ll be taking that job in Vegas. I’ll just have to deal with him for a few more weeks.”

“You don’t have to deal with shit. He fucking even breathes the air you breathe and I’ll—“

“End up in jail again, doing community service for 6 months, paying out to his lawyers like you did for Jace. You were lucky he dropped the charges, Seth. Scott’s an asshole. He’d let you rot in a cell. Don’t be stupid.” I pecked his cheek. “Okay?”

“Okay,” he said it in a way that contradicted the word. His body was still tense.

“I love you.” I took his face between my hands.

“I love you, too, Angel.” He kissed me lightly with defeat.

I opened the door and stepped onto the cement. The cool fall air hit my cheeks. “See you tonight.”

The scent of incense and spice lingered on my skin, and I almost didn’t want to shower. Seth was everywhere, in my head, on my body, in the air… I didn’t want to ever lose the memory of how I felt right now. That slight twinge he’d left between my legs, the burn along my jaw, the sweet ache of my muscles, Seth… it was just Seth. He’d touched every part of my body, made it his, made my heart open as he drank me in. The lids of my eyes fell shut. The day… the night… Seth… all of it flashed like pictures behind my closed lashes. His hands on my hips, his words in my ear, his bottom lip between his teeth as he came, these snapshots were relics, and I’d keep them safe, within my mind, at all times.

My eyes fluttered open, and I half expected him to be standing in front of me. Instead, my empty front room, with its lone couch and bookshelf, stared back at me. I missed him too much… way too much. I wanted to hate how vacant I felt without him near, but I didn’t. This was what he had been talking about… this weight in my chest, this feeling of loss when his skin wasn’t touching mine. This was it.

I was heavy with it too.

CHAPTER THIRTY

Tiffany

E
VERY TIME THE BELL
over the door chimed, I’d jump. I hadn’t seen Scott since I broke it off with him. He didn’t seem to care, but I still wasn’t eager to see him. The thought that I ever let him touch me made me shudder. I hated myself for letting yet another guy like him have a part of me. The things he said to Seth… it made me sick to think that Seth had to hear that. Scott took what I thought was private, what I thought was ours, and turned me into a trophy, some sort of pissing contest, like I was just part of his game.
I had been
.

Before I got myself too upset, I turned up the volume on the docking station that was quietly playing music from my iPod while I waited for my next client. The shop had been so slow all morning, and I’d only booked three customers today. I was awaiting number three when my phone chirped.

I unlocked my screen and frowned.

Lily:
So… that was awkward.

What was she talking about? She’d probably texted me on accident.

Me:
What?

She texted me back within seconds.

Lily:
Well, let’s just say my suspicions that Seth can hear when Todd and I have sex were confirmed.

I felt my face turn beet red. Holy shit. I didn’t even know how to respond. I was mortified.

Lily:
So you had a nice morning? Thank God Todd was asleep, he would have died. I was up puking. Morning sickness is a bitch.

I was relieved that only Lily was awake. For some reason, just her hearing didn’t bother me as much.

Me:
I’m sorry you had to hear… This is so gross.

Lily:
Tell me about it. At first, I didn’t know it was you, and I was freaking pissed. I thought Seth was screwing a random. I know how much you care about him. But I saw you leave with him this morning. You guys were cute.

I tapped out a quick reply, but my face was still as red as an apple.

Me:
Did you tell Todd I was there?

Lily:
Don’t hate me, but I did. He’s worried but happy for you guys. He said Seth cares about you, too. He’s a good guy. Weird as hell, but a good guy.

I laughed out loud at the “weird” comment. Seth was weird, but I fucking loved him because of it.

Me:
He’s a great guy. Tell Todd not to worry. I’ll still love him no matter what happens with Seth and me.

My boss walked into my station just as I finished typing.

“Hey Tony, what’s up?”

Tony was in his late forties but looked like he was sixty. He had long white hair that was shaggy and hit his shoulders. There wasn’t a space on his body besides his face that wasn’t tattooed. “You still interested in that full-time spot? Scott’s going to manage my Vegas shop, so I have more hours. You do good work, Tiff. The job is yours if you want it.”

My pulse hummed through my head. The excitement I felt tried to burst through my pores. My lips spread into a huge smile. “Hell, yes! Thank you so much, Tony.”

His smile reached his eyes. “Give the bar two weeks? Scott won’t be making the move south for another two weeks.”

“That’s perfect. I’d never want to leave Frank high and dry.” Frank. Todd. Oh God. The sentiment overpowered me, and my eyes started to water.

“You here till close?” he asked, avoiding my now glassy eyes.

“Yes, sir.” My voice was thick as I tried to choke back my tears. I’d been at Blue for so long, I wasn’t sure how I was going to end that chapter of my life. It was as if I was leaving a part of me behind.

“None of this “sir” stuff. Looking forward to having you around.” His cheeks pulled into a grin. The deep creases next to his eyes crinkled, and it made me smile. Tony’s face had no hard edges. His skin was overly tanned but appeared soft, and when he smiled, it was the most jovial expression. He patted my shoulder just before he walked back to his office.

My mind was in full spin mode when I heard my phone chirp again.

Lily:
Todd says he loves you, too, Princess.

I narrowed my eyes at the message. I hated when Todd called me princess. It made me think of how I once had been. How I’d once been “that” girl. The cheerleader. Daddy’s little princess. It made me remember I’d never be that ever again.
I had no family
. My eyes fell to the white scars on my arm, and I touched the raised bumps. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and remembered how Seth had placed his kiss there; every time his soft lips fell on my skin a part of my past fell away.