Straightening Ali (14 page)

“
I believe you should tell her. Your fiancée deserves to know the truth about you. You’re going to spend the rest of your life with her, and you can’t deceive her. It’s not fair to her,” Imran said.

“
My circumstances are different,” Ali tried to explain. “I’ve decided to become straight, so I don’t think she needs to know about my past. I’m not planning to ask her about her past, so it doesn’t really matter.”

“
You can’t become straight overnight if you’re gay, Ali. Listen to me. I couldn’t deny that I still had sexual needs despite being happy with my marriage. My relationship with my wife was based on the meeting of two minds and the joy that we both shared in each other’s company. It didn’t include sexual desire,” Imran said. “One day, my wife found me crying in the garden, and we ended up discussing what was bothering me. I explained that I was missing the sexual side of my life, and she told me to go out and date men if I wished. I cried for joy knowing that my wife loved me unconditionally.”

“
Your wife doesn’t mind you dating other men?” Ali exclaimed in disbelief.

“
No. What matters to her is that I’m happy and that I love, cherish and adore her. I’ve been dating a lovely man named Nick for the last four years, and she’s welcomed him into our family with open arms. She accepts that I’m committed to him as much as I’m committed to her,” Imran said.

“
Isn’t that selfish? It’s like you can have your cake and eat it, too. I would never put up with it,” Haseena exclaimed heatedly.

“
It works for us. Not only does my wife get to be with me, but she also gets another companion whom she can go shopping with. She’s the diva, and he’s the real McCoy,” Imran said.

“
Well it seems very unfair. I mean, what if she wants to have children?” Haseena asked.

“
We have children. We have two boys,” Imran said.

Ali looked at Imran with more than a little surprise. He couldn’t imagine Imran sleeping with a woman. It was too bizarre an act to contemplate. He was probably making everything up for the drama of it.

“
Two children? Boys?” Haseena repeated almost to herself.

“
Yes, I can see that you’re both surprised, but I worked out when my wife was most fertile, and then I had sex with her. It wasn’t pleasant, but in the end, we only had to have sex three times, and we’ve been successful twice now,” Imran said proudly.

“
Do the children know you’re gay?” Haseena asked.

“
No, of course not. They’re too young to understand. I don’t dress in my sari in front of the children, no matter how much I want to. They have been introduced to Nick. He’s like a second father to them. They adore him,” Imran said. “He lives with us. To people in the community, he’s a lodger, a doctor friend who works locally and who lives with us because he has no family of his own.”

“
I could never be as brave as you,” Ali said. “I wanted to tell my fiancée when I met her, but I just couldn’t. I was too frightened of what her reaction would be.”

“
There is no point in being scared, sweetie. You must tell your fiancée before you get married. Give the poor kitten a choice. Let her decide whether she wants to go ahead with the marriage. What if she finds out from someone else that you’re gay? How do you think she’ll feel then?”

“
I can’t. I don’t want to hurt her. She’ll never accept it. Anyway, I’ve already told you it won’t be a problem because once I’m married I’ll never go back to being gay!” Ali said crossly.

“
Hey, Rani, what are you doing sitting here? I thought you’d be out there dancing,” a loud voice said, interrupting the exchange between Ali and Imran.

Ali looked up to see who was talking. It was another Pakistani man. He looked to be in his late twenties, and was dressed in a black pinstripe suit with a black shirt and white tie. His side burns were shaved into pencil thin stripes that ended just below his jaw and just under his lower lip was a small triangle of hair.

“
Altaf, sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I don’t know how I managed to lose you on the dance floor,” Imran said to his friend apologetically. “I found these lovely people to talk to. Altaf, meet Haseena and Ali. Haseena, Ali, meet Altaf,” Imran said introducing everyone to each other.

“
Sit down and stop towering over us,” Imran ordered Altaf. He gave Altaf a playful pinch on his bottom as he sat down. “Oh Altaf, you have the most pert bottom that I’ve ever had the pleasure of touching,” he exclaimed.

“
Butt clenches baby, butt clenches. It helps keep it firm,” Altaf said laughing, and not the least bit embarrassed.

“
Ali’s getting married on Sunday,” Imran said informing his friend.

“
Congratulations,” Altaf said turning to Ali.

“
It’s not congratulations, silly! It’s more like condolences. His parents are forcing him to marry,” Imran told him.

“
Oh, I’m sorry, Ali. I thought you were straight. Sorry. Are you okay?” Altaf asked sounding concerned.

“
I’m fine. I’ve had time to get used to the idea,” Ali said.

“
Altaf’s married you know. He came out in a really big way. Oh, it was such a scandal,” Imran said delighting in the salacious gossip that his friend had created.

“
It was. You should have been there,” Altaf said proudly. “I was working as a model in London a few years ago and had a relationship with a Tory MP. We were together for over two years. One morning I woke up to find reporters on my doorstep. They’d found out about us. The next day, there were snapshots of me plastered in all the tabloids. Did you see them?”

“
I think I read something about it,” Ali said, vaguely recalling the story.

“
It was such a lovely life dating an MP. He paid for everything. I could go to any restaurant to eat, and he’d always pay, no matter what the cost. We went away together on exotic holidays without me spending a penny. He was such a wonderful man. So kind and generous. You would think that an older man can’t offer someone of my age anything, but there are lots of financial benefits. There have to be when you’re dating an older man, don’t you agree?” Altaf asked, as if expecting Ali and Haseena to be in agreement.

“
Oh my God, you’re like a rent boy,” Haseena exclaimed.

“
Not at all, I was more like a kept man. I can’t afford to sustain a relationship with a man and support my wife as well. The man I date must have something more to offer than good looks and sex,” Altaf said.

“
So, did your family ever read the papers?” Haseena asked curiously, wanting to know more.

“
That was the worst part. They didn’t see the articles when the papers came out, but you know what our community is like. Some busybody came across the story and showed the newspapers to my wife and the rest of the family. The wife was understandably humiliated and ordered her brothers too beat me up. I ended up in casualty for over two months because of the injuries. She has a very brutal family,” Altaf said, shuddering at the memory.

“
That’s awful,” Ali said.

“
I know. You know what pissed me off though? It was the fact that one of the brothers who beat me up was in love with a twenty-year-old boy back in Pakistan, and the other had made a pass at me a couple of years before, the hypocritical bastards!” Altaf said crossly.

“
That’s typical of most Pakistani men, isn’t it? They don’t think they’re gay if they’re married,” Haseena said angrily. “So are you divorced?”

“
No. The family won’t let me do that to the wife. She’s turned really nasty since it all happened. If I leave the house, she thinks I’m going to a gay nightclub, so she reports me to her brothers and they go out looking for me. She has got it right sometimes, and they have given me a beating. Look,” he said pulling his shirt out from his trousers to reveal a bruised but well developed six-pack. “This is from when they beat me the last time.”

“
Have you reported them to the police?” Haseena asked.

Altaf shook his head, “No, it’s family business. I can’t let outsiders get involved.”

“
Well, you can’t allow yourself to be a victim either. You’ve got to go to the police,” Haseena said. She sounded livid at the thought of Altaf’s abuse. “Can’t you leave?”

“
I can’t. My family won’t allow it. They’ve threatened to take my children to Pakistan and not let me see them again. I love my children. I wouldn’t be able to cope if I couldn’t see them. My philosophy is very simple. I accept things as they are,” Altaf said. “That way no one gets hurt.”

“
That’s very defeatist. You should leave if you’re not happy,” Haseena said, giving the same advice that she’d doled out to Ali so many times before.

“
I’m fine. I can handle it, but a word of advice to you, Ali. Don’t get emotionally attached to anyone outside your marriage, and whatever you do, don’t see anyone who’s in the public eye,” Altaf said.

“
Thanks, but I won’t be dating men while I’m married,” Ali said. “I’m going to be faithful to my wife.”

“
You say that now, but wait until you’re a couple of months into your marriage and you start eyeing up every man that walks past you in the street,” Altaf said.

“
Personally, I think Ali should leave,” Haseena said interrupting. “He should move out and go away, very far away to somewhere they can’t find him. That’s my advice, but he just won’t listen.”

“
I can’t leave. The arrangements for the wedding have all been made,” Ali said. “If I leave now, it would destroy too many people.”

“
You’re probably right,” Imran agreed. “Maybe you need to go through with it and deal with the consequences later. If you leave now, you’ll shame both her and her family, and it’s highly unlikely anyone else will want to marry her afterwards.”

“
She’s young. If he leaves now this will be forgotten in a couple of year’s time and her family will probably find her someone else to marry in the meantime,” Haseena said, contradicting Imran.

“
I don’t think it’s that simple,” Altaf said.

“
So, how do you two know each other?” Ali asked Altaf, changing the subject. He’d had enough of talking about marriages. He’d agreed to come out to try and enjoy himself, but it seemed that he couldn’t escape from the fact that he was getting married.

“
We’ve known each other for a very long time. We met when we were small children in Pakistan. It was my first time in Pakistan, and Imran’s family had moved back there from England. I didn’t know anyone, and all the other kids would throw stones or be generally unpleasant to me. One day, I was getting beaten up by some bullies and Imran rescued me from them. Since then we’ve always been friends,” Altaf said.

“
You’re all really depressing me. Can we go and have some fun on the dance floor, please? That’s what we’re here for, right? It’s Bollywood night, and the only brown faces in the place are moping over some chips,” Imran cried.

“
You’re right. I’m meant to be helping Ali enjoy himself, not upsetting him. Let’s go and dance,” Haseena agreed, getting up swiftly.

The men followed Haseena’s lead and got up, leaving the plates of half eaten chips behind. They trailed after Haseena as she led them to the dance floor. Ali stood next to her and tried to dance, hoping to get to the same happy equilibrium that he’d reached earlier. However, he found it difficult to drown himself in the music this time.

His mind kept leaping to the forthcoming mehndi and wedding. “What am I going to do?” he thought to himself. He played the scenario of telling his fiancée about his sexuality through his mind again, and again the outcome was the same, with the wedding being cancelled and a lot of lives being ruined.

He wondered about the possibility of leaving the whole mess behind and running away as Haseena had suggested. The thought of it wasn’t even worth contemplating when he considered what he would be giving up – the warmth and luxury of living at home, with his own bedroom and not having to worry about money to pay the bills. “Is that why I really want to stay? For security?” Ali asked himself.

“
If I move out, I’ll be responsible for everything. I wouldn’t have anywhere to live. I’d be poor, and what about my mother and fiancée? It would destroy them both.” Ali brushed the thought of leaving home from his mind and turned to Haseena. “Can we go home?” he asked. “I can’t enjoy myself anymore. I need to go home,” he reiterated. He suddenly felt distressed and overwhelmed by everything that was happening to him.

“
Ali, I didn’t want your last night to be like this. I’m sorry. Let’s just slip away. You won’t see Imran and Altaf again, so there’s no point in saying goodbye to them. We can sneak out quietly,” Haseena said, knowing that Ali was not in the mood to exchange pleasantries and farewells with anyone. She grabbed hold of Ali’s hand and pulled him after her away from the sweaty dance floor. Haseena collected their two jackets from the cloakroom, and they both left the nightclub, leaving another chapter of Ali’s life behind.