Still Water (7 page)

"Ever since I can remember," I whispered. I couldn't bring my eyes to his. The memories of singing with my father flooded my mind making my chest feel heavy.

"Your voice is…" He inhaled sharply, causing me to look up. He leaned in for a moment and I had to catch my breath. He placed his beer bottle down next to mine and then took a step back. His limitless brown eyes caught my gaze. "…it's so fucking pure and real, Lily. I've never heard anything that could stop me in my tracks like you did tonight. Your voice… I could listen to it all damn day." He took a small step toward me again. I was speechless, his words were breaking me wide open, and it was everything I needed to hear. I could do this.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Todd

L
ILY'S EYES WERE SEA GREEN IN
the dim light of my office. I had never wanted to kiss a girl more than I did now. She appeared so vulnerable, and the idea that she needed me had me thinking stupid things. Things like what it would be like for her to pick me. What her lips would taste like. I wanted to know how her full bottom lip felt being pulled gently through my teeth. My regard was making her nervous, and she bit into that sexy as hell lip; I almost let the overwhelming lust win.

"You really think that?" she spoke so quietly I almost didn't hear her. Her voice sounded thick like she was about to cry. I cursed under my breath. Her insecurity wrecked me. She needed to know how unbelievable she was.

"Yes. I do. You're amazing." I wasn't sure I was talking about her voice anymore.

She broke from my stare only to look at my mouth. Lily's breathing expanded, and I loved watching her chest rise and fall. I loved watching how my physical presence shook up her world as much as she was shaking up mine. I took the last possible step. Our bodies almost touching, she was forced to sit back on my desk. A light gasp blew from her pink lips making the atmosphere between us feel substantial. The slight exhale of desire that escaped her lips was the game changer.

I parted her legs with my knee; my hands found purchase on her upper thighs. I pulled her lean legs farther apart, roughly bringing her body flush with mine. There was no hesitation, and, with a quick surprised breath, she opened up to me like I was everything she wanted. I wasn't sure what I was doing, but I wasn't going to stop. Lily's eyes locked with mine as I trailed my hands around her hips and up her arms. She draped her arms around my waist giving me permission. I didn't waver. I took her face in my hands and brought my lips just barely to hers. The slight blue hue of her eyes glittered giving me that last bit of encouragement.

Lily's mouth was just as perfect as I thought it would be. Her sexy as fuck, soft lips enveloped mine, and I was gone. I lightly nipped her bottom lip with my teeth, and she moaned. That fucking moan pushed me past the wall of restraint. My hands slid under her ass, and I lifted her body. She complied by wrapping her legs around my waist, her arms linked behind my neck. I turned so I was now sitting on the desk. Lily deepened our kiss giving me full access to her sweet taste. The flavor of berries, beer and something just Lily invaded my senses as her tongue licked my bottom lip. I let out a small groan and lifted my hips to her. My hard arousal met that sweet spot, and I almost lost it. I moved her hips against mine again, and she whimpered.

"Lily," I growled and moved my lips to her jaw. She tilted her head to the side letting my kiss trail down her neck, allowing me to gently bite at the exposed flesh. I brought my mouth back to hers and devoured her small whispered moans. She had me untied. I had no clue where this was going. I didn't know what was happening, but this chick was consuming me, lighting me on fire, and burning down every solid wall I had ever built. I couldn't want something this bad; I couldn't have another person tear down my world.

Lily's chest was flushed as I pulled away from her lips. My dick twitched against her as I watched her breathing slow. My thumbs traced lazy circles on her cheeks. Her incredible eyes bore into mine, and I knew that look of regret too well. I'd seen it so many times with Liz. Lily was seeing me for what I really was. I had nothing more to give than this. Sure, I could turn her over and fuck her across my desk, watch her body fall apart at my touch, have her sweet scent on my tongue, bury myself in that divine  body, not knowing where she started and I ended. I could love every damn second of her, every piece of her. But Lily wasn't like that. She was more than that, and in this moment she saw me for what I was, someone not worth loving… someone not worth keeping.

CHAPTER NINE

Lily

I
TRIED DESPERATELY TO QUIET MY
breathing. Desire had Todd's usually dark brown eyes burning with an amber flame. He had set me ablaze as well. It was silent, and the electricity between us licked and snapped as we tried to come down off the high of each other. I had never experienced a first kiss like that. The feeling of disappointment washed over me in quick waves when he pulled away. I wanted to lean in and continue where we left off. My brain was trying to tell me to back off; guys like Todd only brought pain and heartbreak to the table. But something inside of me knew better. No man with that much passion could be all bad. I decided to listen to that quiet small voice. I wanted whatever he had to offer. I had a feeling I might regret that decision later, but I was willing to take the chance.

"Todd…" My voice sounded pale in the deep silence. "…I'm not—"

"I know," he interrupted. Darkness invaded his eyes, cooling the spark, making me feel awkward. I slowly moved my body from his, immediately I missed his warmth. My feet touched the ground, and I felt unsteady on my legs. Todd's fresh soapy and cedar scent clung to my skin. I had to gather my wits.

"You know what?" I cringed at how worried my voice sounded.

"This was a mistake. I shouldn't have kissed you." His tone was biting. He stood from the desk abruptly. I felt cold and stupid. I wasn't that girl — I'd never been that girl. I wanted to smack myself. I've known the guy for maybe two days, and for most of it, I thought he was a complete bastard.
Way to go, Lily!
I mentally berated myself. I hated my overly heated hormones right now and more than anything, I hated how easily I let him in.

"A mistake." I nodded my head, still too pissed at myself.

Todd's bitter laugh brought me out of my internal self-scolding. "I knew it," he mumbled angrily. He picked up his beer and swallowed the remaining brew in one gulp. I took a pace backward from where he was standing, his change of mood again spiraling me out of control.

"You knew what, Todd?" My eyebrows pulled inward with irritation. I crossed my arms, suddenly bracing myself for the inevitable pain that Todd was about to dish out.

He had an annoyed smug grin as he spoke. "That you would regret it. That it was a mistake to kiss you. You're just like the rest of them." I felt his hateful glare appraise me.

"The rest of them? What are you talking about?" I was no longer able to confine my fury. My voice rose, and the heat in my chest poured down my body. I balled my fists in frustration.

He slightly shook his head. "I'm fucking tired of it, Lily. I don't need another whore."

My tight fist met his jaw before I even knew what was happening. "How dare you! I'm not a whore!" I rubbed my knuckles — the ache from my bones connecting with his face quickly seeped through my hand. It wasn't just physical pain that had my tears spilling down my cheeks. "Shit! That hurt." I hadn't cried in front of another person in so long. Todd was too busy working his fingers across his shocked face to notice my tears.

My quiet sniff brought his attention back to me, and I watched as his face fell, the mask totally absent.

"Shit, Lily… I'm sorry. I deserved that. I shouldn't have said those things. Are you okay?" He assessed my injured hand with his dark chocolate eyes. The sound of his voice was soothing, and I hated that I felt that way. He moved toward me, and I stumbled backward.

"Don't." I needed to get out of this office. I wiped the salty water away from my cheeks roughly as I turned to leave. My fingers had just touched the door handle when I felt Todd's intense grip on my upper arm.

"Damn it, Lily. Wait, okay. I screwed up. I got into my head, and I assumed…" His chin tilted down with obvious shame. His glance held steady to the floor.

"You assumed what?" I asked curtly.

"That you regretted kissing me. When I pulled away from you, I felt confused. I messed up. I don't really know you, but you have me all mixed up. I can't help that. I haven't felt anything for so long, and, when I kissed you, the numbness started to fade. It scared the fuck out of me." Todd's words penetrated through my anger. He thought
I
had
regretted
it. He pulled me toward him, and I let him. He brought his hands to my face and slanted my head up so I had no other choice but to meet his gaze. I wound my hands around his wrists, not in protest, but because I needed to touch him, to feel him. He was such an idiot. I could have never regretted that kiss. I didn't know a soul on this planet that would have regretted that kiss.

"You shouldn't assume, Todd." I let my eyes drink in his honest features. With the façade gone, he looked so dangerously beautiful. The pad of his right thumb wiped away my remaining tears.

"I'm sorry I made you cry, for making you feel anything less than extraordinary. I'm an asshole." He leaned down and kissed my forehead making my pulse shudder. "But that's the thing, Lily, I'm fucked up. So in the end, this
was
a mistake. I'm your boss. I hardly know you, but I know I'm not the guy you need to waste one more minute on." He dropped his hands from my face and stepped back. I brought the heel of my hand to my chest and pressed down trying to relieve the pressure.

"I don't remember asking your permission, Todd. You can't dictate what I want."

"Lily." It sounded as if he was scolding a child.

"Forget it. You're probably right." I schooled my features and gave him a small fake smile. He was right though. I hardly knew him. I couldn't let one little kiss ruin my plan, my goals. I took a deep breath as I lied to myself. I wasn't fooling anyone — that kiss was more than just a kiss. It was so much more.

"You'll find that I'm usually always right." Todd's lips spread into a brilliant smile, and my mood mirrored his. Without my consent, my smile brightened.

"Friends?" I asked.

Todd's expression dimmed at the word 'friends.' It was unnerving to watch the veneer slip back in place.

"Friends." The smile on his face no longer reached his eyes. "We should head back out there. They're probably cursing our names." His laugh was light and absolutely fake.

I couldn't help but feel weighted down as he walked past me and opened the door. I saw Todd for what he was. He was passionate, angry, and in pain. You'd have to be a moron to not see the wounds he was trying so desperately to hide. Regardless, I liked how he made me feel. He knew how to push all my buttons. He brought me up, tore me down, and moved me sideways with that kiss and with his words.

"Friends."
I had to find a way to be all right with that word. Because I had a plan… I had a promise to keep, and I had to do what I came here for. The air filled my lungs and poured leisurely from my lips. I relished in that small calm moment. My focus was all I had left, because my dignity was still sitting on that desk making out with the boss.

"You coming, Red?" Todd's dimpled smile was inviting.

"Yeah."

Friends.

T
HE REST OF THE NIGHT
went by fast. It was officially closing time, and you would think I would be excited to get the hell out of here, but the night's earlier events had me all knotted up. Todd spent the rest of the shift talking to some slutty looking bottle blonde. She was silicone city, and she was eating up every little charming laugh and wink Todd delivered. It made me sick. I was starting to think
"friends"
wasn't even an option until I heard what Todd was saying to Jace about the girl. I was subtly eavesdropping on the conversation as I wiped down the barstools. Tiff's closing time song choice played lightly so I was still able to hear.

"You going to hit that shit? She was all over you." Jace picked up the crate of bottled beer and started loading the fridge. Todd squinted his eyes, shooting daggers in Jace's direction.

"Don't you ever get sick of that shit, Jace?" Todd bunched the rag he held in his hand and threw it in the sink. "I'm so tired of it."

"You would be, bro, you've basically screwed the majority of the greater Salt Lake area." Jace's laugh had the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end. Was Todd a player? God, I really had no idea who he was. I bit my lip as I internally scolded myself.

I was so busy having a private panic attack over my immature reaction to Todd earlier, that I hadn't noticed he was watching me. Todd's russet eyes had my heart fluttering, making me hate myself even more for allowing him to get me so tangled. I had pride in the fact that most guys couldn't rattle me. Confusion settled in my gut as he trapped me in his hard gaze. I had no idea what he wanted from me. I watched his fantastically sculpted arms tense and the muscle in his jaw tick. I looked away feeling self-conscious at the warmth and color that flooded my cheeks.