Stranger and Stranger (10 page)

Later

OtherMe just got home. She says she went back to Venus Fang Fang’s yard and tried to trap the dog in his pen with strategic use of leftover liver. (Leftover Liver = great name for a…well…for someone else’s band.) He did not go for that.

OtherMe’s new plan is to invent cat collars that will terrorize him into submission. The Posse can then infiltrate the yard for us and keep the dog under control while we enjoy the obstacle course. Told her I was all for that, but testing the collars might be tough, considering that the cats run from the sight of us.

O
THER
M
E
: Really? I hadn’t noticed.

M
E
: Seriously? You didn’t notice three days of no cat affection?

OM: Huh, no. Guess I’ve been thinking about other stuff. Like, you know, how I duplicated myself.

M
E
: Yeah. [Except…I think I’M the one who duplicated myself…]

OM: Just give them some snack treats and baby-talk them a bit. They’ll come around.

M
E
: Yeah. Thanks. I’ll try that.

Am not real happy. Gah. Well, Mom’s asleep, so I’m getting out of the house for a bit.

Later

Have cut a private door into the clean + dry section of the sewers through a convenient pothole I found (and enlarged) in the alley behind the junk shop in downtown Silifordville. Am very pleased.

Small drawback—hopefully small, that is: I was observed!!! I had finished crafting a nicely camouflaged door for my pothole, dropped down into the sewer, and started setting up my provisions for a good painting session, when I heard my door creaking open, and the next thing I knew, this kid had jumped down into the sewer and was standing around looking at my stuff!

I’m pretty sure I recognize him from the group of standard,
basic, average, common teens who interrupted my peaceful enjoyment of the local skate park the other night. (Then again, they all looked the same to me.) However, he may turn out to be somewhat less ordinary than most. I realize this violates the latest addition to my personal philosophy re: other people and their ability to spoil the Good Things in Life, BUT, he may be OK. I’m not completely sure yet. Our conversation went a little something like this:

K
ID
: [Cheery. Annoying.] Hey!!!!!

M
E
: [Annoyed beyond words.]….…. Nnnnnnnnnn.

K
ID
: What’s up, man, I saw you digging this hole, so I, like, hid and then I followed you down here! MAN, this place is rippin! Omigah, you got your brushes out, you’re gonna paint down here, huh. Yeah, I been looking for a spot like this, some big empty concrete walls, maaaaannnnn…[Rubbing his hands across the walls like a freak.] These walls are PERFECT.

M
E
: Mmmm.

K
ID
: Name’s Larry, they call me Binary Larry, I write code on walls, big walls, in binary.

M
E
: That’s kind of counterproductive.

BL: Yeah, well, that’s what they all say, they just don’t get it is what I say, they don’t see the beauty, the cold and gorgeous beau—

M
E
: Counterproductive’s not a bad thing.

BL: Oh wow! You DO get it! You totally get it, man. Hey, so like, what’s your name?

M
E
: [Turning away. Mumbling as much as possible.] Mmmlee.

BL: Emily. What a great name. So, yeah, Emily, is it cool if I come down here and write code? I could, like, take the south-and west-facing walls, and you could take the north-and east-facing walls?

M
E
: [Enduring terrible, invisible struggle inside: Dislike for Humanity vs. Loyalty to Fellow Coder and Painter.] [Grudgingly allowing the latter to win.] [Nodding.] K.

BL: Woohoo! Yeah, Em, it’s gonna be so slickin!! I’ll bring my boom box, and some music, and burgers, and—

M
E
: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. Couple of things we need to get straight.

BL: [Totally chastised.] OK?

M
E
: [Ticking off items on my fingers.] You can never call me anything but Emily. You cannot bring burgers into my sewer. If your music sucks, and it probably does, I’m turning it off. And you will never again say “Woohoo.”

BL: Dude. I’m so checked. I’ll never say that horrible word again. See you tomorrow night, man!!!!

BINARY LARRY

Yeah, I’m pretty ambivalent about letting this Binary Larry back into my sewer…but, BUT, he appears to be willing to learn from his mistakes, and well, criping thujones, all the kid wants is a place to WRITE BINARY ON WALLS, and I can kind of appreciate that.

Yeah. I may regret this. We will see.

Later

Have made some progress getting the sewer ready for extended painting sessions. Have constructed cat ladder so that the Posse can come with me tomorrow night. Assuming they like me tomorrow night.

Cannot wait to show this place to OtherMe!

Later

Back at home. Have decided that sharing a bed with OtherMe is a bit too close for comfort, what with the sleepwalking and the creepy dreams and the accidental doses of ether, so I have rigged
myself a cozy hammock near the ceiling, with a rope ladder I can pull up after me. It’s not like I don’t trust her, and it’s not like I think she would, I don’t know, intentionally remove the electrodes from her face so that I can’t tell when she’s left the bed during the night, but…well, let’s just say I enjoy my nightmares better when I’m not concerned about ACTUALLY getting accidentally murdered in my sleep, OK?

June 10

Note to self: Do not ever,
ever
,
EVER
join the Silifordville Science Club!

Gigi Doubleton, President, and her sister Bebe, Vice President, came over after dinner to have some coffee and pie and meet Raven. OtherMe was hiding out in the bedroom.

G
IGI
: So this is young Raven. We’ve heard so much about you, dear.

R
AVEN
: Uhhhhhh?

M
E
: She doesn’t talk much.

G: Well, we’ll certainly work on her conversational skills.

M
E
: Con-ver-sa-tion-al skills. So…
hm…what kind of scientists are you, anyway?

M
OM
: [Laughing nervously.] Sorry, my daughter doesn’t mean to be rude, but she’s VERY interested in science. I’m sure she’d love to know your specialties.

B
EBE
: Oh. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! We’re not SCIENTISTS.

G: Raven, dear, why don’t you say your goodbyes, and we can show you your new home? Ms. Strange, lovely to meet you, no time for pie, we have SO MUCH shopping to do, and I can see that Raven desperately needs a complete spa treatment…

MAN!!!! Those are some annoying, self-satisfied, stuck-up, self-centered, non-science-oriented ladies. I have no idea why they decided to form a Science Club when they are clearly not interested in science. Unless you count the science of accelerating the drying time of nail polish (Wave Your Hands in the Air vs. Use a Blow-dryer?), the science of choosing your
lifelong hairdresser, and the science of marrying a doctor.