Strawberry Wine (25 page)

Alli could see Josh approaching in her peripheral vision. She raised her voice to be heard over the cheers of the students as the names of popular classmates were called to the stage. “I appreciate your concern, Mr. Taylor. Oh, and please thank your mother for my gran. She loved the muffins... Oh, Josh, you’re still here! Thank you so much for, uh, defending my honor back there...” Alli tucked her hand into the crook of Josh’s elbow and steered him away from Jason. She could only hope he hadn’t noticed Jason’s almost kiss.

* * * * *

Alli kicked off her heels and luxuriated at the feel of the cool floor boards against her tired feet. She was exhausted. Padding over to her chest of drawers, she dumped the contents of her clutch purse, and fished through it for a packet of Advil. Scooping the rest up, she made to transfer it back into her regular purse when a small plastic compact caught her attention. Alli frowned and popped it open.

Thirteen of the twenty one pink pills were missing from the foil. Alli hadn’t bothered continuing to take the pills once Jason had as good as shunned her. She closed her eyes and remembered that last magical Sunday before school had started. Had it really been a month since then? Alli shivered, remembering the disbelief on Jason’s face when he saw her in his classroom that first day.

A niggling thought tickled at the back of her mind. She ran a thumb nail over the circle of green pills in the center of the pack, tapping at them in concentration. Suddenly a sobering thought crept into her mind. Thirteen pills gone... a month ago. Alli was late.

Refusing to panic, Alli tugged the gym bag containing the bag of condoms and pamphlets from her closet shelf. She fumbled through the sack, grasping madly at the information inserts that had come with her prescription. Skimming the side effects of the pill, Alli was relieved to note that irregular periods were common when you first started taking the pill. It bothered her that it mainly mentioned premature spotting, but she took comfort in the part that mentioned lighter periods. She made a mental note to call the clinic in the morning to be sure. Surely fate couldn’t be so cruel.

Alli set the phone gently back into the cradle with a soft ‘click’. Her heart was missing from her chest. She felt empty and lightheaded, the voice of the clinic nurse playing in he ears.
“...takes a week to be effective, so be sure to use an alternative form of birth control...” “...can live in a woman’s reproductive tract for several days after intercourse... be sure to complete each cycle of pills”
Alli counted backwards frantically, numbering the days that had passed between her getting the pills and her picnic with Jason. Six days - good enough. It was the non-completion of the pill cycle that had her worried.
No
. she thought,
Please, no!

* * * * *

Alli gave a nonchalant look around the drug store to make sure she didn’t see anyone she knew. Browsing the aisles, she pretended to be interested in some bandages.

A girl around her age walked by with a bored expression on her face. She half smiled at Alli fervently studying the bandages. The girl had jet black hair, with the exception of a vibrant swatch of atomic purple. She was wearing black lipstick, and black nail polish. A goth chick. Alli could smell cigarette smoke on the girl as she passed. She pretended not to watch as the girl made her way into the break room of the drug store.

Pregnancy tests were kept next to the ovulation kits, condoms, lubricants and yeast infection medications. There was no non-embarrassing reason to get caught in that aisle.

Without being able to read the boxes, she was just going to have to grab the first pregnancy test she saw, and hope it was the right kind. Were there different kinds? She was hoping to get the kind that only required you to pee on a stick and wait for two minutes.

An older man wandered by with hemorrhoid cream. He didn’t look at her as he passed.

Pretending to search through the tampon selection, she realized she had a better view of the tests. She thought she saw a box with what she wanted. Grabbing a box of pads and a box of tampons, she quickly snatched a pregnancy test and sandwiched it between the two.

Thankfully, the checkout area was deserted. She put her purchases on the counter, and craned her neck, looking for the clerk.

To Alli’s horror, she recognized the checkout clerk from her English class of all places. Yvette something. She was a popular, snobby girl, that would no doubt relish the gossip to be told concerning a classmate having a pregnancy scare. Alli panicked. She was about to grab her stuff and pretend like she forgot something when goth girl swooped past Yvette and took her place at the counter.

“You’re on break, Yvette.”

Yvette looked disgusted that goth girl had touched her in passing. She scrunched up her nose and flounced away. Alli wasn’t sure, but she thought she heard Yvette mumble, “You stink like an ashtray.” under her breath.

Alli was literally trembling with nerves as goth girl reached for the top box. She focused on the girl’s name tag to avoid eye contact. “Jainey” it said. Alli looked up at Jainey’s voice.

“Uh, you want me to wait to ring these up until you’ve used this one?” She asked, holding up the pregnancy test.

Alli tried to smile. Her heart was beating in her throat. She looked around, hoping nobody was watching.

Seeing Alli’s discomfort, Jainey quickly stuffed the test into a double bag. She left the pads and tampons on the counter, knowing Alli didn’t really want them.

“That’ll be eleven dollars and seventy two cents.”

Alli’s hands shook as she unfolded the bills from her pocket. She dropped the wad of fives and ones. Jainey reached down and picked them up. She counted out twelve dollars, and carefully folded the remaining bills before giving Alli her change.

“Hey, it’s going to be all right.”

Alli felt a sudden wave of gratitude wash over her at Jainey’s kind words. Her eyes flooded with tears and she had to fight down a lump in her throat. She couldn’t speak without crying, so she smiled a watery smile and turned to go.

“Wait.” Called Jainey. “Do you need some company? Someone to be there if it doesn’t go the way you want?”

Alli was surprised by Jainey’s offer. She was even more surprised by how relieved she was to have someone to share her burden with - even if that someone was a stranger from the drugstore. She cleared her throat. “I think that would be great, actually. Thank you.”

“Sure. I’ve been where you’re standing right now. I promise you, it will be ok. Just let me tell the princess that I’m leaving early.”

“Don’t you need to check with your manager or something?” Alli asked. She didn’t want to get Jainey in trouble.

“I am the manager. It drives the princess crazy that she has to answer to me. Ah, the price of financing one’s social life.” Jainey gave a half chuckle and headed toward the break room.

She came back a minute later, followed closely by a sulking Yvette. “Family emergency, huh? She doesn’t look like your family to me.”

Alli’s dislike of Yvette tripled instantly. “Actually, her mom sent me...” Alli noted the tattered bus pass hanging from Jainey’s wad of key fobs. “...to give her a ride home. We’ll be sure to let her know you send your regards.” Alli matched Yvette’s acidic smile and turned toward the door with as much bravado as she could muster.

Yvette stared daggers at their backs as they left. Moping over to her place behind the counter, she started to ring up an old lady buying a jar of laxative powder. When she went to give the lady her receipt, she noticed the receipt from the previous transaction was still on the roll. She ripped it off before giving the proper receipt to the laxative lady. A wicked grin split Yvette’s smug face as she read the receipt.

Jason dabbed his brush against his palate and brought it to the canvass. With each stroke Alli’s face materialized in more detail before him. He was so caught up in his work he didn’t hear Emiline’s quiet steps until she was coming up beside him. She watched him silently a moment before speaking. “Don’t portraits usually require the presence of the subject?” She teased.

Jason smiled, but didn’t stop working. “I’m very behind on this particular piece. I need something worth showing the client before Friday.” He explained.

“I’m impressed,” Emiline mused. “You’re not even working from a picture.”

Jason just hummed in reply.

Emiline offered him tea, and when he declined, she sat behind him watching him work. They stayed like that a long time, Emiline watching the way Jason held his brush. Paying close attention to the smooth caress of bristles on canvass. Marveling at the way Jason could make a subject jump off the easel. When she spoke again her voice was soft.

“How long have you loved her?” She asked.

Jason lowered his brush and stared at Alli’s portrait staring back at him. “It’s right there in the painting.” Emiline continued. “You wield your brush as if she could feel it. You paint her like a lover...”

There was a beat of pregnant silence. Emiline’s voice was almost a whisper. “How long?”

“A long time.” Was all he said.

Alli’s hand shook as she reached for the door knocker. Jason’s truck was in the driveway. He was definitely home.

The door opened just as she was raising her hand to knock again. Jason’s expertly crafted look of cold indifference crumbled immediately upon seeing Alli’s distraught expression.

“My God, Alli, what’s wrong?” He asked.

Alli’s lips trembled, but no words would come out. Her mouth became parched, and her breath started coming in short gasps. She was becoming light headed.

Alarmed, Jason grabbed her by the arm and led her to the couch. “Sit down and put your head between your knees.” He instructed as he ran to the kitchen for a glass of water.

Alli did as she was told, and Jason sat beside her, holding the water in one hand, and gently rubbing her back with the other.

Her breathing was starting to slow. She could feel her pulse calm from a rapid sprint to a steady tat-too. She could probably sit up straight now, but Jason’s gentle rubs were so comforting she decided to milk it a little longer. Finally, when the blood rushing to her head started thundering in her ears, she gave a heavy sigh and straightened up to face the task at hand.

Jason tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and handed her the water. He watched her slowly take a sip.

“Better? Are you ill?”

Alli shook her head and took a deep breath to steady herself. There was no easy way to do this. Might as well just jump in.

Alli set the glass of water down on the coffee table, not trusting her shaking hands to keep it upright.

“I’m... I’m sorry.” Her words came out in a raspy squeak.

“Alli, we’ve been over this before. You shouldn’t be here. I’m sorry too, but we can’t be together. I’m not going to say our relationship was ‘wrong’, but it was... premature.” Alli’s eyes welled with tears. Jason gently wiped the moisture from her cheek with his thumb. “As much as I’d like to hold you right now Alli, I shouldn’t. We’ve got to stop torturing ourselves like this.”