Still Thinking of You (8 page)

14. Up, Up and Away

Ted noted that Jayne’s presence was clearly a welcome one, which was in equal parts a relief and a concern to him. With the exception of Mia, everyone had a soft spot for his baby sister. Mia didn’t count. As far as Ted could make out, Mia didn’t actively like anyone much these days.

There had been a time when she’d been much more gentle and kind. He remembered it. A time when she was young and naive, and had slept with all her friends because it was fun and because she was careless. Ted still smiled at the memory. He’d only slept with Mia once, the same as Rich. It had been when Mia adamantly believed that every woman was entitled to explore her sexuality and that it was a crime that sexually active women were seen as sluts, or needy, or hard. That’s what she’d said. And the boys weren’t going to object as she moved from flirtation to flirtation. Things had changed, of course, when she fell in love with Jason. And changed even more when they fell out of love. Not that she’d ever admit as much.

Jason was clearly Mia’s One. And at the time it had seemed that Mia was Jason’s. But it was difficult to know what either of them were really thinking nowadays. Now that Mia did sarcasm and Jason did anyone.

Ted remembered that Jason and Mia had fallen in love about the same time as he and Kate had finally found the courage to make public their commitment to each other. Mia had been horrified that Kate and Ted had become engaged so young. She’d yelled at them both that by marrying they were conforming to outmoded standards and that they’d regret it. She’d said that they’d grow up and hate each other, resenting the lost opportunities that each would embody for the other.

But she’d been wrong.

He and Kate were very happy together. He loved Kate and the children so much. It was Mia that was unhappy. Mia and Jason who had decided that they had to split up even though they loved each other, just in case there was someone out there that they’d love more. Of course, there hadn’t been. Mia had started on a life of serial monogamy and went out with a string of young hopefuls that she’d found hopeless. When she hit her late twenties she gave up dating altogether. She married her work and, from time to time, according to Kate, Mia slept with younger men who didn’t ask questions and didn’t want to stay for breakfast. Proving to everyone else just how alike they were, Jason did the same. He slept with young beauties who hoped he could enhance their career or at least their street cred. And when firm breasts lost their thrill, he started to buy an obscene amount of electrical goods. Jason had two plasma TVs.

Both were as stubborn as each other.

And now it seemed that this holiday was going to cause Mia more pain. It was clear that Ted’s fear was founded; Jason saw Jayne as holiday totty and would be making his move on her. His tongue had almost hit the floor when he first caught sight of her. Although he’d never admit as much, Jason liked to think of himself as cool as far as women were concerned. He was used to being pursued. After all, he lived in London, was in his thirties, single, straight and, while he wasn’t particularly good-looking, he was tremendously rich. A veritable catch. Lloyd hadn’t been much more discreet. It was clear that he found Jayne’s presence a bonus because she evened up the numbers, saving him from the humiliation of always being the spare part. Goodness knows why he hadn’t brought Greta along. It was well past the time that they should have been introduced. Ted watched, and sighed as both Jason and Lloyd scrambled to sit next to Jayne. Lloyd was the lucky one. He was in seat A1, Jayne in A2. Jason had to content himself with being separated by an aisle. This was somewhat of a relief. At least Lloyd wouldn’t have any serious intention to pull Jayne, not with Greta at home.

Kate and Ted sat in silence. Kate peered over the row of seats in front of her.

‘Jayne’s fine,’ Kate reported. ‘She seems to be getting on very well with Lloyd. I’m sure Natasha and Rich don’t mind her joining us. Natasha looked particularly delighted.’

‘Jolly good,’ replied Ted.

He knew he was a concern to Kate. She thought he was worrying about Jayne and so had taken it upon herself to worry about Jayne for him. He didn’t want to be a worry to her. Oh God, how could he be anything other now? He watched as she knotted her brow into anxious lines that reminded him of an ordnance survey map. Sharing a problem with Kate did not halve it, it spread it. More like double the trouble. And he’d never wanted to cause her any trouble. It had been his ambition to protect her for a lifetime. To swaddle her. That’s why it was so difficult to confide in her about his… issue. He turned his head away from his wife. He wanted to pretend that he was trying to read over the shoulder of the passenger sat across the aisle from him. Unfortunately that passenger was reading the blurb on the sick bag. He hoped Kate wouldn’t notice.

‘She really
is
fine. You have no need to worry about her,’ insisted Kate. There was just a smidgen of impatience in her voice, barely detectable.

‘I’m not worrying about her,’ replied Ted.

Ted half hoped that Kate would push for more. That she’d ask him if he were worrying about anything else. If she did ask outright, he wouldn’t lie to her. But she didn’t push. Instead she said, ‘Did I tell Mother that the cat needs worming?’ She didn’t wait for an answer, but added, ‘I’m fraught about Fleur’s grade I piano exam on Tuesday. Do you think she’ll pass?’

Ted knew Kate thought that this was a terrible time to come away. The kids had just started a new school term. She thought that she should have stayed at home and supported them. It was out of the question that the children take more time off, just after the Christmas holidays, but Ted had firmly believed that they had to accept Rich’s invite. They couldn’t refuse to come to Rich’s wedding, whatever was going on in the real world.

The real world. Oh God, oh God. Ted tried not to think about it. He had become expert in ignoring the burning issue. Instead he picked up Kate’s hand, squeezed it hard and then kissed it.

She gave him a broad smile, and leant over to kiss him on the lips. She was randy. She’d interpreted his gesture as an indication that he was, too.

Well, it wasn’t an unreasonable thought. They’d have a nice meal together – one Kate didn’t have to cook – and a couple of glasses of wine. Maybe they’d even get in the hot tub together. Maybe it would lead to sex. He owed her that much. The real luxury of this holiday would be that they’d have time to relax. And
talk
. Ted knew that relaxing and talking were one and the same thing to Kate. Even if she was reading a book she would have to look up from it and tell whomever was in the room what was happening. His idea of relaxation was usually silence. He never said a word when he was reading. Even when he’d finished an article or report – he wasn’t one for novels – and Kate asked him what he thought of it, all he would say was ‘Not bad’ or ‘Quite good.’ He might suggest that she should read it herself.

But they did need to talk. He knew that. He just didn’t know how or where to start. He was expecting a demand from her soon. He was
hoping
for it. If she insisted they ‘had a talk’, it would make things easier for him. Recently she’d often found him in the study or in the garden shed. She’d realized that he wasn’t planting or mulching fertilizer, or even reading the newspaper. She’d caught him sitting doing absolutely nothing.

‘You have to open it to get anything from it,’ she’d gently scolded, pointing to the copy of the
Financial Times
lying unopened on his lap. ‘What are you doing? Dreaming how to make our next million?’ And then she’d kiss him on the forehead and ask if he wanted a cup of tea. He’d always agreed to tea so that he hadn’t had to answer her more difficult question.

Ted pinched the top of his nose and rubbed his eyes. He’d looked pale when he’d looked in the mirror today. And he knew he looked tired. It was only a matter of time before Kate noticed this, too, and then she’d demand to know why.

He was terrified that she would ask for an explanation and terrified that she wouldn’t, in equal proportions. What would he tell her? That he was a coward? A failure? A liar?

There was a time, before the children had been born, when they didn’t even need to talk; they had known each other intimately. It used to be unimaginable that Kate wouldn’t know what was on her husband’s mind or that he would be reticent to tell her anything, everything. When they’d been younger, they used to lie awake all night, too desperate about each other to want to waste time sleeping. In those days they’d known every one of each other’s hopes and successes. Odd, then, that now so many years on, when they had realized their hopes of a three-storey house in Holland Park, when they had brought three children into the world – children in good health and in good schools – it was so much harder to even hint at fears and failures. Indeed, it was the fact that their hopes were realized and their successes were abundant that made talking impossible. Ted noticed dandruff on his shoulder. He must ask Kate to buy a bottle of that T-Gel shampoo that he’d seen advertised. There was something about dandruff that made one appear vulnerable. Ted wondered if he could start talking now. Here in the comfy leather seats, where there were no kids to interrupt, no phones, no door bells. No escape routes.

‘I hope your mother can find Elliot’s riding hat and crop. I didn’t leave a note to say which wardrobe it’s in,’ said Kate.

‘I’m sure they’ll manage,’ replied Ted. He then accepted the hot towel from the air stewardess, closed his eyes and pretended to fall asleep.

15. Flying High

Lloyd searched for something to say to Jayne. In the departure lounge she had seemed to find him especially amusing, which he found disconcerting. He knew he wasn’t
especially
amusing; in fact, he rather suspected that he wasn’t very good at small talk. His mother and father were both accountants, and he’d always thought that was explanation enough. Besides, he was one of four boys, and so he had grown up in an environment where the standard of conversation rarely reached above grunts. He was particularly bad at talking to attractive girls. Thinking about it, he was an unlikely adulterer. Sophie had made all the moves in their courtship, and indeed Greta had thrown herself at him, too. She’d made her intentions so transparent and laid herself so completely on the line that he’d believed it would be rude to turn her down. He wasn’t complaining, and he wasn’t trying to duck the responsibility. The truth was he’d hardly believed his luck.

‘How did you manage to get a ticket at such late notice?’ Lloyd asked Jayne.

‘I bought one at the desk,’ smiled Jayne.

‘Isn’t that a really expensive way of doing it?’

Jayne shrugged, and grinned. Both were utterly charming gestures and had the effect of making Lloyd feel silly for having brought up the subject of cost. Lloyd flushed. He didn’t want to appear to be a cheapskate, yet it fascinated him how wealthy his friends were. Lloyd calculated that Jayne’s disposable income was undoubtedly double his own, and she didn’t have child maintenance to pay.

Lloyd was feeling more than slightly self-conscious because he could feel the first quiver of an erection as he watched Jayne bend forwards to rummage in the bag at her feet. Her clingy, cropped top rose slightly at the back, her trousers were hipsters and the Calvin Klein tag of her underwear was clearly visible. Lloyd picked up his copy of
Private Eye
and decided to concentrate on the satirical wit, rather than Jayne’s arse and tits. Such thoughts about Ted’s younger sister seemed indecent, an offence against Ted. Not to mention Greta. Oh God, what would Greta say when she found out that Ted’s sister had wangled an invite just because Kate and Ted had asked for one?

Greta had been extremely hurt that she hadn’t been invited to the wedding. She’d seen the NFI as a slight and carped on and on that his friends didn’t like her and didn’t respect her. She’d complained that they blamed her for the break-up of his marriage and moaned that she didn’t like being seen as the scarlet woman. Lloyd hadn’t pointed out that, technically, she had been the other woman, so his friends’ coolness was perhaps understandable. He liked a quiet life. He didn’t like to rock the boat. He’d upturned one family home already; he had no intention of doing so again.

Greta had said that he ought to decline the invitation or that he should call Rich and get him to extend it to include Greta. And maybe Greta had a point. He could see it – after all, she was his girlfriend officially now. Maybe, well, yes, definitely, that’s what he ought to have done. But Lloyd hadn’t wanted to cause unnecessary problems now that he was finally being included in the old gang again. He knew that Greta would eventually drop the subject, so instead of calling Rich he’d pointed out that Mia and Jason weren’t bringing dates. Greta in turn pointed out that Mia and Jason were once a couple and that if they took a trip down memory lane he was going to feel like a huge gooseberry. Lloyd had laughed, and commented that he had more chance of getting off with Mia than Jase which, in retrospect, wasn’t a very clever thing to say to a disgruntled girlfriend. But that was his point, he wasn’t very good at talking to women. Lloyd had spent an entire evening assuring Greta that he did not want to get off with Mia, or anyone else for that matter, and that he didn’t even find Mia attractive.

Oh God, Greta would be livid if she knew he was sitting on a plane trying to restrain an erection because Jayne was sitting next to him. Jayne was certainly attractive. Yes, Greta would be furious to discover that Tash and Rich had been welcoming and would undoubtedly have agreed to her joining the party. She would jump to the conclusion that the only reason she wasn’t at the wedding was because Lloyd hadn’t wanted it enough. Was she right?

A solution popped into his mind almost as quickly as the problem had. Greta didn’t have to know that Jayne had joined the party. He’d be careful when taking photos and talking about the trip. He didn’t have to lie to Greta, exactly. He could simply avoid talking about the situation. That seemed like a good idea. And right now, he’d have a drink. A whisky. A double, in fact. That seemed like another good idea.