Strong (19 page)

Chapter 24

Wednesday comes. It has almost been a week since Chase told me he wasn't ready to get married yet. It feels like it's been a year. I want him to take me in his arms again and tell me everything is okay.  I want my old Chase back.

I want him to tell me what to do. In all fairness, he did say he's not ready to get married yet. Which means the wedding won't happen in May. I have to cancel it. Or postpone. But I need him to work with me more. Are we rescheduling? When?

I'm ready to leave for work, so I find Chase. “I'll be done with work around 3:00. Can we talk when I get home?” I ask.

He agrees. “I'm sorry this has been hard for you. I do love you, Katie.” He kisses my cheek gently. It's the first sign of
my
Chase that I've seen in over a week. “I'm just having a hard time, not being able to do the things I used to do. You asked me if it bothers me that you're a runner....”

“
Uh, huh,” I respond.

“
That doesn't specifically bother me, although I still miss running. But when you and Elsie were talking last week, I had some disturbing thoughts. I just kept imagining you pushing me around in a wheelchair. I imagined you going out to work while I sat home flipping through the TV channels, doing nothing but feeling sorry for myself. I imagined you taking care of our babies without my help, taking our kids to the beach without me, going on their field trips all by yourself....” He finished with a sigh.

I'm taken aback by his confession, but it helps me to know that he's not second-guessing his love for me. “What Elsie said was stupid and brainless! You can do anything you put your mind to,” I assure him.

He doesn't seem convinced as he continues. “The idea that I can't take care of you is killing me. I hate to think that you can do some things that I can't do. Maybe you'll have to work if I can't. What kind of life will that be?”

I just kiss him on the lips and say, “It will be the kind of life I cherish because I'm with
you
, Chase Nichols. You already take care of me in every way that matters to me. I love you. I have to leave for work now, but I'll see you as soon as I get home. We'll talk more then, okay?”

I breathe a huge sigh of relief about Chase's parting words as I start my truck. It looks a little out of place parked in front of the Nichols' upscale home, but they don't mind.

I've enjoyed finding my way around Madison, even though the physical therapy clinic isn't far away. I've become good friends with Mary, the OT who interviewed me with Dr. Vernis. I look forward to seeing her on the days that I work.  I told her what was going on with Chase, and she suggested that we have a chocolate-fest at lunch time today. I'm bringing my favorite brownies, and she told me that she will surprise me with something decadent.

I absent-mindedly make my way out of the neighborhood and head toward the clinic. I place my travel mug of coffee into the cup holder just in time to start braking for a yellow light. I panic when I feel that the road is much more icy than I had anticipated. I begin to pump my brakes as I've always been taught to do, but it's not enough. I slide into the intersection. I turn the steering wheel sharply to try to avoid the traffic that has begun to flow freely from either side, but I'm unsuccessful.

The last thing I hear is a horn and a loud screech.

My head hurts terribly.  I've never been drunk, but I assume that this is how a hangover feels. My head is hollow except for a constant drumming from the inside that emphasizes the pain with every beat. I try to remember where I am and what I might have done to make my head hurt so bad.

I try opening my eyes, but my lids feel so heavy. I hear Chase's voice, “Katie?” I turn my head a little bit toward him, but even that hurts, so I grimace. I manage to open my eyes and I see a Chase that I haven't seen before. His hair is a mess and his eyes are red and puffy.

“What's going on?” I mumble.

“
You were in an accident this morning,” he tells me. “Your truck was broadsided by another truck.” His voice is cracking and I notice tears in his eyes. He puts his head down on my arm and then he's sobbing. I've never seen Chase like this before.

Once he regains control, he confirms, “I've never been so scared in my life, Katie!”

“I'm sorry.” My eyes are tearing up to see Chase come unglued. “I'm okay. I'm really fine, Chase.  My head just hurts a lot.”

He spreads about twenty kisses very gingerly over my face. I notice that he avoids the left side. I think that's where most of the pain is coming from. I reach my hand up and find a large bandage from my temple all the way to my jaw and hugging my ear.

I look at Chase and he answers before I even ask the question. “You have 18 stitches. You hit your head pretty hard against the side window. We're still in the ER, but they will be admitting you for the night, just so they can make sure your concussion isn't too bad.” His voice is shaking again, but he keeps his tears in check.

“
I'm glad you're here,” I whisper. I do my best to scoot over on the bed and pat the spot next to me. Chase sits on the bed, leans back and lets me cuddle into his shoulder. I touch his face, his gorgeous hair, and then let my hand rest in his. I drift off again.

As I'm going through my checkout instructions the next day, I tell Chase with a chuckle, “Well, at least I can't run for a while.”

Chase's eyes fill with tears.  He embraces me in a tight hug.  “I don't want that.  Katie, I don't want that at all!” His chin quivers and I know he's on the verge of crying again. “I was just feeling sorry for myself, Katie. Please forgive me.” He squeezes me so hard that it hurts my head. He breaks down and the sobs come again.

I breathe out an enormous sigh and I tell him, “Of course, I forgive you. Of course I do.” I can hardly move because he has me so firmly in his grasp, but I turn my head to kiss his cheek.  He loosens his grip so that he can reach my lips with the most passion I've ever felt. I forget the pain of the past week, the pain of my concussion and my stitches. All I know is Chase, loving me.

I go to bed shortly after dinner. I'm still very tired from the hospital ordeal, and the doctor said that I would need more rest for a few weeks. Chase follows me to his room. I slip into the bathroom to change into my pajamas and brush my teeth. He is waiting at the edge of the bed with the covers folded back so that I can climb in.

“
Katie,” he whispers.

“
Yes?”

“
Will you please forgive me?  I never meant to hurt you.”

“
I already forgave you, Chase,” I insist.

“
I know. But I really hurt you. You could have hurt me back, but you didn't.” His voice is shaking.  “I've never loved anyone the way I love you. I never want to hurt you again.”

“
I believe you,” I tell him and close my eyes. 

“
When I got the call from the hospital, I thought I lost you,” he whispers. “I'm never letting you go again.”

He leans across the pillow, above my head so that his chest is close. I can feel his heartbeat. He strokes my hair as I fall asleep.

The next morning, Chase and I talk about wedding plans. He brings me my coffee in bed. We have suspended the no-visiting-in-bedrooms rule while I'm recuperating.

I sit up and welcome the first warm sip.

“So, what are we going to about the wedding?” I ask Chase.

He kisses me, coffee breath and all. “Can I marry you today?”

“I'm serious, Chase. We lost a whole week of wedding planning. The invitations have to be mailed now, but only if the wedding is still on for May 4.”

“
Mail them today, then!” He grins. I absorb the warmth of his face.  I missed that smile.

My old Chase is back.

“Or,” he continues, “we could wait and ask your parents when they get here.”

“
Chase,” I ask slowly. “What are you talking about?”

“
They'll be here this afternoon,” he tells me.

My entire family arrives after lunch, just as Chase said. My brother Marcus seems to have matured in the few days since I last saw him. He gives me a gigantic hug and admits quietly, “I'm really glad you're okay.” I return the bear hug and then I inform him that Chase owns tons of video games. It doesn't take him long to talk Chase into an epic battle.

My parents had been understandably frightened by my accident. I hope they weren't as scared as I had been when Chase was in a coma. I would never want anyone to suffer through that. At least I was only unconscious for a short time.

The weekend is pleasantly full of conversation and wedding planning. This unexpected visit offers both of our families a unique chance to get to know each other before we all become in-laws. It's a great relief to discover that, not only do our families get along, they actually enjoy each other's company.

The wedding invitations are sent out the very next day.

Mrs. Nichols, my mom, Chelsea, Scarlett, Fiona, and I spend hours talking about final details for the dresses and decorations, etc. They talk Chase into letting them take me to the bridal shop so my bridesmaids can try on their dresses together. He makes them promise, repeatedly, to make me sit down the whole time with my feet up. “No jumping up and down and screaming” are his exact words.

I am moved beyond words to see three of my bridesmaids together in their scarlet dresses. They are beautiful. I chose a style that, with minimum alterations, would accommodate Chelsea's huge belly.  

I so desperately want to try on my dress for them, but I promised Chase I would sit down. With my feet up.  Besides, I'm not sure I would look so stunning with a bandage across half of my head. They will see me in my dress soon enough.

It takes a while for me to recover from the accident. Headaches are a daily experience, but my face is healing nicely. They had called in a plastic surgeon to do the stitches. I'm pretty convinced that the scar will be almost invisible, thanks to the doctor's delicate work
and
my abundance of freckles. Score one for the ugly dots.

The headaches aren't subsiding at the same rate. Some days, they're tolerable. Other days, the pain is excruciating. I spend a lot of time lying down with a cool cloth on my head. When the pain get exceptionally bad, Chase sits next to me, strokes my hair, and quietly prays for me.

Everyone involved in my life has recommended that I quit my job. I need some time to heal from the concussion and I already have a lot on my plate since the wedding is so close now. The doctors had informed us that the healing time for a grade 3 concussion can vary. If I have a day when I feel really good, I might try to get a lot done and then feel terrible the next day.

If it had just been the parents suggesting this, I would have chalked it up to their classic over-protectiveness. But Chase is the one who finally convinces me by telling me, “please let me take care of you for once. You're not my wife yet, but I want to care for you and protect you.” I know this is important to him, to feel like he can do something meaningful for me, so I am now unemployed.

I'm disappointed because I really liked the job at the therapy clinic. Dr. Vernis told me, however, that if I am able to come back after the wedding, he will gladly re-hire me.

Chapter 25

With time, my headaches finally subside. I've been able to make up for lost time with wedding plans.

Since we are keeping it simple, almost everything is done. The days are flying by now and I can't believe the wedding is so close.

Both Chase and I are benefiting from the increasing sunshine. I start running in the mornings again when my head is completely healed. It doesn't seem to bother Chase anymore. There are even days when he hobbles along with me until he can't keep up, but since I usually make a circuit, I catch up and give him a peck on the lips when I do a lap. We get out and take walks together in the afternoon, usually after he's put in several hours of studying.

Chase surprises me with a telescope. I had decided not to bring mine from home. I always want it to be there when I return. We spend several clear evenings finding constellations, although it's not as easy to do in the city as it is in Eagle Canyon. Chase seems genuinely eager to learn the names of the stars and all of the little facts that I have accumulated.

One Friday afternoon, just a few weeks before the wedding, Chelsea arrives with Scarlett in tow. “We have a surprise for you,” they tell me. I can't imagine what they're talking about. I open my eyes wide with interest.

“We're taking you on a girls' getaway this weekend!” They squeal like a couple of high school girls. Their enthusiasm is contagious, and soon I'm squealing with them. 

Chase enters the room and playfully covers an ear. “It sounds like they told you the news.”

“You helped them plan this?” I ask incredulously.

“
You've been working so hard. You deserve a weekend away.”

“
We're going to the outlet malls in Pleasant Prairie. We'll stay in a nice hotel, spend some time at the spa, and shop til we drop.  Assuming there's anything else you need before the wedding. If not, we can help you pick out something sexy for the honeymoon.” I can't believe that Chelsea just said that in front of her brother. The familiar blush graces my face.

“
Go and pack!” Scarlett demands. “We're leaving as soon as you're ready.”

“
Are you sure?” I ask Chase. I feel uneasy about leaving when the wedding is so close, but there really isn't much left to do.

“
I'm a big boy. I still have a lot of studying to do. Plus, if you have any phone calls you want me to make, just let me know. I can handle some of the planning, too, you know.”

“
Sure, now that I'm almost done!” I joke as I place a kiss on his cheek and run upstairs to get packed.

We check into a luxurious hotel in Pleasant Prairie, just west of Milwaukee. Our suite is humongous – two adjoining rooms with four queen beds and two bathrooms, each with a jacuzzi tub.  I am instantly relaxed as I sink into a comfy chair.

“Thank you so much! I would never have planned this for myself, but it's perfect!” I rave as my eyes drift closed with the surrounding comfort.

The other girls putter around unpacking while I enjoy the luxury.

A knock on the door startles me slightly. Chelsea announces, “We have one more surprise for you, Kate!”

Who?
  I wonder.
It can't be Chase. That would be weird.

Just then, the perky red head of my best friend pokes into my room.

“Dani!” I shriek, not quite as loudly as in the hospital, but still quite loud.

She grabs me and squeezes me tight.

I am near tears as I look at the three women who planned such a special weekend for me. I wish Fiona was here, but I'm in no position to complain.

Dani probably read my mind because she tells me, “Fiona couldn't make it. She's studying for finals and she just couldn't get away. Otherwise, consider this your bachelorette party weekend.”

Could I possibly have better friends? I think not.

After a fantastic dinner at an Italian restaurant, we retire to the hotel with a healthy stash of chocolate. Once we're in our pajamas, we flop on the beds like schoolgirls.

Scarlett starts, “Kate, what is your best memory with Chase?”

“
Only
one
memory? I can't pick just one!” I laugh. “Hmm. I would have to say the night we first met. He rode the trolley and I couldn't keep my eyes off of him or his gorgeous hair. Man, I just wanted to run my fingers through his hair!”  The other girls shriek with laughter at my description of his thick locks.

I continue, “If Chelsea and Mike had been on time that night, I might never have gotten to know Chase.”

Chelsea interrupts, “Wait. Just wait. That is
not
true. Mike and I were still up when he got home and he could
not
stop talking about you.  And all the next day, all we heard was
Kate, Kate, Kate
.”  We laugh at her fake mocking tone and then she goes on, “If you hadn't spent hours together that night, Chase would have made sure that he went back the next night to find you.”

“
He did come back the next night. He rode the trolley all four times! And it was freezing that night!” I giggle.

“
See?” Chelsea giggles. “It was love at first sight. People say that's not possible, but it happened with you and Chase.”

“
Yeah.  It sure did.” I quietly admit.

Dani changes the course of conversation with next surprising question: “So, have you and Chase...you know?”

My eyes shoot wide open and I yell, “Dani! Did you not notice his sister is sitting right here???”

Chelsea assures me, “It's okay. I've had sex before,” she giggles, showing off her huge baby belly.  “But, yeah, when you're talking about my brother, I might not want too many details.” She makes kind of a sick face.

I notice that Scarlett is silent and seems a little uncomfortable.  I quickly assure her – and everyone else – that no, we have not been intimate yet. “We're waiting until our wedding night.”

Dani looks astonished, but then smiles and says, “That's cool.”

Scarlett has a small smile on her face.

“
Wow, anyway, let's talk about something else, shall we?” I suggest.

We move on to talking about boyfriends and husbands, babies and families, movies. We finally agree that it's time to start a chick flick. Dani flicks through the available movies and pauses on one in particular.

“No!” I almost shout.

A questioning glance from Dani prompts me to explain. “Fiona and I had a movie-fest the night before Chase's surgery. We watched this one. I needed something to do to keep me from freaking out. We fell asleep until Mrs. Nichols called in the morning. She told me Chase was dead.” I finish with my voice barely audible.

I choke on the sobs that are threatening. “It was only a matter of minutes before my dad clarified that, although his heart had stopped, the doctors had revived him, but they were the longest minutes in my life.  I felt like I was going to die.” I'm bawling now and the other girls are swarming me with hugs and kisses.

I regain control and tell them, “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be such a downer. This is supposed to a fun weekend, right?”

Scarlett tells me, “It's an important part of what happened to you – what happened to all of us – when Chase ended up in a coma. You have to work through memories like that. It's not healthy to just never talk about it.”

Chelsea contributes, “I was at my OB's office for a pregnancy checkup. I answered my phone during the appointment, which I never would have done otherwise. I told my doctor about Chase's situation, and she was cool with it. After I hung up, I started crying right in front of her. I felt like I was going to throw up. Luckily my doctor was able to comfort me and offer me some helpful insights into comas.”

“I
did
throw up,” I tell her.

We all engage in another group hug and then we decide instead to watch a goofy slapstick movie.

After Chelsea and Dani have fallen asleep, Scarlett tells me, “I'm proud of you and Chase for waiting. He's always been such a gentleman, so respectful.”

I nod in agreement.  “It hasn't been easy, but I'm glad we are.” I'm not sure if it's any of my business, but Scarlett treats me like a true friend, so I ask, “What about you and Dave? I mean, I'm assuming you have the same
arrangement
– waiting until you're married.”

She nods.

Of course they are
, I think.

“
Chase never mentioned anything about Dave's faith, but you're such a strong Christian, I'm sure he must be, too....”

“
He wasn't always a Christian. I knew early on that he wanted to get serious with me, but I would never consider him unless I knew he was serious about the Lord. I didn't challenge him or anything. I think he just approached God on his own and knew he had to be open to a life of faith if he wanted a chance with me.”

“
That's amazing,” I remark. “I'm glad Chase and Dave are such good friends. I'm so thankful for you, too.  It's going to be hard when we move away for Chase to go to medical school.”

“
We'll keep in touch, I promise,” Scarlett grins.

The next day, we hit the mall. We shop for shoes and nylons and earrings for the wedding. And yes, the girls help me decide on something attractive, but not sleazy, for my wedding night. We spend hours in a particularly quaint baby boutique and I think we have bought enough clothes for Chelsea's baby to last him until college.

After yet another wonderful dinner, we retire to the hotel room, this time with a gallon of ice cream and four plastic spoons.

Once everyone else is asleep, Scarlett and I stay up talking again.

“So how are you and Chase doing? I know it was really hard for you when he wanted to postpone the wedding.”

“
We're great. Back to where we were before; well, even better. I guess that going through some struggles has helped us solidify our commitment to each other. I've never been more sure of our love for each other.”

Scarlett laughs, “You and Chase have been through more in the last few months than most couples go through in twenty years! I'm pretty sure you are prepared for whatever life throws at you.”

“I agree, but I hope that we don't have to face anything else for a long time!” I close my eyes. “It's been good, though. I've realized that Chase and I will need support from other people. We can't be everything for each other.” I meet Scarlett's gaze. “Most of all, I realized that I need to get my strength from God.”

Scarlett becomes very serious. “He uses
everything
– even the worst times in our lives – to draw us closer to Him. Can I pray with you?” She asks. I nod, and she says a very simple prayer while holding my hand.

“
God our Father, thank You for bringing Kate and Chase together. Thank You for speaking to her heart and helping her to know that You are the One who loves her more than anything. Help Kate to know more and more how to receive Your love and to love You in return. Amen.”

Scarlett's words are once again simple, nothing earth-shattering.  Yet I feel a profound peace. I am overwhelmed with the deep realization that God loves me. He loves me more than anyone else in the world could love me, which is amazing, since I know how furiously Chase loves me. I finally know what it means to have a relationship with God.

I can't wait to tell Chase.

“Guess what?” I playfully ask when I get home the next day.

He just shakes his head.

“Scarlett prayed with me last night. I thought I was a Christian before, but I've realized, as we've gone through everything in the past few months that I need to trust God more. I need to have a relationship with Him. Scarlett listened a lot, especially when you told me you didn't want to get married yet – and encouraged me to pursue a relationship with God, so I asked her how to do that, and she told me that there are many ways to talk to God and hear God, and that I just have to be open to God, and -”

Chase pulls me into the tightest hug he can manage with one arm. “You're talking a lot again,” he says, reminding me of the night we first met.

I have tears in my eyes when I tell him, “I think it's because I'm falling in love again.”