Storm Front (The Charistown Series) (Volume 2) (37 page)

Ryan wanted so badly to interrupt. To explain to her that
while she and her brother had been as close as two siblings could be, in some
ways she really hadn’t known Leo that well. Leo was a glass-half-full kind of
guy. While he thought his parents sucked, he’d stopped being affected by them
at a young age and the only thing that bothered him was how deeply their
indifference hurt Ashley. She’d spent her time worrying about him for no
reason, but he kept his mouth shut, and let her speak and she did so for quite
a while.

Once they were safely tucked inside their house, Ryan built
a fire in the brick fireplace while Ashley stripped out of her clothes in front
of him. Gone was her sense of decorum or modesty, and in its place was the cold
chill from the rain mixed with raw pain of freshly open wounds. Clearly, she
had no problem letting him see her in nothing but her bra and panties, he
thought, because tonight, he was seeing so much more than just her skin. He was
finally seeing her soul, stripped down, and laid bare. No more hiding. This was
her. He drank in every inch of her beauty even after she slipped the fleecy
sweatshirt over her head and eased into drawstring sweatpants.

“Ash” he said quietly as they sat on the pallet hearthside,
“what I don’t understand, is why you think any of this is your fault? Why have
you been able to forgive me for the accident but not yourself?” He couldn’t
begin to imagine the answer that was going to come out of her mouth. Even
hearing Lyla suggest it felt strange, though seeing the look of complete
resignation on Ashley’s face, he knew Lyla had been correct.

“Ry, you hurt me and you lost me. We both lost in that
game.” He watched as Ashley dug her long fingers into the soft blankets on the
floor, but didn’t try to offer her support. Something inside told him she
needed to take this step on her own.

“But you paid a price so much steeper than just losing the
girl. You lost your best friend, your brother. He didn’t just leave you. God,
you found him trapped in his car with his life flowing out of him along with I
don’t even know what else, because I’ve spent years being too damn selfish to
ask you.” Tears rolled down her cheeks as the trembling words left her mouth.

“You stayed with him during the last minutes of his life,
Ryan. How could I
not
forgive you for anything you said to me? My
brother died with family by his side…because of you.” She looked at him, her
eyes brimming with tears. “Not once in all these years have I thanked you for
being there with him. Not once did I ask you if you were okay or give you the
opportunity to unburden your pain. He was
my
brother, and it was
my
loss,
my
grief. I was so selfish and I am so sorry Ryan. I’m not sure if
it means anything after all these years, but thank you. Thank for being there
with my brother.”

He wondered if she could hear his heart beating. Did she
know that her words—her absolution—were healing something deep inside of him he
hadn’t even realized was still broken? He allowed his tears to fall without
embarrassment or shame and listened as Ashley continued her confession.

“Then there’s me—‘Perfect Ashley’. I got my heart broken by
a guy and was too weak to deal with it. So I called my big brother to rush to
my aid. I knew the hurricane was coming. I knew that driving was dangerous. But
I wanted him with
me
. And look what happened? Had I just been tougher,
just been stronger and held back my emotions, he would have never been out that
night.”

In that instant, the realization struck him hard. He finally
understood why she’d become the tattooed, pierced, swearing, closed off, snarky
Ashley. It was her self-inflicted punishment for Leo’s death.

“I just can’t forgive myself for that kind of selfishness.
I’m no better than my mother.” She turned, staring back toward the fireplace,
and wiped at the steady flow of tears.

His body was thrumming with conflicting emotions as he
watched Ashley melt into a puddle of her own guilt and dismay. It wasn’t until
he heard her gasp, that he realized he had cupped her upper arms and turned her
whole body ninety degrees to face him.

“I can’t stand it anymore, Ashley. I came to this town more
than four years ago to find you and, yes, you were here, but you also weren’t.
There were so many changes it was almost hard to recognize you. Don’t get me
wrong, parts of the transformation are amazing—like the way you’ve learned to
stand up for yourself and how you throw your sass at just the right time.”

He ran his gaze from her eyes to her crossed legs and
breathed in her scent, “Physically you were always stunning, but in the time we
were apart you grew into a sexiness that I never even knew existed—but
Princess, that’s where the good changes ended. I still saw the old Ashley in
you—your generosity and your kindness—yet all of your warmth?” Ryan snapped his
fingers. “Gone. All of your openness? Gone. All of the softness that made you,
you? Gone. While I’ve seen a little of the old Ashley creeping back in since
you’ve become closer with Lyla and Janie, you still keep yourself at arm’s
length from everyone. Even yourself. Ash,” He reached over and lifted the side
of her sweatshirt, exposing her inked ribs. “Leo’s words weren’t meant to lead
you into darkness, you know that, Princess. He always looked toward the light.”
He paused for a moment, hoping that his words were sinking into her, praying
that she was not only hearing him but believing him.

“I told you earlier, that you’ve been re-writing history,
and I could kick myself for letting this go on for as long as I have.” His warm
finger lifted her chin as he stared into her soul. “Have you honestly forgotten
why he came home in the first place? And it wasn’t so he could fuck ‘what’s her
name’”

“Toni.” Ashley answered, her voice hoarse and quiet.

“It doesn’t matter—listen, the point is, he didn’t come home
to be with her. He came home to be with you, because he hated big storms as
much as you did. He couldn’t stomach the thought of you being alone in that
fucking house. He was leaving Toni’s house regardless of your call and I’m sure
you’ve conveniently blocked this out of your twisted version of history as well
but, Ashley, Hurricane Wilma tore Miami apart. There were hundreds of downed
trees and electrical poles. If it hadn’t been the one on Beacon Hill it could
have been another one, on another street.” She opened her mouth, he assumed it
was to interrupt him, but he gave her his “No-Nonsense-Bar-Tender” look and she
closed her mouth without saying a word.

“You think you were being, what was your word, ‘selfish’
because a
guy
broke your heart?” Was she insane? He fucked up back then.
Him. And she’s found a way to claim that blame as well. “Are you fucking
kidding me?” He knew his tone was sharp, but he was bleeding for his part of
the pain she shouldered all this time.

“That guy promised to love you and to keep you safe. That
guy
promised you forever and asked you to trust him with your heart and your soul,
and then…” He swallowed the large lump in his throat, “That guy took everything
you gave to him willingly and threw it away, so of course you were hurt, of
course you were heartbroken. That didn’t make you weak or selfish…that made you
fucking human.”

“Ryan,” she reached out to touch his arm, but he flinched
just before she could make contact, her touch was like electricity and he
needed to ground himself before he let her skin touch his. He saw the look of
rejection and hurt pass over her face as she moved to pull her hand away. He
needed her touch more than he needed to protect himself, so he placed both of
his hands over hers and pulled her closer to him, pressing her palms on the
left side of his chest.

“Do you feel that?” His question was broad, the answers were
endless. The look on her face told him that she was feeling so many things all
at once.

“Do you feel my heart, beating, Princess?”

She nodded, her eyes never leaving his, her touch making his
already racing heart pound even faster. “You said we both lost the game. You
said that I just lost the girl and my brother too, but you’re wrong, Princess.
Yes, I lost my best friend, my brother, but I didn’t
just
lose the girl
that day—I lost my heart.

“When I first came here and we made love, that’s exactly
what it was for me. Me
loving
you. And after that happened I thought we
would finally get our happily ever after.”

Ryan let his mind tumble back to that night, when he thought
he’d finally found his woman and his happiness. When he thought he’d finally
found heaven after living in hell, only to have it ripped away after one
incredible night. He stared into the fireplace watching the flames caress each
other in the most erotic and seductive dance. He remembered what it felt like
to have her heat wrapped in his even for just one night.

“I was devastated when you told me that it was nothing more
than fun for you, but in the same breath, I was grateful. Because that was the
day that my heart started to beat again. I may have lost the love of my life
the day I threw it away, but my mistake has brought me pain every single day
since. You’re not the only one who’s consumed with self-loathing, babe, because
I’ve made myself watch as I lost more and more of you each day.”

“Okay, Romeo.” Her comment brought him a dash of hope that
was quickly squashed when she removed her small hand from his chest, breaking
all contact. His body mourned her touch and he tensed further as she slid back
on the pallet, creating distance between them. Even with her puffy eyes and
tearstained face, her beauty overwhelmed him, and it took mammoth effort not to
reach for her to pull her back into his embrace.

“Okay, what, Princess?” He knew there were landmines
awaiting his approach but he had no idea where they were, or how to avoid them.

“So, you’ve loved me forever, you’ve hated yourself for
hurting me, and you’ve watched me suffering for years? That’s your story,
right?”

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Alarms were blaring in his head and he noticed her eyes
dancing with mischief.
She’s baiting me. This is a trap
. His thoughts
ran rampant as panic started to rise, but then, just as quickly, that same
panic ebbed and dispersed. When was the last time he’d seen true openness in
the hazel gems reflecting back at him?

“Yeah, Ash, that’s my story and it’s the truth. Why are you
questioning it? Haven’t I proven my loyalty to you?” Ashley looked at him as if
she was deciding whether or not to believe his explanation.

“Hmm…” He watched as she tapped her finger against her
bottom lip. “Romeo, oh Romeo, why did you fuck so many damn Juliets?”

BOOM!!

He watched as her internal thoughts played out on her face.
When she let her guard down he was able to read her like a beautifully written
book. She had finally let him crack her cover and now he needed to return the
favor. While she’d posed the question as more of a joke, he saw her need for a
genuine answer and he was going to give it to her.

So, after taking in a deep breath, he explained everything.
All about his talk with Max and Kyle, and all about trying to move on without
Ashley by replacing thoughts of her with random women.

“W-wa-wait,” Ashley’s laughter interrupted her, causing her
to repeat herself. “You went to
those two
for advice about women? About
me? Ryan, eight months ago Max and Janie were a
disaster
, and Kyle…well,
he’s Kyle.” She rubbed her hand over her eye and shook her head. “Okay, I can
only imagine the sage advice those two idiots had to offer.”

“I’ll be honest,” Ryan said, small laugh lines crinkled at
the sides of his eyes, “Max did warn me that it would be a bad idea to parade
random women around you. But…” The soft crinkles left his temples. He needed to
be serious for a minute.

Her soft touch felt like satin on his skin, soft and smooth.
“But what, Ry?” Knowing he would always choose honesty between them, he
responded with the only answer her could. “But the thought of you feeling
jealous, angry, or even pissed off at me was better than knowing you felt
nothing at all.” The admission, while childish, made him feel lighter and
freer. As he took what felt like his first deep breath in months, Ryan glanced
at Ashley. He couldn’t decide how she was feeling so he waited patiently for
her to speak.

Ryan’s confession filled Ashley with a sense of elation and
deep sadness all at once. Here he was, admitting that his love for her was and
had always been solid and strong, but it was her indifference that finally
pushed him too far.

Indifference
. The one thing that had paralyzed her as
a girl—the thing she’d sworn she’d never become—was her weapon of choice
against the only man she ever loved. My God, this man, this man had been here
in front of her
all this time
. So much wasted time.