Stricken Resolve (27 page)

That brave woman. They are one kinky couple.
After my initial reaction to the sex in DC, it’s been smooth
sailing. Johnathan is sublimely happy, as is Cammy. Dylan is now
aware of them dating and seems okay with it. It’s been a really
good
coming out
, for everyone. I’m surprisingly happy for
them. They do make the perfect couple and after Cammy and I sat
down and talked about things I’ve come to realize how much she has
helped reform our boy. He’s no longer having as many nightmares and
helps when he does. She’s the one who forced him to attend AA
regularly. Not much good it does him, except for the drug
addiction. She’s loved him even though he wanted me and she knows
that he still does in his own way. Admittedly, she doesn’t think he
will ever be fully over me. But she’s okay with it, as long as they
are together and love one another. And I’m completely okay with
that. She is good for him and he needs her. I don’t know how he and
I both got so lucky to have such a sweet woman in our lives. She’s
helpful and a true friend to me. Besides the lying about them being
together, she’s been a great support system. I love her like a
sister and I love him in my own way too. It will never be in the
romantic sense and I know we are all okay with that. Even him.

“Emily! Hey, Emily!”

I blink. Shit, not again!

“Sorry,” I mutter, feeling like a dipshit. I
hate when I zone out.

“It’s okay. I just wanted to see if you could
please water the plants on the back deck for me. I don’t think the
sex maniac here can wait to get his prize.” She smirks and he
shakes his head. His hand latching onto her shirt covered boob,
right in front of me.

Okay, this is getting too weird.

“Yes…go…shoo…before he starts in right here.”
I tease and brush them off with my hands. She smiles and thanks me.
Smacking Johnathan’s hand from her chest, he growls and pulls her
hair harder as they leave my sight. On the way out the door I hear
him tell her. “It’s ass fucking time, my slut. Let’s go.” And they
exit the house and undoubtedly head into the sound proof garage.
Where no one will hear their garish fucking sounds and strict
demands. Amen to that!

Now that I’ve gotten that covered. What’s
next on the list? Water flowers. Okay, I can easily do that.

Heading into the kitchen I snatch the blue
watering can from under the sink and fill it with tap water.
Carrying it full to the brim in one hand, I slide open the back
door with my other and my senses are immediately soothed with the
beautiful salt infused sea air and a slight hint of…? Is that
burning wood? Someone must be having a bonfire. I love the smell of
bonfires, they remind me of back home. Looking up, I take in the
beautiful sky. The night is fast approaching as the sunsets. The
air is calm and it’s so lovely out. I can see the crescent moon
starting to peek at me through the impending darkness.

I water the colorful flowers closest to the
house first. Go back into the house to refill and go up the few
raised deck steps to water the flowers at the top. As I hit the top
step my heart soars and I drop the watering can with a loud bang.
Soaking my bare feet as the water pours out of the fallen can.

“Hello my love,” he pronounces in his deep
perfect voice, on his knees in the middle of a giant heart formed
out pink and red rose petals and at least three dozen candles
stuffed into the sand.

Oh my god.

I stare at him, eyes wide, in complete shock.
Drinking in this moment. What does this mean? Why is he here?

I can’t breathe. I can’t move. Tears are
welling in my eyes. Oh my god. He
is
here!

“My love, I’m so sorry I left you. I came
back to make it all better. To make it up to you. To spend the rest
of our lives together. I didn’t mean to leave the way I did. I
shouldn’t have taken back our commitment to marry. I couldn’t
imagine spending my life with anyone else. I have been going insane
without you. I can’t live without you. You are
my
everything
.” His voice is so low and sweet, it feels like
he’s lapping that sensitive spot between my legs with his soft
velvety tongue. The thought sends a shiver through me, causing me
to catch my breath. My hearts pounding like a thousand tiny drums
in my aching chest.

His eyes lock into mine. “Say something,” he
pleads with his body and watery eyes. My tears that I am no longer
able restrain, escape and slowly trickle down my cheeks. Dropping
off my chin and to the ground below my feet.

“What? How? Are you?” I mutter, swallowing
hard, frozen in place, my eyes diving into the endless depths of
his soul.

“I’m here, Mama Bear, on my knees begging you
for your forgiveness.” He reaches his hands out to me, opening
himself up. Wearing a perfectly tailored black suit, black dress
shirt and a navy blue tie. Something I’ve never seen him in
before.

“I’ve been fighting to get back to you since
I left. It doesn’t matter how. Just know that I am home to be with
you.
Forever
. If you’ll have me.” His tone is steeped in
aching wonder. Will I accept him with open arms? Or has the past
few months been too much to handle? Too much to forgive so
quickly.

“Come to me, my love. Let me show you the
way. Let Papa Bear take all the pain away that I’ve caused you.” He
waves me over and I let out a whimpering cry. My body
trembling.

I can’t believe this. I can’t believe he is
actually here. How is this possible? Please don’t let this be a
dream. Please God don’t let this be a dream. I need him. I don’t
think I could survive another heartbreak.

I break our eye contact and peer down to my
damp feet. Picking one up I place it down in front of me. Making
sure this is real. It feel so real. Glancing back up I meet his
gaze again and I go. I run to him. Pounding my bare feet down the
steps and into the soft golden sand. I throw myself into his open
arms and he catches me, enveloping me in all the love I’ve lost and
missed for so long. And I let it all out. I cry into him. My head
pressed to my favorite place in the world. His perfect chest. As
his hand caresses my back, holding me tight to him, he threads his
fingers through my hair, pressing my head to his heart that’s
erratically hammering in his magnificent chest.

Breathing him in, he smells just like I
remember, cedar, mint and soap. James… this is my James… he’s come
home to me!

“I love you so much, my love.” He stifles a
sob, his lips pressing kisses to my hairline, over and over.

“I love you too,” I whimper, wrapping my arms
around his body, never letting him go. Never again will I accept
this lifetime without him.

We kneel in the sand in each other’s warm
embrace, minutes passing us by. Me breathing him in. Our chests
rising and falling in unison. My tears soaking the cotton of his
shirt. I kiss his chest, holding my lips to the one organ that I
love the most. His heart. The biggest heart of the most amazing man
I’ve ever met.

“It only beats for you,” he utters, the words
coming out rough and husky.

Removing my head from his chest, I lean up so
I can adore his handsome face. Unwrapping my arms from around his
body, I cup his jaw in my hands. The roughness of his new goatee
tickling my palm.

“I missed you,” I whisper, locking our souls
with my penetrating gaze.

“Will you ever forgive me, Mama Bear?” His
swollen red eyes break of more tears and I swipe them away with my
thumbs.

“I already forgive you. You came back to me.
I could never and would never be with anyone else.”

He sighs, long and hard. “I was
worried….,”

Pressing my finger softly to his big lips, I
hush him.

“There would have never been a Johnathan and
I. I told you that I fell for you. You are the person who feeds my
soul. That is all. That is all there ever will be. Even if you
never came home to me, my Bear.”

“I...”

“Hush...” I whisper, pulling his lips down to
mine. As they meet, my heart leaps out of my chest and smashes into
his, intertwining us as one.

Parting my lips, his tongue gently enters,
swirling sensually with mine. Swallowing me whole, into a blissful
state of forever happiness. Gliding my hands to the back of his
head, I hold him to my mouth. Delicately our tongues search out and
lavish each part. Savoring the flavor, the touch, the feeling of
reuniting with the man you were made for, and he you.

Retracting his tongue he places a sweet
linger kiss on my mouth and whispers. “Always mine,” against my
lips.

“Always,” I breathe.

Slowly pulling away from me, he goes to
stand. My body instantly rebels his distance and I latch my arm
around his leg.

“No, please, don’t go.”

Peering down at me he cracks a tender smile,
his reddened eyes so soft and warm. “I’m not, my love. I didn’t
just do all of this. I have more planned.” He gestures to the vast
amount of fresh rose petals and lit candles. It’s absolutely
breathtaking.

“Now will you please take my hand?” He offers
me both of his hands, palms up and I clutch onto them, then he
sweetly pulls me up from the sand. Standing, I brush my sand
littered black dress off and lunge for his body. Wrapping my arms
tightly around his torso. I’m not letting go. Never letting go.

A bellowing chuckle thuds in my ear as one of
his arms locks around my back, anchoring me to him.

“My love, I’m not going anywhere. I took care
of this. No one will bother us again. I promise you.” He reassures
me with a kiss on the top of my head. I am much shorter than he is,
so he has to bend a little.

Plucking something from his pocket, he
fiddles with it but I’m too busy focused on the thud of his
heartbeat against my ear to pay much attention. Immediately music
fills the salty air and he tosses what I assume is a remove into
the sand.

“This is our song. Will you please dance with
me?” He asks, and I graciously comply. My left hand resting on his
shoulder, my right snuggly wrapped in his large palm. Our bodies
touch and our eyes cement into one another’s while we sway and
dance. As if we’ve been doing this for years. Slowly he leads me
around the rose and candle heart, barefoot, as the singer serenades
us with his poetic lyrics. Attentively, I soak in each word and the
meaning it has pertaining to our life. It fits perfectly.

‘Cause all of me

Loves all of you

Loves your curves and all your edges

All you perfect imperfections

Give your all to me

I’ll give my all to you

You’re my end and my beginning

Even when I lose I’m winning.

‘cause I give you all, all, all of me.

And you give me all, all, all, you.

Give me all of you

Cards on the table, we’re both showing
hearts

Risking it all, though it’s hard.

“This is perfect,” I compliment, nuzzling my
nose into his thickness.

“No, you’re perfect.”

My heart soars at his compliment and I find
myself blushing. I’ve missed this. I’ve missed it all, the
closeness, the love, the talks, just him being around. Everything
about him.

As the song winds down, he breaks away and
untucks his shirt from his dress pants and shrugs off his suit
jacket, lying it in the sand outside the heart.

“I have something to show you,” he explains,
lifting his shirt, glancing at the sky. “I don’t know if you can
see it all well enough in this light. But you can see it better
later.” Smiling, he and tugs the shirt over his head.

Why he didn’t just unbutton it is beyond me.
Habit I suppose.

Sidling up close to him and his glorious
relaxing heat, he raises his arm.

“Look there.” He points to his rib with the
scroll tattoo and it’s been inked with more dates.

“What is that?”

“The newer ones are the day I met you, the
day we first kissed, the day we first made love, when you agreed to
marry me and the final day is when the twins were born. I have room
left for one more date. And that will be for when I finally make an
honest woman out of you.” He snickers and I playfully shake my head
and shoot him dazzling blissful smile.

“And when will that be?” I tease, gently
reaching over and caressing each of the dates on his ribs.
One-by-one I outline the details of the numbers, committing them to
memory. I can’t believe he marked his body with parts of us.

“As soon as you’ll let me,” he answers
without a hint a sarcasm, and his breathing suddenly starts to
accelerate.

Unbuttoning his pants, he drops them to the
ground, leaving me with the most spectacular view of his thick
Adonis physique. The complete package; including his thick bulging
muscles, smooth tanned skin, dark hair, tattoos and swoon worthy
hips that I want to trace over and over, using only my tongue.
Mmmmmmm, that sounds so good.

“Why...” My voice cracks, so I clear my
throat. “Why are you getting undressed?” I finally make out, choppy
and distinguishably fidgety. He can’t be that naked without
igniting the very demanding thing that rests between the folds of
my pussy. She begs for him daily and now that he’s returned she
will be relentlessly weeping for his attention.

“A different tattoo.” Another grin adorns his
face. Except this one is a naughty one and he knows what I am
thinking. I can’t help myself. He’s a perfect male specimen and to
top it all off, he is
my
own personal brand of
perfection.

Turning his tight, muscled thigh inward, I
glance at the new tattoo on his outer thigh. It’s an amazing,
flawlessly detailed portrait of a bear face. The soft beady eyes of
the bear leaves you feeling like you know what he or she must be
feeling. Underneath the bear is a scroll that fits into the theme
of the tattoo and says ‘Mama Bear Forever Mine.’