Stray (19 page)

“All right.”

The restaurant he had in mind was Papa’s, almost deserted at this time of night. At least I didn’t feel out of place in my clinic scrubs, fortunately unblemished by the day’s work. Jon was wearing a custom-tailored suit with a white shirt, looking like he’d just stepped out of the pages of GQ. The contrast might have been funny, but he was the one out of place, not me. There was no one to see us anyway, except Papa, tired from a long day behind the counter but game to serve us anyway. I ordered the famous burrito that Jon had told me about, it seemed long ago though it was only three weeks. So much had happened, it felt like three months instead.

Jon made small talk until Papa served our food and withdrew to the kitchen to give us our privacy. The last diner besides us had left a few minutes before, and Papa had put out the Closed sign, saying he was closing early because he’d been short-handed that day and was tired. As soon as we were alone, Jon’s face took on an earnest expression that warned me something serious was coming.

“Erin, I know that Ashleigh came and confronted you in the clinic, and that one of her hangers-on sent you a message through Megan. I want to apologize for that.”

I raised my eyebrows. Why would he apologize for someone else’s behavior unless he felt responsible for the someone. I shrugged.

“No, it’s a big deal. I need you to know that she was doing all of that because she was mad at me. It was my fault, and I’m sorry.”

“Mad at you, why?”

“Because I’d broken up with her. Actually, I tried to do it repeatedly, but I gave a mixed message, and that’s why it’s my fault.”

“Maybe you’d better stop being mysterious and tell me exactly what you mean, Jon. Papa’s tired and wants to go home, we need to wind this up.”

Jon raked his hands through his hair, standing it on end and making me remember my fingers entangled in it. I looked away, unable to keep the sudden lust out of my eyes and unwilling to let him see it.

“Look, I know this makes me an asshole. I do. The truth is, I was only ever with Ashleigh to keep her dad from knowing what I was up to. I couldn’t stand her most of the time. She’s vain, bitchy and shallow, everything I don’t want in a woman.”

“And yet you’re engaged to her,” I said, failing to keep the bitterness out of my voice.

“No! I was never engaged to her, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. Yes, I strung her along, but we were never engaged. She made that up to screw things up between you and me. By the time she told you that, I’d told her we were through, and that was after she’d told me the same thing. Erin, I swear, I was never engaged to her.”

“Why does any of this matter to me, Jon? I don’t care whether you were engaged. You were
with
her, and you were still with her when you and I…”

“I wasn’t! Okay, maybe one time after that first time with you, but I didn’t ask for it. She pushed herself at me.”

“God, can you hear yourself? You’re a shithead, do you know that?”

“Yes! That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I was a shithead when I got together with her. I was a shithead for using her. And I was a shithead for being too weak, too uncertain of my success in my goals if Egren found out, to give her a firm message. Fuck, I even hedged when her dad confronted me. I did it all to get where I am today, and I feel like a snake because of it, but Erin, this canyon was worth it. I’d do it again. Please, can you forgive me?”

I was appalled by his confession, disgusted that he could be that duplicitous, even for the goal to save the canyon. Someone once told me, though, that forgiveness was more about healing myself than the person I was forgiving. And I already had enough bitterness in me over Greg, whom I still hadn’t forgiven because he hadn’t asked it of me and probably never would. Forgiving didn’t mean forgetting, and it didn’t mean falling into his arms. It was really Ashleigh, for whom I now had some sympathy, whose forgiveness Jon needed. Somehow, I doubted that he’d get it.

“All right. I forgive you. But Jon, that doesn’t mean there can be anything between us. I can’t be with a cheater, and like it or not, you were cheating. You broke an implied commitment to Ashleigh, and after you and I were together, you lied to me that you were through with her. I can forgive it, but I can’t put myself in the position to have it repeated. Not after…”

I stopped abruptly, not wanting to get into that with him. But he probed for it. “After what? Who hurt you, Erin? Besides me, I mean. There was another guy, wasn’t there? What did he do?”

“Nothing much,” I muttered. “We lived together for four years. One day he came home and told me it was over, that I should pack my bags and get out. The arrogance! I’d paid for every stick of furniture in the apartment, and the lease was mine, too. I told him to get out himself, and he did. He walked out without so much as a backward glance.”

“What a douche! Where did he go?” Jon asked.

“I didn’t know it then, but now I suspect he went straight to my best friend Dani. I just learned a couple of weeks ago that they’re engaged. All my friends knew they were cheating, and didn’t tell me. I can’t be with a cheater, Jon, I just can’t.”

He dropped his head, looking at his hands, slowly tearing a napkin to shreds on the tabletop.

“I understand. Hey, do you want to get out of here? Papa’s ready to close. But, there’s more I want to tell you. Not to try to change your mind,” he added, seeing my face. “Can we at least be friends? I’d like to be your friend. Can we go back to the clinic and sit with Max for a while?”

~*~

Against my better judgment, I unlocked the clinic and Jon followed me back to the boarding area. The thought crossed my mind that Max would be surprised to see us so late, but of course that was ridiculous. Dogs are great that way. They have no expectations, only joy when their humans pay them some small attention. I could learn from the first part of that, but the second, well, that would get me in trouble. I reminded myself not to let Jon get inside my defenses. Even more so, now, when I knew the ugly truth about his relationship with Ashleigh. How could anyone use someone like that and live with himself?

I wasn’t comfortable being with Jon inside a darkened building. I was still hyper-aware of his incredible beauty, the allure of his masculine scent and the memory of the feel of his hard muscles. I remembered every carved feature of his chest and abs, and wondered how an executive like him maintained such a physique. But, I couldn’t let myself fall under his spell. Not again.

I turned on the lights in the kennel room and let Max out, then settled on the floor with the wall to my back. Jon wanted to tell me something, so okay, I would listen. But I wouldn’t necessarily make it easy. If it was more confession about his treatment of Ashleigh, I didn’t want to hear it.

“I’ve always loved this canyon,” he started, squatting on his heels. Max had gone straight to Jon and leaned against him, so he was having trouble maintaining his balance. “You know my tattoo?” Yes, I knew it. I’d traced it’s swirls with my hand and with my tongue. I knew it well.

“Yeah.”

“It’s meant to represent sunshine.”

“I get it, it’s round and it has rays shooting out of it,” I said, though I wondered what that had to do with anything.

“No, I mean Sunshine, the town. Never mind, this isn’t about the tattoo, it’s about me sort of growing up here. Especially after my mom left.” He’d never talked about his mom to me, not that we’d had a lot of heart-to-heart talks. We really didn’t know much about each other at all, when I thought of it.

“Maybe you’d better back up and tell me about that, Jon. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You don’t?” A tilt of his head, a slight frown and his eyes went unfocused for a moment. “Oh, of course you don’t. Sorry. So, okay. My mom left, just went somewhere one day and never came home. I was twelve. So, when school let out that summer, I was too young to be on my own, and Dad and Jamie McGraw were working all the time, so I came here to stay with my grandparents every summer and long school holiday after that. It was the only place I was ever happy.”

“Jamie McGraw—that was Doc’s brother who started the resort with your dad?”

“Yeah. But, what they started was a development company, back before I was born. They did lots of projects in Boulder until the town put a stop to further development, and then they started looking at this canyon. You know what happened with that.”

“Right. So, you grew up here, basically, after your mom left.”

“That’s it. The first ski runs and hotel had been built by the time I was old enough to know anything about it, and then another hotel and another. By the time I started coming here and getting to know the people in town, I was old enough to realize that they didn’t like my dad, or Jamie, and Grandpa told me why.

I didn’t much like my dad, either. By then, I thought it was something he’d done that made my mother leave, even though I thought it was my fault when it first happened. Anyway, he never paid me any attention, but I resented him, and the resort, so I sided with the townspeople.”

“What you’re trying to say is why you’ve always had this goal of gaining control over the company, so you could save what’s left of the canyon, is that it?”

“Yeah, long story short. Dad and I hated each other by the time I was sixteen, and we never spoke a civil word before he died. Waiting in the hospital to see him after the accident, regretting sixteen years of hatred, did something to me, Erin. Nothing was as important after he died as saving this canyon. My mom was gone, my dad was gone, even my grandparents. I had no one and nothing except these shares that I could parlay into some way to help the canyon. Can you understand that?”

I couldn’t of course. I had no similar experience, no frame of reference. But, logically, I supposed I could see it. I nodded.

“Then Egren comes to me with this idea. If his daughter, his only child, and I got together, our shares together could control the company. The trouble was, he and I wanted the opposite for the resort. To keep him from examining my actions too much, I went along with it. I’m not proud of that, Erin.”

“Good. There’s no reason you should be.”

“I know. Anyway, that’s why I was with her, nothing else. I never intended to marry her or anything, never even mentioned being engaged.”

“You’ve told me that. The fact remains that you were intimate with her, am I right?”

“Yeah.” He hung his head even lower and absently scratched Max’s ears.

“So she had every reason to believe that marriage could be the goal. Why are you telling me all of this, Jon? I’m sorry your mother left you. I’m sorry you and your dad didn’t get along. None of it justifies treating another human being as a means to an end.”

“I know. I just wanted you to know I’m not all bad. I mean, I guess I can see that the end doesn’t justify the means, but I wanted you to know why that didn’t enter my thinking.”

“Fine. Now I know. Are we through here?”

“One more thing, and I guess I should talk to Doc about it first. But, it turns out I may not be who I think I am.”

“What? What does that mean? And why should you talk to Doc?”

“Because, the man I thought was my dad may not have been my dad. Doc may have been.”

This was too much. Doc was my friend, and a fine man. My temper flared and I must have shown it.

“Doc was the one who told me, Erin, I’m not accusing him of anything. We’re waiting on the results of a paternity test. Shouldn’t take much longer.”

“It takes what, a couple of days? When did you do it?”

“Wednesday, but it’s going to take a little longer. The third suspect is Doc’s brother. With him and my dad both dead, they have to do some extra testing to differentiate between Doc and Jamie.”