Still Waving (2 page)

‘Me?' I said pointing at myself.

‘Yeah, you. Are you on drugs or something? You look like you're in a trance.'

‘N … no! I was thinking about,' I searched for something to say, ‘um, you know, the smoke and the fire and all that.'

‘It's bad, that's why I'm laying here chilling out. It's too hard to take it all in. This stuff going on, you know what I mean.'

‘Yeah.' I had no idea what this stranger was talking about.

‘What's your name?'

‘Jules.'

‘I'm Kate. This your home break?'

‘Yeah.'

‘I've never been here before. I live up north. I'm visiting my older sister, who lives over there.' Kate pointed towards North Head.

I nodded in recognition. ‘Are there fires up your way?'

‘You bet. I've smelt smoke every day since September. This looks bad.' Kate turned to the horizon.

‘I can smell this one.' I pointed at the smoke silently sneaking around the corner of the Heads.

‘You must have a good sense of smell. I can only smell pollution.'

‘That happened to me at first, but I'm used to it now.'

Oh damn. Why did I say that? Why didn't I do my usual and pretend that I was born and bred right here on top of the waves at Bondi?

‘How long have you lived here?'

‘Nearly eighteen months.'

That was all I was going to say. I hoped there'd be no more questions. I hated questions. ‘This is paradise to me.' I indicated the ocean with an expansive wave.

‘Me too,' Kate agreed, easily.

I looked at her sun-tinted hair and thought of golden hay.

‘How long you been surfing?' Kate splashed water on her face.

Questions. I don't have a father and mother okay, my head screamed.

‘A year. What about you?' I answered coolly.

I tried not to be rude. Kate didn't know about my rotten past. I hardly ever talked to anyone about it. This was the longest conversation I'd had on the
waves. This was my haven. I could distance myself from the human race, or as my friend Phoebe says, ‘the human disgrace', by just hanging in the water.

‘I started when I was four.' Kate gestured towards the horizon. ‘It's not happening today, in my opinion.' Kate expanded her arms embracing the ocean.

‘Four, that's incredible. Lucky you.'

I wanted to blurt out that I was going to be world champion, but I thought better of it. I hadn't factored in the Kates of the world. What if Kate wanted to be world champion? She'd laugh at me. How could I compete with someone who'd been surfing since they were four! I had to get real about my prospects. I might have to rethink my plan and timeline to be holding the World Cup, autographs and big cheques. I hadn't thought about the competition. It was me alone riding the waves. I'd jump off my board gracefully and even the judges would clap. It would be the most perfect ride they'd ever seen.

‘Do you reckon there'll be any action?' Kate looked out to the horizon, shielding her eyes.

I noticed Kate had the latest sun-protection gear and that her surfboard looked custom made. The board was aquamarine and well camouflaged against the water. Kate appeared to be floating unaided. A shark wouldn't see her, I thought.

‘No it's an onshore breeze and it's been this way since early this morning. I don't think the wind is going to change, but if I leave it probably will.'

‘Yeah, I think like that. It's dumb. I wait and wait, get all wrinkly and it doesn't happen.'

We both looked out to sea. It was flat as a tack and even the breeze had dropped.

‘I think it's time to exit stage right,' I said.

‘Excuse me?'

God I'm so uncool. How embarrassing. This was one of those things that still happened to me. Because I'd grown up most of my life in Woop Woop, sometimes my language in the city was totally yesterday. I felt my face tighten with a red flush.

‘You know, go,' I spluttered out. My stomach fluttered in anticipation of rejection. Would Kate think I was a moron?

‘You mean “hit the frog and toad”,' Kate laughed.

I looked at her. ‘The frog and what?'

‘Toad, you know those slimy ugly things that give you warts.'

‘Gross.'

‘Haven't you heard that one?'

‘Yeah I know toads give you warts if you kiss them.'

Kate laughed. ‘No, I mean frog and toad for road. It's rhyming slang.'

‘Rhyming slang, like Germaine Greer for ear.'

‘Wow, I never heard that one before.' Kate shaded her eyes and looked straight at me. Her blue eyes were so clear, I saw my reflection in them. ‘What did you say about a stage door?'

‘Oh it was nothing.'

‘Tell me.'

I laughed. ‘It's just something I picked up ages ago, and it sort of stuck. Exit stage right.'

‘Mmm. I see.' Kate's eyes twinkled with amusement. ‘Would you like to come back to my sister's for a while?' Kate asked.

I was startled. My hesitation seemed to surprise her.

‘You can say no. I only asked. I reckon it's cool to meet a girl curl, who isn't up herself thinking she's Trudy Todd, or just pretending to be a surfer to impress a grommet. I can tell you're for real.'

Trudy Todd was another one of my surfing idols. She'd won the Triple Crown title in Hawaii in 1999. I thought about Kate's offer. Why not go to her sister's place? I'd always surfed on my own. My best friends Phoebe and Jasmine hated the beach. They rarely came or even swam at all. Phoebe said the sand was revolting because you couldn't get away from it, and the ocean was so noisy crashing against the shore all the time, that she couldn't hear herself think. Jasmine hated the sun and cultivated the pale look and wouldn't even eat sandwiches because they had
the word sand in them. It might be good to have a surfing friend. Kate didn't live here. It didn't have to be a permanent friendship or anything. I was a bit scared of making new friends. Sooner or later I'd have to tell them about my past and being an orphan and all that. I shuddered inside at the thought.

‘How long are you here for?' I asked.

‘A few more weeks. Do you want to come or not?'

‘Sure, let's go.'

We paddled side by side. Picking up our boards as we reached shore, we trotted together on to the sand.

‘Where's your stuff?' I asked Kate.

‘Over there,' Kate pointed.

I only took a towel and a water bottle with me when I went surfing. I'd lost sunglasses, keys, money and clothes in the past. I'd thought I couldn't find them because I'd forgotten where I'd put them, as the beach seemed to move when I was in the water. The real reason they were gone was simple. Some low-life had ripped them off. I had a small pocket in my wetsuit where I kept money and keys now, and only left my towel and water bottle on the beach.

We made our way up the beach and headed towards Hastings Parade.

Kate's sister's place was in a new block of apartments. It had a balcony that looked out across the
ocean and the beaches and coastline as far as Maroubra.

‘This must cost a fortune,' I said looking around.

‘My sister owns it.'

‘Wow.'

‘She'll be broke forever paying back the bank. She works her guts out as a personal assistant to this politician, practically eight days a week. It's not my idea of a life, but who am I to judge what anyone does? I couldn't live here. It's too new or something.'

Kate opened the balcony doors and I stepped out to take in the familiar view. It was the view I shared from one street higher up.

I pointed out the building I lived in and our rooftop patio.

‘Gee that's close. That's great.'

Kate went back inside. I looked at the familiar horizon.

‘Would you like a Cruiser?' Kate opened the fridge.

‘I d … don't drink,' I stammered.

‘Everyone drinks.' Kate was pouring a Cruiser into two glasses.

‘No, I don't want any thanks.' I hoped my voice didn't quake.

‘Have you ever tried one?'

‘No, I told you I don't drink.' I didn't turn around to look at Kate's expression. I glued my eyes on a
couple of container ships on the horizon.

‘Do you go to parties and stuff, raves or anything?' ‘Sometimes.'

‘What do you drink there?'

‘Juice.' I turned and faced Kate.

‘Straight juice, you're kidding me. Try this, you might like it. One can't hurt.'

I felt trapped and wished I had the guts to just get up and leave. I'd drunk champagne before and tasted wine, but not these lolly water things. They didn't appeal to me at all. The colours made me think of technicolour yawning as my stupid Dad used to say. I didn't like soft drinks much. I think it was because I'd mostly drunk water when I was growing up on the farm. Most of my experiences with alcohol have been bad. The first party I went to in Sydney was awful. There'd been one really drunk girl totally out of it and some stupid guys hassling her. It was so dangerous for her. There was nothing she could do to protect herself. It still freaked me out when I thought about it.

I didn't know what to say. Kate had put the glass in front of me.

‘Go on, just try it.'

I gave in. I couldn't be bothered arguing. It was probably true, one couldn't hurt. The taste was sickly sweet and my eyes watered.

‘Yuck.'

‘You get used to it.'

I wanted to say that I'd never got used to my father's alcoholism. Somewhere deep in my mind I vaguely remembered Dad before he became totally addicted to it, but I'd quickly lose the memory if I tried to grasp it. I wanted to say something but I couldn't be bothered.

‘I don't like it. I'd rather juice or water.' I walked towards the kitchen to pour it down the sink.

‘All right, don't drink it then, but don't waste it. I'll drink it.' Kate sounded annoyed.

‘I told you I don't drink and anyway I don't like the taste.' I put the glass down on the bench.

‘How about champagne? Everyone likes champagne.' Kate went to the fridge again and brought out a bottle.

‘I said juice or water would be fine.' I sighed. How many times did I have to go through this?

I felt like an endangered species when I said no to alcohol and drugs. It wasn't because of all the bad stuff said in the papers and school. I didn't believe a lot of it because my friends enjoyed themselves and didn't end up front-page news. It was just that I didn't like the thought of losing control in any situation with out-of-it people. I'd heard a couple of people giving away their secrets and behaving badly with a few drinks or on some drugs. I was scared I'd blurt out
the truth about my parents. The other reason was Dad's alcohol problem. I was scared I might become one too, and murder someone. I'd heard this stuff about it being genetic. If I didn't drink maybe I'd be safe from that. My brother felt the same. Aunt Jean said that it wasn't necessarily genetic, but she couldn't convince us when she said it was about choice and moderation.

Kate interrupted my thoughts.

‘Come on Jules, it's so good meeting you. I thought I'd be totally alone here, except for my sister and her old friends.'

‘All right, just a small glass then.'

I could handle drinking for a celebration. In fact that was the decision I made last year about alcohol. I'd only drink when I was celebrating something. I didn't feel very cheerful now though. I felt weak and a little ashamed that I'd given in. The bubbles went up my nostrils and I sort of coughed. Why couldn't I be as strong as I was when I was on a wave? Where did my power go on land?

‘You really aren't very good at this, are you?' Kate said.

‘I don't want to be good at it. I might go now thanks,' I bristled.

‘Why? You've only just got here and it's not as if you have to go anywhere. Chill out.'

I walked over to the window.

‘Look Kate, I don't like doing things I don't want to. Okay.' I looked at her. ‘It's been a really hard year for me and plenty of times people have tried to get me to drink or take drugs, but I've said no, because I wanted to say no.' My voice quivered and my lip shook, but I felt determined to say what I had to say.

‘I'm sorry Jules, I'm used to getting drunk with my friends and stuff. That's what we do. It's our fun, you know, it's practically all there is to do. Everything else is so boring. I don't want to give you a hard time.'

‘Well it's not my idea of a good time, and if that means you don't want to hang around or go surfing with me that's fine. I'm cool on my own.'

‘No, no. I want to surf with you and I'm sorry. It's just that you're the first person over the age of twelve I've met, that doesn't just want to get wasted. You'll be good for me. I'll have to keep it together around you.' Kate saluted me, which I didn't like, but I said nothing.

I didn't want to be good for her. I didn't want to keep having to say no about things. I know it was just some alcohol now, but what next, drugs? I thought about Phoebe and Jasmine. They drink and stuff, but they never hassle me. They said I was great to go out with because I always looked after them.

‘Look Kate, you might think I'm totally uncool. All
I really like is surfing and I'm not into parties or stuff. I get bored seeing people out of it. You might want to go out with my friends. They're into all that stuff.'

‘Yeah, sure, but I'd still like to get to know you. You're cool for being you. Don't forget that.'

I smiled, despite myself. ‘Let's deal, you don't hassle me about the drink and drugs stuff, and we'll be cool. If you hassle me, even once, I'm out of here.'

‘Cool. The mention of alcohol will never pass these lips in your presence, captain.'

‘Don't call me captain.'