Stranger and Stranger (13 page)

OK, am feeling better.

Later

Lots of good progress tonight. Spent several hours down in the basement of Town Hall, in the isolated room where the footage for the public-access channel gets reviewed and edited. And we completely raided that lovely library of archival footage. We cobbled
and spliced and voiced-over the footage, and then painted liquid black rock right onto the film, until we had the beginnings of a beautiful, moving, inspiring Manifesto of Strange.

You know how, when you see a horror movie featuring an Especially Strange Person, the protagonist (who is never the E.S.P.—an E.S.P. can only be an antagonist, according to the movies) must always discover some dark artifact from the E.S.P., some painting or film or scrawled notebook or wicked shrine of newspaper clippings, that hints at the extreme Depth and Horror of their Strangeness. Right? Except that the dark artifact itself, in the horror movie, is never really very Deep or Horrific, and you kind of just have to accept that all the filmmakers could do was hint at the true Depth and Horror, or risk driving their audience to madness. Well—this Manifesto of Strange that OtherMe and I made is the REAL STUFF, MAN! No one, I mean no one, I don’t even care how normal they start out, will be able to resist it. This town is going to be soooooo strange in three days’ time. Cannot wait to see it.

(By the way, Dark Artifact = great name for a band.)

Before we left, we snuck from one conference room to another and started modifying the A/V equipment as we went, so that each projector or PA system will be able to work as a module that can be easily plugged into a central unit in the main auditorium to become an integrated, multilamp, multichannel, multispeaker, three-dimensional projector.

One more night of work on the Manifesto, and it’ll easily be the strangest work of art ever projected guerrilla-style into the minds of unsuspecting attendees at a ribbon-cutting ceremony in any small town, anywhere. Yesssssssss!!!!!!!

Later

OtherMe and I returned home, high on life and ready to take on the world, or at least some weird science, and now, just two hours later, we are sitting around in my our bedroom, using a complete and working cat translator!!!!!…Actually, all exclamation points aside, I should say that it’s kind of a letdown. I mean, I already know what the cats are saying, and it doesn’t sound as great in English. Cats are a lot like French people—for many reasons, one being that everything they say sounds much cooler in their language.

In any case, here’s what they’ve had to say:

1. Let us out! (constantly, by all of them)
   
2. Now! Now! Now! (constantly, by all of them)
   
3. Where is my catnip? (several times, by Miles)
   
4. Why are there two of you? (many times, by all)
   
5. I dislike there being two of you. (mostly Mystery)
   
6. I will punish you for this. (Mystery)
   
7. Mystery has defiled the closet. (Sabbath—that tattletale)
   
8. Let us do as Mystery has done. (Sabbath, NeeChee, and Miles)
   
9. What is that shiny thing on the other side of the room? (Sabbath)
   
10. Don’t touch me. (every time I tried to pet one of them)
    
11. Put me down. (every time one was picked up)
    
12. You will pay for this in your own blood. (see above)
    
13. &*%^$&#$%&$ (frequently—man, who knew cats had such filthy mouths?)
    

Am feeling proud of us for completing the translator but annoyed at the cats for not being more pleased that there are two of me. They will just have to get used to it!!!!!!

Later—just before daybreak

Mom was reading the paper at breakfast when she suddenly started cackling. “Hey, E,” she said, “your, uh, friend Raven made the Silifordville paper!” We had a good hahaha together over the headlines (“Local Birdbrain Wows Scientists, Suitors”) and the photos (Raven demonstrating feats of strength and communication with birds; Raven posing with the ladies of the Silifordville Science Club; Raven fending off suitors with judo).

But since then I have been sitting here feeling very displeased about Raven being exploited by the ladies of the Silifordville Science Club. Had thought that they were going to shelter her from the world a little better than this.

Told OtherMe about the episode and suggested we bust Raven
out and bring her back home, but OtherMe brought me to my senses.

O
THER
M
E
: What are you, dull? Remember that little incident with the ax?

M
E
: Well, yeah, but it’s not like she’ll do THAT again.

OM: C’mon. You don’t HEAR yourself talking in your sleep, man.

M
E
: Really, it’s that bad?

OM: For serious. You’re all like, “Mrble mrble oh no the nefarious arms of Gregor the Tickling RoboCockroach are slaughtering me mrble mrble mrble.”

M
E
: Ahahhahahhhahah! Well, that doesn’t sound too dangerous.

OM: And then you’re all like “DESTROY THE ODDISEE!” and then you’re all like “CUT MY HEAD OFF WITH AN AX, RAVEN!”

M
E
: OK, that DOES sound serious.

OM: “MRBLE MRBLE RAVEN, YOU MUST KILL MYSTERY AND PATTI!”

M
E
: [Shocked.] OK! I get the picture.

Vardtrax!!!!! Did not realize I had
so much
ANY subconscious hostility toward Mom and Mystery. Am grateful that OtherMe is looking out for us. Will not raise the subject of Raven again!

Later

In hindsight, it might not have been super tactful of me to bring up the whole losing-her-guitar-skills thing to OtherMe. All I said was, “Hey, OtherMe, was that a new musical genre you were inventing earlier, or do you just suck at guitar now?” She got steamed, made some cutting remarks about my performance on the skateboard, and left in a huff. Looks like she’s going to sleep in the treehouse.

Not used to sleeping alone anymore. Sure wish OtherMe would come back inside. I feel kind of…lonely, I guess that’s what that feeling is. Not an emotion I have felt too many times in my life.

June 13

Mom is being difficult tonight. She wants me to go with her on our annual fun family outing to Black Basin Canyon tomorrow, which ordinarily I would love to do, but right now OtherMe and I have a Master Prank to pull off. Have not yet come up with a convincing story to get us out of it.

Later

Unbelievable!! OtherMe has broken my promise to Mom. Here’s what happened: I had told OtherMe that we needed a story for Mom to get me out of going to Black Basin with her, and OtherMe was all like, “I’ll handle this,” and ran downstairs. Naturally I eavesdropped on their conversation—I didn’t bug all the rooms in this house for nothing! Here’s how it went:

O
THER
M
E
: Dude, Patti, we gotta reschedule that family outing.

M
OM
: But tomorrow’s the new moon, and you know that’s the best night of the month to go.

OM: Well, it’s kind of important. The other Emily and I have to be here to pull off the final step in this huge elaborate prank we’ve been cooking
up for the last few days. If we don’t, well, you can imagine what it’ll do to our self-esteem.

M: [Sounding weird.] The…other…Emily? Is that what I heard you say?

OM: [Annoyed.] Come ON, Patti. You know what’s going on and it’s time you faced up to it.

M: [Sounding unstable.] So, you’re asking me to accept that you…“duplicated”…yourself during an experiment?

OM: That’s exactly what happened. Is that so hard to understand?

M: [Getting slightly hysterical.] I thought YOU understood…that I don’t WANT to understand! I thought we had an agreement! YOU PROMISED!

OM: Get over it, Patti! There’s two of me now! You have TWO…IDENTICAL…DAUGHTERS!!!!!!!

M: [Crying. Running to her room.]

Am extremely peeved with OtherMe! She is responsible for my first fight with Mom! (Wait…is it even MY first fight with Mom? Very confusing.) AND she broke our (my?) promise. Am going to confront her as soon as she gets back up here.

Later

Am hiding out in the treehouse. Have had my first fight with OtherMe. Ugh! Here’s how it went: