Stolen Breaths (7 page)

“Am I the only other person who’s ever heard you sing, other than your dad?”

“Yep.”

“That’s a shame, Lil. You should play for people.”

“No way. I can’t do what you do. I can’t get up in front of people and do that. I’m not made that way.”

“How do you know? Have you ever tried?”

“No…no. I can’t. My palms are sweaty just playing in front of you in my own house. There’s no way I… No. I can’t.” I got up and took my empty glass to the sink.

Cooper let it go at that point, opting not to push it any further and I was grateful. “Okay,” he said.

He sang a few more songs for me and I soaked in every note, every syllable, every breath. I studied him while he sang, memorizing every line and every freckle on his face. I admired his one dimple and I began noticing the way the corners of his mouth rise up just when he was about to say my name. I wondered if he even realized he did that. I studied the way his Adam’s apple moved up and down, the way his fingers strummed the guitar, I studied every movement his body made. Then I began to question everything about me and about him.
Why
was I so thirstily drinking in every little thing about Cooper? Before, looking at him too long would cause me to stop breathing. Now, it caused me physical pain to take my eyes off of him. Actual physical pain. Like an elephant was sitting on my chest.

Forcing myself to look away, I got up. “I’ll be right back,” I said, and quickly left the room, headed for my bedroom and closed the door behind me.

I let out the breath I had been holding and slid down the door and onto the floor. I pulled my legs up, folded my arms across my knees, looking up towards the ceiling searching for an answer. I didn’t even know what the question was. It was too much. Cooper was too much.

I can’t. I can’t do this. It’s too much.

I heard a knock on my door. “Lily? You okay?”

“Um, yeah. I’ll be out in a minute.” I rose off the floor and it was then I realized I had been crying. My face was wet and my eyes stung from the tears. I gave myself time, pulled myself together, and opened the door.

Cooper was still waiting for me on the other side of it. His voice soft and low he said, “Are you sure you’re okay? I thought I heard you crying.”

“No, I’m okay. I just….needed a minute. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to run out like that.” Feeling awkward I shoved my hands in my back pockets. “Come on, let’s go back to the living room.”

I started to walk forward but Cooper grabbed my arm – gently of course. “Wait,” he said. “Lily, tell me what’s wrong.”

“I couldn’t breathe. I needed to breathe. I…I …needed a minute to catch my breath. I can’t explain it.” I was looking down at the floor because I knew I sounded crazy and couldn’t look at him.

He sighed and pulled me toward him for a hug. He wrapped both arms around me. “Okay,” he whispered. “We’ll go slower. We’ll go as slow as you need to go. Just tell me what you need, Lil, and I’ll do it.”

I stood in my kitchen and looked around the room, visually tracing the steps Cooper took when he was here. I could still smell him even though he left hours ago. His energy was so strong that I could still feel his presence all around me, and yet, I was acutely aware how alone I was in this big house by myself. I honestly don’t know how my daddy did it – living here by himself for so long. I stood fixed in one place, replaying the night’s events like a movie reel in my head. It all had led up to Cooper kissing me and if I closed my eyes I could still feel the tingle on my lips from where he touched them with his. The feelings I had for Cooper were getting stronger and I felt like I was being swallowed up by them. It was an inner battle that I was constantly fighting; each side wanting to declare victory. Part of me wanted to let go and allow myself to get swept up in the moment; the other part of me was furiously fighting to hold on, to be cautious and protect my heart. I lost myself when I was with Cooper and that scared me. No, it
terrified
me. I didn’t know which part of me would win this war within. But the worst part was that I didn’t want to be this person; this pathetic lump of putty that cowered at the chance of experiencing the very thing I’ve waited for my whole life. I looked to the heavens and prayed for strength, prayed for courage. Then, still looking up, I said, “Daddy, if you’re up there and you can see me, tell me what to do.”

Two missed calls from Maggie. She must have called last night when Cooper was here. I had left my phone in my purse and never even gave it a second thought. I pressed “call” and waited for her to pick up.

“It’s about time you called me back,” Maggie grumped when she answered her phone.

“Sorry. Been a bit busy. What’s up?”

“Busy doing what? The last time I was there it was just you and that big ol’ house.”

“Busy with… stuff. I do have a life you know.”

“No, you don’t. Lily, the last time we talked you were in your pajamas at seven thirty reading one of your romance novels. The time before that you were getting ready for bed at the late night hour of nine pm, and the time before that you were organizing your pantry alphabetically. Please tell me you were on a hot date and not color coding your closet again,” she said jokingly.

“As a matter of fact…”

“You were on a hot date?” she asked excitedly.

“Sort of. We stayed here, and he cooked dinner for me.”

“Oh really? Was there anything else cookin’?” she asked in a mischievous tone. Even though I couldn’t see her I knew she was doing that eyebrow thing like that stork on the Vlasic Pickles commercial.

“Yes, I ripped off his clothes and had my way with him on the kitchen table.”

“Be serious.”

“How do you know I’m not being serious?”

“Uh, because I know you and that’s not something you would ever do.”

“Then why did you ask?”

Maggie giggled. “Because it’s what I would have done!”

“Yes, I know. I’m still trying to forget that time I walked in on you and Vince.”

“Yeah,” she said, laughing, “sorry about that.”

“No you’re not.”

“You’re right. I’m not. The look on your face was priceless.”

“Does anything embarrass you?”

Thinking for a moment she said, “No I don’t think so. But I should have known that relationship wasn’t going to work out.”

“Why is that?”

“I baked him brownies for his birthday. Brownies. And you know what he said? He said, ‘
I don’t like brownies’
. Who doesn’t like brownies? I’m telling you, Lily, never trust a man that doesn’t like brownies.”

“Okay, Mags, I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You’d better, and don’t change the subject. We’re talking about you.”

“No,
we’re
not. You are.”

“It is my job to see to it that you don’t end up being a cat lady or something equally as lame. I want to see you happy and taking risks. Consider me your conscience and listen to my voice. Grab life by the balls and live a little.”

I actually let those words sink in and fought the urge to roll my eyes.

“Lily?”

“I’m trying, Mags. I’m just not like you.”

“No, you’re not. You’re you. And you need to start seeing yourself the way others see you.”

“And how do others see me?”

“You really don’t know do you?” I heard a crash in the background and then Maggie said, “I’ll have to call you back. My brother is helping me move some stuff around and he just dropped one of my boxes labeled ‘breakables’. I’m so gonna kill him.”

“Uh oh. Okay. I’ll talk to you later.”

“And don’t think you’re getting out of this. I want to know about that date of yours.”

“Say
bye,
Mags.”

“Bye, chick.”

I piddled around the big house for a while before settling down in front of my computer. I do have a Facebook account, though I rarely ever check it. For some reason I decided I would actually pay Facebook a visit this fine morning and wipe the cob webs off my long forgotten page. After logging in, I noticed I had a friend request. It was from Cooper. I accepted it and immediately started browsing his page. He hadn’t updated his status since last week. His last status update read:

Cooper Hudson
:
Isn’t it funny how it seems like every day is the same ol’ same ol’ until you look back a year later and realize how much has changed?

The update before that one read:

Cooper Hudson: If you’re always expecting the unexpected, then it’s really not unexpected…is it?

Inspired by his quirky comments I decided I would send Cooper a message on Facebook:

Cooper,

Thanks for the friend invite. Now I don’t have to ask Ms. Sophie to let me see pictures of you since I now have access to yours on FB, although, I’m doubting you have uploaded the embarrassing baby pictures so I guess I will be bugging Ms. Sophie after all. I did see one picture that seemed questionable though. You were dressed like a woman…? Not. Even. Gonna. Ask. Why.

Anyway, I thought I would leave you with something to think about… What does the K in K-mart actually stand for?

-Lily

Not long after I sent the message Cooper wrote back:

Lily,

That picture…I forgot that was still on there. Ha ha. That was actually a charity event we did at Joe’s. The male staff dressed up like women and all money raised plus tips went to buy Christmas presents for children whose parents couldn’t afford any. Don’t laugh. Someone actually tipped me fifty bucks that night.

We’ll talk about baby pictures later.

And I have no idea what the K in K-mart stands for. I’m pretty sure it’s one of those great unknowns.

-Cooper

Cooper,

I didn’t think it was possible, but I think you dressing like a woman for charity might have just made you even more adorable.

-Lily

My phone rang and it startled me. I looked down and saw it was Cooper calling.

“Hello?”

“So, I’m adorable, huh?”

“You can be – for about half a minute,” I said with mock annoyance.

Feigning hurt feelings, he said, “Ouch. So harsh. Only half a minute? You sure about that?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“Because I could have sworn last night you thought me adorable for a lot longer than a minute.”

“And what makes you think that?”

“I dunno. Just a feeling.”

“Well, you do have an adorable side Cooper Hudson. Shall I shout it from the rooftops and let the whole world know?”

“Please don’t,” he said laughing. “The last thing I need is for my friends to hear about my
adorable
side. We’ll just keep that between us.”

“Ah, I see. Afraid you might lose some cool points?”

“Nah. Just trying to keep them from getting jealous.”

I laughed. “Right.”

He cleared his throat. “I actually called you for a reason.”

“And what reason would that be?”

“I’m about to head out to work, but was wondering if you would like to meet me later?”

“Yeah, sure. Sounds great.”

“We can do lunch if you’re good with that.”

“Okay. Where?”

“Meet me at my office at noon. I’ll text you directions.”

“Okay, I’ll see you at noon.”

“Hi, you must be Lily. I’m Cora, Mr. Hudson’s assistant. He told me he was expecting you,” she said warmly, extending her hand toward a couple of chairs located behind me. “Have a seat and I’ll let him know you’re here.”

Cora was tall and thin. I would guess her to be somewhere in her fifties. Her sandy colored hair was extremely neat and every hair in its place, unlike mine, which was a mess of curls today due to the humidity. She wore a slim fitted black pencil skirt that fell below the knee and a cream color blouse with a bow that flowed from the neck. She was the epitome of professionalism.

“Thank you.”

She picked up the phone and I heard her say, “Mr. Hudson, Lily is here. Yes, sir.” She walked over to me and said, “Follow me, Lily. I’ll show you to his office.”